You Only (Cameron Farms Book 1) (8 page)

His eyes shifted away from her. “You don’t know that.” He didn’t sound so firm in that belief.

She nodded her head a few times. “I do, because I started to hate myself right before my twenty-second birthday. It started with some little things, like the luncheons and parties. I’d been there done that. I was drinking a little extra to make them more interesting, and with my mother’s history, that scared me. One day Maria overheard me yell at a saleslady over the phone, and she remarked that I sounded just like Lydia. She even told that to my dad, he called me into his office to talk to me about how I treated others. I admitted to myself that I was turning into a selfish woman, who felt she was above certain people. Those were troubling personality defects, too much like my mother. I didn’t want to turn into her.” Her voice cracked on the last sentence and Christ, there was wetness on her cheeks. She hastily swiped her hand over them to catch the tears. She felt so vulnerable crying in front of him. She took a few deep breaths and continued.

“You had the problem with me working, remember? I was working part-time for Wes. I loved accounting. I loved the surety of the numbers. Finally, I’d found something that I wanted to do, that I was good at. I felt confidence in myself, not because of my name or my family’s money. Accounting was all mine. Do you recall that I talked to you about taking more classes so I could get my C.P.A.?”

“I knew you liked that job with Wes, but I thought it was more for appearances. They doted on you.”

She braced her hands on the chair arms. “You told me that I didn’t need a degree or that job after we were married, because being your wife would have plenty of responsibilities. You said that ‘everyone knew it was just for show and nobody took me seriously.’ You tried to take that dream away from me.”

She could see that cut him, his eyes got bigger and he frowned. “I didn’t know it was so important. Jesus Fuck, you should have made it clear.”

She let that realization set in for him. She wiped her sweaty palms on her thighs and leaned forward in her chair. Again, she was going to expose more of herself to him. Her voice shook over the first few words. “And there it is, the biggest problem for us and the future for us. I didn’t know how to fight for me. Heck, most of the time I thought my ideas were probably stupid, so I wouldn’t even try to fight for them. You studied how to argue effectively and to be heard, I threw things and cried. I didn’t know how to make you hear me. That was my fault. I worked with a therapist to learn better strategies to stand up for myself. The problem goes way back to my childhood and living with Lydia. I didn’t want to upset her and I wanted to protect Daddy from more stress, so I did whatever I thought they wanted. I’ve had to learn how to make myself heard and to not be a pushover.” The back of her shirt was soaked with sweat, and she was shaking on the inside from telling him these truths.

“You didn’t tell me any of these things. I didn’t see them as problems.” He sounded so defensive, as he pointed his finger at her. His cheeks were red, a sure sign that he was upset.

Hale paused to choose her words carefully. “You were wrapped up in you, Finn, your career, making a name for yourself. When I was with you, I tried to smile and act happy, but I wasn’t feeling that way. I didn’t know how to communicate those things. I had spent years training myself not to.”

Finn stood and placed his hands on the desk, leaning toward her with anger written all over his face. “I don’t buy it. I made you happy. I know I did or why else would you love me?”

God, he still wasn’t hearing her. She felt the tears burn in the back of her throat. “You did many things that made me happy, Finn, and I did love you.”
I still love you.
“I just didn’t love me, and when I started examining what was wrong with me, I knew I had to leave.”

“You didn’t care what your leaving did to me.” Finn’s tone swam with hurt.

“You are so wrong about that. I cared plenty. I know that I can’t make you believe that, but I did. I still carry that mark on my soul for hurting you. I just couldn’t figure out any other way. I’m sorry that it worked out like it did.” Besides the heartbreak, she knew that his pride had taken a huge hit. He thought he could read people and she’d totally blindsided him. Hell, she was still doing it today.

His breathing was heavy as he stared at her. “You were my fiancé and you left my ring and a sorry-ass note on my kitchen counter.” The muscle at the side of his jaw jumped.

Like she hadn’t seen that scene every time she had closed her eyes for years. “I know it hurt you and I understand why you’re still mad about it. I handled everything badly, but I was twenty-two. I didn’t know what else to do.”

