Wrecked (4 page)

“I’d like to think so,” he whispered.

Bess could see the pain in his eyes. Usually bright and a
light blue, now there were almost grey and sorrowful. The laugh lines around
them seemed to have vanished and she sensed the loss he still felt, even after
the years had passed.

“I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult it must have
been. You obviously still miss her terribly.”

“I do. But there are lots of people who manage to live
without a mother.”

Bess retreated into herself. She didn’t like to talk about
her mother. She didn’t even like to think about her. The woman who was supposed
to love her unconditionally and keep her safe, didn’t. Bess’s mind wandered
back to that night, that horrible night. It wasn’t just that her stepfather had
wanted to have sex with her, that was bad enough on its own. But as he’d
managed to get up after she’d kneed him in the balls as hard as she could,
she’d seen her mother appear in the hallway, just outside her bedroom door.
Instead of coming to her rescue, she helped her husband out of the room, her
arms around him, glaring at her over her shoulder all the while. She’d made her
choice, and it wasn’t Bess.

That look, that non-verbal betrayal made Bess’s decision
easy. There was no way she would stay in a place where she worried about her
physical safety night after night, knowing her mother had no intention of doing
a damn thing to protect her. When she walked out of the house the following
morning, she’d said good riddance to both of them.

“You look completely lost in thought,” Ethan noted as he’d
watched her expression change, her brows furrow, and her lips purse.

“It’s nothing.” Bess lifted her head and pasted a smile on
her face. “Do you get to see your brother very often?”

“We try to get together in the summer. He brings a different
woman here every year,” he chuckled. “He doesn’t appear to be the marrying
kind.”

“Ah,” Bess smiled.

“And we alternate holidays as best we can. He usually comes
here because of my work schedule. But he loves it here, almost as much as I
do.”

“But you got the house?” Bess was curious how Ethan’s
brother thought about that.

“Yeah. Evan is a city guy. He would suffocate out here. Too
much open space and not enough women.”

“Gotcha,” Bess nodded.

“Do you have siblings?”

On the outside, Bess looked at ease sitting in the corner of
the loveseat, her long legs folded underneath her, her near-empty plate in her
hands. But unease raged on the inside as, once again, memories of her family
were brought to the forefront of her mind.

“I have a half-brother,” she responded.

“Older? Younger?”

“Younger. I was twelve when he was born.”

“Are you close?” Ethan ventured, wondering if she would open
up to him.

“No. I haven’t seen him in… in years. I guess he’d be eleven
now?”

Ethan tried to gauge her mood. There was a tightness in her
voice that told him it pained her to speak of her family, but he persisted.

“So, you have a stepfather then?”

“I did. I do not consider him family. He’s just the asshole
my mother married.”

“Not a nice guy then,” Ethan said, knowing it was time to
change the subject. “How was your dinner?”

“Excellent!” Bess replied immediately, happy not to talk any
more of
them.
“I can’t believe I ate so much.”

“Well there’s plenty more for you to eat tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Ethan. You have been very kind to me and I don’t
know how to thank you.”

“No need to thank me. Just get well. That’s all I want,” he
smiled. “I should get going. I have an early shift in the morning and you need
to get your rest.” Ethan stood and took their plates through to the sink,
rinsed them off and placed them on the bottom rack of the dishwasher. “I’ll
lock the door on my way out. Sleep well, Bess.”

It was determined that Bess would not need chemo or
radiation. She was one of the
very
lucky ones. She’d been admitted into
the drug trial being overseen by Dr. Eric Ryder at a moments’ notice, and was
fortunate to not experience any of the possible side effects, so far. Plus, the
drug company was paying all of her medical expenses. Yes, Bess most definitely
considered herself to be lucky, indeed.

Her strength was returning, her incisions healing, and she
was taking shorter and shorter naps every day. Bess took walks along the cliff,
feeling the salt water spray against her cheeks and the wind whip through her
hair. Regina stopped by every few days to check on her and Ethan had brought by
a trunk full of groceries to fill the fridge and the pantry. If it wasn’t for
the unknown that awaited her once the trial was over, she might have thought
she was happy.

Happy
. One gorgeous afternoon, Bess sat on the porch
swing, a cold glass of lemonade in her hand, her sunglasses sitting on her
nose, enjoying the blue sky and the warm sun, she contemplated the idea of
being happy. She couldn’t remember actually feeling unadulterated joy… ever. The
realization was the saddest feeling in the world. What were the odds that she
would experience happiness in her future?

