You Make Me (18 page)

“No. I got out of bed and came out here. Underwear seemed unnecessary.”

“It is.” He stroked inside me, kissing my neck. “Sit up for a second so I can unzip.”

I went up on my knees on the hard stoop, and something about the position, my hands on his shoulders, hair falling everywhere, pants off, ass in the air, felt so amazingly hot and sexy and naughty that I had no sense of anything other than getting him inside me as fast as possible. I felt frantic and erotic and loved.

“I don’t exactly know how to do this,” I breathed, moving my hips as he pulled out his erection and hurriedly rolled on a condom. I tried to figure out how this was going to work.

“You’re doing just fucking fine.” His hands rested on my hips as he moved me over him. “Let me do all the work, baby. Just sit still.”

Who could resist an offer like that? I was going to answer, but he dropped my hips and body down over him, and his cock filled me, causing me to gasp at the pleasure. “Ooohh…”

“You like that?” His voice was tight, fingers digging into my flesh.

I nodded wildly.

“Good.” Then he started pumping up into me and it was all I could to hold on and enjoy the ride. He thrust hard and fast and I couldn’t believe how raw and exciting it felt.

He was deep inside me, a primal concentration of all our want right in my core. My mouth was hot, tongue thick, shoulders tense.

Reaching down between us, he rubbed at my clit and I came, biting my lip so I didn’t call out into the night. There were so many sensations overwhelming me, the heat of our bodies, the cold of the night air. The hardness of his grip on me, his thrusts, his gritted teeth and clenched jaw, the softness of my chest pressing against him, my hair sliding over my cheek. His lips, which were tantalizingly close.

“I love the way you look when you come,” he said.

My response was to meet his thrust for the first time, spurred on by the tone in his voice. He was losing control and I loved that. He was always so tense, so in possession of himself, yet his passion burned hot and deep below the surface. I wanted to force it out, I wanted to be the one who made him explode.

“Damn,” he said. “Cat.”

I leaned forward and kissed him hard, swallowing the sound of my name on his lips. He yanked back and let out a groan as he came. It was an amazing sound. It was him and me and nothing but our hot reckless desire.

“I love you,” I breathed as we both stilled, holding each other, panting.

“I love you more.”

But I shook my head, amused. “Nuh uh.”

“Yeah huh.” He nuzzled into my neck. “Mmm. Now let’s go inside before you freeze your ass off.” He laughed. “Shit, I made a pun without even meaning to.”

I lifted myself up but there was no way to get up without falling over since I was tangled up in my pants and spread onto either side of him. Awkwardly, I sat back on the stoop to fix my pants and gave a shriek when the cold cement hit my ass.

“What the hell are you doing? Oh, my God.” He tried to help but there wasn’t a whole lot he could do to assist.

I just jammed my foot into my pants and stood up, yanking them in place, shivering and laughing. “We’re insane.”

“Probably,” he agreed as we went into the house. Closing the front door firmly and locking it, he followed me into the kitchen.

“You want a drink?” I asked.

“I would love a beer.”

“Sorry, no beer.” I pulled a couple of soft drinks out of the fridge. There were still condiments and random food items from before my father had died. It didn’t smell bad, but I was a touch grossed out every time I opened the door and thought about how old everything was in there. I needed to clean it out but hadn’t taken the time to do it yet.

“Ah, but I know where there will be alcohol.”

“What do you mean?”

“Brian’s stash. I bet it’s still here. I’ll be right back.” He went upstairs to his old bedroom.

I followed, curious. “Brian had a stash?”

“Of course he did. He had alcohol and pot. Your mom saw it once but he blamed it on that kid Tony who was staying here at the time. Fortunately, your mother didn’t seem to care.” Heath lifted up one of the floorboards in the closet and gave a sound of triumph. “Well, hello Jack.” He showed me a bottle of Jack Daniels, two thirds empty. “And there’s porn in here too. I’ll just leave that for the next owners.”

“Gross.” I knew that booze and porn were staples for a lot of teenage boys, but I was just over my brother. Everything he did gave me the creeps. “Are you really going to drink Jack Daniel at two thirty in the morning?”

“Just a sip to warm me up.” Heath unscrewed the cap and drank straight out of the bottle. “Ah. Nice burn.”

“That’s an oxymoron.” I yawned. “I’m going back to bed. Come lay down with me.”

