Worthy of Redemption (13 page)

Lily’s hips bucked against my hand as she came, calling out my name like a mantra. Her vaginal walls became impossibly tighter as they squeezed my fingers almost to the point of pain. I pulled my fingers out of her slowly as she came down from her orgasm. I slipped all three into my mouth and groaned. I moved over her body and leaned down to kiss her. She wrapped one leg around my waist and my cock nestled between her wet folds. I gently rocked my hips, rubbing the length of my manhood along her slit.

I gazed down at her. Her gray eyes were full of desire and affection. I knew if we continued, Lily’s feelings for me would intensify. Hell, I knew my own feelings would intensify, but I wasn’t able to give her what she needed. After all she had been through with losing Anna, Gavin, her sister, and in a way her mother, Lily needed someone to commit to her, to take care of her, make her feel safe and make her happy. She needed an unselfish man to cherish her, put her on a pedestal and love her unconditionally without any real risk of ever hurting her. She was broken, and since I, too was broken, I wasn’t the one to fix her.

I was finally thinking with my head and maybe my heart, but I was so close to sinking inside of her. My body was at war with my sensibility, just as it was with Emmy the night of the gala. I had her trapped in the kitchen, and I wanted nothing more than to melt into her – body and soul – but my life was complicated and hers wasn’t, and I didn’t want to complicate her life. She brought some light to my dark life and I didn’t want to extinguish it. Even after she gave me permission via her tender touch, I almost didn’t continue. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t. I wouldn’t have become a nightmare for her. I didn’t want to become yet another nightmare for Lily.

I needed to keep Lily in my home to keep her safe, but I needed to make sure that she didn’t love me. If I hurt her now, it could save her a great deal more amount of pain later.

Without warning, I rammed my cock inside of her beautiful cunt. Lily screamed and clawed at my back as my erection filled her and stretched her. I moved inside of her slowly at first. I knew I’d have to be an ass, but I didn’t need to add insult to injury and hurt her physica
lly.

It was hard to control my rhythm with Lily. I loved how her curvy, naked body felt under my own, and I couldn’t get enough of feeling her hard, studded nipples rubbing against my chest. Her sex was tight, wet, and warm. I had never felt anything so fucking glorious in my life. It felt as if Lily’s whole body was made for my own. It was nearly impossible to believe that I once questioned her attractiveness.

“You’re so beautiful,” I moaned before kissing her deeply. “So, fucking hot,” I groaned a moment later.

“Can I make this ride go any faster?” she teased with my nipple between her teeth.

I looked at her with amusement. “This ride can go faster
and
harder,” I said and then rammed my cock inside of her.

“Before I fall asleep of absolute boredom, I suggest you find a way to make me come,” she panted.

“Are you insulting my sexual prowess?” I growled as I leaned down to pull one her nipples between my teeth.

Lily groaned and pushed her hips up to meet my thrusts. “You have sexual prowess?”

I bit down a little harder on her nipple, making her yelp in surprise.

“Enough talking, baby,” I said as I pulled her legs up to my shoulders. I pulled out until just the tip of my cock was at her entrance.

“Yes, enough talking,” she said. “Show me –
holy shit!
” she screamed as I slammed into her balls deep.

“Oh,
fuck
,” I growled as I slammed into her again.

Lily cried out in pain or pleasure, or maybe both, but she didn’t ask me to stop. She held onto me as I fucked her hard and fast, as per her request.

“I want to hear you come,” I commanded as I rolled a nipple between my fingers.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” she yelled even as her pussy clenched onto my cock. Seconds later she was falling apart beneath me, screaming, near sobbing, and groaning out my name as her body seemed to pulsate with her orgasm.

Before she had time to recover, I rolled over, pulling her on top of me and impaling her on my cock. Lily threw her head back as she came again. Her hips involuntarily grinded against me until her orgasm began to subside. I held onto her waist and started to pump my hips, drilling my cock inside of her.

