Wrong Way Renee (7 page)

“I'm not very hungry,
”
Toy
said.
“I'd like the side salad with fat free vin
aigrette and water with lemon.”

Becky and Renee exchanged glances, rolled their eyes. Renee watched Jessie walk away and marveled at his cute buns.

“So, how's it going with Charles, Becky,
”
Toy
asked.

“Great, so far. He likes my dog and he likes my parents, what could be bad? We've had four dates and would you believe he hasn't tried to get me into bed yet? But he did kiss me on the first date.
”
She spread her napkin over her lap.
“He sells advertising for a radio station so he always has tickets to concerts and events. It's great. He's not great looking, but he's kind o
f cute. Are you seeing anyone?”

“Yeah, but he's not terribly exciting. I think I might dump him soon.
”
Toy
rested her chin on her hand and looked up at the ceiling.
“He's nice and all, b
ut there's no spark, you know?”

“Maybe the spark takes a little more time,
”
Renee offered.

Jessie arrived with their drinks, smiling at her.
“I brought you water. Did yo
u want anything else to drink?”

“Water's fine. Thank you.
”
She winked at him as she twirled a curl. When he was out of earshot, she said,
“He's
fine
, don't you think?
”
She waited for her friends' assessment.

In unison, they answered.
“He's gay.”

“Damn.
My
gay-dar
must be broken again.
Remember when I
lusted after
Ruben Perez
right after we opened the shop?
I told Mama I was gonna marry that man.
She swears to this day that was what started
her irritable bowel syndrome.
And he turns out to be gay.
”

“What does Elizabeth have against
Hispanic
men?
”
Toy
asked.

“Nothing, as long as one of h
er daughters isn't dating one.”

“My
mom
's the same way,
”
Becky said.
“Why do you think she fixes me up with
so many
Jewish guys? Cause she doesn't want me marrying anything but.
”

“My
mom
could care less.
”
Toy
leaned back in her chair, crossing her legs.
“Now that she's divorced herself, she knows what a jungle the dating world is. She told me at her age, she's lucky to get a guy who breathes on his own and
doesn't have a colostomy bag.”

“Thank
the Lord
we're not there yet, girls.
”
Renee took a sip of her water.

“I wish I could really fall in love,
”
Toy
said as the waiter arrived with their food.
“I've never experienced that.
”
She
cut her lettuce into minuscule pieces.

Renee took a bite of her Reuben, contemplating
Toy
's words.
She put her sandwich back on her plate, and stared at
Toy
.
“
Wait a second.
Haven't you been in love with eit
her of your ex-husbands?”

“No, not really.”

“You mean I've spent over a thousand dollars on two bridesmaid dresses, gifts, two showers plus all that other shit for you to marry men you didn't even love?
”
Renee glared at her friend
.

“I thought I loved them when I married them.
But I
realized later that I just wanted to be married.
”
She impaled a tomato wedge with her fork.
“I like being married.
”

“Then why do you keep getting divorced?
”
Becky asked, her mouth full of quiche.

“Because, if you're not really in love, after a couple months all the gross things a man
does really start bugging you.”

“Like?
”
Renee dipped a French fry in a pool of Thousand Island dressing that had escaped her sandwich.

“Like how he prances around naked, shaking his thing at you yelling 'woo, woo,' like that'll turn you on. And like the way he drops his clothes wherever he takes them off, then leaves them there until they become a science experiment with a new form of mold growing on them. Like how he smudges peanut butter fingerprints on the cabinet doors. Like how he expects you to kiss him after he's eaten something with onions or garlic. Like how he stops doing all the romantic stuff he did when you were dating like covering the bed in rose petals or buying you expensive
gifts. And worst of all, sometimes he looks at other women as he’s holding your hand.”

“I hate to tell you this sweetheart, but you're describing most straight men in this world.
”
Becky stirred her soup. A curl of steam floated up from the bowl.
“The thing is, if you're in love with him, you overlook it. If you're not, you can't. I never had any man cover a bed in rose petals. I did date a gardener who dropped grass clippings on the floor when he took his clothes off.
”

Renee picked up a particularly long fry and held it in front of her face.
“So, if we can't find a man we're truly, madly in love with, maybe we should marry
a gay man and buy a vibrator.”

They all chuckled. When Jessie came over to ask if they needed anything else, they all burst out laughing again. He took the cue to leave them alone. After he'd cleared away their plates, he returned with a dessert tray loaded full of sinful-looking sweets.
“Can I tempt you all with one of our scrumptious
desserts? It's our specialty.”

Renee pointed to a chocolate colored slice of pie.
“What's that one?”

“Chocolate mint cheesecake pie. I've had all the calories removed for you.
”
He winked, but she now attributed his flirtation as sucking up for a tip.

“No matter. I start my diet Monday. I'll take it. Anyone
want
to split it with me?
”
She hoped no one would, but she had to offer, or feel like a pig.

