You Are Here (22 page)

“He deserves it,” she said pointedly.

I nearly slapped her and glared. Her expression morphed to shock.

“He deserves a chance,” I hissed and resumed my attempt to end the carnage.

I got a fistful of Drew’s shirt and leaned back into my heels, trying to get leverage. I grabbed Nash’s arm to keep myself from actually falling on my ass, but he tried to swat me away and ended up nailing me in the face with the back of his fist. I shrieked and fell backward, narrowly missing the nearby chair. My hands immediately went to my face and I felt something wet. I looked at my palms and saw blood. For a moment, I was confused, but the edges of my vision went wonky as an unwanted memory blinked into frame. I remembered Jude’s lifeless eyes staring back at me from behind cracked glasses as we lay on the floor of our living room. Her face was bruised and cut. The blood was smeared and dried, and patterns of tear tracks ran along her cheeks.

I crushed my eyelids shut when I heard my own screams in my head. A painful ringing washed over the sound and eventually drowned it out. When I opened my eyes, Nash was looking over Drew’s shoulder. Both men had scrapes and small cuts on their faces. Nash’s tie was crooked and pulled too tight, but he didn’t seem to care.

“Red, are you okay? I’m sorry, I-I wasn’t paying attention. I’m really sorry.”

“Jesus, Cro-Magnon, back up,” Drew barked as he held some kind of cloth around my nose. “She needs air, not your contrition.”

“Ooh, look at you and your big words,” he taunted. “It’s as if you almost went to college.”

“I was a fucking EMT, you dick, so why don’t you go sue someone for making you such an asshole.”

“Boys! Seriously?” Vivi’s voice cut through the static. I heard her shoes clicking on the floor.

I turned away from Drew’s attentions and frantically searched for Grey. When I couldn’t find him right away, I sat up quickly and spun. And by spun, I mean everything
but
me spun.

“Shit.” I closed my eyes.

Drew instructed me to lie down again.

“Grey?” I needed to hear him.

Nash grumbled, but warm hands tugged on my shoulders from behind.

“I’m here, my Lu.”

I allowed him to lay me back until my head rested on his lap. His subtle, sad smile drifted down to me, even though the litany of marks and a blooming black eye made it clear he’d been in a fight.

“Baby,” I whimpered. I reached up to touch his face, but he took my hand and kissed my knuckles.

“I’m fine.”

After a few quiet and epically tense minutes, I slowly sat up. My lower half was covered in the blanket from the couch. I remembered with an explosion of heat in my cheeks that I was pantie-less under Grey’s shirt and they all probably got an eyeful. I was sitting bare-assed on the floor. Funnily enough, it was the second time in recent memory.

I stood carefully and yanked down the hem of the shirt. Nash coughed and Drew pretended to clean up the towels and first aid stuff.

“Thanks for flashing the
coño
, hon. Here,” Vivi said, throwing me a pair of shorts.

“The what?”

“Pussy,” she stage-whispered and shrugged, smiling as I eyeballed her.

I turned to Grey, still and stony. I leaned into him and he softened. “I’m sorry for all this,” I whispered.

“Nothing to be sorry for. It was mine to take.” He picked up the blanket and held it up as a dressing screen. “Put those on, please.”

After my bottom half was properly covered, I lifted on my toes to kiss Grey, but bumped our noses together. I jumped back.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, just a little sore.”

“It’s not broken,” Drew offered. “It may swell a bit, and you may get the bruising around your eyes, but otherwise it’s fine.”

“I’m sorry,” Nash repeated. “I didn’t mea—”

“Well now, if we’re done acting like children,” Vivi said, cutting him off and openly angry with him, “maybe we can have an actual conversation.”

Nash bristled. “Is it, or is it not true that just before this altercation you threatened to, and I quote, ‘kick the shit out of him’?” He played it cute to win points, even going so far as to walk theatrically across the floor and back. I’d seen this move before.

“Not now, Bonnar,” Vivi snapped.

“It’s a valid point though.”

She inhaled and exhaled slowly. “If we’re being accurate,
counselor
, I said that I
should
kick the shit out of him. You should note that, in fact, I didn’t. Thereby, your argument is invalid.”

Drew snorted and that made me laugh.

“All right, FINE!” Nash threw his arms in the air. “Let’s talk. I have to be in court in an hour.”

