You'll Say Yes (20 page)

And now it was my turn to shock. I looked over Joshua. "You know him?"

Ryan smirked while Joshua clenched his teeth. "He was at my dorm mate when I went to Harvard," Joshua said again in flat tone.

Ryan was in Harvard? Wow, no wonder he was smart. I swallowed hard and looked over to Ryan. "What are you doing here?"

Ryan turned to me and smiled. Joshua gripped my waist. "I told you before, Ms. Bennett, my friend works in the same building as yours."

I narrowed my eyes. "Who's your friend?" At the corner of my eyes, I saw Camila appeared to our aisle. My eyes widened.

Oh, no...don't tell me...

Camila smiled when she saw Ryan. "Ryan? I've been looking for you." She approached us and frowned when she saw Joshua and I. "Hello, Abby," Her tone turned bitter. "Congratulations on your engagement. Now you have a handsome man. How lucky you are."

I looked at her irritated. Joshua just stood there in silence. He stared at Camila in annoyance.

Ryan raised his eyebrows. "Oh, so you both are engaged?" He turned to Joshua. "So, you are really in love with her, aren't you?"

Camila rolled her eyes and grabbed Ryan's hand. "Come on. We have a date. Don't bother them!"

We saw Camila dragged Ryan out from our aisle and I stood there in shock. What the...how come... I wasn't finished sorting my thoughts when I felt Joshua gripped my elbow and turned me around to look at him. I gasped when I looked into his face. His eyes were dark and his jaw was clenched.

"Where did you meet him?" He asked me in stern voice.

I blinked several times. "W-who?" I was too shocked seeing his anger.

"Ryan!" He nearly shouts out to me. "Where did you meet him?"

I gulped. "Yesterday. At the coffee shop. He helped me with the Wi-Fi when I couldn't get it to turn on."

Joshua narrowed his eyes. "He was helping you with the Wi-Fi..." He repeated my words.

I nodded slowly. Honestly, I felt little scared with him right now.

Suddenly, he clenched his fingers and slammed his fist on a shelf. I yelped and jumped away from him. My heart beat grew faster and I really didn't like it when Joshua was acting this way.

"Do you know who he is, Abby?" He asked me, half growling. His breathing was shallow. "He was the one who I punched hard in his face because he wanted to get into you."

I gasped.

A fresh memory assaulted my mind. Joshua and I sitting in my old room in Long Beach and he told me about one of his friends that he punched because the man was trying to get into me.
'My friends called me a freak when I told them I already had the girl of my dreams. I ended up punching one of them when I found out he tried to look for you after seeing your picture in my room.'
Joshua's words rang in my ears.

I covered my face with my hands. Oh, no...

"I was waiting for you in our apartment, but you spend your time with him? What were you thinking, Abby?" He asked me again. His eyes were hard.

I raised my face in shock. What?

"What are you talking about?" I asked with a shaky voice. I knew where this conversation was heading.

He narrowed his eyes. "Do you like him?"

My eyes widened. I shook my head. "No."

"Don't lie to me, Abby."

"I'm not! You know I'm a bad liar!"

"You spend your time with him while I was waiting for you in our apartment. How could you do that to me, Abby?"

My eyes brimmed with tears. He thought I was cheating on him. "I didn't. He was just helping me. That's all. He did ask me out, but I refused. I don't like him, Joshua. He seems a little bit...off." My voice was faltered in the end.

Joshua still looked at me with anger. "Don't lie to me just because you don't want to feel bad for me."

I looked at him in shock. If only he knew why I didn't want to go home yesterday. If only he knew I how confused I was with my feelings right now. If only...my tears were falling down on my cheek.

"Do you know why I didn't go home early yesterday?" I asked him between my tears.

Joshua looked at me anxiously.

"Because I don't want to go home alone!" I shout out to him. It was a good thing that we were not in crowded aisle.

Joshua's expression changed. He looked surprised.

I sobbed and wiped my tears hastily. "I don't want to go home finding myself to be alone. I'm always alone."

Silence.

