Worthy of Redemption (27 page)

“Don’t cry,” she said, trying to comfort me by patting my hand. I instantly felt guilty that she was trying to comfort me when she was the one who looked like she was knocking on death’s door, and apparently death answered twice.

“How are you feeling?” I asked.

“I feel like I died. Twice,” she said as her lip curved to one side in a sarcastic smile.

“That’s not funny,” I stared at her in disbelief as I wiped at my tears.

“You look so different,” she said, touching my face. “You’re not hiding behind all of that makeup and hair dye anymore. I can see your beautiful face, but you look so tired.” Her eyes widened. “Oh, no did I pull you from your vacation in Tahiti?”

“No, we just got back a few hours ago.”

“I thought you were supposed to be there for seven or eight days,” she said, wincing with confusion.

“I wasn’t feeling well,” I said evasively. “We left early. It’s a good thing, too. I would have gone out of my mind if I had to wait almost a whole day to get to you.” I rubbed her hand lovingly as I tried to blink back more tears.

“Don’t start crying again,” she warned. “Tell me about your mystery boyfriend and your trip to Bora Bora.”

“Tahiti is beautiful,” I said, skirting the activities I did not get to enjoy there. “Crystal blue waters, white sandy beaches, hot Tahitian men with bulging muscles…”

She snickered. “You should have brought one of them home for me.”

“Next time,” I promised.

She sighed as she squeezed my hand. “You’re pretending to be happy for my sake, but I know you very well, Lily. Why are you so sad?”

“You’re laid up in the hospital after a major heart attack, mom,” I said incredulously. “How am I supposed to feel?”

“It’s not just me, though is it?” she said knowingly. “What’s going on between you and Kyle?”

Under normal circumstances I learned not to unload on my mom about my problems, especially after she moved in with Lydia. She had her own plus three to deal with then. I didn’t want to start now after she
had ‘died twice’. Besides, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. “I don’t know what’s going on between me and Kyle,” I admitted. “But he came here with me. He’s in the waiting room now.”

“I want to meet him before I die a third time,” she said. “Don’t tell me I’ll have to die a third time to meet him.”

“You’re really not funny,” I said, shaking my head as she chuckled.

“I don’t understand what’s so funny,” Lydia’s voice admonished from the doorway.

Kyle was standing beside her, supporting her as she struggled to walk without pain. It was the first time I had laid my eyes on her since my suicide attempt many years ago. She was two years younger than me but she looked at least ten years older right now. Her once long, flowing red hair was now chopped into a bob. Her gentle curves were now straight lines and sharp angles, and her gray-blue eyes seemed darker, figuratively and literally. This person in front of me was a shell of what my beautiful younger sister was, and it all changed overnight only about a year ago. I was shocked by how bitterly sad I felt. I was rocked by how much I had missed and all that I lost when I cut her off.

I looked at Kyle, whose eyes were locked on me. Despite the confusion and ridiculousness going on between us, I was glad he was
there.

“I found this preppy guy lurking in the hallways and assumed he belonged to you,” Lydia said to me as she hobbled to the chair on the other side of my mother, assisted by the “preppy guy”.

“Finally,” mom said, reaching for Kyle with her IV hand.

I watched with amazement as Kyle squeezed between Lydia and the bed and bent over to hug my mother. If someone would have said seven months ago that Kyle Sterling hugged and kissed the cheek of an older, sickly complete stranger, I would have laughed. Hard.

“My god,” mom said when he stepped away. “He’s so handsome, Lily. Look at those dark, mysterious eyes and that jawline.”

“Mom!” Lydia rolled her eyes. “He can hear you, you know.”

“You didn’t tell me he was an Adonis,” mom looked at me with shock.

“I think dying twice sucks a lot of oxygen from your brain,” I said worriedly.
“But I died twice and I’m fine.”

“You don’t think I’m an Adonis?” Kyle asked, his tone playful, but his eyes were so very weary.

“I think you’re the second hottest man on Earth, but it’s creepy that my mom also thinks so,” I told him.

“Second hottest?” He crossed his arms. “Who is the first?”

“Shemar Moore,” my mother, my sister, and I all said at the same time.

