Worthy of Love (11 page)

“A Scorpio. Determined little buggers with long memories. Protective of those they care about.”

“Sounds a lot like his father,” Nikki murmured. She’d begun thinking of the baby in terms of
he
, probably because she envisioned a tough little guy like Kevin.

“Mmm. Baby’s lucky to have such a caring man as a parent. Not all kids get that lucky.”

She wondered if Kevin thought of his son—or daughter—as lucky to have him for a father. Though she hadn’t planned this pregnancy, she knew
she
thought her baby was fortunate to have him around. But he’d been on a downward spiral of guilt since Tony died. If nothing else, maybe this baby would give him a positive focus.

“You’re perceptive, Mrs…. Can I call you Eleanor? I mean if we’re going to be cooped up together, the formality seems kind of silly, doesn’t it?”

“Eleanor it is.” She smiled in return. “You seem perceptive yourself, for one so young.”

Nikki shrugged. “Let’s say I’ve lived a lot in a short time.”

“Well, you and Mr. Manning seem like a nice young couple.”

They were nice, and young… but a couple? Nikki shook her head, knowing if Kevin had his way, “they” would never be an “us.”

Did he realize what the future
could
hold? What kind of family life the three of them could have,
if he opened his heart?
Shivering at the direction of her thoughts, she sought for a way to change the subject.

Eleanor did it for her. She cleared her throat. “I really should clean this mess up, though, before Mr. Manning gets home.”

Nikki nodded. But she dreaded the thought of another long evening. “If you finish early… would you be interested in a game of cards?” Nikki asked. Kevin had left her a deck earlier. For Solitaire. She grimaced.

“I’m not much of a card player, but I did see a Scrabble board on the top shelf of the closet when I was cleaning.”

Nikki’s brain kicked into gear for the first time in four months. Waitressing was good for her checkbook, but the mental stimulation had been minimal. Unless she counted the numerous ways of ducking a come-on, she thought wryly. “That sounds great.”

“Why don’t you rest for awhile and I’ll come get you when I’m finished in here.”

Nikki nodded. She yawned, amazed she could be tired when all she did was lounge around. With Kevin due home soon, and with him, the return of tension, she might as well gather her strength while she could.

Once in her room, she lay down on the gingham checked comforter and stretched until she found a comfortable position. Her gaze fell to a small bouquet of freshly cut flowers in a vase on the dresser. A gift from Janine, they reminded her of many things. Especially the life growing inside her and the dream that she’d one day have the family she’d always wanted. She couldn’t base her future on hope.

She pulled open her dresser drawer and withdrew her college transcripts and deferral letter. Though she’d always wanted to be a stay-at-home mother, she’d wanted to make the choice, not be forced into it out of necessity. The only way she’d have all her options open to her was if she finished her last semester of student teaching and graduated college.

With or without Kevin—whether he liked it or not—she had to get her degree and reestablish her independence. Or she’d lose herself and all the progress she’d made.

*     *     *

Kevin checked the locks on the warehouse door and headed back inside. The security cameras he’d installed would monitor comings and goings in detail, and so would the guard stationed at the desk. As a result, not only were his hands free, but so was his mind. Free to focus on Nikki and what he’d come to think of as the invasion of his home.

Having always lived alone, he’d grown used to complete silence. Not that he’d liked it, but it was all he’d known. And it was preferable to the sound of a drunk knocking into furniture or the constant fighting he’d grown up with.

When he’d moved into the old house, he hadn’t bothered with any kind of decorating beyond what his aunt had done—though with a baby on the way, he’d have to give some sort of thought to change. But for now, he had his hands full with his female… What did he call her?

Houseguest was too generic a term for the soft female lounging in oversized tops and looking far too warm and welcoming for his peace of mind. He’d managed to keep his distance so far, but it hadn’t been easy. It took every ounce of discipline he’d learned on the force not to gather her into his arms and keep her there.

A dangerous notion. He’d be a fool if he didn’t see the matching longing in her violet eyes, or acknowledge the emotional connection between them. But to act on either would be to put his needs first, not Nikki’s. He’d done that once before, with disastrous results.

