You Really Got Me (16 page)

His hands gripped her hips, slid down over her ass and pulled her into his erection bulging behind the fly of his jeans. She rubbed herself against him, knowing what she was doing to him, loving the rumble that sounded from low in his throat.

“Fuck,” he muttered, lifting his mouth from her. He dragged his lips over her cheek and jaw, down the side of her neck. Her head tilted to the side, his breath teased the shell of her ear, and she shivered and quaked in his arms.

One of his hands slid inside her jeans, inside her panties, cupped the curve of one cheek, fingers playing lightly with the crease there, and she gasped and tightened.

“Love your ass,” he murmured against the side of her neck, his voice vibrating through her. “So soft. So pretty.”

Oh. My. God
. Nobody had ever talked to her like this during sex, nobody had ever told her such a thing, and once again she was struck by how
good
he was at this. Beyond good. Stupendous. She wasn’t even going to bring up the cellulite that plagued the backs of her thighs…it didn’t matter. He made her feel beautiful.

Her toes curled in the flip flops she still wore and then, with both hands on her ass, he pulled her up against him once more. With a little hop, she jumped onto him and wrapped her legs around his hips. That put her aching pussy right in contact with the hard bulge in his groin, such a perfect fit. “Yes,” she hissed, wrapping her arms around his neck. He nuzzled at her breasts, grazed her nipples with his teeth through T-shirt and bra.

“Gotta get these clothes off you,” he said, pivoting and striding to the bed, carrying her easily even though she was no tiny little thing. His strength thrilled her, sent a wave of feminine pleasure coursing through her.

He let her slide down his body till her feet touched the floor, and slid his hands under her T-shirt, leaving a trail of warmth on her skin where they touched. His fingertips brushed over the top curves of her breasts, then her nipples through the bra again, and again. The tender tips beaded into hard points, aching deliciously with the gentle abrasion. She reached for the hem of her shirt and drew it up and over her head.

He sighed, filled his hands with her breasts, only half covered by the low cut bra, nipples clearly visible through the sheer pink fabric. “Nice,” he murmured. “Such sexy underwear, babe.”

She smiled and reached behind her to undo it, and he tugged it away from her and dropped it to the floor. Her breasts tightened and swelled, air brushing over them making her nipples tingle even more, longing for his touch. And he did touch, squeezing her flesh in gentle hands, rubbing his thumbs over the sensitive tips. She let out a long shaky breath and set her hands on his shoulders.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said, voice husky. “So soft. Love touching you.”

She loved to be touched by him, heat rushing through her body, and when he plumped up a breast with one hand, bent his head and took her nipple into his mouth, she cried out and her head fell back. Her fingers forked into his short hair and held his head to her as he suckled deeply, tugging a path of pleasure from nipple to womb, making her ache way down deep inside with a fierce, pulsing need. He sucked and licked and nibbled both breasts, making deep noises of satisfaction, and her belly muscles twitched and tightened at the sensation.

His fingers went to the button and zip of her jeans. She helped him push them over her hips, then they stepped apart while she kicked them off along with her flip flops, and he reached behind his head to yank his own shirt off. He shoved his jeans down, then turned her and eased her onto his bed. She lay there wearing only her pink satin and white lace thong panties.

“Roll over,” he said gruffly.

Feeling seductive and sexy, she rolled slowly to her stomach. His gaze scorched her backside as she felt him studying her.

“This is so fucking sexy,” he rasped, and he touched her panties at the back where there was a little satin bow. Her skin grew hotter. His hands caressed her, over her buttocks, the backs of her thighs, all the way down to her knees, so sensitive. She quivered and his hands slid back up, teased the crease where thigh met cheek, then filled his palms with her ass.

She closed her eyes against the onslaught of sensations, so delicious, so warm, her body quivering with the anticipation of a firmer touch…right there.

