Worth the Wait (Crimson Romance) (24 page)

“I didn’t punch holes in your condoms.”

He scoffed and turned away. “Then who did? Tell me? What other woman has been in my stash?”

“How the hell am I supposed to know? If anyone was promiscuous in this relationship it was you.”

He whipped around and pointed at her. “Don’t call what we did a relationship. You were a booty call, that’s it. Someone to keep me company at night. Nothing more.”

The pain from the shattering of her heart was so great she gasped and clutched her hand to her chest. “So you did lie to me. You never did love me.”

“Oh, I was fool enough to believe I was falling in love with you. I should have known better — you can’t turn your side piece into your girl. I’m glad I found out what you were before … before I really got caught up.”

“Jared, I’m having your baby. Doesn’t that count for something?” she whispered.

His face hardened. “It doesn’t count for anything when you tricked me. You know how I felt, how I still feel. This is your problem, not mine.”

“I didn’t trick you.”

He picked up the condom and held it in front of her face. “Don’t lie to me. Don’t stand there looking as if I’m breaking your heart, when you’ve tap danced all over mine. But that’s what you’re good at, isn’t it? You play the innocent role, you look wounded, you tell me you’re getting caught up and I need to commit or you’re leaving. Oh, you played me well. So damn well I actually believed you were different. I thought you cared. But you wanted something from me, just like all the rest. And you’re not getting a damn thing from me. I don’t want this baby, and I don’t want you. Get out.”

“Jared.”

He pointed to the door. “Get out.”

Tasha stared at Jared. She was too stunned to cry. She couldn’t believe he would think she’d be capable of something so horrible. He couldn’t have ever loved her, or truly known her. Not if he could believe she would trick him into having a baby. Her pain was so intense it numbed her. There was nothing left to say, nothing that would heal this hurt. Without a word, she picked up her bags and left the room.

Tasha studied her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was pulled back into a sleek ponytail. Her makeup was simple, but flawless. There wasn’t a spot on her white A-line dress. She’d opted for color with red shoes, hopefully, her dad wouldn’t be too upset about that. She smiled, shook her head, frowned, and tried again. Wider this time. She laughed out loud. Shaking her head again, she laughed once more, louder and more forcefully. That was better. She turned to the side and smoothed her dress. Her hands hesitated over her midsection before she dropped them and turned back toward the mirror. She took a deep breath, pasted on the smile she liked and left her house.

She didn’t feel the warmth of the summer sun. In the two weeks since Jared accused her of deliberately getting pregnant, she hadn’t felt warm. She shivered slightly when a humid breeze brushed over her. Her smile faltered, until she saw her neighbor. She fixed her smile and waved, but hurried to the car to avoid being drawn into a conversation. When she got in the car, she turned the radio to an AM station and listened to a gardening segment on her way to her father’s church. Music, of any kind, only made her colder.

She checked her smile in the rearview mirror before getting out. Various parishioners waved and called hello as she walked inside, but she didn’t stop to talk. Her sister, also in white, was standing just inside the entrance with another usher. Tasha walked over and ignored the frown on Angie’s face.

“Good morning,” she said with forced cheer.

“You’re late. You know Daddy wanted you here for Sunday school,” Angie said. She handed a bulletin to the people who’d come in behind Tasha.

“Sorry, I overslept.” She took the bulletins from Angie. “You go inside for the start of the service. I’ll stand by the door today.”

Angie turned to the other usher. “Sister Jones, go on in, I want to talk to Tasha.”

Sister Jones nodded and entered the main fellowship hall. Angie narrowed her eyes at Tasha. “Tasha, what’s going on with you? Ever since you went to Atlanta … ”

“Angie, church is about to start. You’d better get inside, I’ll watch the door.” She turned away from Angie and greeted the rest of the stragglers. When her sister finally walked into the fellowship hall, she let her smile fall.

A few minutes later, the first strains of music began as service started. She didn’t enter; instead, she stood outside of the double doors and took a few deep breaths. Angie wanted to know what had happened in Atlanta, but she was too ashamed to say. She didn’t want to face the I-told-you-so look on Angie’s face when she heard what Jared accused her of.

She turned to look through the windows of the doors leading into the sanctuary. The choir was singing. She spotted her brother-in-law signing in the back. Her parents, sitting in the pulpit, were scanning the crowd, probably looking for her. She stepped to the side so they wouldn’t see her. They were all worried about her. Eventually she’d have to tell them what was going on. But for now she liked to pretend as if it had never happened. As if she weren’t pregnant.

But she was, and it wasn’t the child’s fault. So she’d finally called her doctor and made an appointment for the following week.