“You keep telling me how bad things were, but my memories are much different. I remember us laughing and planning a future.” His face turned ugly. “I remember that you sure enjoyed our time in bed. You didn’t complain about the sex. I recall that you wanted to fuck me anytime that we were alone. So you couldn’t have disliked me that much.” So, the counselor was not above throwing a low blow.

“I had problems that would have made us miserable as time moved along. I had to get out. If we had stayed together, you would have ended up leaving me and that would have killed me.”

“
You left without even a glance. No phone call, no nothing
.”
He slammed his hand on her desk, losing his precious control.

“I know that!” Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath and regain some composure. She slid forward in her chair, resting her hands on her desk, moving her closer to him. When she felt her breathing calm, she continued, using a soothing tone to take a shot at him. “You’ve used the poor, heartbroken Finn act for years, I’m sure that you’ve slept with every available woman who crossed your path. So I think you
have
worked through it.” That was cheap and it didn’t make her feel any better.

“What I did after you left is none of your business. You have no say about what I do with my life since you left.” He ground out the words.

“I tried to stay out of it. I didn’t ask anyone about your business, I stayed out of your way when I visited.” She stood, the blood pumping hard through her veins. “I kept a low profile, I knew there would be talk anytime we were in the same room.” Christ, everyone kept her informed of his business; even though she had broken her ties to him, they were still there.

“Afraid I would make a scene? Call you out for leaving me in such a cowardly way?” he mocked, raising one eyebrow.

She felt the tremor pass through her body. Deciding to answer truthfully hurt, yet she also felt a huge weight lifted from her soul. “Yes, that was a part of it. I would have deserved it, I told myself that if it happened that I would stand there and take it and I’m doing just that.” She held his angry gaze.

“When you say things like that, it makes you sound like such a cold ass bitch.”

This was going nowhere. The only thing left was to call each other names. He just didn’t want to try to understand and suddenly she realized that she was exhausted. “Time to go. You got your shots in and you heard my explanation and my apology.” Finn had to want to try to understand for any of this to make sense. Maybe after his anger subsided, he might be able to comprehend her feelings. She couldn’t make him accept her apology, so she was done. Her knees were shaking as she walked to the office door. She didn’t check to see if he followed. He could find his way to his car.

In a split second, the air pushed from her lungs as Finn shoved her back against the door. His thick body pinned her against the wood, and his forearms rested beside her head, gripping her wrists. She fought, using her body to push against his. She turned her head and tried to take a chunk out of his wrist.

Finn pressed more weight against her body; his thigh separated her legs so she couldn’t get a good angle to kick him. His mouth was against her ear and his tone was vicious. “The problem is, I know that you aren’t cold. I remember how hot I could make you.”

She let out a screech of frustration at his words as his teeth closed on her skin below her ear. The sharp pain caused her body to freeze. The small part of her brain that wasn’t seeing red realized that her nipples were hard and that rubbing against his body felt really good. Finn was kissing her jaw, blazing a trail of fire toward her lips. Her hands closed around his, entwining their fingers.

With his mouth hovering over hers, he whispered, “This. This thing between us has always been real. You can claim that you were unhappy, or that we would turn out badly, but when I have my hands on you, we’re good.”

He took her mouth, their tongues circled and fought. They kissed as Hale locked her leg around Finn’s thigh, pulling him closer into her. She rubbed against his erection, trying to ease the burn that was setting her body ablaze. She wanted to touch his skin. Feel his muscles move under her hands.

When their lips separated briefly for air, she moaned, “Finn, let me…” His lips were on hers again, but he released her wrists.

She ran her hands along his back. He was bigger, thicker, than she remembered. She could feel the muscles bunch at her touch.

His hand was under her shirt, running along her ribs, the other held her upper body still as he explored upward until she felt the pull on her hard nipple.

“Yes,” she moaned. God, he always knew how to touch her.

His hand was cupping and molding her breast through her bra. His mouth was again on her neck.

She wanted his touch, loving the feel of his body against hers. It had been too long since she’d felt this kind of desire.

She felt his hand in her hair pulling, wrenching her face upward.

“See, Hale, this chemistry, it is real. This is us, baby.” He rasped with a victorious grin on his face.

In that moment, she hated her traitorous body and it’s response to his. She hated him for knowing it. She dropped her leg and tried to push him away. “Fuck you!” Was he playing some vicious game of payback?

