Wrestling Against Myself (40 page)

It had been some time since Antonio procrastinated, deciding a long time ago he would do what was right and let the chips fall where they may. He knew the right thing to do was talk to Pastor Bob about the situation, not only Shannon's and Stephanie's reaction, but also that he found out the rumors about Courtney were true. It bothered him that he was hesitant; perhaps he wasn't as sure that Courtney was doing the right thing as he would like.

“It certainly isn't the norm,” Tony said as he rolled out of bed and made his way to his closet. “Not the norm at all. Does that make it a sin? Shannon thinks so. Stephanie thinks so. Carl says he isn't sure. The rest of the school is indifferent or vengeful, but there's not one person who's okay with what she's doing.”

Tony found a button up shirt to wear with a nice pair of jeans. “Am I okay with what she is doing?”

Tony stood before the mirror and gave his reflection a long, hard, stern look. In being so concerned that he responded to how to treat the girl in the face of all the opposition, he never considered her actions. He didn't want to judge, the same way he wouldn't want to judge a woman who had an abortion even though he was morally opposed to it. This was something different. He wouldn't judge a woman who had an abortion, but he wouldn't hold her hand as she walked into a clinic in order to get one either. Was he supporting Courtney in a sin, as Shannon suggested the last few days through various channels?

Antonio's mind changed focus and he was once again thinking about Shannon, who was becoming a thorn in his side. At first it was making his disapproval known after Tony addressed the group on Monday, but he was becoming a vocal opponent as the days went by. The odd thing was, Shannon wasn't being vocal about Courtney. “I guess he figures the whole school has that covered,” Tony said as he reflected on the previous few days. Instead, the large football player made comments directed at him and how he was in the wrong for befriending and supporting a person who was “flaunting their sin.”

The issue went round and round in Tony's mind. Was what Courtney doing considered a sin? The truth was he didn't know and wanted to talk to Pastor Bob about it. At the same time, he didn't want to bring it up at all. What if the youth pastor came down on the side of Shannon? Antonio was concerned that if it were so, he would have to change his approach with the girl. He wouldn't disown her, but he wouldn't support her in what she was doing and would feel obligated to sway her onto the path of righteousness.

Tony got dressed, wasting no time in putting on the shirt and jeans and donning his Letterman's jacket. After he dressed, he put his hands on the dresser and leaned in towards the large mirror that hung behind it.

“The problem,” he said to his reflection, “is the only way I've ever seen Courtney is as a girl. I can't picture her as anything else. But is that reality or a deception? If I knew her when she behaved and acted and dressed like Corey, would I feel differently? This has got to be the most difficult issue I have ever faced. It's a paradox, isn't it? The girl that is a boy, or is it the boy that is a girl? It's enough to drive me crazy.”

Enough time passed by and Antonio didn't want to put off talking to Pastor Bob any longer. He left his room, grabbed his wallet and keys off the dry bar, and made his way out the door. He was leaving earlier than the norm, but he figured he would need the extra time to cover everything with Pastor Bob and this was too important to wait.

As luck would have it, Antonio drove down Alternate 19 before traffic had a chance to pick up. There had been times when the traffic forced the teen to take little known side roads in order to make his way to church in an orderly fashion. Though he was happy it was clear sailing all the way through and that he made all the lights, at the same time he was disappointed as well. He wanted time to formulate how he was going to pose the issue to his pastor, but before he knew it he was in the parking lot of the church and thought it would look foolish for him to sit in the car to work up a sweat for nothing.

Tony made his way up the flight of stairs and into the rec room. Everything was silent except for the steady tapping of a keyboard coming from the office on the far end of the room. The teen made his way past the bumper pool and ping pong tables and stood in the doorway.

Pastor Bob finished typing out one final line before saving his file and looking up. “Mr. Tiny,” he said with a smile. “Something told me I could be expecting you early today.”

“You must really be in tuned to the Holy Spirit.” The teen sat down across from his spiritual mentor.

“In my line of work I like to think so. But in this case, I had a chat with a mutual friend of ours who has voiced some displeasure.”

Tony took a heavy sigh. “I suppose easing my way to the topic isn't going to be fooling anyone, is it?”

“I don't know the details. Just a cryptic message that I remind you where you're priorities. I figured you would fill in the rest.”

“I was going to do that anyway.”

“Are your priorities where they should be, Tiny, or do you need a stern talking to?” Pastor Bob joked.

“I think my priorities are where they should be, but people may question how I am handling a certain situation. I don't know of a better way and was hoping you could help.”

“There is a chance I can. What seems to be the problem?”

“It has to do with that girl I was talking to you about a few weeks ago.”

“The one where everyone was spreading the rumor around that she was a boy.”

“That would be the one,” Tony said, trying to appear casual.