“What if I can’t fall asleep? I don’t want to wake you up.”

“I don’t care.” I wanted him where I could see him. Touch him. Hear him.

We climbed back into my narrow bed, cuddling up together. “Shit, I knocked something over,” he said, reaching over to turn on the lamp. “It looks like your notebook.”

“It’s my diary.” I rolled over onto his chest and reached for it. “I’ll take that, thank you very much.”

But he held it up, out of my reach, teasing. “Are there secrets in here? Dirty dark secrets?”

“No. But it’s embarrassing.”

“Why? Do you talk about masturbating or something?”

Geez. I rolled my eyes. “No. I talk about you. It’s from high school.”

He lowered his arm and gave the diary to me. “All right, I’ll stop teasing you.”

Since he gave in without either looking or sounding particularly jealous, I took the book and flipped it open, not wanting him to think I had secrets I couldn’t share with him. “Here. See? Totally embarrassing.”

It was the page where I had written his name and mine, over and over. My name with his last name as if we were married.

“Aw, that’s sweet. Cat Deprey, huh? I like it.” He closed the book and set it back on the nightstand. He kissed my forehead. “Good night.”

That was it? I showed him that I had been dreaming of marrying him and he said it was sweet. Okay, I admit it, I had wanted him to explore the issue. I had just gotten out of my engagement and it hadn’t even been my decision to end it, so I didn’t want to be engaged again. But yes, I was seeking some kind of hint that there was a future between us. That he wasn’t just going to disappear off this island and we would go back to the life the way it was before.

My life wouldn’t be the same. Couldn’t be the same.

Heath’s appearance had destroyed my relationship with Ethan. If he left, I truly would be alone.

It was an anxiety that was like a layer of plastic wrap over my happiness, smothering it, not allowing it to breathe. Part of me felt like that was my problem, my neuroses, not his to have to deal with. But at the same time, if I wasn’t with Heath, if he hadn’t come back into my life, I would be planning my wedding to Ethan.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

Other than the fact that while Ethan had allowed me to breathe, Heath felt like the air I needed to exist.

But I still fell asleep quickly, his arm wrapped around me, despite all my worrying, my discontent. My desire for all of him now that I had some of him.

I dreamt of nothing.

Chapter Fifteen

“Morning,” Heath said to me, leaning over top of me.

I jerked away, startled by him hovering over me. “What’s going on?” He was out of bed, but not wearing a shirt. Panic flooded me. “Is someone here? Do we have to leave?”

“What? No.” He laughed softly, fingertips brushing over my temple, my cheek. “When did you become such a worrier? Relax, baby. It’s snowing, that’s all. First snow of the season.”

“Oh.” I rubbed my eyes. I had no idea why I was so worried. Why I couldn’t just enjoy myself. Enjoy us. “I need some coffee.” I’d slept hard, the dead sleep of anxiety, where your brain just shuts down and cuts you off. I felt groggy, hungover.

Heath looked the exact opposite. He was smiling, giving me little kisses all over my face, bouncing a bit on the bed with his forearms. The motion made me a little nauseous, but at the same time seeing him like that, so happy, so happy with
me
, shook off the sluggishness I was feeling.

“I’ll make you coffee,” he said. “If you promise to go for a walk with me. It’s beautiful outside.”

“Of course I’ll go for a walk with you.” I was pretty sure I would go anywhere with him.

“Excellent.” He gave me another smacking kiss, his dogtags hitting me in the chest before he reared back and left the room, full of energy, his jeans sliding low on his hips. I got a nice view of the muscles in his back, and the curve of his butt. The good mood he was in made him seem younger again, the way he had been when he’d been alone with me that year we were together.

It was a side I was sure he’d only shown me and I sat up, got dressed, a warm languid contentment spreading over me. He was in the kitchen pouring beans into the coffeemaker. I came up behind him and wrapped my arms around his stomach, resting my cheek on his back. I kissed his skin softly, breathing in his scent.

His left hand came over mine and squeezed. “How dark do you like your coffee? You never drank coffee before so I’m not sure what you want.”

“Coffee became mandatory in college.” I looked out the window. He was right. It was snowing. A soft peaceful drifting of fat wet flakes.

Pulling away from him, I played with the strings of my sweatshirt. “College is harder than I expected. I have to study more than other students, I swear. I feel like I came to school with a disadvantage.”