Despair overtook her as the minutes ticked by. Homeless.
Alone. Almost penniless. She was still sitting on the swing as the sun began to
set, her cheeks crusty from dried tears and her eyes bloodshot red. She’d
survived her stepfather. She’d survived being on her own for years, and
somehow, she’d survived being evicted. She’d even survived cancer. But for
what? She’d never thought about having children of her own. Bess wasn’t even
sure she’d wanted children. That is until Dr. Ryder had told her he’d removed
an ovary. A woman must have ovaries in order to have children. It was in that
moment she knew that she
did
want children. She
did
want a
family. She wanted to be loved and she wanted to love. And all of that was now
an unknown. Would she be able to have a baby with only one ovary? Was that also
something that had been callously ripped away from her? It seemed that there
was not a whole lot to look forward to, to dream about… to suffer through all
the shit… for what?

She stood, almost in a trance, and stepped off the porch and
headed for the cliff. There was no conscious thought, no purpose in her steps,
she just walked. As she approached the edge, the sharp, jagged rocks below, the
waves crashing against land, Bess just didn’t see the point of it all. There
was no point to anything.

Closer and closer to the edge Bess moved. Two more steps and...

“STOP!”

Bess sucked in a gasp and swung around to see who was there.
She could see no one – it must have been her imagination - so she turned back
to the ocean.

“STOP!” the voice yelled for the second time.

Hesitantly, Bess slowly took two steps backwards and
stopped, the edge of the cliff no longer a threat… or a temptation. She turned
and searched for the person who’d yelled at her. There was no one in sight. Had
she imagined it? No. It had been loud, like someone was standing close to her.
She couldn’t have imagined it. Yet there wasn’t anybody else out there with
her. She searched up and down the cliff but she was alone. How? Why?

Confusion consumed her as she returned to the house. Picking
up her empty lemonade glass, she glanced around one last time hoping to see
someone, but nothing. She entered the house, her mind in a state of bewilderment.
But as she entered through the front door, a cold chill ran up her spine, and
the hairs on her arms stood on end.

Completely unnerved, she called out. “Hello? Is anybody
there?”

There was no response.

“Ethan? Is that you?”

Nothing.

Cautiously, Bess walked into the family room and locked the
door behind her. “Well now we’re locked in here together,” she frowned as she
walked through the house to the foyer. She peered through the windows but saw
nothing. There were no people outside the house, nor were there any cars.
“Strange,” she muttered. As she turned back she looked at the staircase. She
still hadn’t ventured up to the second floor – she hadn’t felt strong enough to
tackle more than a couple of steps, but under the current circumstances, she
felt compelled to head up.

Taking it slowly, one step at a time, she made it to the
landing without any problem and then continued on. By the time she reached the
top, she was a little out of breath, her heart pumping, but it was more the
anxiety she felt rather than the physical strain on her body.

The sun had set, the house filled with shadows, and Bess
searched for light switches to chase away the darkness. She’d never exactly
been afraid of the dark, but it wasn’t necessarily her friend either. So with
the hallway lit, she took a few steps down the hall, peering in each room to
see if anyone was there.

The first rooms were empty, but the third bedroom she came
to held pieces of furniture that looked very old. Bess knew nothing about
antiques, but she would bet that these would be considered collectibles. Most
were in excellent condition and had beautiful, intricate carvings on the
drawers or trim, making them stunning pieces anyone would love to have in their
possession. Bess walked through the room, gliding her finger across the old,
sanded wood, and wondering how much time it would have taken to create such a piece
of art. For a brief moment, she’d forgotten all about the reason she’d come
upstairs, until…

The chill caused the hairs on her arms to stand upright and
her body to shiver uncontrollably. The sheer curtains that covered the closed
window rustled as the cold air moved through the room. Bess, rooted firmly in
place, turned her head to see who was in the room with her. She saw no one, but
felt a presence… she
knew
there was someone there with her.

“Hello?” she called out meekly. “Who’s there?”

There came no response, but the air stilled and Bess’s heart
calmed as she hurriedly made her way back downstairs.

*****

Ethan James stood next to the front door of his home, although
he still thought of it as his grandparents’ house, his hand on the handle,
feeling the most indecisive he’d ever felt. He wanted to see Bess, but he
didn’t want to intrude. So there he stood for several minutes, a raging
internal battle leaving him almost paralyzed. It wasn’t like him at all.

The knock on the door made him all but jump out of his skin.

“Hi,” Bess said as the door opened. “I hope you don’t mind
but I had a few questions.” She walked right in, not bothering to wait for an
invitation.

“Uh, sure,” Ethan replied, closing the door behind her and
following Bess into his living room.

“Do you know anything about the owners of the house, before
you, that is?”

“Not really,” Ethan shook his head. “All I know is what I’ve
already told you, that the original house was built in the 17
^th
century and that it’s been added on and remodeled and renovated multiple times
throughout the years.”

“Hmmm,” Bess frowned.

“Why?” Ethan asked.

Bess decided it would sound too ridiculous to tell him about
what she’d experienced. She wasn’t even sure what it was and she didn’t know
Ethan well enough to share anything. Besides, she’d told herself repeatedly as
she’d walked to his house, it may have been nothing at all.

