Wrecked (Stories of Serendipity #8): #8 (24 page)

They talked more about the baby and plans for the room. Renae had kept Kelly’s baby things in storage, but had given them to Dalton and Alyssa when they’d had little Milo. So she didn’t have anything at the moment. She would ask for the stuff back, except with Alyssa pregnant, they’d need it again.

“I can buy the baby some furniture,” he said softly.

“I didn’t realize you’d gotten the shop running so smoothly that you’re already turning a profit?” She was teasing him, that twinkle in her eyes, and God, it felt good.

He shrugged with a soft smile. “No. But I’ve got my cards. This is what they’re for. An investment in the future. I can sell one or two of the smaller ones for some baby stuff. No problem.” Of course, he thought with a twinge of bitterness, he’d need to buy two sets of everything, one set for her house, and one for his.

“I can’t ask you to do that.”

He remembered Kelly’s parting words right then, about her next charm commemorating their wedding and the idea that he wouldn’t need to buy two sets, that he’d live here with her and his baby, shook his body to the core. This could be a permanent arrangement. A forever arrangement. He realized at that moment, watching her look at him, he wanted nothing more than to make Renae his.

“It’s my baby. I want to.”
I want to marry you, I want a wedding. I want it all, not just visitation rights.
He realized the conversation was coming to an end, if he said anything of that aloud, she would get prickly again. So, as he rose, he kissed the top of her head. Softly he said, “I would, you know.”

And then he went to bed.

T
he next day was busy with Kelly getting her stuff packed up to take back to school. Renae loaded her up with baked goods for her dormmates, extra blankets to combat the aging building’s heating system, and a case of Dr Peppers. Her ice chest for the two-hour road trip was loaded with drinks and snacks, and Renae was obsessive about her cell phone being charged for emergencies on the way.

Jason had been really helpful. After his morning errand to go check on Joe, he’d come back to help Kelly load her car, putting in boxes of her gifts, her luggage, and the cooler. He’d also stuck his head under the hood to make sure her oil was okay and all of her fluids were full. Renae couldn’t help but be appreciative of that. She’d never thought to check her daughter’s car was roadworthy even though it had never caused problems in the past.

“Thank you, Jason,” she said softly as he shut the hood of the car.

“No problem. Complacency breeds issues especially with motor vehicles.” He winked at her, and ruffled Kelly’s hair before going back into the house. Renae caught herself wishing things could stay this way forever. Kelly seemed to be a nice barrier between the two of them, and she was a little afraid of what would happen with her gone especially after their conversation last night.

It had been so nice to just talk to Jason about the baby without any finger-pointing or blame. But his parting comment had caused more questions to arise, questions she wasn’t sure she wanted answered. Because then, she would have to make some decisions on her own, decisions she wasn’t sure she was ready to make. Regarding the two of them.

“Mom? Can I talk to you before I leave?” Kelly was leaning on the hood of her car, sunglasses perched on top of her head, her hair thrown into a messy bun. Renae’s heart ached at the sudden sense of adultness exuding from her daughter.

“Of course. What’s up?”

“I meant to bring this up when we had more time together, but the chance never came up, and I’ve got to say it before I go…”

Dread filled Renae’s stomach. What could her beautiful daughter want to talk to her about that was so important? Was she pregnant? In some sort of trouble?

“It’s about Dad.”

“Okay…” Dismay pooled in her stomach. She had avoided Kelly’s questions for most of her life, managing to put her off, but she knew Kelly, as an adult, would want answers eventually. But in the driveway?

“I grew up here, Mom. It’s a small town, and I heard things. You never really wanted to tell me the truth, and I understand your reasoning behind that. I’m not judging you at all. So I asked Grams, and she told me all about him.” She reached out and took Renae’s trembling hands in her own. “So I know everything about that night. And before. I know what sort of marriage you guys had.”

“I didn’t want you to grow up hearing bad things about your father from me, Kelly.”

“I know, Mom. And I respect that choice immensely. That took a lot of courage for you to do that. It would have been so easy to just tell me what an asshole he really was. But you didn’t.”

“I wanted you to think of your father differently, I guess.”

“I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, Mom.” Her gaze darted to the house and back. “I’m telling you this because I want you to know I think Jason is different. He’s not like Dad. I think he loves you and would do anything to make you happy. You should let go of whatever is holding you back and let yourself be happy with him.”

Let go. She stared at her daughter spouting this wisdom like she had suddenly grown another head. Slowly, she nodded, unable to come up with a reply. Kelly pulled her into a fierce hug and Renae felt the tables turn again like that night in the kitchen when she’d told her she wasn’t superwoman and needed to let Jason help her around the house.

“When the hell did you grow up?” Tears threatened to spill down her cheeks, and her voice was thick.

“I love you, Mom, and I want to see you happy. It’s time for you to be happy.”

She watched Kelly fold her long legs inside her car through blurry eyes, and waved as she backed down the driveway and out of sight.

Standing there, tears falling down her cheeks, Renae was lost in thoughts of her grown daughter leaving her, and she didn’t notice Jason come outside. Not until he threw his arm over her shoulder.

“It’s hard watching her leave?” His soft voice was a murmur in her ear, and it brought everything rushing to the surface. All the memories of her and her daughter together, the two of them against the world, in their own little self-made cocoon.

She turned to him, burying her face in his chest and let out the sobbing wails she had been holding inside since the first day she’d sent Kelly off to college. She clung to his flannel shirt as he wrapped his arms around her and held her while she cried. Words failed her, she couldn’t explain what was going on, she just sobbed uncontrollably into his strong, hard chest while relishing the feel of his arms wrapped around her.

