Yolo (16 page)

SnowAngel:

Zoe! oohhhhh, Zoe!

SnowAngel:

ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM!

mad maddie:

leave her be, fool.

mad maddie:

stalker!

SnowAngel:

also I told her to wear a condom, but really I meant that Doug shld wear a condom. on his penis. do you think she figured that out?

mad maddie:

hmm. that's a tough one.

SnowAngel:

Doug's penis? you're saying Doug's penis is a tough one???

SnowAngel:

YOU'RE the stalker, weirdo!

zoegirl:

Angela, you probably are too.

zoegirl:

but . . .

zoegirl:

Doug broke up with me. he didn't come to visit me; he came to break up with me face-to-face.

zoegirl:

God, I never in my life thought I wld be typing these words.

zoegirl:

I wish I could hit “undo.”

SnowAngel:

when? just now? do you want me to drive to Ohio and be with you??? I wld if I cld, you know!

zoegirl:

I'm numb. I'm a ghost. my skin is such an ugly color.

SnowAngel:

Zoe. no. you are not a ghost, and yr skin is beautiful. ALL of you is beautiful. don't you dare talk yrself into thinking this happened cuz something's wrong with you.

zoegirl:

he said he wants the full college experience. that he wants to experience new things. he said he didn't mean for his feelings toward me to change, but that they did.

SnowAngel:

my heart is breaking for you. I am SOOOOOO sorry!

zoegirl:

I can't think straight.

zoegirl:

this *is* really happening, right? I'm not dreaming?

SnowAngel:

shit, it's not that Canyon girl, is it?

zoegirl:

he claims they're just friends. I don't know.

zoegirl:

want to hear the worst part?

zoegirl:

well, all of it is the worst part, but at the end of his speech, he said, “so, uh, ok. I guess I'm going to take off.”

SnowAngel:

when? this morning?

zoegirl:

um . . . not exactly

SnowAngel:

then when, exactly?

zoegirl:

on Friday night, right after he got here.

SnowAngel:

AND YOU'RE JUST NOW TELLING ME?

SnowAngel:

Zoe! wtf?!!!

zoegirl:

I was a mess, and I didn't want him to go, so I grabbed his hands and said, “it's late. just stay, please? you can drive back tomorrow.”

SnowAngel:

okaaaay. and . . . ?

zoegirl:

he didn't want to, but I forced him to by being needy. and then he didn't want to sleep in my bed—he said he'd take the floor—but I was needy all over again until finally he gave in.

SnowAngel:

uh-oh

zoegirl:

yeah. so there we were in my bed, and our bodies were so close, and . . . things happened. except that's me not telling the whole truth, because I *made* them happen, just like when I visited him at Oberlin.

SnowAngel:

you made bad sex happen again? WHY?

zoegirl:

Angela! are you really asking that when you already know I feel like complete and utter shit?

SnowAngel:

sorry, sorry. bad phrasing!!!

SnowAngel:

let me try again. did Doug STOP things from happening? the “why look, here we are about to have sex again” things?

zoegirl:

no. but right before he came inside me, he whispered, “just so you know, this isn't going to change anything.”

SnowAngel:

oh, Zoe.

SnowAngel:

and Doug! what a fucker!

zoegirl:

so that's who I am, the girl who sleeps with her ex-boyfriend one last time even though she knows it's not going to change anything.

SnowAngel:

Zoe, that is NOT who you are

zoegirl:

well, um, it is. go me!

SnowAngel:

where are you now? are you in yr dorm room? I know yr not going to want to, but you need to be with other ppl right now. can you call your friend Holly?

zoegirl:

I just want to be alone.

SnowAngel:

and hold on. I'm confused.

SnowAngel:

today's Sunday. Doug broke up with you on Friday. Did he leave on Saturday?

zoegirl:

bright and early, yep

SnowAngel:

and you kept all this to yourself until now???

zoegirl:

I didn't feel like talking. or moving. or thinking. I still don't.

zoegirl:

will you tell Maddie for me? I don't want to do the walk of shame twice.

SnowAngel:

of course, but there is NO WALK OF SHAME.