“I can’t compete,” Kyle held up his hands in defeat.

For the next hour, we all played a good game of make believe. Lydia and I pretended that we had not been estranged for seven years. Kyle and I pretended that the last few days had not happened and we were still a happy couple. Mom pretended that her current health condition wasn’t as serious as it really was. We all played a very good game, so well we all almost really believed it all. Mom joked that she wouldn’t die a third time before we returned in the morning.

On the way out, L
ydia and I stopped in the bathroom. My stomach was pitching, but I managed to not barf. I inwardly cringed to Lydia walking with a terrible limp. She was in pain but she put on a good show of positivity, never once complaining.

“You really do look like shit,” she said, looking at me in the mirror as she washed her hands. I had finished first and was waiting, leaning against another sink.

“I probably don’t smell too good either,” I said, stifling a yawn.

“What’s wrong, Lily?” Lydia asked seriously, her voice quiet but demanding.

I tried to play it off with a small smile. “I’m tired as hell, Lydia. I’ve basically been traveling for almost thirty hours. I’m tired and as you pointed out, I look like shit.”

“I know it’s been years, but you’re still my sister and I still know you better than anyone ever will,” she said as she dried her hands on a paper towel. She threw it in the trash behind her and looked at me straight on. “What is
wrong
?”

I had treated Lydia like shit for seven years, refusing to even offer my condolences after Gavin died and refusing to even acknowledge her physical and emotional pain thereafter. Yet, here she was standing before me, just being my sister, the one I used to love and confide in so many years ago.

I dipped my head as the tears hit me full force. My body reacted violently to the emotional torment I was feeling, jerking with my sobs, and my stomach felt like it was going to leap out of my mouth. Lydia lost a husband, a father to her children, a best friend, a sister, her mother twice, and would live in pain for the rest of her life, but she didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around me and hold me tight while I cried.

I couldn’t find the words to speak, I could only cry and hold her back. Her words from earlier in the day haunted me though.
For once, could you think of someone else besides yourself?

I pulled away from her, apologizing as I grabbed wads of rough paper towels to dry my face.

“I’m sorry,” I said, trying to stop my crying. “You’re right. I’m so selfish, always thinking about myself.”

“I didn’t mean that,” she said softly, rubbing my arm.

“Yes, you did,” I laughed through my tears.

“Not in the context you think,” she said evasively. “But that’s a conversation for another time.”

I looked at her. “No, I know what that’s about. I thought about it on the flight over. After Anna died Gavin spent all of his time caring for me, but no one took care of Gavin,” I said, with new tears spilling over. “He lost a daughter, too and I only focused on myself. You took care of him and it’s no wonder he fell in love with you.”

Lydia shook her hands and blinked up at the ceiling, her old trick for trying not to cry.

“You bitch,” I poked her. “I just bawled like a baby. The least you can do is let a tear slip.”

She looked at me with watery eyes. “I’ll never forget…” she covered her face and let out a couple of gut wrenching sobs. She uncovered her face and tried again. “I’ll never forget seeing you bleeding on the bathroom floor, all the blood, the hopelessness on your face and knowing I did that to you.”

“I did it to myself, Lydia,” I said, holding her hand.

“But I helped. I didn’t mean for any of it to happen,” she said, wiping away tears. “Gavin was devastated afterward. I think he only married me because I was as close as he could get to you.”

“What? No. He married you because you are you.”

“You don’t understand,” she said shaking her head. “He never got over what happened, and he never got over you. When he was dying he kept asking for
you
, Lily. Not me, not the kids, only you.”

I was stunned to hear this. I felt like a total ass for not going to Ohio after the accident. So fucking selfish. “I’m sorry,” I said, wiping at new tears.

“Don’t be,” she said with a shrug. “He was still a good husband and father, and I’m sure he really understood how hurt you still were.”

“I’m such a bitch,” I cried.

“I know, right?” she laughed.

We threw our arms around each other and hugged again. A woman walked in then. She looked at us with leeriness before closing herself in
to a stall.

“So, tell me,” Lydia said after she released me. “What else is going on with you?”

