Yellowcake (2 page)

It was Sam who went down to the reservation with him that first summer, before any of the workers or their families came, to get the place ready. They bached it, slept in sleeping bags on a bare floor in one of the company houses. Everything seemed pretty bleak then. None of the mill families wanted to move from Colorado to that godforsaken place. He and Sam drove down that first week into a sandstorm that didn't let up for three days. He remembers pulling hard against the wind, trying to get furniture moved into the mill office, remembers yelling himself hoarse, trying to mobilize the newly hired Navajo workers. Taking care of business despite the red eyes and grit and howling wind in the ears, then sitting with Sam late into the night, worrying.

"You want this to work," Sam was fond of saying, "you're going to have to please the wives."

The wives didn't want to move down from Durango. Who could blame them? They had been displeased from the moment whispers about the transfer south started circulating. Rosy had worried about it for a whole year while the company bigwigs worked out details with the tribe. She prayed the Indians wouldn't grant the lease, even though the move meant a huge promotion for Ryland. In Durango he was a shift foreman; in Shiprock he would be the mill foreman. The boss. Still, Rosy resisted right to the end. Before she ever saw the housing compound, the square block where they all lived, and then for the ten years she lived there, she called the place Camp, as if it were temporary, something you could break down and leave in the dead of night.

They set out, he and Sam, to please the wives. He remembers sitting on the stoop of one of those empty houses, drinking whiskey, smoking cigarettes, thinking about it. Sam came up with the idea of planting grass. The housing compound—the whole village—was bald, the exact opposite of their Rocky Mountain homes, where they all had lawns and gardens and mountains outside their kitchen windows. Ryland had called Henry Ritter over in Cortez because Henry knew grass and he had grass. Henry advised Bermuda. Took good in alkaline soil. It took three days to lay five acres of Bermuda sod around the empty houses.

That night, sitting on the stoop, two
A.M
., bone-tired and tipsy, Ryland felt good. He remembers it to this day, how fine it was to sit there with his friend, to smell wet grass and feel dampness in the desert air. The whole adventure felt possible that night. They had government contracts for uranium to fuel new power plants and for vanadium. Enough to keep them in work for a long while. They had the mill, the houses, and they had grass.

"What do you think?" he asked Sam that night. "Will the wives be pleased?"

For a long time Sam didn't say, just sat looking out. The stoop they sat on faced the highway, and beyond it the trading post, which was dark, and beyond that fields, and the river, and the mesa where the mill was. A barbed-wire fence between them and the highway. That night, and every night they'd been there, they'd seen a line of horses, a dozen or so, crippling along on the other side of the fence, their back legs hobbled, rumps twitching. Swaybacked and thick-bellied, not the scrawny desert horses. These were horses somebody owned, out taking their evening constitutional. At the compound cattle guard, they would stop, one at a time, and look in. Pretty things.

Watching the horses pass, Sam said, "Just as soon as you fix one problem, here comes another. How long do you think those horses are going to stay on that side of the fence? You know what they see over here? Good grazing." Ryland laughed. "You think I'm kidding? You're going to have to secure the garbage cans. The wives," Sam said, "aren't going to want garbage all over their yards, and once those horses get in here to the grass, they're going to be spilling the garbage."

"Sam, you're a comedian," Ryland said.

Sam hunched into himself, his shoulders rolled, head sunk low, scowling at the world. "You know what?" he said, but then didn't say what. He shot up, pitched his cigarette, and ran across the field yelling, "Hai! Hai!" and the horses turned as a unit, bolting across the highway, away from Sam Behan's waving arms.

L
ILY BEHAN SITS
at a picnic table in Durango's Santa Rita Park, twisting the gold posts in her ears and listening to the soft shush of the muddy Animas River behind her. Around and around the earrings go. She is waiting for Fred Steppe to bring groceries from the car. Half an hour ago, he'd knocked on her door and told her he had salami and champagne in his trunk. So today her new beau has arranged a surprise picnic, and yesterday ... Yesterday, while walking by Thorton's Jewelry, they stopped to admire the earrings in the window, and Fred went right in and bought these pearl studs.

Lily is sixty-two. For the first time in her life, she has punctured earlobes. How long, she wonders, will it take Rosy to notice that the pearls in her ears are attached to posts, not clamps?

