wrath of the Sea Queen (168 page)

The storm clouds thickened as she chastised herself.  When she glance
d
up, briefly, Vin
noticed
that her brown eyes were
drowning in
tears
,
which ran
unfettered down her
pale
cheeks.  The lightning within the storm flashed.  It seemed to match the anger and disappointment C
a
eli
aimed at
herself.

"
C
a
eli
, t
hat's not true. 
It couldn't be further from the truth. 
Please don't
think like
that.  You saved all of us at the hotel.  We would have been lost without your help. 
And y
ou
did
protect Max.  He
i
s
perfectly
fine.  You
ha
ve the injuries to prove that you
fought fiercely
for
Max
and our
baby
. 
Oh Honey,
I
k
now you did everything and more than any one person could
. 
I am not upset with you
.  I don't blame you in any way
. 
None of this is your fault.
"
  Vin returned to the bed and sat down again.  He longed to reach out
and comfort
C
a
eli
.

"
I wish it was so,
Vin,
but y
ou're wrong
. 
It is my fault. 
You just don't know
every
…"
 
C
a
eli
started
, but Vin interrupted her.

"
No, C
a
eli. 
I am not wrong. 
I want you to listen to me.  I don't care what Rika has told you or how she may have twisted it so that it feels like it's your fault.  It
i
s not.  You did not cause any of this.  It is not your fault.  God knows,
I
a
m
so very
sorry that I wasn't here when you needed me.  I'm sorry you
suffer
ed
th
is loss
without me
.  I won't
make th
ose
mistake
s
again
. 
I won't
leave you alone again. 
You
can be
angry with me if you need to, but please don't blame yourself.  Please don't push me away.
"
  Vin
finally
reached out and took her hand
s
in his.  She did not pull back this time, but held on tightly
instead
.
 
With her touch,
Vin suddenly remembered Salma's caution that he might not be able to help at first.

"
Vin
, y
ou have no idea how much I want you to hold me right now
, but I…"

"That's good enough for me.  I don't need to hear anything more than that
."
Vin
moved closer on the bed and tried to draw her near.

"
Oh,
Vin.  As much as
I want
you to tell me
everything is going to be all right,
it won't. 
Even though logically it might not be my fault,
I
feel
responsible
.  How could I not?  This is one test I failed
as badly as anyone could
. 
I can't take it back.  I don't get to do it over.  The loss is final. 
When you look at me, I feel ashamed of what my weakness
has
cost us; ashamed that I let you down. 
T
hen there's everything else
,
and it's all going wrong.  Nothing is turning out the way it's supposed to.  I don't understand what I should do. 
I have q
uestion
after
question
without
answer
. 
What do
I do now
, Vin? 
Having to e
ndur
e
this without
those answers
makes it unbearable.
"
  C
a
eli worked herself up while she explained, and her guilt was rapidly being
overshadowed
by
her
anger
,
confusion
,
and sadness
.
 

Vin did
n
o
t care
about anything more than that moment
.  C
a
eli was upset with herself
for events she could not
have
predicted or
prevent
ed
.  The emotional toll
was
too much for her. 
She had not yet come to terms that she could accept and
had
lost confidence in herself
as a result.  C
a
eli
lost the tenuous control she thought she held over her
evolving
situation
.  Because of that,
C
a
eli
now
believed
she was
no longer
worthy of him. 
Vin
could
n
o
t allow those
feelings
to persist. 
He
had
not heed
ed
Salma's
warning
to
go slow and
be patient.  He
reacted too quickly, forgetting to consider the
physical and
emotional hell
C
a
eli
was
experiencing
. 
As a result,
he
r burden w
as
heavier
because he selfishly
expected
her to behave normally
after
such
a horrible
ordeal
. 

Vin
did
n
o
t answer her question.  Instead, he
gently wrapped his arms around
her
. 
Slowly and with the help of a soothing wind throughout the room, h
e
managed to get her to
calm down
.  C
a
eli laid her head on his chest and
continued to
cr
y
.  She released the well of emotion that
she
ha
d
bottled up overnight. 
At last,
Vin understood
.  C
a
eli
was trying
to bear t
he
burden of this loss
on her shoulders
alone
.  No wonder she
had
not move
d
at all last night, Vin thought.  She was trying to shield him from the
nearly overwhelming
pain
and sadness
she fel
t
.  His own eyes were watery
for
th
e
agony
of
C
a
eli's
suffering
.

After several minutes, Vin
saw
C
a
eli
's
river
of tears
begin to
recede
.  She
was getting
her emotions under control and
began to
relax in his embrace. 
When s
he
finally looked up
at him
,
the
drumming
rain
outside had
slowe
d to a mild
drizzle
. 
Vin
saw the
depth of
sadness in her brown eyes.  Her eyes!  They were brown again
, yet
they
had been
blue before the sudden change in the cave.  Vin
's mind
did
not register it at the time, but they
had
definitely
been
blue. 
It
was not the first time he
had
noticed that change
.