Not disastrous for him, since the thought of her pregnant with his child was a blessing. One he didn’t deserve. And one that had uprooted her entire life. Again. With his track record of letting her down, he didn’t intend to take any chances. So he intended to keep his distance and put
her
first for once. And maybe then he could look himself in the mirror without wanting to hit the reflection staring back at him.

By the time he walked back into the house, Mrs. Reid had finished cleaning up, had set his wrapped dinner on the counter and was ready to leave for the night. He glanced over the woman’s shoulder, expecting to see Nikki settled in the recliner watching television, but the room was sparkling clean—and empty.

“Where’s Nikki?” he asked.

“In bed. Asleep.”

“Is she feeling okay?” Their trip to the clinic earlier in the week had been uneventful and the recommendation of the doctor was not much different than that of the emergency room attendant in the hospital.

Kevin wanted to broach the subject of leaving the clinic, but he didn’t think Nikki was up to the argument. And he was certain she’d fight him. On this, as well as other things. Kevin knew he had to build the foundation for approaching the subject of marriage in a way that would leave Nikki with no doubt it was the right solution. He just hadn’t yet figured out how to make his case.

Mrs. Reid grabbed for her light jacket and swung it over her shoulders. “She’s fine. I don’t even think it’s real exhaustion. She’s bored if you ask me. Had it with being cooped up.”

He exhaled. “Can’t say I blame her, but it shouldn’t be too much longer.” Another week and she’d return to the doctor, and if things stayed the same, she’d be allowed out of bed as long as she didn’t do anything strenuous.

“Boredom often comes from loneliness,” Mrs. Reid said with a pointed stare. “Can I speak my mind?”

Kevin nodded. Some insight into Nikki wouldn’t only help her, but it might make this new living arrangement more bearable. “Go on.”

“I didn’t realize, until tonight, that she wanted me to do more than clean around her and serve her meals. She wants company. Someone to talk to and some plain human interaction. We all need it.”

“Are you asking my permission to spend time with her? Even though you’re only here part-time, I hired you to be with her for whatever she needs. Not just to cook and clean.”

She shook her head. He thought she muttered, “Men,” under her breath. “Of course I’ll keep that girl company. I like her spirit. But I’m not the only one she needs something from.” She fished for her keys in her black leather purse. “Good night, Mr. Manning.”

“Night,” he muttered, knowing she was right. And not knowing what the hell to do about it.

He let Mrs. Reid out. Following instinct, he made his way toward Nikki’s room. She’d left the hall light burning but her room was dark. Kevin walked down the brightly lit hall toward the door, open just a crack. With any other woman, he’d consider it an invitation. But Nikki had never resorted to playing games.

Even the night she’d shown up on his doorstep, she hadn’t been shy about what she wanted. He stepped into the room, his gaze drawn to the figure in the bed. He walked closer. Her even breathing told him she was asleep.

He ought to turn and go. He’d done his duty. He’d checked and she was fine. He could leave her in peace. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to walk out. Instead he sat beside her on the double bed, careful not to move the mattress and wake her up. As if of its own volition, his hand moved, and he smoothed the dark hair off her forehead.

She stirred, rolling toward him. So much for good intentions, he thought.

“Kevin?” she murmured, her voice groggy with sleep.

“Right here.”

Her eyes opened slowly, and her gaze met his. Surprise warred with pleasure. Pleasure she quickly stifled and he felt its loss. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Just wanted to make sure you were okay.” It was too late to remove his hand, nor did he want to. He’d spent too much time keeping them apart but wanting more. He fingered the silken strands between his fingers.

He’d believed the only way their new living arrangement could work was if he kept his distance. He still believed that, but knew it was the selfish man’s way out. “So are you okay?” he asked.

*     *     *

Nikki bit down on her lower lip. She held onto Kevin’s gaze and decided, if she had any hope of happiness, that she had to be honest. “I’m fine,” she told him. “Better, now that you’re here.”

His sharp inhale told her she’d hit a nerve. Well, good. It’s about time someone didn’t let Kevin off easily. All this tiptoeing around each other wasn’t good for her and wasn’t good for the baby. If she wasn’t careful she’d end up in a self-induced depression and there was no way she’d let these circumstances get her down. It meant pulling Kevin into the feeling world, kicking and screaming, but she didn’t care.