I gave a small shrug. “I’m pregnant by an amazing man who doesn’t realize he’s amazing. The father of my baby hurt someone else really bad a couple of years ago and though she has moved on, he can’t forgive himself and he’s headed down a road full of hardships and turmoil. He’s trying not to take me with him, but of course I’m going.” I didn’t know I could cry so fucking much in a single day. I should have been dry and dehydrated by now.

Lydia wiped my tears away with her thumbs. “Do you want me to steal this one, too?” she asked, and we both laughed. It was all I could do to hold on to a small piece of my sanity.

We left the bathroom after drying our faces. Kyle stood nearby, waiting patiently as if we had not just spent forever in there. He didn’t comment on the red puffy eyes or the sniffles my sister and I had from crying. After helping Lydia into the Escalade, Kyle stroked a hand down my cheek and gave me a brief but tender kiss before opening my door for me. It seemed like everything would be alright, but I knew better than that.

~Kyle~

Lily was sound asleep after only five minutes, leaning heavily into me as I held her. Lydia looked at her sister with affection and regrets.

“She puts on a tough act, she always has,” she said to me in a soft tone so not to wake Lily. “But she’s not as tough as she pretends to be.”

“I know,” I agreed.

“Do you?” she challenged. “Because whatever it is you’re doing, you’re tearing her apart. I didn’t even think she would ever fall in love with someone after Gavin. She doesn’t do anything half way, Kyle. If she loves you, she loves you whole heartedly. I strongly suggest you not fuck it up – don’t fuck
her
up.”

“I don’t want to fuck her up,” I argued as softly as I could. “I want to save her from…”

“From yourself?” Lydia questioned knowingly. “What exactly have you done in the past that is so horrible that you would risk losing her to save her?”

I wasn’t in the habit of discussing what I did to Emmy with strangers, but Lydia was Lily’s sister. Maybe if I told her what I did she would help convince Lily that I wasn’t good for her.

“I was in a love triangle – sometimes square – with an incredible woman. To make that disastrous long story short, I mixed meth with alcohol and more meth one New Year’s Eve and went berserk on that incredible woman. She was five months pregnant at the time,” I sighed heavily. “I don’t remember it, but I was able to obtain pictures and video documenting how badly I hurt her. I haven’t looked at it yet, but it’s sitting on my desk at home, waiting for me.”

“And you’re going to look?” Lydia asked incredulously.

It was pissing me off that people were so against me looking.

“Of course I’m going to look,” I snapped. “I need to.”

“What about what Lily needs? She needs you. You know damn well you’re going to go off the deep end when you see that shit. I don’t even know you and I know you’ll go off the deep end. You’ll never be able to scrub those images from your mind and you will punish yourself just by closing your eyes.”

“I can’t
not
see those pictures and video,” I said harshly. Lily shifted at the sound of my gruff voice, but she just cuddled closer to me and continued to snore softly.

“When I started falling for Lily, I tried to keep my distance as much as possible,” I said to Lydia. “I was mean to her and pretended she didn’t mean anything to me. Even after I gave in, I tried to push her away again and we still ended up together. I thought maybe I could do this, be good to her and make her happy for a long time, but when I started thinking in terms of forever, and not just a long time, my outlook changed. I
am
a recovering drug addict and I have done some really cruel shit to people while I was on drugs and in my first stages of recovery. I realized that I couldn’t risk doing to her what I did to that other woman. I know I broke her and I don’t want to break Lily.”

Lydia stared at me for a long time before speaking. “You
are
breaking her,” she whispered.

“She’s hurt, not broken. I’m going to spend what time I can with her and then…”

“Then you’re going to dump the mother of your unborn child so that you don’t ‘break’ her, but you should know something, Kyle,” Lydia said with conviction. “She let Gavin go, but I don’t see her doing that with you. You’re going to drag her down with you.”

I knew she was right. I knew it, and I’d have to find a way to keep that from happening.

We arrived at her house a couple of minutes later. I slipped out from under Lily to help Lydia into her house.

“Nice house,” I said on the foyer, though I could only see the living room and part of the kitchen.