Lily knows what her sister will say about her ears, the same thing their mother used to say: "If God had intended for us to have holes in our ears, he would've put them there." She knows what Rosy will say about Fred, too. "He's a walking heart attack." Lily supposes he is. He is a fatty. But a good dancer. At any rate, Lily's heart is not attached to him. That's what she'll tell Rosy if ever she meets Fred: "Here today, gone tomorrow." Rosy will say, "You cannot take a gift from a man you intend to leave." But why not? Anyway, she doesn't intend to leave him today. She wants pampering, and Fred seems willing.

"What we ought to have, we ought to have fish," Fred calls as he walks over the grass toward her, a bag of groceries in each arm. "River's so low I can see them in there."

"I'm not fond of fish," Lily says.

"Are you crazy?" He sets the bags on the table, wipes his forehead with the back of his arm. He's not bad to look at, Lily has decided. His face is more thick than fat, a broad-chinned Saxon face with kind brown eyes, though they sink a little too deep, appear smaller than they are, pillowed by puffy flesh. Still, it's a kind face, not at all bad to look at, and he seems comfortable in his skin. Today he's wearing loose jeans belted with a plain sand-cast Navajo buckle, a white button-down shirt open at the throat, sleeves rolled up. These are his work clothes. He sells life insurance.

"I like tuna salad," she says.

"You are crazy. You're in the middle of trout country."

"I know that."

Fred begins pulling plastic deli containers and packets of white butcher paper from one bag.

"I like it in lots of mayonnaise with chopped dill pickle. I guess you could say I like fish if I can't taste it."

Fred shakes his head. He pulls out two sturdy china plates, white linen napkins, and forks, real forks from his home, not plastic, he hates plastic, already she knows this about him.

"My husband fishes. My ex-husband."

From the other bag, he pulls out a bottle of champagne, holding it so she can read the label—French. His eyes shine. She wishes she knew something about champagne, because this bottle's clearly a prize.

"That would be Sam," he says. He takes two champagne glasses, carefully wrapped in paper, from the sack.

"Uh-huh."

Fred begins twisting the wire on the bottle. Lily unwraps the glasses, then begins opening deli containers. One has plump raviolis in pesto, pine nuts sprinkled over the top, another assorted olives, another roasted red peppers.

"Now that's one sport I could never get into," Fred says. He covers the bottle with a napkin and begins pushing the cork up with his thumbs. "Never could see the appeal of sitting on water and getting eaten by mosquitoes." He pops the cork, which makes a satisfying crack. He fills the glasses, clinking his against hers, and says, "Here's to you, pretty lady."

Lily smiles, sips, enjoying the champagne mist that sprays her nose and cheeks. She wonders how her life would have been had she met a good, caring man like Fred at the beginning instead of now. She knows, she is absolutely certain, it would have been better, and it makes her mad, really, the years she lost to Sam. Fred is here now, though, and she supposes she doesn't care, certainly she shouldn't care, that he's a little on the heavy side, except it's hard to imagine sleeping with him. She hates herself for feeling this way. She does and doesn't want to talk with Rosy about him. Rosy might lecture; Lily usually regrets confiding in her sister. But Rosy can recognize a phony. She's almost always right about people, and Lily is almost always wrong. The fact is, Lily cannot trust herself in character assessment, thank you very much, Sam Behan. He ruined her.

She rolls the base of her glass between the table-top slats. The table is splattered at one end with bird droppings, and initials and names—
HH, ST, LORI
—have been carved into the wood. People and birds have left their marks. Lily pushes her tipless tongue against her teeth. Sam's mark on her. A little love bite. Once he had put her through the front window of his car, and she bit the tip of her tongue off. Stupid. He had been trying to race a train. He heard the train, saw the tracks, and before she knew it, he was flooring it, the car flying over the tracks, but it landed hard, and the next thing she knew she was on her knees in the dirt, blood gushing out of her mouth, and he was beside her, cupping the blood, holding her head, apologizing, whispering, "I'm sorry, God, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," and then they were just very still together, as if they were kneeling on fragile ground, praying. He was good in a crisis, always rose to the occasion. Too bad she couldn't make a crisis every minute for Sam. The marriage might have worked.

