Yesterday's Sins (31 page)

"Frightened of raising Alex's jealousy?" He grinned when deep colour stained her face and slid his Jaguar into gear. "He is a possessive devil. Where would you like to go?"

"Away from the village." She gave a brittle laugh. "It has too many eyes and ears."

They drove in silence. Once or twice, Gregori glanced at her curiously. What had her so flustered and het up? Was she worried about that photographer? He could at least allay that fear. "Alex stopped anything about you reaching the papers, Kate."

"Yes, I know." She glanced at him warily. "He told me when he returned on Saturday night."

Gregori turned that admission over.

How much were Alex and Kate seeing each other? Alex clammed up at any mention of her, and he had not pushed. The whole situation was so very delicate he didn't want to be responsible for upsetting the balance. But now she'd sought him out. Why? He was intrigued at such a complete about face.

She'd been implacable and inexorable in her hatred and contempt of him from their first fateful meeting. And he couldn't fault her for that stance. She had every reason to despise him and Alex. He broke the brooding silence. "Is something wrong?"

"I don't know," she said, an apprehensive wobble in her voice.

Gregori frowned but maintained a thoughtful silence until they had reached the waterfront, parking under the trees that lined the shore of this muddy inlet.

He turned and faced his passenger.

"Okay Kate." He caught her hands and turned her towards him. "What's the matter?"

"You're going to think I'm mad?" She raised anxious eyes, colour flooding up under her pale skin. She pulled her hands free and lifted one to her hot cheek.

"Why should I think that?"

"I've worried about this since Saturday night."

"Worried about what?" He caught her free hand and held it firmly between his.

"You know about the reporter?"

Gregori nodded, brows drawn together in a thoughtful frown. "Alex went into the city and did a deal with the newspaper he worked for. Did you see Alex afterwards?"

Kate nodded, dropping her eyes. The dark crescents of her lashes resting on her flushed cheeks.

"Sarah and Alex were at my house when the call came." She flicked him an embarrassed glance. "While he went into the city, I took Sarah home and put her to bed."

"And Alex filled you in when he returned." It didn't take much to fill in the missing details. 'That doesn't explain why you're so upset."

Gregori leaned back in his seat, amusement making him smile.

"Unless," he paused a moment watching her speculatively, "Alex thought it was time for you to return home to him and Sarah?"

Kate gasped and flushed crimson.

I got it in one.

"That's it, isn't it?" He pounced catching her chin and lifting her face so she couldn't hide. "Alex asked you to return and you panicked and ran away?"

Unable to escape, Kate looked at him and nodded.

Gregori let her go, sat back in his seat, watching her. Just what was going on inside her obviously troubled mind? She was so strung up, he could feel her tension.

"Let's walk awhile," he suggested at last when it was obvious she wasn't ready to reveal what was troubling her.

He got out of the sports car with an easy stride rounded the car and opened the door, extending a hand he pulled her out of the low seat. Without talking they walked along the gravelly shore, their steps matching. The tide, almost full in, covered the mudflats with their rich cockle beds. The wind, fresh off the water, tugged at their clothes and whipped at their hair, its chill edge bracing.

Gradually he sensed her relaxing. He was surprised by her easy acceptance of him as he walked a pace away from her.

"Why did you panic, Kate?" He looked down at her, rocking backwards onto his heels.

"Even thinking of living with Alex again scares me witless."

The painfully honest words caught him by surprise. It was so unlike Kate to bare her tangled emotions to anyone, let alone him. He studied her unguarded expression, and then continued walking.

The only sound to break the silence was the gentle lap of the waves and the crunch of the sandy gravel beneath their shoes.

"Why?"

He deliberately kept the question nonthreatening, hoping she would feel comfortable enough to reveal what was frightening her so badly. Why she was so frightened of living with Alex.

He, like Alex, carried an enormous load of guilt about this woman.

She was silent as she pondered the question. "It's taken me years to stand on my own feet."

"Alex would threaten that?"

"He knows he can demolish my defences any time he likes." Her words throbbed with bitterness.

"And you don't like being that vulnerable." He made it a statement not a question.

"No. Damn you, I don't." She glared at him, eyes glittering with furious tears, her hands tight angry fists at her sides. She turned away. "You don't understand."

Gregori studied the rigid set of her shoulders. "No, Kate, I don't understand. Why don't you explain it to me?"

Kate was silent. They looked out over the rippling water that at times was blue, and at others grey, as clouds scudded between it and the sun.

"Alex damn near destroyed me."

The words were so soft he was forced to lean closer hear. "How?"

She glanced at him and then looked away, angrily scuffing a sneaker in the gritty sand, her hair screening her face.