“You know how rumors go, Tiny. The more outlandish the tale, the quicker it spreads like wildfire.”

“You got that right. But in this case, the rumor happens to be true.”

“Oh?” Pastor Bob leaned forward on his desk. The news took him by surprise. “That certainly is a new one for these parts.”

“I figured things like this only happened in California or Vegas or something.”

Pastor Bob laughed. “It's nice to believe that the west coast has a monopoly on the strange and unusual, but that isn't the case. If you don't mind me asking, how you found out the rumors were true.”

“I had a talk with the girl, her name is Courtney, and she told me the truth.”

“Courtney is a strange name for a boy.”

“Her name at birth was Corey, but she changed it for obvious reasons.”

“I take it you want me to tell you if what this Corey-Courtney kid is doing is right or wrong?”

“I don't know myself and you know so much about the Bible that I was hoping you could tell me.”

“I might be able to, but I don't have all the information.”

Tony was perplexed. “What other information do you need other than the fact that she is a girl that is a boy? I thought that was pretty cut and dry?”

Pastor Bob raised his eyebrow at the teen's outburst.

“Sorry. I guess the situation has me all frustrated.”

“Let's try to figure things out together. This way we can go by what the Bible says. First thing is first, is this Corey-Courtney kid a boy or a girl. You can't have it both ways.”

“I don't understand what you are asking. She has a penis; doesn't that make her a boy?”

“Not necessarily.”

“That wasn't the response I was expecting.”

Pastor Bob smiled. “Strange things happen all the time at birth. It isn't unusual for an infant to be born with both genitalia, you don't hear it announced often. It's not like they have birth announcements that state 'we have a boy-girl.”                                

“I don't think that is what happened.”

“Maybe not to that extent. But with the fall of man, abnormalities happen and we should never judge anyone for a birth defect.”

“You think her being a girl with a penis is a birth defect?”

“I still don't have all the information. I never met this person so I wouldn't be able to say for sure. I am just bringing it to your attention as a possibility.”

“I haven't thought of it that way. I wish you could meet her, maybe you could tell me for certain. I do know that her last church kicked her out and now she won't step into another.”

“That's a shame. You have me at a slight disadvantage, but you still didn't answer my question. Is this Corey-Courtney a boy or a girl?”

“I still don't understand what you are asking.”

“Let me put it this way. Are we dealing with a boy who is dressing up in girl's clothing because he gets some sort of perverse gratification of wearing the clothes of the opposite gender? If he is, than we have one situation on our hands.”

Tony slumped in his chair and thought long and hard about the scenario. “I don't think that's the case.”

“Okay,” Bob said with a knowing nod. “Because the Bible does touch on that subject, ever so briefly and we could use it as a guide then. So let's strike that off our list of why what this Corey-Courtney kid might be a sin. How about this; is this person doing it so they could live in promiscuity?”

“You mean is Courtney dressing up so she could have sex with people?”

“To put it bluntly, yes. You've lived a pretty sheltered life here in Dunedin, but one day you will understand that there are guys who dress up in woman's clothing in order to engage in sexual activity.”

“Homosexuals?”

“Not necessarily, but some are.”

“I don't think that sounds like Courtney. She isn't that type of person. You know, slutty, for the lack of a better word. She dresses very conservatively, more so than most girls at school. She isn't going around showing a lot of skin and I've never seen her flirt. So, no, she isn't dressing up in order to have sex.”

“Okay. So that is strike two on our list of whether or not this Corey-Courtney kid is sinning.”

“What is strike three?” Tony asked.

“I am curious if this person is doing this out of some rebellion against their parents. It would be an extreme way to get back at one's parents for not getting a dirt bike for Christmas, but I've heard of stranger things.”

“From what I understand, she gets along well with her parents and they are supportive. In fact, they invited me over on Friday for some steak.”

“Can't pass on steak, can you?”

Tony laughed. “Not in this lifetime. But I've never heard her say anything bad about her mom or dad, other than they are over-protective at times.”

“That's strike three. But the real answer to your question is one you already know.”

“I do?”

“Sure you do. Maybe you didn't ask yourself in the right way.”

“What's the question then?”
 

“Is this person a girl or isn't she?”

Antonio sucked in his bottom lip. “From the moment I saw her and from all our interactions I have never doubted that she is a girl, even after she told me the truth about her 'birth defect.'”

“Then what's the issue.”

“I was thinking that since I was introduced to her as a girl, maybe my perception was knocked for a loop. Maybe if I had known her a year ago when she was going around as Corey, I might have a different outlook.”

“Perhaps. But maybe you should think about it this way. Her parents, who we can assume has known her all her life, seem to be supportive. If they can view her as a female after 13 or 14 years, what makes you think you would be any
different?”

Tony nodded. “What about Shannon and Stephanie and the rest of the school. They think what she is doing is wrong.”