Written By Fate (17 page)

“The third day we had brunch with his parents at the country
club. We were walking down the stairs when he noticed the ring wasn't on my
finger. He asked me to put it on--for appearances. When I told him I couldn't
because I didn't have it, he lost it. He asked where it was and I screamed at
him and told him I hocked it. He shook me so hard.” I shudder at the memory.
“He just kept shaking me and screaming. When he let go it was so sudden that I
lost my footing. I think I hit every goddamned marble stair on the way down. I
could barely breathe, Dom. Everything hurt so much. He looked horrified for
about ten seconds but do you know what he did?” I ask, knowing I won't get an
answer. He sits unmoving waiting for me to finish. “He descended the stairs,
stepped over me, told me he would just tell his parents I wasn’t feeling well,
and left.” Tears flow freely down my cheeks again as I relive one of the worst
moments of my life. “I picked myself up and somehow made it to Amanda’s. I took
the money from the ring, changed my name and disappeared. That first month
alone was the worst. I was so scared. I had no idea if the baby was all right
and I couldn’t talk to Marg or Amanda because I knew Daniel would go to them to
find me. Allie was born a month early, but healthy, and I never looked back. We
moved at least twice a year until I met Sawyer. He fixed me, Dom. He saved us,
and everything was great until you showed up.” I sniffle and wipe my eyes.

Dom’s hand is wrapped around mine. He tugs me into his chest
and holds me tight while tears stream down my face. “If he knew...what if he
took Allie?” I mumble into his chest as my own heaves with sobs.

“He won’t know,” Dom says sternly. “Why didn’t you tell me?
It all makes sense now. I would have understood why you didn't want to publicly
be seen with me.” He sounds remorseful at the little exposure we’ve had
together.

“I’ve got more baggage than a 767. I didn't intend on
developing feelings for you,” I say honestly. “I never wanted another man from
Daniel's world, and you are. I know it’s stupid to think you’re all the same
but I convinced myself of it to protect myself.” Dom groans and squeezes me
tighter to him.

“Jesus, no wonder Sawyer hates me. Not only is he in love
with you but he’s had all the facts.” Right then I wish I could agree with him
but it’s not the truth. No one but me knows all the facts. I clamp my mouth
shut and nod silent agreement into his chest.

“Dom, there are three people who know and I trust them with
Allie’s life. If anything happens between us I need to know that you’ll keep
your trap shut,” I say a little defensively and I instantly wish I could
correct my tone.

“I’m not a monster, Clara. I wouldn't jeopardize a little
girl's life just because you and I didn't work out,” he clips.

“I’m sorry. I just have to be sure,” I say gently.

“I guess I can understand that.”

The rest of our day is filled with lazy love making,
snuggling, and quiet chatter. As the day comes to a close, we lie in the master
suite together drifting in and out of sleep, his arms wrapped tightly around
me. I’ve never felt so safe before and it makes me panic slightly. I can’t
afford to really let my guard down completely...can I?

Heartbreak Hussy

The sky is overcast on Wednesday, which complements my mood.
Dom loads my suitcase into the car and drives us away from the gorgeous lake
house that I never want to leave. As it shrinks in the distance I turn to him.

“I totally forgot about my car, it’s at the airport parking
lot.” I smack my forehead on the window.

“It’s been taken care of. My driver is meeting us at a rest stop
with your car.”

“Oh. Thanks,” I say sullenly. “Dom.”

“Yes?”

“I need a couple weeks to sort everything out with Sawyer
and make sure Allie adjusts. We can text or call but I don't think we should
see each other until I’m sure Allie’s settled.”

“Whatever you think is best,” he returns, surprising me.

“You aren’t mad?”

“Why would I be mad? Clara, you have a daughter who comes
first. I can wait a month if it means everything works out smoothly.” He smiles,
taking my hand in his and squeezing it.

“Okay. I just wasn't sure you’d understand,” I admit.

“I’m capable of feelings. I thought after the last couple
days I’d have proven that to you.”

“Yes. You have. I like the lake house, Dom, much better than
the arrogant mogul one.” I laugh a little.

