You Can Trust Me (20 page)

Back at the table, Will didn't dwell on Kara's death. He showed no morbid interest, just concern for me. He told me later he'd started to fall in love with me that night, seeing how much I loved my sister, how much I was capable of bearing and of feeling. And yet, he never—I'm certain of it—defined me by my sister's death in the way so many of my university friends had.

So, Julia might have saved me by sharing my grief, but Will saved me by seeing past it.

It is entirely impossible that he is my sister's killer. Or that Julia—who liked and respected him—could have thought so.

I turn and retrace my steps, heading for the café where Damian is waiting. It's still raining and I am soaked, my jacket clinging to my back and my hair wet around my cheeks. Damian is sitting at a table by the café window, looking out. He stands as I enter, his face wreathed with anxiety.

“Are you okay?”

“No.”

He looks at me, expectant. I hesitate for a moment; then I sit down opposite him and tell him everything I found out at Honey Hearts.

Damian listens with shocked eyes. He is clearly as baffled as I am that Will is the man Julia set Shannon to entrap.

“Julia never once mentioned that she thought he was unfaithful to you—quite the opposite. She was always so impressed at the way the two of you made your marriage work after … after that one time.…”

I raise my eyebrows, a blush of defensive humiliation rising in my cheeks. So he
does
know about the affair. “Julia told you about that?”

Damian nods. He looks embarrassed. “She said it was a long time ago and that Will seemed like a different person afterwards—more
grown-up,
I think she said.” He pauses. “She liked him as a friend, she said he was a good dad, a good fit for you.”

For some reason, hearing Julia's opinion of my marriage from someone she clearly trusted calms me like nothing else so far has. I remember that although she was angry with Will over his affair, she never once suggested I leave him.
He's made a mistake and he's sorry, Liv,
she said.
He deserves a second chance. We all do.
I smile, remembering how she'd paused, her eyes sparkling, before adding:
I'd make him pay, though. Some decent diamonds and a holiday to the Caribbean, at the very least.

It's still raining outside, and the café is dark and depressing. Damian gazes at me, his forehead creased with deep lines.

I sit back and sigh. “So … if Julia didn't hire Shannon to go after Will because she thought he was unfaithful, then why hire her at all?”

Damian looks away. My heart shrinks. I don't want to think about what Damian suspects Will might be capable of.

“I need to talk to him,” I say firmly. “Find out if Shannon really did approach him. What she said.”

Damian looks up. “We should try to track down Shannon too, find out what Julia said to her. Were there any contact details on the form you saw?”

“Not for Shannon, not that I noticed.”

“What about the date Julia went to Honey Hearts? Was that on the form?”

“I don't think so.” I'm less sure about this. The truth is that I hadn't looked for a date. “There wasn't much time and—”

“It's fine. We know it must have been before she met Shannon in person at Aces High—it doesn't particularly matter when it was.” Damian thinks for a second. “Wait a minute, didn't you say they take someone with them to meetings? A friend, as backup?”

I shake my head. “That's when the agent goes to meet the guy. There are basically five steps: One, the client goes to Honey Hearts and sets up the whole thing. Two, the client is assigned an agent and
they
meet—that was Julia meeting Shannon two days before she died. Three, the agent seeks out the guy, and then possibly four, they set up and go on a ‘date' together. Five, the agent reports back to the client—that was the meeting in Aces High that I went to, the one I saw coming up in Julia's diary.”

“So we don't know if this girl, Shannon, ever did go to entrap your husband.”

“She
must
have. Why else would she have turned up for that second meeting? She was there to report back to Julia.” My breath catches in my throat as I realize the implications of this. Shannon Walker
must
have approached Will. What did she say? How did Will respond?

“We don't know any of this for sure,” Damian says. “Just as we've got no idea how to find Shannon.”

I sigh. “All the more reason why I
have
to talk to Will.”

“That's not going to be easy,” Damian mutters.