Everyone turned to Grey, and I was no exception. He avoided all of us, his stare tracking all around the room, looking at everything but us. “Okay.”

Slowly, we shuffled toward the living room furniture. Drew, Nash, and Vivi took the couch, but Grey remained standing as if in front of a firing squad. I sat in my red chair, clinging to his hand. He squeezed.

“You know, we
almost
had a conversation at dinner,” Nash spat, “before your pussy ass ran out like a sobbing little bitch.”

“You weren’t exactly dry-eyed,” Vivi pointed out.

His glare earned him a raised eyebrow in challenge, which only served to incite him.

This was hilarious to Drew, whose sudden low chuckle quickly built into a wheezy laugh. “Who’s the little bitch now?” he asked.

“Tears are a sign of strength!” Nash exploded.

Drew fought to stop snickering.

“So I wasn’t a sobbing pussy-ass bitch, then?” Grey asked, his voice quiet and gentle, but a little teasing, too. I thought he was reaching out, but when I looked up, I found his face slack and eyes dark.

“You still were.”

“Yeah, the pouting helps your case,” Drew quipped. “For sure.”

“I will beat down the both of you—”

“Okay, okay! Christ Almighty!” I shouted, jumping to my feet. “The three of you get in a room and you’re thirteen years old. It’s so deceptive when you
look
like men.”

“I love you, Luce.” Vivi winked at me.

I wanted to smile back, but I was too stressed. “Someone say or ask something useful. I have the least amount of knowledge on any of you, especially when it comes to the past, so speak up or everyone can just leave. I love all of you but I’m about to get medieval up in here.”

“Dude, she just dropped a
Pulp Fiction
reference!” Nash stage-whispered.

Vivi ignored him.

Nash cleared his throat. “Right. Okay, I’ll go.”

“Why do you get to go?” Drew asked, offended. “You had your chance in Chicago!”

Grey shook his head and let go of my hand. I looked at him with worried eyes, but he had pinched his shut. His fingers tangled in his curls, twisting and pulling. He dropped his hands to his sides.

“How about I start?” he said, his voice strong as it carried through the apartment. “I’m the one with the goddamn answers you want.”

Grey

Buried Treasure

Even when I had the floor, I didn’t.

“Would you put on a fucking shirt, man?” Nash snarled before I could say another word. “I’m sick of looking at your pasty-ass chest with that piss-poor excuse for chest hair.”

“We’re not all orangutans, asshole,” Drew muttered. “And not everyone goes to the tanning salon.”

“Ellicott, I swear to Christ. I went
once
, God dammit, and it was because it was winter and the UV can be a mood lift. I have seasonal affective disorder.” Nash pointed at Drew as if to drive the point home. “All I got was a rash on my back and burn stripes.”

“Yeah, you have a disorder, all right,” Drew mumbled.

Johnny Cash warbled out of me before I had the chance to stop it. “I got stripes.”

Nash, predictably, was not amused.

Drew was
this close
to offering me a high five. Even though he didn’t, he dissolved into laughter that corrupted me for a moment.

“I hate you guys.” Nash stalled his chuckles with righteous indignation.

Drew and Vivi rolled their eyes in unison and silence settled over us. They were waiting for me to talk. I lifted my eyes and volleyed around the room. Lucie offered me an encouraging smile and her hand. I nodded but didn’t take it.

“Stop deciding what you’re gonna hide.” Nash’s statement wasn’t exactly inaccurate.

I knew this was unavoidable, but that only made it shittier. I kept my eyes locked on the carpet at Drew’s feet and dragged in a breath.

“I ran away. From everything, from Dad, from you guys, all of it.”

“Revelatory,” Nash barked bitterly.

“Nash, you wanted him to talk, let him talk,” Vivi said, her arms crossed as she watched me.

“I
tried
to talk with that fucker, and he fucking walked out on me,” he said. “You know—”

“Please?” Lucie stood and grabbed my hand. “Please just listen?”

Nash gave a little. And gritted his teeth a little more. “Fine. Forty-five minutes. Then I gotta go.”

“I don’t expect you to forgive me.”

Nash chuffed. Drew sighed and asked, “Just … where have you been?”

I thought about that for a while, ultimately shaking my head. “Everywhere and nowhere.”

“Fucking hell, I need coffee,” Vivi muttered. She stood and walked to the kitchen.

“Make a full pot. And put booze in it,” Nash shouted.