Those days were over. The days of caring for Kelly, dressing her, bandaging her boo-boos, teaching her how to ride a bicycle, helping her pitch for the softball league, enduring her guitar practices, watching her dance in the living room, carrying her to sleepovers. They were all gone. She was alone now, and her daughter was grown and gone.

An image of the Jeffers from church entered her mind, unbidden. Their frailty, drawing strength from one another, their love for each other during times of crisis. She wanted that with Jason so badly but felt like she didn’t deserve it somehow. She couldn’t explain it, but it made the tears come harder. Words about wise women versus the foolish woman came next, probably a logical progression from the Jeffers and church. The sermons proclaiming her a sinner weighed on her. She had tried so hard to do everything right after Cody died, but it all seemed to be slipping through her fingers. All of a sudden she wanted things she’d never wanted before, and they all seemed so unattainable.

She cried. She cried for her sins, for Kelly, for the baby, for Cody, for the Jeffers, for everything that suddenly came crashing down on her. All of her own choices.

“Shhh. It’s okay, Renae.” His whispered platitudes washed over her, calming her in a way she couldn’t explain. He gently turned her and led her into the house, never once unwrapping her from the comforting envelope of his arms.

“She’s a grown woman now…” Renae managed between sobs.

“I know. You did an amazing job raising her, and you have to let her go now. That’s got to be hard.”

“It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.” Sniffing, she pulled away from Jason to find they were inside, and he had a huge wet spot on his charcoal gray shirt. “I’m sorry.” She must look awful, her eyes were surely puffy and red, and she probably had snot dripping down her face. She went to wipe her nose with the back of her hand, and Jason pulled a bandana out of his back pocket to hand to her. She blew her nose, and stuffed it into her own pocket, unwilling to give it back. For some reason, she found she had an undeniable need to keep a piece of him.

Burying her face in his chest again, Renae inhaled his warm scent. She didn’t want him to let go of her. She was enjoying his nearness too much. Renae fit against his warm body perfectly with his arms wrapped around her and his shushing noises in her ear, against her hair. She realized she didn’t want him to
ever
let go.

She finally pulled herself together, her sobs subsiding into small sniffles, and after one last blow on the bandana hankie, she reluctantly extricated herself from his grasp.

“Thank you. For being here,” she mumbled softly.

“Any time, Renae. I mean it.” She looked up into his piercing blue gaze and saw a wealth of emotion there: tenderness, support, and something else. Something unfamiliar, yet nice. She felt like he would do anything for her, and his words from last night floated up from the recesses of her brain. ‘
I would, you know.’
Did he mean what she thought he meant? Would he marry her? But did he love her? If not, it was out of the question.

“I’m a little embarrassed. I’ve never done that before.”

“Cry? You deserve it, Renae. You’re going through a lot right now. Everyone gets to break down now and then.” His knuckle caressed her cheek, and she leaned into it, enjoying the warmth. But only briefly. She couldn’t let herself get attached to him. He wouldn’t be staying.

She looked down at her feet and asked, “The other night, after we were talking about the baby. You said, ‘I would, you know.’ What were you talking about?”

Jason’s brows furrowed in thought, before he licked his lips and took a deep breath. “Marry you. In a heartbeat.”

There it was. Those words. Renae wondered why she’d asked. Now they were out in the open and couldn’t be ignored anymore. He wanted to marry her for the baby. He’d never said anything about love.

Her emotions were so out of control, scattered everywhere like a bunch of pick-up sticks. She stalked to the fireplace. Her hand reached out to grab the mantel with the enormous nativity scene on it. “I don’t want to marry you.” Sure, being with Jason was amazing when they weren’t fighting, which was nearly always her own damn fault. But was there love? She couldn’t marry without that. Period. No matter how ‘fun’ Jason was.

“Of course you don’t.” He prowled over to her, taking the hand that was clutching the mantel.

“What are you doing?” She looked at his hand grasping hers and wanted to succumb so badly, wanted to give herself to him, wanted to know what her life would be like with Jason.

“I want in. Let me in.” He squeezed her hand before bringing it to his lips for an earnest kiss. He continued as if reading her mind, “I’ve been alive long enough to have seen many people get married because there was a baby. That’s not what I want, Renae.” His piercing eyes bored into her. “I want to marry you because of you. I would have wanted to eventually without the baby. I just need you to know that.” He kissed her knuckles again before dropping her hand at her side and turning to leave the room.

“Wait, Jason.” He turned to her and his eyes dropped to her hands, twisting around each other in the subconscious gesture. What she was about to say was extremely difficult, but he deserved it. She opened her mouth and closed it a couple of times before taking a deep breath. Of all the people in her life, Jason needed this more than anyone. Her words rushed out in a stream. “I haven’t been fair to you, and I’m sorry.” It seemed like she was apologizing to him a lot lately. She couldn’t apologize enough.

Jason glided towards her as if she were pulling him by a rope. “Can we start from where we left off? We had something good going, and I still want to see where that’s headed.” He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him. She inhaled deeply of his aftershave, finding much needed comfort. She trembled at his touch, but his next words rocked her. “The baby is awesome, but I don’t want it between us anymore.” With his face so close to hers, he dipped his head and inhaled her scent, squeezing her waist. The coolness of his inhale, coupled with the warmth of his body near hers was a pickaxe, chinking away at her walls.

She laid her head on his shoulder, allowing the contact, possibly encouraging it. She could feel hope radiating from him as Jason hugged her, pressing out a whimper from Renae. Her fingers clutched his shoulders in a death grip, whitened with untold emotion. What was she getting into?

She didn’t have time to question herself further as his lips clamped over hers, melting her instantly. The tension drained from her muscles as the fight she was preparing for left her.