She looked at me with eyes similar to Lily’s. “I gave you a hard time, and I will continue to do so, but I do appreciate all you have done for me and my family.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, with my hand on the door.

“My mortgage was mysteriously paid off by a private foundation out of Philly. That same private foundation provided my family with thousands of dollars in gift cards for the grocery store and a couple of department stores. My medical bills stopped being medical bills and became receipts for payment in full. My heating bills were paid and before it even started getting warm, the electric company informed me that I have an enormous credit on my account.”

“That’s…something…” I said, opening the door.

“Oh, you’re home,” a teenage girl said as she came downstairs. “With a date?” The way the girl stared at me with a small smile made me feel uncomfortable.

“He’s not mine,” Lydia gave the girl a fake frown. “My sister’s. Are you calling your mom to pick you up or are you spending the night?”

“I’ll stay,” the girl said, walking backward toward the kitchen. “You have enough ice-cream to keep a teenage girl happy for days and there’s a
My So Called Life
marathon on tonight. Get to see the Jared Leto of the nineties,” she grinned.

She gave me a wave and disappeared into the kitchen.

“I better go,” I said, backing out the door. “Lily is exhausted. I need to try and get some food and fluids into her and get her to bed.”

Lydia took the few steps between us and kissed my cheek. “Thank you for taking the pressure off of Lily. I wasn’t sure how much longer she could take care of us
and
herself. Does she know about your foundation?”

“Yes,” I said after a moment of hesitation. “But she doesn’t know what I did for you and I’d like to keep it that way. I didn’t do it for recognition and I certainly didn’t expect a thank you.”

“Okay. Just…take care of my sister, Kyle.”

“I’ll do whatever is best for her and the baby,” I said and closed the door before she could say anything more.

Lily was awake when I got back in the Escalade.

“Is Lydia okay?” she yawned. “I should have gone in with her.”

“She’s good,” I said. “You needed to rest. Are you hungry? You haven’t eaten all day.”

“Umm,” she sighed, resting her head on my chest. I draped an arm over her, happy that she didn’t move over to the other side of the bench seat again. “I can go for some ice-cream and French fries.”

“Together?” I questioned, with my eyebrows raised. I shouldn’t have been surprised. Emmy’s crazy craving was bacon and cheese curls – together.

“Mmm hmm. Let’s find a McDonalds and get somewhere and go to bed.”

“Showers first?” I suggested and kissed her forehead.

“Now you’re saying I stink,” she said.

“You smell pleasant,” I lied.

“Liar,” she said, punching me in the chest. “Thank you for coming, Kyle,” she said quietly.

“You didn’t want me to.”

“I know, but you paid me no mind and I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you here right now. So, let’s just…relax. I don’t want to argue or talk about the obvious shit while we’re here.”

“Okay,” I agreed easily. I tilted her head up and pressed my lips to hers. “Yum. You don’t need to brush your teeth either. Your breath is awesome.”

The bully punched me again. “Fuck you.”