“Not tonight, Hale, but I think we will, one day soon.” His smile didn’t reach his eyes and it made her want to drag her nails down his cheeks.

He sauntered through the doorway and a few moments later, she heard the front door slam.

Hale slid downward until she was sitting on the floor, her knees too weak to hold her any longer. She dropped her head into her hands. “That shouldn’t have happened.” She felt the hot tears form. Did she want Finn? Stupid question, she wanted him badly. Hell, she would have fucked him against the door, on her desk, or on the floor. God, was he plotting some sort of sick revenge for her leaving? “It can’t happen,” she told her body.

Too bad
, she heard the voice in her head answering,
it’s going to happen, and it will be amazing.

Miller padded in and head butted her. She threw her arms around his neck and cried.

August

“Of course we have to do something for your birthday.” Jasmine put her coffee mug down with a thud on the huge kitchen table and gave Hale an exasperated look.

“Party, party,” Ashley chanted. The three women gathered around the antique table a few times a week.

Hale turned to Jasmine. “You are addicted to party planning. Last week you were celebrating that you had a few weeks off before you had to buckle down with the Fall Festival, and now you want to throw a party. You’re crazy.”

Jasmine shrugged her shoulders and continued giving her friend “the look.” The one that said, “I know that you’re going to give in.”

“I don’t want a big deal.” Hale sighed in defeat. It was hard to say no to Jazz when she was so generous.

“How about a little deal?” Jasmine smiled a bit, clearly sensing that she was going to get her way.

“A very little one.” Hale dropped her head into her hand.

“I’m thinking a cook-out, at our place, starting at dusk and we can light the torches and I can hang lanterns on the tree branches, just a few friends and some people that I think you’d like.”

“Include the kids to help you keep it casual, and beer, no blender drinks,” Hale added.

“It’s hot as hell, we have to have blender drinks. What if somebody wants a Margarita?” Jasmine started making notes on her phone.

Ashley tapped on her tablet. “Your birthday is on a Wednesday, that’s a sucky night for a party. You should have the party on the weekend, but on the actual day we should have a slumber party, just us girls.”

“A slumber party? Aren’t we too old for things like that?” Hale shook her head and tried not to groan.

“Oh I like it, we could have a nice dinner, and after we can party. Maybe Reprieve would send over some people to give us spa treatments. I’ll call Sabrina. I bet she could pull that together. A little pampering on your special day, you’ll love it.” Jasmine continued typing on her phone’s screen.

“Plus, you promised to tell me “The Story.” I’ll bring your choice of men, Jose, Jim or Jack for the night. Your pick, boss.” Ashley looked at Hale expectantly.

Jasmine lifted her eyes from her phone, waiting for Hale’s reaction.

“I told you to stop calling it that,” Hale snapped without heat. “I guess you’ve heard all kinds of versions, so you should hear mine.”

“And mine, I can add to it.” Jasmine put in helpfully. “I think talking about it will help. Ashley wasn’t there so she’ll see it from a different perspective.”

Hale stood abruptly, stalling to think the idea over. “Does anybody want more coffee?” She walked to the coffee maker and shoved her mug under it.

The others shook their heads, watching her.

Hale selected a pod and put into place. “Sure, I can do that. I just hope I don’t end up on the floor in a heap like last time.”

“What last time?” Jasmine gave her a speculative look. She raised her voice. “What do you mean on the floor?”

Hale busied her hands adding the vanilla creamer and stirring. “I, uh, didn’t say anything. I knew you would get upset and…”
Don’t act like it was a big deal, be calm,
she instructed her brain and body.

“What happened?” Jasmine had shifted into Mama Bear mode. “Did someone say something to you?” She was squinting, a sure sign that she was getting pissed.

“Finn stopped by and we talked about the past.” Hale said quietly, not meeting the other ladies’ eyes, as she slowly walked to the table.

“Finn was here and you two talked?” Jasmine parroted her words, however, her tone was much more grim. “When?”

“A couple of weeks ago.” She took a sip of her hot coffee.

“You didn’t say anything about the mayor stopping by,” Ashley accused. “He didn’t set up a meeting.”