"You need to explain more fully," he said at last when she made no attempt to elaborate.

He put a hand under her elbow and led her towards a natural seat formed out of an outcrop of rock. He leaned down and dusted off a few fallen leaves and sat down motioning her to sit beside him. "Tell me what happened between you and Alex on Maude Island, Kate."

She glanced at him. "Why? What good will it do?"

"I can't help if I don't understand."

She shrugged and sucked in a shuddery breath. "On the island—" she broke off.

Gregori caught her hand, holding it in his, smoothing his large thumb over the tense digits. "What happened there that's brought you rushing to see me?"

"It was all so horrible—" her voice broke as she choked back a sob. She turned her hand over and clung to his like a lifeline.

Gregori frowned at her words. He looked down at her bent head and the hand gripping his so tightly certain she was unaware she was clinging to the hand of her sworn enemy. That thought brought a glimmer of humour.

"Did Alex hurt you when he made love to you?"

For a moment Kate stiffened at the intensely personal question then words burst out in a torrent. "There was no love about it. I was only a body to bear his child."

She lifted her fist to stifle a sob as she turned away from him, her shoulders slumped.

"Tell me?" He put an arm around her shoulders, drawing her close. She turned and buried her face against his cashmere business suit.

"It w-wasn't t-that he hurt m-me," she managed to say, sinking heedlessly against him.

'Then what was it?" His dark eyes glittered with self-contempt. "Was it that he made you respond to him?"

What had he and Alex done to this woman? How could they ever make things right? Kate gave a little nod, her voice muffled against his chest as years of pent up anguish came tumbling out. "No matter how hard I tried—... he only had to—....to touch me and I w-wanted him."

"And you despised yourself for that physical response."

"His own personal love slave." She tried to laugh but it ended up a hiccupping sob. "He had no regard.—or respect for me."

Gregori winced, delving in his pocket for a handkerchief and gave it to her. She dabbed at her eyes, sniffed and blew her nose. Her hesitant admissions were redolent of self-disgust.

And he saw her dilemma with stark clarity.

She'd succumbed to the experienced physical onslaught of a very worldly, much older lover, knowing he didn't love her—had never loved her and was just using her to exact vengeance—for something she'd never done. And she was ashamed of a response she couldn't control.

Guilt and regret prodded his conscience. "'That's not true."

Startled she looked up, tear drenched blue eyes wary.

"It took great courage to visit Alex the way you did. That type of courage demands respect." He caught her shoulders holding them tightly. "Would Alex deliberately choose a woman to be his child's mother if he had no respect or regard for her?"

"Maybe not." The admission was grudging.

"If he hadn't respected you he would merely have taken you and discarded you."

Kate stared at him, eyes suddenly alight with hope. "Alex is arrogant and ruthless enough to do exactly that."

A glimmer of amusement at this whole discussion gave him the courage to probe a little deeper into dangerous territory. He knew Alex would be enraged if he was ever privy to this conversation. "Did you enjoy Alex's lovemaking?"

She squirmed at the blunt question, her vivid blush eloquent. "He knows he can reduce me to a wilting puddle of desire by merely lifting one arrogant, imperious finger."

She pulled away, mopping her face vigorously with his handkerchief, embarrassed at the admission. He caught her chin with one hand and lifted it making her meet his eyes.

"That kind of response between two people is a rare and beautiful thing, Kate," he said deliberately, with no trace of embarrassment. "It's not something to be ashamed of. Many people would be frankly envious."

He could see she wanted to believe him.

At a guess he'd say Alex had been her only lover, and she had no means of comparison. And never being able to discuss her relationship with his cousin, it had built up to gigantic proportions and poisoned her outlook.

"You're not teasing me?"

"Have you been beating yourself up all these years? Because you and Alex could make the stars tumble from the sky?"

When she gasped in surprise, he laughed and pulled her into a hug. "Such response between lovers is to be enjoyed, not despised. Believe me about this, if you believe nothing else. Such an intense physical response is a two way thing."

"Would he feel the same?"

Gregori gave another small chuckle. "I plead craven cowardice for not answering. Continue this discussion with Alex."

His amusement made her pull away. Lifting her hands, she pressed them against her hot cheeks. "I never mean to spill all that on your shoulder,"

"Don't lose any sleep over it. It helps to talk to an impartial outsider. Your confidence is safe with me."

"Thank you for listening." She nervously pleated the fabric of her skirt. "There was something else—"

His shrewd eyes saw her agitation and comprehension dawned and with stark clarity he knew what was worrying her and why she had sought him out. No wonder she was uncertain about asking.

"It was legal and binding."

Her startled gaze clashed with his.