“I will.
”
Becky licked her lips.

Toy
waved his offer away.
“Nothing for me. I'
ve got a runway show tomorrow.”

After they finished with dessert, the women paid their bill, then piled into
the
Jeep.
As
Renee
started it up, she turned to her friends.
“Hey, can I talk you guys into stopping at Jordan's?
They're having a big sale.
”

“Not me. Thanks.
”
Toy
buckled her seatbelt.
“I promised my mom I'd go by to help get her Chr
istmas stuff out of the attic.”

“Already?
”
Becky said.
“It's not even Thanksgiving yet.
”

“She likes to have it all up for Thanksgiving. Do yo
u guys have any holiday plans?”

“I plan to sit home sticking pins into my Dan Voodoo doll so he'll break a leg or an arm skiing in Aspen. I'm considering making one of Bunny or Bonnie, or whatever her name is. I'm going to try to get her
weave
caught in the chair lift while she's getting off.
”
Renee glanced in the rear view mirror at
Toy
.
“Do you think
a Voodoo doll can do all that?”

“You're sick.
”
Becky chuckled.
“Aren't you going to your
mother's?”

“Yes, but after that, I'm doing my Voodoo. Will you come wi
th me to Jordan's sale, Becky?”

“Sure.”

Renee dropped
Toy
at her car, then headed around the other side of the mall to Jordan's. A huge red bow hung over the glass doors, giving
her
that warm and fuzzy feeling. They entered through the men's department, which smelled of leather, cologne and all things male. The walls were decorated with large wreaths and lighted garlands hung from the ceiling.

“W
hat are your plans for Thanksgiving,
”
Renee asked as they looked at the purses on a sale table.

“I'm not sure yet. My folks want me to
go there, of course, but there are
always like fifty people there. They invite half the temple along with my brother, sister and their families.
”
Her eyes widened as she checked a price tag. She dropped the offending item as if it were on fire.
“Charles invited me to his family shindig, but we haven't been dating long enough to merit that. My ex-husband called Monday to tell me his dad passed away last month. He asked if I'd join him and his
mom
, but that sounds way too depressing. On the other hand, if I don't go, it'll just be the two of them an
d I'll feel guilty. Of course, M
om will be mad if I don't join our family. I'm thirty-six years old, you'd think I'd have all this
guilt stuff worked out by now.”

“I don't think I'll have it worked out 'til I'm eighty.
”
She picked up a hot pink backpack style purse and held it out in front of her.
“This is cute. It looks like Zoey. Let's get it for her fo
r Christmas.”

Becky pulled the price tag toward her face, then examined the item.
“Sure, that'll work. You know, we need at least one more hairdresser at the shop. If we could get two, we'd really be in good shape.
”
She pulled her wallet from her purse to hand Renee a twenty.

Renee stepped to the register to charge the purse, pushing Becky's twenty into her wallet.
“Yeah, that'd be great. Then maybe I could pay down my credit cards. You know that gym I joined last year? They're offering me
another
year for half price. Want to come with me?
”
A saleswoman handed her
a
Jordan’s bag
which she gave to Becky
. The women walked through purses to the Misses department.

“I'll never go. I'd like to think I would, but I know I wouldn't. I
tho
ught you hardly ever went,
”
Becky said.

Another failure. When she'd joined, she vowed to work out at least twice a week. But she never made it past the first month.
“This year I'll do better. My diet wil
l be way easier if I work out.”

“That's true.
”
Becky picked up a green vest.

“Girl, that's like butt ugly.”

She quickly returned it to the rack
as if it were coated with poison
. They continued strolling until they got to the costume jewelry area.

“I haven't even started my Hanukkah or Christmas shopping,
”
Becky said.
“That purse we got for Zoey is my first purchase. Plus, Hanukkah is really early this year. It starts a week after Thanksgiving, so I'd better get with it.
”

“Look at this bracelet, isn't that gorgeous. I got this new outfit that would look great with it.
”
Renee slid the bracelet over her wrist. Next to the rack of bracelets was one full of earrings.
“Ah, they have the matching earrings. I wonder if those are too heavy, though.
”
She pulled off the rubber earring backs, slipping on the dangling gold earrings. There was no mirror where she was, so she went to the next counter to find one. She admired herself in the oval mirror atop the counter. She smiled, checking her teeth for stray food particles, but thankfully found none.

“I’ve got to
get these, Becky. Becky?
”
She looked left and right, but no B
ecky. Men and women rushed past
.
“Becky
…
where are you?
”
She spotted brown curls on the other side of one of the jewelry counters, so she made her way over. When she got there, the ringlets had eluded her. There they were, just outside the store in the mall.

“Becky, where a
re you going? Becky?
”
B
ut the curly head didn't respond. Renee broke into a trot, making it right past the benches near the store entrance in the mall when she heard a loud siren blaring behind her.
“W
here the
hell are you?”