SnowAngel:

I'm sending all my love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SnowAngel:

hey. poor Zo, huh?

mad maddie:

I called her after you and I talked, but I got her voicemail. tried her again, got her voicemail again.

SnowAngel:

same here.

SnowAngel:

her latest tweet says, “gone off the grid. back eventually. #maybe.”

mad maddie:

ack, I hear that

SnowAngel:

huh?

SnowAngel:

our friend is hurting and in pain and you're glad she's “gone off the grid”???

mad maddie:

what? no, I'm not glad! I said NOTHING about being glad.

mad maddie:

just, I understand the impulse.

SnowAngel:

what impulse?

mad maddie:

to go off the grid, even if you don't like that expression. to just . . . not deal.

SnowAngel:

but we're her friends! we're supposed to HELP her deal!

mad maddie:

yes. I know. and we will. I feel just as bad for Zoe as you do.

mad maddie:

I'm just acknowledging the fact that sometimes, when crappy things happen, it's tempting to disappear for a while.

SnowAngel:

*narrows eyes*

mad maddie:

and again, I'm not saying we're going to LET Zoe disappear. but don't you ever feel like you're constantly “on”? like you're chained to your phone/tablet/laptop/whatever? like you cldn't escape even if you wanted to?

SnowAngel:

as in, do I obsessively check for texts, emails, tweets, snapchats, and FB posts?

SnowAngel:

NO

mad maddie:

I do. sometimes I want to smash the internet with a rock. then I remember that y'all live in there, so I don't.

SnowAngel:

hmmph

mad maddie:

and now off to a diner on the boardwalk that serves maple bacon donut dogs.

mad maddie:

let me say that again: Maple. Bacon. Donut. Dogs.

SnowAngel:

that sounds revolting

mad maddie:

by which you mean “delicious beyond belief”? agreed. I shld buy a dozen and mail them to Zoe.

SnowAngel:

are Zara and the Esbees going with you?

mad maddie:

ish

SnowAngel:

they're going with you “ish”? I don't even know what that means.

mad maddie:

so don't worry about it

SnowAngel:

as for me, I'm txting from smelly laundry room in smelly dorm. (not my dorm.) Sunday night keg party, baby!

mad maddie:

if you're at a keg party, why are you hiding in the smelly laundry room?

SnowAngel:

eh. party is fun, but SO MUCH DRUNKENNESS!

mad maddie:

then leave

SnowAngel:

don't be silly! my constant companion, Reid, is here with me, and we're having a delightful conversation.

mad maddie:

um, no. you're texting me.

SnowAngel:

but he's holding my crutches. that's nice, isn't it?

SnowAngel:

I'm sitting on one of the washing machines.

mad maddie:

and Reid's just standing there watching you???

SnowAngel:

AND HOLDING MY CRUTCHES! omg, are you not listening?

mad maddie:

is that sweet or creepy?

SnowAngel:

it's sweet, dummy!

mad maddie:

hmmm. in that case, I like Reid. tell him to keep taking care of you.

SnowAngel:

ok, hold on . . .

SnowAngel:

Reid sez it is his pleasure and honor.

mad maddie:

uh-oh. leaning back toward creepy . . .

mad maddie:

is he after yr body?

SnowAngel:

no

mad maddie:

are you after HIS body?

SnowAngel:

plz! not in a million years.

mad maddie:

why not? cuz he's a geek?

SnowAngel:

he's not my type, that's all

mad maddie:

why not? cuz he's a geek?

SnowAngel:

Maddie, let's review:

SnowAngel:

Reid's an engineering major. his favorite class is optics, which I don't even know what that is, and he thinks it's a crime against the universe that I haven't
seen all the “Star Wars” movies. (and he has slightly acne-scarred skin, and it's not terrible, but . . . yeah.)

mad maddie:

ahhhh. so you're just using him to lug around your crutches and watch you text ppl.

SnowAngel:

stop trying to make me feel bad!

SnowAngel:

I like him—as a FRIEND—but he's not in a fraternity. I know you won't understand, but at UGA, Greeks are expected to date Greeks.

mad maddie:

I think I'm going to vomit

SnowAngel:

wow. thx. vomit away, Mads. vomit all over yr stupid hot dog donut!!!