“Well, it didn’t go so well.” Hale stared at her mug sitting between her hands on the table.

The ladies waited for her to continue.

“I knew that sooner or later, we would have to talk about why I left. So he came by one night and we did.” She tried to sound nonchalant but it came out more like a robot voice.

“Was he ugly?” Jasmine’s tone was gentle.

“Yes.” She nodded her head, slowly meeting Jasmine’s eyes. “He asked questions and I tried to explain. It’s hard to justify my reasoning at twenty-two.”

“What do you mean?” Ashley prompted.

“Back then, I felt so trapped that I needed to run. I didn’t want to talk about it with Finn. I was convinced that he wouldn’t listen. He maintains that I should have stayed and explained it to him. Maybe that would have worked, I don’t know. But I can’t change the past.”

“You were already rocky. When I look back, I can see the signs,” Jasmine admitted.

“I explained that, listing a few examples. He remembers things differently.” Hale did a one-shoulder shrug.

Jasmine stood and walked to the sink, turned on the water to rinse her mug. “I love you, but that doesn’t mean that I think you are perfect. None of us are. I’ve thought about that time over the years. You were immature and you had a lot of baggage. Terrible things, like your mom’s addictions and her death and what she tried to do to you, then Mary Jo’s murder. You weren’t ready or able to handle everything, so you left. You figured things out, you got your degrees and a great job. You started a new life. It worked out really well for you.”

“After I got settled in my apartment in Florida, I started seeing a therapist. I made that a priority. You’re right, I was immature, but I knew that I needed help, badly. I felt like I was coming apart at the seams.”

“I hated you being away, but you got your shit together, I can’t argue with the results.” Jasmine made her way back to the table and laid a hand on Hale’s shoulder.

“Thanks,” Hale answered softly.

“Finn, well, he’s a proud man. He moved here with a hotshot reputation and he’s still that way. His ego is large. After you left, he fell into the role as the poor, heartbroken man. I know it must have shaken his confidence that he didn’t see how unhappy you were. He’s used to being in control, one of the smartest men in the room, and you surprised him and everybody by up and leaving.”

Ashley took over. “So he’s the victim and you are the evil woman who hurt the hero. I’ve heard that version.”

“I’m not trying to change that. I had hoped that he would hear what I had to say. He came to me, so I thought that meant that he was going to try to understand my side.”

“He’s had years to build up that wall. He might come around, just give him time,” Jasmine defended. “You’ve seen him since?”

“Yeah, I saw him at the Council Meeting last week.”

“He wasn’t rude or anything?” Ashley looked concerned.

“No he was cordial…professional. It was fine…” Hale murmured.

“Good. I would expect that from him.” Jasmine nodded.

Hale was still looking down at the table but her cheeks had reddened.

“What aren’t you telling us? You’re turning red. You’re either mad or something happened.”

Hale let out a sigh. “Damn it, you know me too well.” She paused and then shrugged. “That night, we were yelling at each other and so I got up to make him leave and well, we, uh, we kissed a little bit.”

“What?” Ashley’s head turned so fast her ponytail shot straight out behind her head.

Jasmine’s jaw had dropped and she had a shocked look on her face.

“I don’t know how it happened.” Hale’s cheeks were on fire. She’d been so angry with Finn, but when he touched her, she hadn’t wanted him to ever stop.

“So, how was it?” Ashley leaned forward eagerly, waiting for the answer.

“It was hot, really hot.” Hale dropped her head into her hands. She was so screwed.

“So, what are you going to do about it?” Jasmine questioned carefully.

“Nothing, I’m not thinking about it and I’m not doing anything about it.” Hale answered.
Liar
, she thought about it all of the time. Thank God, she didn’t share that at the meeting, she could have sworn that Finn ran his hand over her ass. He was the only one standing near her. When she jerked her head to see who was touching her, he simply raised one eyebrow. God, she hated that look.

“Wow, you and Finn. Was there more? Angry sex can be awesome.” Ashley added.

“Ashley, hush,” Jasmine cautioned, but she was leaning in, waiting for the answer.

Hale continued to sit in silence. Finally, she shared, “A little touching.”

The trio sat quietly processing the second bombshell of the day.