Joshua didn't say anything while I continued to sob. I looked at him with sad eyes. "I like you, Joshua. I know it's not love, but I do like you. I'm not the type of girl who fools around with random men like Camila does. I thought you knew me better than that."

Joshua looked at me in haggard expression.

I shook my head weakly. "Just forget it!"

I walked past to him when suddenly I felt two strong arms turn me around by the waist and I was into his iron grip. I rested my head onto his chest and sobbed again.

Joshua kissed my hair and sighed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I'm sorry, Abby.  Forgive me, please."

I didn't answer him. I just hugged him. I poured out all my frustration into my sobs. I now knew some of my feelings for Joshua. I liked him and I'd always want to be with him. But somehow, I knew I had to fight hard for that. Especially how close Ryan was to us now.

After the fiasco with Ryan, I tried to enjoy my time in the bookstore. I had every intention to leave, but I didn't want to hurt Kelly's feelings. After sobbing on Joshua's chest, I excused myself to the restroom. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were puffy and red, my cheeks flushed and mostly I looked terrible. I sighed, then washed my face and re-applied my make up to refresh my face. I took several deep breaths to calm myself. But, the effect of the previous event finally caught up with me. I sat down onto the bathroom floor and rested my head on the sinks counter. The cold tile somehow calmed me. Why did everything turn this way? Couldn't I just have a normal process to get to know Joshua better without all this stuff? Why does everything have to have to go wrong when I felt a little bit happy? Is that wrong? And Joshua...I've never seen him like that before. Did he always react that way when he was upset? What if someday he...hurt me? I shuddered.

I closed my eyes and imagined myself in a prairie; the breeze, the warm feeling and the silence. I ran and laughed between the flowers. My dress was flying around with my movements. I felt free and content. I opened my eyes and found myself still sulking on the bathrooms floor. Some murmured voices finally woke me up from my trance and I quickly stood up. I was pretending to wash my hands when a group of teenage girls barged into the room. They were three of them, and all of them were blonds.

"So, did you speak with him?" One of the girls was speaking and stood next to me. She pulled out her compact powder from her bag.

I heard a giggle sound. "Yeah, I did and I asked him out. But, he said he was already engaged."

Everything seemed to stop. I froze at my spot. They weren't talking about Joshua, were they?
Oh, come on, Abby! There are a lot of people in the bookstore; one of them could also be engaged, right? Not just you and Joshua.

The first girl sighed. "That's too bad. He's really handsome and not many men have hair like him, like a reddish color."

Damn! They've really were talking about him.

I turned pale.

I quickly turned off my sink and got out from the bathroom. God! Even I couldn't find peace in a restroom. God must hate me right now. I returned to the bookstore and decided to hide in one of the corners of the store. It was a corner with some comfortable chairs between the book shelves. I sat there and leaned my back on the chair. I closed my eyes and tried to relax...

And then I felt someone stroking my hair. I opened my eyes and turned my head to see Joshua kneeled down next to my chair. He looked at me in worried expression. "Abby, are you all right? I've been looking for you."

I blinked several times. I still couldn't erase the image of furious Joshua in my mind. I gulped. "I'm fine...I just need some time...alone."

It was kind of ironic, though. I said to him previously that I didn't want to be alone, but minutes ago I really wanted to be alone.

Joshua sighed. "I'm sorry if I yelled at you. It was inappropriate behavior. I was just so angry when I saw Ryan. I only knew him for 2 years and he has a bad reputation with girls. I don't like him at all."

I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. "Please, I don't want to hear about him again." I opened my eyes and saw Joshua staring at me.

Finally, he nodded and held my hand where the ring was settled on my third finger. He kissed the back of my hand and looked at me. "Do you want to go home?"

I nodded weakly. "Is it over yet?"

Joshua smiled grimly. "Yes. Kelly was looking for you."

I sighed and got up from my chair. Joshua held my hand while we searched for Kelly. She thanked me again for coming and hoped to work with me in the future. Mrs. Bennington was acting incredibly sweet and I almost gagged. It was enough for me.