He's right. For the first time since I saw Shannon at Aces High, I regret how much I've kept from Will. If I'd told him I was going to Honey Hearts in the first place, then this latest development might not come as such a shock. As it is …

Damian and I say good-bye, promising to speak again tomorrow, when I've had a chance to talk to Will. I go home in a daze realizing only after I've left that I have completely forgotten, again, to ask Damian why he has no online presence. I'm distracted for the rest of the afternoon, barely listening to Zack's eager chatter about his football game at break time. I feel guilty I'm so preoccupied—and only too aware of how quickly this time when Zack wants to tell me all about his day will pass.

As if to prove the point, when Hannah arrives home an hour later, she stomps straight to her room without even saying hello. I follow her up the stairs, trying to hold my temper in check. I peer around the door, smiling, to ask how she is, but Hannah explodes before I can get the words out.

“What do you want? Why are you
always
following me everywhere?”

“I'm not.” I grip the doorframe, trying hard not to lose it. “I just wanted—”

“I will tidy up on the weekend!” she yells. “God, Mum, school is so stressy, and now you're being really mean.”

“For goodness' sake, Hannah. I was just going to ask if you want a drink or a snack,” I snap.

“Well, I don't.”

“There's no need to be so rude.”

“
You're
the one being rude. You're the one in my room. I don't want you in here.”

“You know what, Hannah? I don't want to be here either.” I march back downstairs and sit at the kitchen table, my head in my hands, shaking with rage and hurt.

A single tear trickles down my cheek. I wipe it away. Will's right, I am taking Hannah's acting out too personally, but it's hard to have lost my little girl as well as my best friend. If Julia were here, she would cheer me up with a smart, pithy observation and that dirty laugh of hers. The fact that she isn't here and will never be here again makes everything ten times worse.

Zack wanders in and, sensing my sadness, offers me comfort the only way he knows how, burying his head in my stomach and wrapping his arms tightly around my hips. I let him play
Angry Birds
while I make tea. Hannah slouches in fifteen minutes after I call her, then has the nerve to complain that her shepherd's pie is cold. Both children light up when Will arrives home, earlier than usual, at six thirty. He hugs Zack, pecks at Hannah's forehead, then plants a kiss on my lips.

“You're in a good mood.” I try to smile at him, but all I can see is his name on the Honey Hearts form.

“The Henri account settled down at last,” he says with a grin.

“That took a long time,” I say, trying to work out how on earth to begin the conversation I need to have.

Will sighs. “I know. Bloody ages.” He pauses, and when he speaks again I can hear the pride in his voice. “The client said some nice things about me, actually. And Leo thanked me in front of the whole team, whatever that's worth.” He laughs, but I know how much Leo's praise means to him.

“Well done.” I reach up and kiss him on the cheek. Zack is already tugging at his arm, wanting to show him his
Angry Birds
score. Will and I can talk later, after the kids are in bed. I murmur something about sorting out dinner for the two of us, then give him a hug, breathing in the familiar scent of his suit jacket: wool and aftershave and a lingering aroma of office.

See?
I tell myself.
No strange-smelling soap. Everything's going to be fine.

It turns into a good evening—at least the early part of it is. As usual, Hannah's mood lightens dramatically around her father, while Will seems particularly relaxed tonight. It just goes to show how important his mood is to the overall atmosphere in the house. Those nights where he gets in grumpy and tired lay a pall over everything.

My chance to talk comes after Hannah disappears up to her room at nine o'clock. Will has spent most of his time since dinner trying to match Zack's
Angry Birds
score on his phone, while intermittently reading a report on his laptop and sipping at a whiskey.

As I join him in the living room, he puts both gadgets down with a sigh. “Can you imagine how humiliating it is being beaten at something by your seven-year-old son?”

I laugh, then close the door gently. “Can I talk to you?”