“Please, don’t hold back for my sake,” he quips.

“Honesty is the best policy?” I try. He chuckles at me and
pulls into a rest stop.

“Here we are.”

“Oh, that was fast,” I mumble. Dom moves my bag from his car
to mine and opens my door for me.

“I’m glad you stalked me,” he murmurs against my lips before
kissing me tenderly.

“Me too.” Taking his face between my hands, I kiss him
feverishly, wishing that I wasn't about to drive home into the mess that was
waiting for me.

“Bye, Clara,” he says, pushing me away, gently. I dip into
my car and start the engine as he closes the door and waves.

Putting the car in drive and actually making the drive home
was torturous. Arriving at the house, it’s just after one. Allie will be home
from school in two hours or so. Sawyer’s motorcycle is parked in the driveway.
Ignoring my bag, I exit the car and head into the house. Sawyer sits on the
couch, head in his hands and doubled over.

“Hi,” I call softly as I look around. The house is a
disaster, dirty clothes are strewn all over the floor, take-out containers
litter the coffee table, and the entryway is covered in shoes. His head snaps
up. He looks pissed. More pissed than I’ve ever seen him.

“Were you with him?” he barks at me.

“Yes,” I mumble.

“Does he know?”

“Yes.”

“How could you Clara?” he shouts and stands.

“Sawyer, we both knew this was coming. I don’t love you like
that.” I try to keep my voice steady and firm.

“Really, Clara? That’s the line you’re going to use?” he
snorts. “I’ve given you five years of my life. I’ve raised Allie, loved her,
loved you! Does he even know you? Does he know Allie hates tomatoes or how to
braid her hair? Does he know you hate mushrooms or how you take your coffee?
Does he?!” he booms. My bottom lip starts to tremble and I can feel my eyes
welling with tears.

“That’s not fair. He deserves the chance to learn all those
things,” I cry out. “I don’t love you like him.” He stumbles a step backwards
as if my words physically slapped him. “Sawyer, please... let me go.” His crazy
blue eyes darken and he stalks to where I am. He pounds his hands on the wall
on either side of my head, trapping me.

“Let you go?” he snarls. “I’ve supported you. I’ve loved
you, I’ve cared for you and been there for everything. I’ve given up so much to
just to stand by your side,” he hisses.

“I never asked you to do that,” I snap.

“You never asked me?!” he shouts, offended. “Tell me, Clara,
does he know you like it rough?” he growls and leans into my face. “Does he
know how much you like to be dominated and thrown around?” His hands slide up
my arms, hooking my jaw tightly. My breath hitches and I struggle for air.
“Does he do it better than I do?” he seethes, a whisper from my mouth.

“Stop,” I cry.

“Stop?” he barks. “Why? You never stopped for a second to
think about me. Or Allie for that matter! Who the fuck takes off for a week and
leaves her kid?!” I recoil from him. Each word that leaves his mouth feels like
a punch to the gut. “You’re a liar and a bitch.” He releases my face and
punches a hole in the wall next to my head before storming upstairs to his
room. The door slams shut with such force that pictures in the hallway clatter
to the ground and shatter.

A sob rips through me as I slide down the wall into a heap
on the floor. Everything he says is true. I’m a disaster and always have been.
He’s been the only thing holding me together for so long that I’m not sure how
to live without him. I’ve used him selfishly for years knowing that he wanted
more, then I promise it to him and fuck it all up, hurting him more. I push up
and dart up the stairs to his door. I hesitate before opening it, wondering if
I should just let him cool off, but decide that this time we have to deal with
this head on.

“Sawyer...” I call as I step into his room.

“You’re right,” he answers.

“Huh?”

“You never asked me. I just gave and gave, hoping that you’d
return my feelings.”

I crawl onto the bed with him and lay next to him, staring
up at the ceiling.

“I’m so sorry. I never expected this,” I murmur. His hand
finds mine and grabs it, holding on tightly.

“What are we going to do?” he asks, still not looking me in
the eye.

“I can move out...” I start.

“No!” he cuts me off. “You and Allie stay in the house.
Please don’t uproot her because of me.”

“Where will you go?” I ask quietly.