“I’m going to help her, okay?” Lucie looked at me like I might crumble. She stood on tiptoes to kiss me. She rubbed her palm over my heart. Before walking away, she patted the spot as if to remind me.

Looking back to the couch, I found Nash spearing me with his eyes. He was obviously protective of Lucie.

“Did you even get my letters?” Nash could not stop himself. It was comical. “I wrote
letters
.”

“Christ on a cracker, will we never hear the end of your stupid letters?” Drew looked as if he were contemplating sealing Nash’s mouth shut with duct tape.

Pain grew behind my left eye like a slow-motion mushroom cloud and I squinted, scrunching up part of my face. I rubbed my temple. “I got the letters, and all the messages Drew left. I just … had nothing to say.”

I wanted the explanation to sound more genuine. It was true, but I knew they wanted more. For an entire year, messages came and I ignored them. Nash’s letters were too painful to read. I’d barely gotten through half of the first one before I tore it up and threw it away. I had eventually erased Drew’s messages without listening to them before I got rid of my phone altogether.

“I couldn’t function with all that shit going on in my head.”

Drew’s breathing was shallow and tight. He kept scratching the shell of his ear and pulling on the lobes. “You gave up on me, Grey. I needed my brother and you just threw me and everything else away.”

Nash grumbled and ran his hand over his hair.

“Fine, you gave up on Nash, too, but we all do eventually.” Drew couldn’t smother his smirk and I gave in to the urge to mirror him. It felt like the old days, if just a little.

“It didn’t have anything to do with either of you, okay?” I said.

“So we were just casualties,” Drew spat.

“This is bullshit,” Nash tried to sound calm, failing miserably. “So what about Lucie? What the fuck is going on there?”

“Enough.” Vivi sat next to him and handed him a cup of coffee.

Lucie approached me as if I were a dangerous, injured animal. A lead weight dropped in my gut when I thought what an appropriate comparison it was.

When she smiled hopefully at me, I returned it. She jumped into my arms and wrapped herself around me, planting kisses on my face and lips.

“I was expecting him,” she said, looking into my eyes. Lucie explained the basics of our fragile relationship and that she saw me in her previews.

That reminded me—she had one where I took Drew to the storage locker. Maybe that was today?

“Would you guys come with me somewhere? I … there’s something I want to show you.”

Nash growled incoherently.

Drew studied me and then stood. “Okay.”

Lucie squeezed my hands. I tried to be more bolstered by her support, but I couldn’t connect to that part of me. She wanted this to go so well, and I was too busy trying to sort my mess of mental fragments. I started to walk away when I felt that Lucie hadn’t let go. I turned back.

Her expression smug and amused.

“What?”

“You’re half-naked.”

I looked down. I still wasn’t wearing a shirt. Her simple smirk blew my distraction away and I smiled at her. “You make it easy to stay naked.”

“For fuck’s sake!” Nash yelled.

“Who are you, my father?” Lucie teased him. “I’m pretty sure you and Vivi hold the record for the most inappropriate overshares.”

He grinned. “Best stories, too. I’ve been published in magazines.”

Drew walked over to me. “Put a shirt on before he decides to come with us.”

“Suck it, Petunia,” Nash said to him, “I
am
coming.”

“Babe, you have court,” Vivi reminded him.

“Fuck.” Nash sounded as if he were crushing gravel between his teeth.

I jogged back to the bedroom and threw on a T-shirt and pulled on my boots. When I got back, Drew was waiting by the door. Lucie handed me a set of spare keys and kissed me one more time before she released me. Nash was still grumbling, but his expression was all business. Vivi whispered something to him.

I walked over. “Call me after court. I’ll meet you wherever. We can talk then, okay?”

He eyed me suspiciously and then copped a disinterested look. “Yeah, sure.”

“I promise.”

“And that means
what
to me?”

I couldn’t fault him that one. I nodded and gave him a number that would reach my phone. He punched it into his contacts and waved me off.

Drew held open the door and anxiously popped the knuckles of his free hand with his thumb. I passed him and stopped at the bottom of the stairs outside. A dirty wind swept past me and I hoped it would take my nausea with it.

“We’re going to Queens, so we’ll grab a cab, okay?” I said. I didn’t bother to turn, because I could feel Drew’s eyes burning holes into the back of my head. He reminded me of my drill sergeant, analyzing every twitch of every fiber of every muscle at every second.