Fred pours more champagne into her glass and begins opening the packets of butcher paper. "We've got provolone and Swiss, hot salami, corned beef and roast beef. Anything you don't like?" He begins spearing slices of cheese and meat, piling them on her plate.

"Just a little, not so much," Lily says. She sips the champagne.

Fred takes some of the slices off her plate and piles them on his own. Lily, watching, presses her lips together and looks away, twisting around to take in the river and Smelter Mountain behind it. She pulls her legs out from under the table, turning to lean her back against it.

Fred turns so that he's facing the river, too, bringing his plate with him. He sits close enough that his arm brushes hers. She can smell the spiced meat, which he rolls into logs and eats with his fingers. "What do you say I take the rest of the afternoon off and we move the party to my house? I've got a very nice Merlot."

Lily smiles. She gazes upstream at kids walking down the center of the river, carrying yellow rubber rafts over their heads. She can feel Fred's eyes on the side of her face.

"Lil?"

She says, "Somebody ought to tell them they need water to float." She glances at him. He's studying her, his eyes half closed. She takes a slice of salami from his plate and pops it into her mouth. "Why is it that food off of somebody else's plate always tastes better?"

He looks downriver at the disappearing rafters. He doesn't say anything. Lily leans into him, pressing her thigh against his. He sits still, moving neither away from nor toward her, and for a moment she feels dizzy, like she used to with Sam, as if she were leaning against a hollow body.

"Well," he says, turning and putting his plate on the table, picking up the container of raviolis and turning back. He forks a ravioli, holds it out to Lily, who takes it between her lips, and he watches while she chews and swallows, then takes his napkin and wipes the oil from her lips. He is himself again. The hollow man has disappeared. He is not like Sam. He's smiling at her. "On the other hand," he says, "I should probably get back to work."

But she doesn't want that, either. "Work?" She doesn't want to be alone. She just wants to sit here, that's all. "Get me liquored up and then leave me?"

He laughs. He puts his arm around her, pulling her to him, nuzzling her hair. She can smell the spiced meat on his breath, and she feels like she's being pulled rapidly underwater.

"Okay, then," he says. "That Merlot has your name on it."

Sun glints off patches of the Animas where water still flows. Once she watched Sam dive from a rock just upstream from here and torpedo headlong through the rapids. He was drunk, of course, and she was certain that he'd crack his skull, but he didn't. Like an animal navigating on instinct, he wove in and out of the shallows, a white fish, then pulled himself out right about here. Just like a child.

When Lily stands, her temples throb and her legs feel waterlogged. She turns to help Fred pack up. He's leaning over the table, gathering food. His shirt has come untucked, and she can see the rolling country of his lower back, a broad pink swatch of skin, which makes her want to cry. The thing she never tired of was Sam's body, solid, compact.

She drains her glass. She says, "What a lovely day, Fred. What a lovely picnic. Thank you. This is the kind of thing my ex would never do."

Fred looks at her, a funny look in his eyes, and snaps the lid on the raviolis.

A
T THE MARATHON MARINA
, it's always cocktail hour after dark, and tonight, when Sam Behan steps out onto the deck of his houseboat, he can hear martinis in the lilting voices. All around him there's a mumble of languages, Spanish and English, and he can smell fish grilling. He takes a pack of Winstons from his shirt pocket, shakes one out, and lights it. He leans against the railing, smoking and looking over the line of boats from here to the shore. They bob in the water, some glowing like Christmas, with lights running up masts and soft yellow lights in kitchens, where he can see people, women mostly, standing at counters while men tend the outside grills. Across the way, there's another row of bobbing houses.

When he's done with the cigarette, he pitches the butt into the water and goes inside. If Alice were here, she'd tell him to eat. She likes to say that he's the only man she knows who needs to be reminded. Liked to say? Alice didn't winter with him here last year. She said it was because she had to stay on the reservation and help her mother with the farm. He wonders, though. For the past seventeen years, Alice Atcitty has spent the winter months with him here on the boat. Spring and summer she follows the rodeo. But Alice's winters in Florida have gotten shorter over the years. He wonders if there might be another man in the picture.