“You look so fucking hot when you come,” I panted as I reached up with one hand to touch her gorgeous face. Her hair was wild around her face. Her eyes were stormy and her cheeks were red. Her lips were swollen from all of the kissing and I wanted to kiss her some more. I shifted our bodies until I was in a sitting p
osition with her legs wrapped around me. I grabbed a handful of her hair and pressed her head to mine. Lily moaned into my mouth as I continued to push my cock inside of her.

Lily’s fingers lovingly caressed my f
ace, my head, my neck, and my back. It wasn’t just the heat of the moment coursing through her fingertips and the palms of her hands. I didn’t believe I was overanalyzing or being arrogant. It was the same way I used to touch Emmy, trying to show my love through touch. Lily loved me. I had to fix that.

My orgasm was imminent. I kissed her harder as I bored into her harder. She wrapped her arms around my neck and her cries of ecstasy were lost on my tongue. With a deep growl, I b
egan to come. As I shot stream after stream of cream inside of her magnificent body, I realized I loved her. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her, but I stopped myself just in time. Loving her would only bring her enormous pain later. So, I ended what could be before it could even begin the only way I knew how.

As my cock spurted out the last bit of semen inside of Lily, I groaned out the one word to end it all.

“Emmy.”

I stared down at Kyle in disbelief. He looked up at me, confused at my e
xpression at first, but then realization crossed over his face and he looked just as horrified as I felt.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out.

I slapped him hard across the face with my injured hand and scrambled off of him.

“I
knew
it!” I screamed as I gathered my clothes off of the bed and floor. “I
knew
it was about her! You bastard!”

“Lily, I’m sorry,” he said, and it sounded as if he meant it, but it didn’t ma
tter.

“For a little while, I actually believed it was about me,” I laughed cynically. “How could I be so
stupid?”

Kyle had pulled his boxers on. He was standing in the middle of the room watching me with a blank expression on his face, as if he was viewing the weather report for a region that had nothing to do with him. I didn’t even bother getting dressed before I raced out of his room. I went into the room that was now temp
orarily mine and tried to slam the door behind me, but when I turned around Kyle was in the doorway, holding the door open. His eyes drifted to what was left of my life that I retrieved from the house in Camden, a few boxes and a couple of suitcases stacked close to the door.

It was his home. I would not tell him where he could and could not go in his own home, but I didn’t have to acknowledge him. With an ache in my chest that made me want to vomit, I dropped my clothes on the floor by my bed and went i
nto the bathroom. Kyle followed as far as that doorway, where he leaned against the doorjamb with his muscular arms crossed over his chest. Continuing to ignore him, I stepped into the walk-in shower and closed the door, giving myself very little privacy through the glass. I turned it on and adjusted the temperature until it was just what I needed. I tried to pretend that Kyle’s distorted form wasn’t on the other side of the glass as I closed my eyes and willed myself not to cry.

After Corsey took me to pick up my things in Camden
the night before, I went to work at
Steve’s
, the bar I was working at on weekends and some weekdays with Vic. I told Steve I’d work the weekend, but after that I was finished. I was already thinking about the work that I needed to do for Sterling and how it was going to start to take up a significant portion of my time. At first Vic was cool with my decision, but when I told him I was going to be living at Kyle’s, he became hostile and angry. After the emotional rollercoaster Kyle had put me on earlier in the day, the last thing I had needed was to hear any of Vic’s bullshit. I fought with him for the rest of the night. He had even followed me out to the Escalade, still bitching, but when Corsey got out of the vehicle and stood in front of me, Vic backed off and promised we’d finish the conversation later.

“He’s a dangerous man,” Corsey said after a few quiet moments in the truck. I had co
nvinced him to allow me to sit in the front seat like a big girl.

“He’s an asshole,” I agreed, staring out of the tinted window.

“I mean he is
dangerous
,” Corsey stressed. He looked over at me and I stared back at him, waiting for him to elaborate. “Please, Miss Whitman, don’t ever find yourself alone with that man. Trust me.”

I didn’t feel like trying to pull answers out of him. I just nodded my compl
iance and went back to looking out of the window.

“Does Kyle know I’m coming?” I asked a few minutes later.

“I’m not sure. I called him about an hour ago but the call went to voicemail. He hasn’t called me back. He probably fell asleep.”

