Yon Ill Wind (31 page)

“I am Leai,” one said sadly.  “I am suicidal, but I can't die.”

“I am Adiana,” the other said, as sadly.  “I want to live, but I am dying.”

Suddenly this was heavy stuff.  “You can't just switch places?”

“We haven't found the magic for that,” Leai said.

“Too bad.” He wondered whether they were teasing him.  If so, it wasn't the kind of joke he liked.

“Do you think I could die in Mundania?” Leai asked.

“I guess so.  If it's magic that keeps you alive.”

“It's magic,” She said.  “See.” She brought out a wicked-looking knife and tried to stab herself with it.

“Hey!” David leaped to grab her hand before the knife could reach her flesh.  He succeeded in turning it aside.

“What are you trying to do?”

“I am trying to kill myself,” she said.  “But I can't, because something always stops me.  Just as you did.”

“That wasn't magic!  I just couldn't let you do it,”

She looked squarely at him.  She was rather pretty, for a girl.  “Why not?  What do you care about girls?”

“Nothing,” he said.  “But—”

“You'll make up some reason, but you'll always stop me.  Or someone else will.  I've tried to kill myself a hundred times, and I just can't do it.  If there's no magic in Mundania, maybe.  I could go there with you and—”

“I'm not going to help you get there so you can kill yourself,” he said.

She nodded.  “I'm not surprised.  But maybe if my sister went with you, she could live.”

“But I couldn't leave you, Leai,” Adiana protested.  She was sort of pretty too.

“I don't think I can help you girls,” David said.

“Though I'd like to.  I'd like to make you both willing and able to live.” Then an idea struck him.  “I had two sticks of reverse wood.  I lost them, but they must have fallen somewhere around here.  Maybe if you found them, they would reverse your magics, and—”

Both girls screamed with delight.  “Ah, thank you!”

Leai exclaimed, and kissed him on the right ear.  “So very, very much,” Adiana said, and kissed him on the left ear.

Then both ran off on a search for the reverse wood.

David would never have admitted it, but he really hadn't minded getting kissed.  He walked on down the path.

Soon he came to two more young folk, but this time they were male and female.  “I was afraid all the twins were girls,” he remarked, relieved.

“They are, in that section,” the boy said.  “In the next section they are all boys.  We're on the border between sections.”

“Oh.  Well, hi.  I'm David Mundane.  I'm—”

“You're on a mission to save Xanth from Hurricane Happy Bottom,” the girl said.

“And you will succeed, in due course,” the boy said.

David had intended to say something intelligent like, “How can you possibly know things like that, when you have just met me!” But as usual his mouth got into gear before his brain, so all he said was a stupid “Huh?”

Both boy and girl smiled.  “We apologize,” the boy said.  “We sometimes forget that strangers don't know us as we know them.  I am Deja, and this is my twin sister, Vu.  My talent is to see the future, and hers is to see the past.  So when we saw you, our talents came into play, and we knew your past and future business.”

Oh.  “So can you tell me where to find Chena Centaur?”

“Unfortunately, we can't,” Vu said.  “We can't see the present.  But I can tell you that your friend was most concerned when she lost you.”

“And I can tell you that she will find you in about fifteen and one half minutes,” Deja said.  “Thereafter your mission will be routine.”

“If the thickening magic hasn't distorted his perception,” Vu said.  “We are somewhat protected from it, here in this valley, so things are almost normal here, but that may change.  We are therefore very glad to learn of your mission.”

“Uh, thanks,” David said.  “I gotta get on to meet Chena, then.”

“To be sure,” Deja agreed.  “We wish you the very best.”

David went on down the path.  There was a sign saying TRI CITY.  At least now he was out of the twins section.  He felt better.

Until he encountered three girls, evidently triplets.  Oh, no!  He knew he hadn't a chance of getting through unscathed, but he made the effort.  He maintained his pace and tried to march on by them.

“Why, look—a singleton boy,” one said.  “Let's have some fun with him.”

“I'm no fun,” he said quickly as they converged.  They were big girls, of the kind he would ordinarily like to sneak peeks at, considering their short skirts, but he didn't trust what they might think was fun.  “I'm just David, a dull Mundane.”

“A Mundane!” another exclaimed.  “We must see how our magic works on him.”