“Later, I promise,” I whispered in her ear and watched her squirm in her seat.

~~~

I watched with fascination as my two fingers, coated with Lily’s moisture, slid in and out of her tight channel. She was propped up on her elbows, watching with equal fascination. She moaned with satisfaction every time I pushed in deep, and she rolled her hips, taking advantage of my fingers.

“More?” I asked.

She looked at me with lustful eyes and nodded. She bit down on her bottom lip as I withdrew two fingers and pushed in three. Moaning, she circled those ample hips again. I rewarded her eagerness with my thumb on her swollen clit and pressed. Her pussy squeezed my fingers as she shrieked and grinded against my hand.

“Mmm. I think you can handle one more finger,” I said, and added a fourth finger.

Lily’s eyes rolled to the back of her head and her mouth formed a great big O as I slid my fingers deep into her.

“Look, Lily,” I commanded. “Watch me finger fuck your sweet pussy.”

She looked down at my fingers glistening with her sweet cream.

“Harder,” she demanded and bit her lip.

I shook my head. I had been going slow and easy with her out of fear. We didn’t really know how safe it was for Lily to have sex. The last thing I wanted to do was let lust take over and then suffer terrible consequences. Until she got the okay from a doctor, I wasn’t going to fuck her as hard as I normally would, even if it were just my fingers.

“Please,” she pleaded.

“No,” I said firmly.

I repositioned myself on the bed and between her soft thighs. I kept my fingers inside of her as I flattened my tongue against her clit. Lily cried out and threw her head back again.

“Watch me,” I said against her moist flesh.

Her eyes, delirious with heat, fell on mine. I sucked hard on her clit as I flexed my fingers inside of her. Her instant orgasm made my fingers and mouth slick. I groaned deeply as I tasted her juices on my tongue.

“Fuck, baby,” I murmured against her clit. “You taste sweeter after every orgasm.”

“Make me come again,” she begged. “Please, Kyle.”

I slowly pulled my fingers out of her. I reached up and coated her lips with her own juices. “Open,” I commanded. Obediently, Lily opened her mouth and I slid those four fingers into her mouth.

“Suck my fingers clean,” I said huskily.
Lily sucked on my fingers as if they were a cock. She took them all the way to the first knuckle and slowly slid her mouth to the tips before inhaling them again.

When I was satisfied she had cleaned my fingers, I made her lie back on the stack of pillows I had placed behind her. I got on my knees and angled her body so that her
legs were on my shoulders and her pussy was right where I needed it while I looped my arms under her thighs. Her back was arched off of the bed while her shoulders and head were on the bed. She used her arms at her sides to steady herself. I buried my face between her legs, moaning when I tasted the trickles of her nectar sliding out of her cunt.

Lily thrashed against me, beat the bed with her hands and screamed as I rammed my tongue into her hole over and over, tasting her from the inside out. My tongue slid out of her and through her folds and over her clit. Her thighs attempted to clamp shut when it became too much, but I held them open and licked her harder before punching my tongue inside of her again. I couldn’t get enough of tasting her and feeling her squirm and hearing her cries of pleasure.

With a determined grunt, I dislodged myself from between her gorgeous legs and moved to her side. I pushed two fingers back inside of her and pressed on her clit with my thumb as I moved my fingers, beckoning her to come. I used my other hand and pressed down just above her pubic bone, adding to the beautiful pressure I knew she was feeling.

“It’s too much!” She screamed. “I can’t!”

“You can, and you will, baby,” I urged her. “I want to see your cum gushing out of that pussy, Lily.”

“We tried before,” she panted, tossing her head back and forth in
ecstasy. “We tried. I can’t.”

“You
will
,” I demanded. “I can’t wait to see you squirting all over the place, Lily. You’re going to soak me with your cum, baby.”

Suddenly her body jerked, her pussy went into spasms around my fingers and when I moved my thumb off of her clit, she screamed louder than I’ve ever heard a woman scream before as stream after stream of her sweet cum burst from her body, hitting me, squirting to the floor, and pooling on the bed beneath her. I groaned uncontrollably as I rubbed the liquid all over her pussy. She sobbed with pleasure as I poised my body over hers, careful not to crush her. I brought my cum-soaked hand to her mouth and spread her cream across her lips, pushed my fingers into her mouth. Before she could lick any away, I planted my mouth on hers, sucking her juices off of her lips and licking the inside of her mouth.

I needed to be inside of her while her pussy was still soaked in her cum. I pressed in slowly, groaning and cursing because the wetness with her tight hole was almost too much to bear.

“You’re so wet,” I grunted, trying not to pound into her. “So fucking tight.”

“Fuck me hard,” she pleaded, pulling on my hips with her hands, but I was in complete control, not allowing her to pull me in balls deep.

“Kyle,” she whined.

“We have to be careful,” I said through a clenched jaw as I pushed ever so slowly into her.

She rocked her hips up, trying to get me deeper and succeeded a little, but only a little. I stopped moving and looked at her disapprovingly.

“Please,” she panted, pulling on me as she was pushing her hips up. “Please.”

I shook my head as I gave her a little bit more.

“Guess I have to play dirty,” she said with a gleam in her eye. I watched wide eyed as she took one ample breast and pushed it towards her face. With her eyes set on mine, she leaned into it and took a jeweled nipple into her mouth and bit down.