“Does stalking make one sleepy?” I asked dryly.

“If stalking you was the only thing he had to worry about, I’m sure he would have plenty of energy, Miss Whitman,” Corsey said carefully in defense of his boss. “He is a hardworking man with multiple problems. One day you will appr
eciate that he is looking out for you.”

This shut me up. I didn’t want to come off as unappreciative, but the whole thing was a little creepy. It was the kind of thing I only read about in books or saw on television. I didn’t know men like Kyle actually existed.

Corsey helped me get my things inside the penthouse and up into my room and then left for the night. I wanted to take a quick shower and change into clothes that didn’t smell like beer and fried ass, but after I turned the shower on, I looked down at my decorated wrists.

I wasn’t a pussy. I rarely backed down from a fight and I almost always stood up for myself, yet I never let anyone see the person that was under all of the bracelets. I tucked her away as if she didn’t exist, but Kyle had proven that if anyone cared enough to find her, they would. That girl was my past, but she was still part of me. She still helped to make me who I was, and though I had some very rocky roads in my life, I wasn’t ashamed of whom I had become. I needed to take the bracelets off so that I could daily be reminded of where I had once been and where I never wanted to be again. I never wanted to feel that broken again. Maybe Kyle needed to also know that people mend in time, maybe then he wouldn’t feel so hopeless if he knew that Emmy had probably mended, too
.

Wrapped in only a towel, I went downstairs into the kitchen and found a pair of scissors in a drawer. I held one arm over the trashcan and cut the bracelets that could be cut. I unhooked the gold and silver ones and laid them on the counter. I repeated this with the other arm until both arms were bare. I looked at my scarred arms and shuddered. It was going to take some ge
tting used to, looking at them all of the time, but I was brave. I could face down the demons that I would carry with me forever.

I went back upstairs and took my shower, re-bandaged my hand and then I went to find Kyle. It was almost four in the morning. I wasn’t surprised to find him in his bed, but the lights were still on, his laptop was open on the bed beside him and a few papers were lying on his chest. There was a small stack of files on the floor by the bed. He had fallen asleep while wor
king.

Without much thought, I collected the papers off of him. Recognizing the names on the paper, I stuck them in the appropriate folder. I took the laptop out of sleep mode, saved his work and shut it down. Before switching the light off next to his bed, I gazed down at him for a moment. He looked so peaceful and
normal
lying there. I admired his dark hair, his strong jawline and kissable lips. I touched my own lips as I remembered how it felt to kiss him. One strong arm was draped over his chest and the other one was above his head. I wondered what it would be like to fall asleep in those arms, but the only person he truly wanted was Emmy, and I would be a terrible substitute.

I
put the laptop on his bureau and turned off the lights. I was just about the close the door when Kyle groaned in his sleep. I almost dismissed it before he started pleading his mother not to use the belt.

What the fuck?

The pleas suddenly stopped and I heard the rustling when he sat up. I could hear his ragged breaths and incoherent, frantic whispers. I moved across the dark room to the bed and put a hand on his hand to try to calm him while I turned the light on with my other hand. He looked so terrified that it actually scared me. I got him to calm down, but then he wouldn’t let me go. After a while, he finally fell asleep, but when I tried to get up, Kyle gripped me in his sleep. With some hesitation, I climbed into bed beside him.

I woke up hours later molded to his body. I suddenly felt as if I weren’t close enough to him. I wanted to melt into him and become a part of him. My emotions were strung high so soon after waking up, and my body was acutely sensitive. What I needed to do was drag myself away from Kyle before he unknowingly took advantage of my heightened emotions and senses. I looked up to see if he was sleeping, only to find him peering down at me. Whatever resolve I had to leave was washed away with that first, sweet kiss.

Standing under the water, I wanted to wash away the taste of Kyle’s skin. I wanted to see my desire for him slip down the drain. I needed the water to cool the heat that still lingered between my legs and I wanted to scrub away the memory of his body pressed against mine. More than anything, I wanted to be rid of how I felt when he touched me. He had touched me so affectionately, not at all like a man who was just using me to forget his ex-lover. His gaze made me feel…loved.