“Not very well,” David said desperately as he came to a stop.  He had to stop, because otherwise he would have walked right into the one who was blocking the path ahead.

“We shall soon see,” the third said.  “Hello, David Mundane.  I am Sherry.  My talent is to shrink things.” She reached forth and touched him—and suddenly he was half his normal size.  “You're right—my magic doesn't work well on you.  I meant to make you much smaller.”

“Please let me go,” he cried, getting really worried.

Deja had said Chena would find him soon, but he hadn't said in what state.

“But we haven't finished playing with you,” the second woman said.  “I am Terry.  My talent is to enlarge things.”

She reached down to touch him, and suddenly he was twice his normal size.  “Oh, my, it is true; I tried to make you invisible giant size, not baby ogre size.”

David realized that in his present condition he could bowl them over and escape.  But he didn't want to stay this way, either.  “I just want to save Xanth,” he pleaded.

“In that case, we had better restore you,” the first woman said.  “I am Merry, and that's my talent.” She touched his leg, and suddenly he was back to normal.

Vastly relieved, he pushed on by them and fled down the path.  “Come play with us again,” Sherry called after him.  “We know other games too.”

“Fascinating ones,” Terry added.

“For a man and three women,” Merry finished.

“Not without violating the Adult Conspiracy!” he called back, and had the satisfaction of seeing them gaze at each other in wild surprise.  “I guess that pooped your panties,” he muttered, pleased.

It must be close to the time for Chena to find him.  David hurried on along the path, hoping he wouldn't encounter any more mischievous girls.

He was startled by a loud howl.  It sounded halfway like the world's least-oiled door hinge, and halfway like the world's hungriest hound.  What could it be?

It turned out to be a huge canine-creature.  But it wasn't flesh and blood.  It was made out of wood.  Its legs were like uprooted saplings, its body was like a section of a tree trunk, and its teeth were sharpened wooden pegs glistening with sap.  It was a timber wolf!

David wasn't sure whether to freeze in the hope that it wouldn't see him, or speak soothingly to it in the hope that he could befriend it.  So he took the compromise course:  he ran like all bleep.

He heard the timber wolf bounding after him.  He was going as fast as he could, which was pretty fast, because he remained pretty light, but he heard the bounding footfalls coming closer behind him.

“Heellpp!” he screamed.

A winged form swooped down on him.  “Ah, there you are!” Chena exclaimed.  She caught him in her arms and hauled him up as she pumped her wings.  The timber wolf leaped and snapped, but they were just out of his reach.

Phew!

“Now get on my back,” the centaur said, wrestling him around behind her.  He obliged, and soon was properly seated.

They rose up into the protective shroud of fog.  Only then did he realize that one of his fancies had just been realized—and he hadn't even noticed.  She had clasped him to her bare front when she lifted him from the ground, and he had been so distracted by the timber wolf that he had paid no attention to what else was happening.  What an idiot he had been!

He covered his chagrin as well as he could.  “How did you find me?” he asked.

“Fracto provided cover, and knew where you were.

Once we learned how to communicate with him, we went right to you.”

“We?”

“Crystal is flying right above us, but Keaira isn't using her power now, so we can hide from Happy Bottom.

Fracto is being really helpful; we wouldn't be able to do this without him.”

“Yeah, he hid me from Happy Bottom,” David agreed.

“But how did you talk with him?”

“We devised a fog-ball code.  One ball for yes, two for no, and a fog arrow to show where to find you.  He said you were all right, but that a tree dog was closing in on you, so we had to hurry.”

“That was a timber wolf!” David said, laughing.

Chena laughed too.  “Timber wolf!  Of course!  We zeroed in from forest to tree, and from animal to dog, but couldn't make better sense of it in the time we had.  Anyway, Fracto will lead us back to the eye, but after that it will be up to us, because he'll have to get in front of Happy Bottom and lure her into the Region of Air.”

“How is he leading us?  All I see is fog.”

She pointed ahead.  “See that nicker of lightning ahead?

I have to keep flying toward that.  He will lead me under or around or through the storm bands until we reach the eye.  Then he'll fade away.”

“But how will we herd her, if she just explodes her eyeball like she did before?”

“As she did before,” Chena murmured, but somehow it just wasn't as offensive as when Mom corrected him.  “I must confess that I am not sure about that.  Now Happy Bottom knows what she's up against, so she'll fight us every breath of the way.  We'll have to do it just right.”