I walked out from the bookstore in quick steps, didn't bother to look back. Joshua kept his pace next to me. I didn't wait for him to open the passenger door when he disabled the car's alarm. I sat in the passenger seat and closed my eyes. The only thing that was keeping me sober was the fact that I was the one who edited this author's work, either people knew it or not. I could feel when Joshua sat in the driver seat and closed the door. I could smell his scent in the car and again, it was comforting. For a moment, I was expecting him to turn on the car, but it never came. I opened my eyes and turned to look at him. Joshua was staring at me.

"What's wrong, Abby?" He asked me. His voice was filled with concern.

I sighed. "I just want to get away from here."

He nodded. "Do you want to have lunch first?"

I shrugged. "Whatever." I turned my head to look outside the window.

I could hear his sighed and finally he turned on the car. Joshua drove swiftly from the parking lot and we continued our journey for lunch. We stopped at a cozy cafe thirty minutes from the bookstore. We had our lunch and I didn't pay attention to the waitresses who tried to flirt with Joshua. I just wanted to go home.

We arrived at our apartment an hour later and I walked straight to my room, didn't bother to see if Joshua was following or not. I locked the door and threw myself on my bed, didn't bother to change my clothes or removed my shoes either. I buried my head under my pillows and tried to block out all the previous events. The exhaustion finally caught up with me and I feel asleep.

I woke up in blackness in my bedroom. I sat on my bed and turned on my lamp on the night stand. I exhaled in relief when the light was on. I've always been afraid of the dark since I was a kid. I ran my hand through my hair and realized I hadn't changed my clothes at all. I groaned and begun to remove my shoes and got up from bed. I pulled the curtain and clicked the lamp on. I looked at my BlackBerry screen. It was 7 pm. Wow, I was out for a long time. I changed my clothes and walked out from my room. The apartment seemed empty. Everything was quiet. I looked around, but I couldn't find Joshua anywhere. I frowned and made myself a dinner. I stopped in the middle of my cooking.

Should I make him dinner too?

But, what if he already ate when he got home?

Should I call him and ask him where he is now?

I shook my head.

No.

He definitely wanted to be alone now. I sighed and decided to make Joshua some dinner too. It didn't matter if he didn't eat it at all.

I ate in silence and...alone. I left a note in the kitchen, saying I was saving dinner for him and went back to my room. I turned the TV on and watched an action movie before finally I fell asleep sometime in the night.

Sunday morning came and I woke up at 7:30 am. I got up from my bed and prepared for my morning shower. Just before I walked to the bathroom, I stopped in front of Joshua's bedroom and peeked inside. I could see Joshua was sleeping peacefully. He didn't wear his blanket. He wore a T-shirt and pajama pants. His face untroubled and his hair was in complete disarray. I smiled and slowly closed the door. I had my morning shower and headed to the kitchen. I saw my note has disappeared and some dishes in the sink.

I smiled to myself.

Joshua ate dinner last night.

I opened the fridge and starting to make myself and Joshua a breakfast. After eating my breakfast in silence and washing the dishes, I started to collect our dirty clothes and carried them in one big basket to the ground floor where the laundry machine located.

There was a man standing there and he smiled at me. I recognized him as one of my neighbors. "Hi, Thomas," I greeted him and put the basket on the top of one of the laundry machine. The landlord placed three laundry machines to use for the renters.

The tall and sandy-haired man grinned at me. "Hi, Abby, how are you? I haven't seen you around lately," He said to me while folded his dry clothes.

I nodded and started to sort the clothes. "I've been busy the whole week. You know...all the manuscripts, new books, and all that stuff."

Thomas chuckled. "I can see that. You and Joshua are a busy couple, but you both still have time together. That's good."

I swallowed hard remembering our confrontation yesterday. I smiled grimly. "Yeah, I think so."

Thomas frowned. "What's wrong? You look...sad."

Oh, no...Was I that obvious?

I chuckled nervously and trying to smile. "No, I'm fine," I said to him and began to put the clothes into the machine. I poured the detergent and adjusted the timer. I turned around and looked at Thomas. "I'm fine, really."