The mattress dipped as he lowered himself beside her and when his lips pressed against the small of her back, where she ached with longing, she moaned. He drew the panties down over her legs, carefully easing them over each foot, then kissed and licked his way up her spine, sending sparks sizzling over her skin, heat flashing through her veins. Her bones softened, her body melted into the mattress. He took his time, slowly teasing her with his lips and tongue, until he swept her hair aside and laid his open mouth on the nape of her neck. A shudder worked through her body and she resisted the urge to turn over to face him.

“Oh, Jason,” she sighed into the pillow. “Oh my God.”

He moved over her, kissing her neck, her shoulder, and she felt the heat and weight of his body on hers as he lowered himself, slowly, carefully on top of her. His cock slid between her ass cheeks as he rocked himself slowly back and forth on her, setting his teeth on her shoulder, licking her flesh. Flames surrounded her on the bed, burning hot and bright, and she lifted and turned her head to find his mouth. He helped with one hand in her hair and they kissed, long slow, open-mouthed. He felt so incredibly good, his body moving against hers.

Such aching pleasure, such sweet sensation. Her mind went foggy as she floated, mindless, Jason’s breath and whispered words in her ear, making her shiver, making her burn. “Wanna do you like this,” he whispered, mouth on her cheek. “Just like this.”

“Yes.” She managed to moan the single word and he moved above her to knee her legs apart. He pushed them wide, and she lifted her butt to him, waiting for him, waiting…but instead of what she expected, his fingers slid into her wetness, up and down through tender folds. A moan leaked out of her mouth as he stroked her and played with her there.

“So wet, baby,” he murmured, one hand resting on her lower back. “So wet. So sweet.” She tried to breathe, knew she was making needy little sounds. His fingers dragged moisture up between her cheeks, and she tensed and moaned with the dark pleasure of it as they played there for a moment longer. Then his fingers disappeared and she heard the rustle of the condom wrapper, Jason’s heavy breathing as he no doubt rolled it on, and then…ah, yes, sweet Jesus, yes, the head of his cock slicked up and down through her wetness.

“Do it,” she begged, eyes squeezed closed, hands in fists beside her head, face pressed to the mattress. “Please.” And then he filled her with such delicious pressure, sensations rocketing through her body, flames building and burning in her womb.

He came down over her, his knees pushing her legs farther, almost hurting her hips, almost bruising her inner knees, and he took hold of her hands and laced his fingers through hers tightly. With his hands and his body, he held her down, pressed her helplessly into the mattress. He rocked against her, pushing into her, and flames licked over her skin. Pressure built inside her at his slow, long thrusts.

“Love this,” he murmured in her ear, then his mouth opened on the side of her neck and he sucked. “So much. Feels good, Kendall.”

“Yes.” God yes. From behind, with the different angle, he touched sensitive places inside her she hadn’t even known were there, every nerve ending sparking, her blood racing fast and hot.

The weight of his body pressing her down, his hard legs pushing against hers, his hands holding hers—she was utterly trapped, helpless beneath him. But she didn’t feel afraid. Rather, she felt safe, protected, soaking up the heat and warmth of him, yielding fully to him. His thick flesh pressed into her and spirals of intensity twisted inside her in burning rapture. She breathed in shallow frantic breaths, Jason’s ragged panting in her ear, consumed by the erotic pleasure of it.

He softly bit her shoulder, dragged his tongue over it, and she turned her head into his kiss again, his tongue sliding into her mouth over and over as his cock slid in and out of her, as he took tender possession of her body—and her heart.

“I still want to tie you up,” he said a long time later, his arms around her.

She was silent, her face pressed against his chest.

“It’ll help you let go,” he continued. “I know you’re not sure about it. But you enjoyed it when I used the crop on you. And you like being spanked. It felt good. Right?”

“No.”

He smiled and stroked her back. “You lie. Denial is a perfectly good coping mechanism though.”

“I’m not coping with anything.”

“Kendall. Babe.”

After a short pause, she said, “Okay, yes. It felt…good.”

“But you also think if it feels good, it must be wrong. Don’t you?”