Will swings his legs off the sofa and sits up, an expression of concern on his face. “Sure, what's up?”

I take the chair opposite him and lean forward. My heart beats fast as I launch in, explaining that Damian and I decided to try to trace Shannon Walker.

“You didn't tell me that,” Will says, his eyes darkening.

“I knew you'd think it was me being obsessive or whatever, but seriously, Will, there's something really suspicious going on.” I carry on, the words tumbling out of me as I explain that Damian and I tracked Shannon down to Honey Hearts, then going on to confess that I visited the place this morning.

“You did
what
?”

“I sneaked a look at Julia's file,” I explain.

“I can't believe you'd do that.”

“Well, I did. And I found something out. Julia hired Shannon Walker—that was the connection between them.”

“Come on, Liv.” Will shakes his head. “That doesn't sound like Julia. Not her style.”

“I know.” I gulp. “That's the thing … I don't think she was testing her own boyfriend. Damian, Dirty Blond. He said he didn't recognize Shannon and … anyway, it wasn't his name in her file.”

Will frowns. I watch him intently. There's no guilt, no acknowledgment of what I'm saying … of where I'm going. I can't believe he knows.

“So … what are you telling me, Liv. I don't understand?”

I take a deep breath. “I don't understand either, but I have to ask you about it. You see, the man Julia put on her form she wanted to entrap—was you.”

Will stares at me blankly. “Me?”

I nod.

“You think Julia suspected me of being unfaithful?” His eyes bore into me. “What … with you? With
her
?” He pauses, his expression hard and cold. “Well?”

I squirm in my seat. “She might have thought something like that, I guess, but no I don't seriously—”

“Oh, good,” he snaps, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Just so long as you trust me.”

I hesitate. “Please don't be angry, Will. It's not my fault your name was in that file.”

“Fuck off, Livy.”

I gasp. Will hardly ever swears—and certainly not at me. He looks up. His fists are clenched, the vein in his neck throbbing.

“So what do you expect me to say?” he asks.

“This … Shannon.” I shiver, he looks so angry. “She was blond and blue-eyed. Pretty. Mid-twenties, I'd say.”

Will raises his eyebrows. “Are you asking if she came onto me? Is that it? You think I slept with some tramp from some sleazy agency?”

“No.” Tears spring to my eyes at the fury in his voice. “No, of course I don't think you slept with her. I'm just trying to work out what Julia was doing. I think it might be connected to her trying to find out about Kara's killer. There are just a lot of things that don't add up. Julia's mother is convinced one of Julia's rings is missing. In fact, she thinks I took it. And then there's the fact that though the police searched Julia's apartment and her computer, they didn't find any of her files about Kara. I think Shannon knows something.”

Will spreads his arms wide in a gesture of disbelief. “You only have this Damian's word that there
were
any files. Jesus.” Will's voice rises. “And it's outrageous to suggest I slept with—”

“I'm
not
accusing you of sleeping with her,” I insist. “I'm not even suggesting that you reacted in any particular way. I'm just trying to make sense of why Julia hired her. Surely you can understand why I have to ask?”

Will stands and paces over to the TV. His fists are still clenched. He turns and fixes me with a furious glare. “I have absolutely no idea why Julia put my name on her form, but what really makes me mad is you jumping to conclusions about what it
means.
Maybe it was a
joke.
Maybe it wasn't Julia. Maybe it was some other guy called Will Jackson. Don't you see? If you go looking for problems, you find them.”

“But—”

“How can you even
consider
I might have been with anyone else? God, haven't the past six years since … haven't they meant
anything
?”

“I'm not saying that.” My voice cracks. “I just—”

“Well, the answer is I haven't seen this
Shannon
girl, or anyone else.” He pauses. “And as for this nonsense about Kara. It's getting ridiculous. Whatever you say, you
are
obsessed with this idea Julia was murdered. Meanwhile, you're living the rest of your life without noticing what's going on around you.”