He narrowed his eyes and sighed. "I met with Joshua last night at the playground."

Huh?

"Excuse me?" So, Joshua was at the playground last night?

He nodded. "He looked sad and I asked him what's wrong. He didn't answer me first, but finally he broke down in front of me."

My eyes widened. What?

Thomas played with one of his clothes. "He said he always treating you in the wrong way. He said he always making you sad. All he ever wants is to make you happy, but he always fails."

A sharp pang rose in my chest. I closed my eyes and trying not to cry. Why did everything seem to be messed up right now? I felt Thomas touched my shoulder gently. I opened my eyes and looked at him with sad eyes.

"He loves you, Abby. If you both need someone to talk to, you guys can talk to me, all right?"

I smiled weakly and nodded.

Thomas smiled back and picked up his laundry basket. "Well, better go now. Jennifer is waiting for me." Jennifer was Thomas's wife; a wonderful woman with dark hair and blue eyes. I've already met her, but didn't have the chance to have a small talk with her.

"Say hi to Jennifer from me, Ok?"

Thomas nodded and walked back to his apartment, leaving me alone in front of the laundry machine. I looked at the timer. I still have 10 minutes left before the laundry was finished. I was in the middle of thinking what I needed to do for the next 10 minutes when Joshua appeared in the laundry room. He was already dressed in shirt and trousers. His white coat was rested on his bag. He smiled when he saw me.

"You need to go to the hospital?" I asked him, frowning a little bit.

He nodded and kissed my forehead. "I'll call you when I have the chance. Thank you for the breakfast, dear." He stroked my hair and turned around.

I watched him walked outside to his car in the parking lot. I didn't know why, but I felt Joshua was keeping his distance with me.

Truthfully, I was afraid of that.

~O~

I was guessed right. After the event in the bookstore, Joshua changed. He barely spends his time with me. He'd rather go read in his room or staying late at the hospital. We would still have breakfast or lunch together, but we never spoke much. At first, the change from his demeanor didn't bother me much. But, living together in an apartment and seeing your roommate acted that way finally would wear you out. It was getting worse in the office. Camila suddenly turned rude with her cheap comments about the clothes I wore or my make-up and even my hair style. I've only met Ryan once when he picked up Camila for lunch, but thankfully I was late for my meeting, so I didn't have to deal with him.

Do you think that the worse part? Of course not, Mrs. Bennington suddenly turned super nice to me. I didn't have to be a psychic to know what her intentions were. She was just wanted to know about Joshua. My work was full. I had a lot of meetings, my laptop didn't help me much for keeping me sober and I still had to deal with Joshua's coldness.

I started thinking about moving back to my old apartment. I don't think I can stand living together with him if we continued to act this way. I had every intention to move without telling Joshua, but I changed my mind in the last minute. He deserved to know even though he didn't even care. It was painful for me, because I was beginning to care for him. But, I knew I couldn't push him. Besides I already told myself all the time that this relationship wasn't going to work.

I made dinner for both of us, preparing the table and hoping Joshua would come home soon. I was nervous. I was planning to tell him about moving from this apartment after dinner. I didn't know how he'll react. It was better if he was just scoffed and ordered me to leave. At least I had a response from him.

I sat in the chair and played with the napkins on the table. I heard footsteps and my breath hitched. He was home. I clutched the napkin when I heard the door opened and closed; continued with the sound of his bag being dropped and car keys being tossed to the small desk next the door. I tried to control my breathing when I heard his footsteps coming to the dining room. I smiled when I saw him. He looked tired and he smelled like hospital. He smiled back at me; even though it didn't reach his eyes. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Hi," I said in low voice. "I made you dinner."

He sighed and kissed my forehead. "Thank you, dear, but I'm sorry I need to go back to the hospital. I just come home to change my clothes." He turned around and walked away from the dining room.

I sat there for a moment, before reality hit me. Hell, no! He wouldn't avoid me this time. I stood from my chair and stormed to his room. I saw Joshua packing his bag and I clenched my fist.

"I need to talk to you," I said in stern voice.