“I hope somebody knows what she's doing, like maybe Keaira,” David said, “because I sure don't.”

“I'm sure there was excellent reason for Nimby to designate you to wear the jacket,” Chena said diplomatically.

“I dunno.  Nimby reads minds, and knows what's going on, but he can't see the future.  So he might be wrong.”

“He reads minds?” she asked, seeming modestly alarmed.

David realized that she didn't know that Nimby had told him she thought he was cute.  Better that she not know.

“Well, maybe he just knows what's all around, so it seems like mind reading sometimes.  I guess if he'd looked in mine, he'd have known I wasn't the best one for this job.”

 “No, I'm sure there was reason,” she said.  “As with the Good Magician's decisions.  We merely have to fathom it.”

“Lotsa luck.”

“Yes, good fortune would definitely be an asset,” she agreed, mistaking his irony.  “Perhaps your mishap with the reverse wood sticks was not a true accident, but part of your qualification.”

“Yeah, sure, assign a foul-up kid to drive a fouled-up hurricane,” he said, not thrilled with the analogy.

“Perhaps in Mundania, it is different,” she said delicately.  “But in Xanth, seemingly inconsequential things may have significance.  Did you encounter anything on the ground that might relate?”

“Just a bunch of girls,” he said disdainfully.  Then, belatedly, “No offense intended.”

She laughed.  “None taken.  I am a filly, not a girl.  What kind of girls were they?”

“That was the funny thing.  They were all twins.  It was called Twin City, though it didn't look much like a city.

They had sort of complementary talents, like rock shaping and rock animation, or changing her own hair color, or somebody else's hair color, or being unable to die or unable to live.” He paused, because that last pair had touched his emotion, and not just because they were pretty.

“Maybe I managed to help them, because of the dropped sticks of reverse wood.  If they find those, maybe one can live, and the other can want to live.”

“They were surely glad to learn of those,” Chena agreed.

“Yeah, they kissed me.  Of course, I hated that.”

“Of course.” She knew he didn't mean it.

“Then I met twins who were only half girl, Deja and Vu.  He saw the future, she the past.  He said I would succeed.  But I don't see how.” His voice had continued on, but his mind lagged at Leai and Adiana, with the long purple hair and green eyes and the awful predicaments.  He hoped they did find the sticks.

“The sticks!” he exclaimed, rudely interrupting himself.  “That's how!”

“Beg pardon?” Chena asked politely.

“The reverse wood sticks!  I think I got it!  Together they are inert, but separate they mess up magic.  I messed you up before, but now we can mess up Happy Bottom.”

“I recovered as soon as I fell away from the wood,”

Chena said.  “No real harm was done.  But how can the wood enable us to accomplish our mission?”

“I lost my sticks, but maybe that was just as well.  But Keaira still has hers, doesn't she?”

“Yes.”

“Well, she should tie them to two separate ropes, so she can trail them together or pull them apart from a distance when she needs to,” he said, working it out as he talked.

“The range is limited, isn't it?  So that way it doesn't affect us, but it should reverse whatever the eye is doing.”

“Yes, certainly.  But how can trailing the sticks at a distance enable us to accomplish our mission?”

“We can drag them by the eye, when it tries to escape by exploding,” he explained.  “So then its magic will be reversed, and the eye will implode, and we can keep on herding it.  It won't be able to get away.”

“Why, David, that's brilliant!” she exclaimed.

“Gee,” he said, pleased to have his mess-up with the sticks turn good.  Because he would never have thought of it, if it hadn't been for his misadventure.

Suddenly the fog ended.  There was Crystal Centaur flying above them, with Keaira.  There was Willow, flying to the side.  And there was the glowering eye, directly ahead.

“Thank you, anonymous benefactor,” Chena called as the fog faded.  David knew why:  she couldn't speak Fracto's name now, lest Happy Bottom overhear and catch on to his role in this.  Fracto still had a job to do, once she was in the Region of Air.  She wouldn't speak to him, if she knew his role too soon.

The three winged monsters rendezvoused, and David explained his idea.  The centaurs had ropes; it was one of the things they routinely carried, and Willow had cord in her surprisingly capacious purse, too.  They tied two ropes to the two sticks of reverse wood, keeping them carefully together.  Because they didn't want those sticks to separate too soon.