Jasmine broke the silence. “So, your dates with Major, do they have anything to do with the kiss?”

Fucking Jasmine was way too perceptive. “Major is single, successful, and seems to enjoy my company.” Hale managed to hide the defensiveness she felt. Why couldn’t she find him attractive and forget Finn?

“He has also been tagged as a serial dater and a bit of a social climber,” Jasmine stated. “But he does have that lovely accent and fine manners.”

“But he’s starting to do the comb-over thing and I don’t think he’s sexy,” Ashley added. “The mayor is sexy and likes hot angry sex. No contest.”

Hale snorted. “I will admit that the hair is unfortunate, but I can live with that. We’ve had a few dinners. I wouldn’t say we were dating.”

Jasmine’s chuckle was sarcastic. “Please, he is probably thanking his lucky stars every night. You are exactly what he is looking for. Single, beautiful and rich.”

“He sends her flowers every other day. He even calls to confirm their dinners with me.” Ashley made a gagging noise.

“Y’all need to stop making fun. Major is the only man who’s asked me out. What’s wrong with wanting a little male attention?” Hale was whining. She could hear it and hated it.

“Oooh, gross. Don’t tell me that you are doing it with him. That is so yucky.” Ashley looked horrified.

“Oh, Hale, you aren’t fucking him are you?” Jasmine turned up her nose.

“No, I’m not fucking him. Jeez, it’s not polite to tell, anyway.” Hale couldn’t keep from giggling. Through the years, she had taken great delight in sharing her sexcapades with Jasmine. Her best friend was more conservative than Hale. “Plus, you're a mother, you shouldn’t say fuck.”

“Since when have you not kissed or fucked and told? Christ, I’ve had phones melt from some of your stories.” Jasmine joined in, laughing.

Ashley swiveled her head between the women. “Wait, this is new. Hale, you have stories that are that hot?”

“Girl please, Hale is a fuck-monster. Well she has been over the years.” Jasmine was laughing so hard, she could barely get the words out.

Ashley stared at Hale in amazement.

She tried to look innocent. “Well, what did you want me to say? Hi, I’m Hale Cameron and I’m a fuck-monster?” She laughed so hard she pounded on the table.

“It would have made my interview easier. I wouldn’t have been so nervous!” Ashley tried for outrage but joined in the laughter.

“But you don’t look like a fuck-monster, Ms. Cameron.” Jasmine took several deep breaths to help get the words out.

“Bitch, I was one hell of a fuck-monster.” Hale raised her voice. “Still would be if I got the chance.”

Ashley was still watching Hale closely. When the laughter quieted, she asked, “So, what all have you done?”

“Oh, honey, do I need to buy you a book with pictures or should I bring some movies to Girls Night?” Jasmine’s laugh was throatier. “When two people like each other…”

Ashley made a huffing sound. “I know a lot, Miss Proper Wife. What I mean is, what’s she into?”

Hale shook her head.

Jasmine dropped her voice. “She’s into everything. She’s a real dirty girl.”

Hale raised both hands in the universal sign for stop. “Stop, I don’t want to upset Maria. She’s probably lurking around and I don’t want to get into trouble. I think she still believes that she can ground me.”

“If only she knew some of the shit you’ve done, she would lock you in your room for five years.” Jasmine shook her finger at Hale.

“I definitely want to know more. I’ll double the order for booze for our sleepover.” Ashley practically bounced in her chair.

“Just remember, you two, anything you ask me, I can ask you. So, be careful.” Hale warned.

Ashley stood and took her mug to the sink. “Wow, this is gonna be great.”

“Hush, you can stop talking about my sex life.” She tried to look severe. “Now get to work.”

“Yes, boss.” Ashley shot Hale a huge smile as she sauntered out of the kitchen.

“Stop calling me that,” Hale yelled after her.

“Maybe she will start calling you Mistress or ma’am after she hears a few stories.”

Hale tried to sound exasperated as she shot Jasmine an evil look. “No she won’t, that lifestyle wasn’t for me. Some parts are awesome, but I couldn’t commit.”

“I like it when Izzy restrains me, but I don’t get that master-slave thing.”

“It’s about the dynamic and finding what you need and someone to interact with.”