“I don’t know.”

His smile deepened. “It has to be consensual bondage. I won’t do anything that you don’t agree to.”

“I know. But I don’t think I need that. I don’t need to be restrained.”

He nodded slowly, thinking about that. He was sure restraining her would help her let go. Once she was bound, she’d have no choice. She could let go of
all those psychological bonds–shame, guilt, responsibility. But
he wasn’t going to convince her using words. He was going to have to show her. And he was going to have to gain her trust enough that she would go there.

He kissed her hair. “Tell me why you feel so guilty.”

“Guilty? You mean about the accident? I did tell you.”

“But there’s more than that. Isn’t there?”

She sighed. “I
always
felt guilty growing up.”

“Why, sweetheart?”

She was silent for a moment and he waited patiently. Finally, she said, “I tried so hard to be good. To be the best, at whatever I did. I wanted to make my parents happy. I thought it would make everything okay. But it never did.” She sighed. “All the times my mom would tell us Dad wasn’t feeling well, so I couldn’t have friends over. Or he was too sick to come to my dance recital, or to go to Kevin’s baseball game. I thought if I just tried harder, it would be okay. But it wasn’t.”

“Your mom covered for your dad.”

“Yes.” Another soft sigh brushed over his chest. “Not just with us. She’d go to business dinners for him. One time, she attended a big wine function and gave Dad’s speech herself, because he couldn’t. I wanted my mom to be proud of me. I wanted to make things easier for her, because Dad and Kevin didn’t. But it never worked.”

“Christ, Kendall.” He tightened his arms around her. He was getting it. “So all that guilt and responsibility…don’t you want to be free of it?”

She was silent for long moments. “I did feel…free. When you did that to me.”

“If you embrace that, you can go places you never imagined.” His hand caressed her shoulder. “I want to give that to you, Kendall. So much. I want to set you free.”

“Why?” She lifted her head, tangled hair falling across her face. He gently pushed the hair aside. “What do you get out of it? Are you a…sadist or something?”

The question made him go very still. Something inside him clenched hard. But he understood why she asked and he wanted her to understand him. Hell, he just wanted to understand himself.

“I consider myself a sensual sadist,” he said carefully. “Yeah, I like restraining a woman and inflicting pain, but only because it gives her pleasure. If it didn’t, I wouldn’t enjoy it either. God, seeing the look on your face…bringing you so much pleasure. Watching your body quiver with anticipation. Watching you shiver with sensual pleasure. That…”

“Turns you on?” she offered.

“Yeah. Hell yeah. But it’s more than that. It more than arousal. It’s…hard to explain. I need it too. You need to trust me to look after you, but
I
need
you
to trust me enough to give up that control. It’s powerful, when someone trusts you that much, enough to allow you to render her helpless like that.”

And in explaining it to her, he knew deep inside him that what he said was true. This wasn’t about inflicting pain. It was about inflicting pleasure. About knowing each other and growing together. It was about more than just learning to trust each other—it was learning to trust themselves.

Christ only knew, his trust in himself had been badly shaken.

She gazed back at him with solemn eyes, and slowly nodded.

“There’s more I want to tell you,” he said.

“Okay.”

“I told you that after I fucked up, I quit my job. Came here to start over. But it wasn’t just my career that I was confused about. It was sex too.” He met her eyes. “About dominating women.”

“Oh.” Her eyes shadowed with questions.

“I’ve been this way for a long time. Learning about domination and submission taught me self-control. But after I saw what happened with Stephanie and Linc, I questioned what I was doing.” He had to pause, letting his gaze slide past her to stare into the dark room. His insides clenched with those self-doubts. “I asked myself how I could enjoy inflicting pain on women. How could I enjoy restraining them and having them helpless and at my mercy? What kind of sadistic animal was I?”

His gaze returned to her face, watching her reactions, the way her eyes flickered. Encouraged by how she held his gaze steadily, he forced himself to say the words. “I wondered if I was just as bad as he was.”