Maybe Kyle did love me, in his own twisted way, but I couldn’t ignore that Emmy was still very much the center of his universe. I was careless to sleep with him. It felt right at the time, but that didn’t mean that it was. Someone should have slapped me across the face just as hard as I slapped Kyle, because I was just as much to blame.

I stepped out of the shower and found Kyle still standing in the doorway, but he was holding a towel. He stretched out his arm to hand me the towel even as his eyes grazed over my naked body. I took the towel from him and wrapped it around my torso.

“You don’t have to stand there,” I said to him. “I’m not going to reopen my suicidal wrist wounds.”

“I need to know that our working relationship will not be effected by what happened between us,” he said in a tone that was almost cold, definitely withdrawn. At first it stung, but I wasn’t entirely stupid. I knew he felt something for me, even if it would never match what he felt for Emmy and it would never get us anywhere.

“Our
working relationship has been effected from day one,” I pointed out. “And you spent more than half of the weekend trying to convince me that you give a shit about me, and trying to get me to move in with you while simultaneously trying to get me into your bed.” I offered a cynical smile in his direction as I applied toothpaste to my toothbrush “Congratulations. You’ve succeeded in convincing me of two of the three.”

Kyle appeared unaffected by my words. With a straight face, he said “R
egardless of what has happened here or of our cohabitating arrangements, we will need to keep a high level of professionalism in the office.”

“You want a high level of professionalism in the office?” I asked around the toothbrush that was scrubbing furiously in my mouth. “You got it. I will profe
ssional your ass off. Now if you don’t mind, can you please get out? I have to get ready for my last shift at
Steve’s
.”

“So, you’ve decided to quit after all.” He gave one approving nod.

“Yes,” I said and then spit in the sink. “We didn’t really have an opportunity for pre-sex conversation so I could tell you.”

“You’re going to carry on with our agreement then?” he asked, slightly su
rprised.

I rinsed the toothpaste out of my mouth and spit again. “Regrettably, living here on a temporary basis makes sense. At least I can stop lying to my mom about my living situation,” I murmured more to myself.

“Your mother still thinks you’re living in your own apartment?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “She has enough to worry about. I don’t need her worr
ying about me, too.”

“Don’t take that for granted,” Kyle said quietly as he turned to leave. “Not everyone has a mother that cares enough to worry.”

He left me alone to wonder what the fuck that was just about.

~~~

I slammed the beer down on the bar, making it splash out onto the bar and onto my customer.

“Who pissed you off?” he said in frustration as he looked down at his beer splashed pants.

“I’m sorry,” I muttered, tossing him a towel.

The Eagles game blared on all of the televisions in the bar.
Steve’s
was packed with football fans, cheering on good plays and booing like only a Philadelphia sports fan can when something didn’t go right. I usually got into it with them, kept them engaged and happy, but I wasn't in the mood to care on my last day.

“I really need to talk to you,” Vic said in my ear while I made a couple of drinks.

“So talk.”

“Not now. It’s impossible to talk now. Later, after hours. Let me drive you home.”

“I already have a ride home,” I said impatiently. I walked the drinks over to two waiting customers and snatched the money off of the bar that they threw down.

“It’s our last night working together,” Vic complained. “At least give me that.”

I thought about Corsey’s words about Vic. Was it possible that it was propaganda spun up by Kyle? Thinking about it only served to make me more confused and frustrated about his insane personality changes.

“Fine,” I said as I made change for the customers. “You can drive me back to the pen
thouse afterward, but you have to take me straight there. No horseshit. I’m not in the mood. You got it?”

“Yeah, I got it,” he said with a smug smile. “What’s eating at your panties anyway?”

“What do you want? To sit down and discuss my problems over a cup of tea?” I snapped and left him alone to wait on more customers.

Later that night when I explained to Corsey that Vic would be driving me home, he tried very hard to talk me out of it.

“I told you he was a dangerous man,” Corsey said as he glowered across the parking lot at Vic who was standing by his car looking smug.