“Don’t be dissing your public school education.” He added water to the pot. “I’m sure you’re doing just fine. You’re smart and you’re quick.”

“I’m not saying I got a bad education. But I had to work really hard in high school too. Sometimes I lose track of the goal and I just want to give up. I wonder why I’m working so hard.”

“Do you really want to be a mortgage broker?” he asked. “Are you feeling it, like seriously?”

I shrugged. “It’s practical, Heath. I need to have a real job.”

“Yeah. Everyone needs a job.”

Maybe I was expecting him to argue with me. Maybe I was starting to feel like I didn’t want to go back to the world I’d created. “You think I’m crazy, don’t you?”

He turned on the coffeepot and came over to me. He bent his head closer to mine. “I think you’re scared. I think you know that you have to rely on yourself and that’s changed you. But you’re not alone in the world, Cat. I will always be here, no matter what, and I will help you in any way I can. Do what makes you happy. Do what makes you free.”

I touched his chest, fingering his dogtags. “We were such heathens, weren’t we? Running around doing whatever the hell we wanted. I was never afraid then. I miss being a girl. Adulthood sucks.”

“It doesn’t have to suck. Drink your coffee and let’s go be heathens again.”

He was right. I had already sent my life into freefall, why shouldn’t I let loose, enjoy myself? Remember who I had been. “You’re right. How much snow is there? Can I make a snow angel?”

“It’s four inches already. It must have started snowing not long after we went to bed.”

So after we drank our coffee we layered up and went outside.

“Fucking fantastic,” he said, breathing in deeply. “First time I’ve seen snow in four years.” He jumped straight off the porch and tilted his head back, his face to the sky. “It feels like wet heaven.”

“Wet heaven?” I laughed. “That could so be misinterpreted if someone heard you say that.”

He shot me a grin. “Well, aren’t you the dirtiest of the dirty girls?” He took my hand and pulled me down next to him. “You got a wet heaven for me?”

“I’m not answering that.” I gave him a small kiss, licking the snowflake off his lip that had landed there.

He gave a low groan and started to wrap his arms around me, but I pulled away, laughing. “You said we’re going to be heathens.” I bent over and scooped up some snow, packing it tightly with my gloved hands. “Snowball fight.”

“You want to go a round with me? You’re crazy.”

“Probably.” I threw the snowball and it hit him on his upper chest, bursting so that some of it splayed across his chin. Backing up carefully, I reached down for more snow.

“You need to improve your aim.” He bent over as well, efficiently packing a snowball.

With a shriek I turned and ran. I knew he could throw harder and further than me. A snowball hit me on the ass. I wiped at it, rounding the corner of the house, laughing so hard I could barely breathe.

“See? That’s good aim.”

I turned and lobbed one off at him, but I completely missed. “Shit!”

He caught up to me and grabbed me. For a second, he just kissed me, and I relaxed. Then he swept my feet out from under me, and pulled me down onto the ground, right onto his chest.

“Hey!” I protested.

“I thought you wanted to make a snow angel. I’m just helping.”

“Uh huh.” I liked this mischievous side of him, how he pushed me to let go. We were lying on the ground, in the freshly fallen snow. “It is beautiful, isn’t it? A clean slate. Everything dull and dirty gets a whitewash.”

“I like the silence. You can’t hear anything. It’s like nature on mute and it’s kinda cool.”

“It is.” I rolled off of him and onto my back so we were side by side in the snow, staring up at the sky and the falling flakes. I blinked when damp hit my eyelashes, but I didn’t mind the sensation. I felt very alive, very sharp and alert.

His hand snaked over and took mine. Even though I couldn’t feel his skin beneath our gloves, I liked the firmness of his grip.

“Make your angel,” he said.

“You just want me to spread my legs.”

“Cat!” he protested, feigning shock. “Damn. I’m blushing.”

“Yeah, right.” I didn’t think there was anything that could make him blush. “You go first.”

“Fine. You think I won’t do it. But I have a sensitive, childlike side.” He gave me a silly sneer. Then he moved his arms and legs. “The tricky part is getting up without screwing it up.” First he sat up, then he stood and jumped out of his pattern. “It looks more beast than angel, but I tried.” He dusted off the back of his head and the seat of his jeans.