“I’ll find a place to rent.”

“What about Bloodlines?” I hedge.

“We’ll figure out a way to work together all right? I just
need some time,” he comforts me even though I don’t deserve it. Even though I
should be comforting him.

“You and Allie will always be my girls,” he mumbles and
another sob tears through me.

“Sawyer, I don't want you out of our lives...I just want to
be friends and free to fall in love.”

“We’ll get there. Consider yourself free,” he mutters and
rolls off the bed. “I’m going for a ride. We need to tell Allie tonight,” he
clips, walking out and leaving me a bumbling idiot curled up on his bed.

Allie gets home and immediately knows there's something
wrong. She badgers me for information but I tell her that everything's fine and
that we need to have a family meeting tonight when Sawyer gets home. When
Sawyer returns, all hell breaks loose. Allie breaks down sobbing and tells me
she hates me and wants to live with Sawyer. When I try to run after her Sawyer
grabs my wrist and tells me to let her go. The tension in the house is palpable
for the rest of the evening. Sawyer and I talk a little about Allie and
eventually decide that she can stay with him every other weekend. He doesn't
have to do it. He doesn't owe us anything and he’s not her father, but this is
feeling more and more like a divorce. I know it needs to happen. I can't string
Sawyer along forever and the more time I spend with Dom, the more I think I’m
falling in love with him. I’m just not good at the messy part of relationships.
I avoid feelings like the plague and this is seriously throwing me.

Seven days later a moving truck sits in our--my--driveway,
loading up Sawyer's things to move them a few miles down the road to his new
apartment. He rented a two bedroom so that Allie would have her own room there,
and when he told her he would take her out to buy whatever she wanted to
decorate it, I had broken down in tears. How could I not have fallen in love
with this man? Something in me must be very, very broken. Sawyer and I have
worked out a schedule for the time being at the shop. He takes all afternoon
appointments and I take the mornings. I’m home every afternoon for Allie.

Allie hates me. She barely talks to me lately. If I manage
to get a smile from her I feel like it’s a good day. She’s too little to
understand all the crazy things that come with being an adult and with love. She
admits that she likes Dom but that she wants to hate him now because he hurt
Sawyer. I tried explaining that I hurt Sawyer, not Dom, but it’s a lost cause
at the moment. She’s loyal to Sawyer in the most insane way and I don't want
that to change. She needs him and he needs her.

Dom, true to his word, makes no attempt to see me or guilt
me. He patiently listens to all my ramblings and crying jags about Sawyer and
Allie and offers advice or comfort where he can. He texts me every morning with
a “wake up beautiful” text and every night I get a “sweet dreams” text
regardless of whether or not we talked during the day. I want to see him, to
feel his arms holding me, but I know that right now, I have to be on the back
burner. Allie deserves all my attention and focus no matter how hard it is.

By the end of the month things have improved dramatically.
Sawyer had a talk with Allie during one of his weekends, explaining that he
loved her always and that I needed to have a chance to find love and be happy,
but that it wouldn't ever take him away from her. He said that it was important
that she still love her mom because she will only ever get one. Somehow his
words hit home and she slowly started to morph back into the loving happy
little girl we raised.

At the end of month two I finally let Dom start coming
around on Allie’s weekends at Sawyer’s. We stay in mostly so that we don’t run
into Sawyer or Allie. He doesn't seem to mind. It’s good. We end up learning a
lot about each other just hanging out at home. He’s an amazing cook and has
good taste in music. We’re slowly picking up on each other’s pet peeves. He’s
into everything I say, always concentrating on me. It’s like every word that
pours from my mouth was a puzzle piece that would somehow lead him to the full
Clara picture, and he didn't want to miss one. Our time together is easy and
fun and provides a good break from the tension that still exists daily between
Sawyer, Allie, and me. I know that five years can't be erased and glossed over
quickly, that the three of us will need to take every day as it comes and work
out the kinks until we’re all healed and able to function in our new roles.

It helps that he can distract me like no other. He can do a
lot of things with his hands, his mouth, and other parts of him that are mind
blowing, but even if he only ever kissed me for the rest of time I’d live.