If she was going to live in his house and be around him constantly, then he was going to have to acknowledge that he wasn’t alone. That she was here, and she affected him as much as he affected her. Not that she expected anything more to come of it, she assured herself.

Perhaps this nap gave her more strength and perspective than she’d realized. Or maybe it was breaking through Mrs. Reid’s reserve, but something had changed. She was pregnant, she was happy about it, and she wasn’t going to let confinement get to her. She was going to live, and drag Kevin along with her.

“I can’t stay.”

She pushed herself higher against the pillows. “Why? Do you have important reruns to watch on television? Push-ups to do that can’t wait?”

A grin edged the sides of his mouth. “You aren’t going to make this easy on me, are you?”

“Why should I? I’m living in your house and having your baby. What about this is easy for me?”

“You’re too smart for your own good, Nicole.”

She laughed. “No, just too stubborn for yours. Stay with me,” she said, knowing she’d be catching him off guard. “Please.” She added the latter for good measure.

He leaned forward and studied her with his intense, dark-eyed gaze. She caught a whiff of his masculine scent and her insides curled with a rush of pleasure. By asking him to stay, she realized she was torturing herself with what she couldn’t have, and yet she wanted nothing more than to wake up with Kevin beside her.

“Mrs. Reid says you’re lonely.”

“It’s a combination of things. Boredom is one of them, but she’s right. I’m lonely. In here.” She tapped on her chest right above her heart. “It’s hard to explain. Maybe some of it’s hormonal, what with the baby and all—but…”

He narrowed his eyes as she spoke, absorbing every word. “Go on.”

“We created this life together. But when I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t want to burden you. I planned on doing this on my own, but you pushed and pushed until you became a part of things. And now… here I am. But we’re further apart than ever.”

He let out a groan. “You know what I am, what I’m capable of. Isn’t it better if we just…”

“Shut up and lie down, will you?” She patted the bed beside her. Nikki wasn’t in the mood to hear how they were better off operating separately, how she shouldn’t put her faith in him because he’d let her down. She was tired of the argument, tired of the knowledge, and all she wanted was his shoulder to lean on for just one night.

With an unexpected chuckle, he eased himself beside her. The double bed dipped beneath his weight and the sudden rush of warmth and pleasure blindsided her.

“You’re a bossy female, you know that?” he asked.

“I suppose there are worse things I could be.”

He held out an arm and she curled into him, with an ease and a sense of rightness that shook her very soul. Because she could so easily get used to this. To him.

And he could just as easily take it all away.

*     *     *

Kevin woke up with Nikki curled in his arms. He didn’t remember falling asleep and he didn’t remember ever sleeping so soundly. Then again, he’d never spent the
entire
night with Nikki.

That first time he’d woken with a jolt, realized what he’d done and bolted like a coward. Well, no more. It was past time he faced what he’d done, accept responsibility and go from there. His arms encircled her waist and his palms lay against her stomach. Though still flat, within weeks, a slight bulge would rise. His child.

“Can you feel a difference?” The sleepy murmur caught him off guard.

“Not yet.”

“He’s in there.”

“He?”

She shrugged. “I guess I’ve got a gut feeling.”

A son. “Do you have a preference?” he asked.

“Mmm-hmm. Healthy. You?”

“The same.” He inhaled and caught the scent of her hair.

He didn’t miss the intimacy of the situation, or the fact that each moment like this drew him further from his solitary way of living. Drew him closer to Nikki.

“We created a life,” she murmured.

He wanted to relive those memories and his hand, involuntarily, molded against her soft flesh as he remembered the night in vivid detail and the mood changed from intimate to sexually charged. His fingertips dipped lower and hit a wide band of lace. He paused, and when she didn’t stop him or object, he slipped his fingers lower, beneath the scalloped edging.

Her sharp intake of air gave him pause. But only for an instant. Because she wrapped her hand around his wrist and urged him on. There was a part of him that knew better, and a part of him that responded to her silent plea. Not just his body reacted to the knowledge that she still wanted him. Something inside him, that had been cold for so long, began to thaw.