“I saw the bedroom with all the antiques and was curious,”
she explained.

“Oh, yeah!” Ethan nodded. “Some of those pieces are
really
old. Most of them were already in the house when I bought it so I have no
information on them. At some point, I need to have a professional come and
appraise them and tell me more about them.”

Bess was much calmer and feeling slightly silly at her
fearful response to a little draft. She felt her body relax as she fell into
the recliner.

“I was just thinking that I should probably grab some
dinner. Have you eaten?” Ethan jumped at the opportunity presented to him.

Bess shook her head.

“With the exception of your doctor’s appointments, have you
been out of the house?”

Again, Bess shook her head.

“Well, let’s fix that,” Ethan smiled eagerly. “How about I
take you to dinner?”

At that exact moment, Bess’s stomach growled, making them
both laugh.

“Sure,” she agreed. “Just as long as it isn’t the diner.”

Ethan chuckled. “I can assure you that we won’t be going to
a diner.”

“Good!” Bess grinned. “I don’t think I want to eat there
ever again.”

“We have plenty of other options here in the bustling city
of Port Lincoln. I believe we have as many as five other choices.”

Bess laughed, the unnerving experience of just a few minutes
earlier long gone. Going to Ethan’s house had done just as she’d hoped – set
her mind at ease.

As they drove down the highway a few short miles, Bess’s mind
drifted back to when she was in the hospital and the calming influence Dr.
James had on her even when she didn’t know him. He had a calm and trusting
voice… a voice that soothed her soul as its rich melodic rhythms washed over
her. Even now, every time he spoke, a feeling of tranquility soothed her.

If only things were different
, she thought as she
gazed out the window at the dunes and rocks, and the tall grasses that were swaying
gently in the cool evening breeze. If she didn’t come with
so
much
baggage, maybe…

Ethan pulled into a parking lot and turned off the car.
There was no more time to daydream, and there was certainly no point anyway.

*****

Struggling to find sleep, Ethan finally gave up and threw
the blanket off him. He wrapped himself in his bathrobe and slipped his feet
into slippers, then wandered downstairs and made himself a cup of tea.

He’d enjoyed himself at dinner. Actually, he’d enjoyed
having dinner with Bess. She was the reason he’d had such a good time. The food
had been edible – nothing like they’d get if they drove to Boston or
Providence. But it wasn’t the food that had made the evening so enjoyable. No,
it was her.

It had been a long time since he’d felt any kind of interest
in a woman. He’d been focused on his career and becoming the best physician he
could in order to help his patients. It was his true calling to be a healer of
the weak and ill. He’d had no time to date and no interest anyway.

But, Bess. Elizabeth Williams had captured his attention
from the moment he saw her in the Emergency Department. Yes, it was a physical
attraction initially. After all, she was young and beautiful, more beautiful
than he’d ever seen. There was also a vulnerability that he recognized and his
protective instinct kicked into overdrive. Then, the more he learned about her
and the life she’d had, the more he wanted to care for her and use all of his
ability to heal her… all of her. It was a strange feeling to be so mesmerized
by a woman he really didn’t know at all. Yet here he was – completely smitten.

As Ethan stared out of the large window at the dark ocean,
he heard the waves crashing against the jagged rocks below the cliff. So used
to the sound, he barely heard it anymore - always there in the background… the
soundtrack to his existence. He listened intently as the gulls cawed overhead
and the crickets chirped in the tall grass. And then he wondered if Bess was
listening to those same sounds and the idea that they were sharing a moment
calmed him enough that he padded back upstairs and back to bed.

*****

The porch swing rocked gently as Bess huddled under a
blanket with her feet curled under her leaning on the wooden arm. It was
difficult, almost painful, the way her emotions were bouncing around almost
making her dizzy. She’d felt so completely hopeless and yet now, as she
recalled dinner with Ethan, a smile lit up her face. He’d been such a gentleman
and she’d loved the ease with which they chatted all through dinner, never
straining to make conversation, never an uncomfortable moment of silence. And
then as he’d pulled her into a warm embrace and said goodnight when he’d walked
her to her door, she felt a burning desire to be held by another human being…
to feel the connection to another soul. She’d been alone for so long, and lonely
for even longer, the contact was so welcomed she’d had to hide the tears that
were forming, afraid of becoming too emotional and scaring poor Ethan into
running away as fast as his feet could carry him.

He was warm and solid and his arms around her had made her
feel alive after just
surviving
for so long. And now, sitting in his
porch swing, outside his house that he’d allowed her to live in, listening to
the waves crash below her and the crickets chirping their night song, there was
a hope that she desperately tried to bury deep within her, afraid to allow
herself to feel it so as to not be hurt again. But it was there nonetheless.