The doors of the church opened again and Tasha pasted on her practiced smile before turning to greet the latest arrivals. Her smile was short lived. Jared stood there looking better than she’d ever seen him in a tan silk suit, white shirt, and pink striped tie. Warmth filled her chest as she drank in the sight of him. Pain accompanied the warmth when she remembered he’d rejected her and their baby. The tiniest glimmer of hope formed in her chest that he’d come to apologize. That he’d realized she would never do something so horrible.

He hadn’t noticed her yet; he was looking down at the woman he’d come in with. The warmth in her chest immediately went icy. Numbness had been Tasha companion since he’d accused her of deceiving him, but white-hot fury bubbled inside of her as she watched him smile at another woman after treating her so callously. It took a second for it to register that he was with Monica, the same newcomer to the church who’d been trying to get together with Tasha for weeks.

“Monica,” Tasha blurted out.

Monica flipped her long black hair over her shoulder — probably a weave — as she turned from Jared and grinned. “Good morning, Tasha.”

Tasha didn’t return her greeting. She looked at Jared who glared back at her. “What are you doing here?”

“I invited him,” Monica said, still smiling. She looked between the two. “Don’t tell me you know each other.”

“I mentor at the Rec Commission. That’s how we know each other,” Jared said.

She gasped. “That’s how we know each other? You mentor at the Rec Commission?”

Jared didn’t answer. They stared at each other and Monica looked between the two. She finally moved forward and reached out her hand. “May I have a bulletin, please?”

Tasha looked from Jared back to Monica. Monica had a small frown on her face and glanced back at Jared before reaching out to touch Tasha’s arm. “Are you okay? You look sick,” she said in a stage whisper.

Tasha nodded. “Fine. I’m fine.”

Monica smiled brightly. “Good.” She turned back to Jared and held out her hand. “Come on, baby, the service has already started.”

Jared’s mouth lifted in the barest of smiles and he took her hand. The sight made Tasha sick. She dropped the remaining bulletins and ran down the hall to the ladies’ room. She burst into the first stall and gagged up the toast she’d forced down for breakfast. Even though her stomach was empty, she continued to gag until a sob tore through her. She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her hands over them. He wasn’t worth crying over. He wasn’t worth being sick over.

She slowly stood on shaky legs and exited the stall. She wet a paper towel and pressed it against her mouth and the rest of her face.
Get it together
, she thought. She’d made her bed, now she had to lie in it. She was going to get through this with her head held high. No matter what Jared thought, or her family said, she’d never show them or her child how much Jared’s rejection hurt.

She took a deep breath and looked in the mirror. Her hair was still smooth, her makeup still in place. She practiced her smile over and over until it was perfect. No one would know she was dead inside.

Jared hated himself for being concerned after Tasha ran down the hall. He shouldn’t care if she was sick. Her welfare, or that of the baby, wasn’t his problem. Yet he still dropped Monica’s hand and followed Tasha.

“Go on in. I’ll be back in a minute,” he said to Monica over his shoulder and jogged down the hall.

He didn’t look back to see if Monica heard him. He wasn’t there because she’d invited him. He’d run into her in the parking lot and walked in with her. He was there to catch a glimpse of Tasha. Anxiety and self-loathing had filled him as he’d gotten out of the car in front of Tasha’s church. He’d felt like a fool for coming to see her. He’d been overwhelmed with relief when he’d seen Monica in the parking lot. Going in with her hid what a broken-hearted fool he was for pining after a woman who wasn’t worth it.

His anger over what Tasha had done hadn’t diminished since Atlanta. Now he wanted answers. He wanted to know why she tricked him. Was it for money? Had she known her claims of him not being what she wanted would make him want to be a good man for her? He was used to women using him for their own selfish reasons, but no one had gone so far as to hurt him so completely. And he wouldn’t be satisfied until he knew why she’d done it.

He paced outside of the bathroom. He begrudgingly admitted he was worried about the baby. He’d tried not to think about the baby, but knowing she was having his child pressed on him like a heavy weight. He wasn’t father material and wouldn’t fathom trying to take the baby from her, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep himself from ensuring she took care of it. It was a part of him, and his family.

His pacing stopped when she came out of the bathroom. The anger, hurt, and disbelief that had been so clear on her face earlier was gone. She looked calm, with a smile on her face that would look genuine to anyone but him. He knew her well enough to tell it was fake. Or at least, he’d thought he knew her well enough.

She froze when she saw him, and to his amazement, her frozen smile widened. “Do you need help finding something in the church?” She sounded like a flight attendant.

“I wanted to … ” He couldn’t say he wanted to check on her. He wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of knowing that despite how much he hated what she’d done, he still wanted her. “I wanted to tell you I’m leaving for L.A. next week. It’s Cassandra’s birthday.”

“You made it abundantly clear that I mean nothing to you. Why are you telling me this?” Her voice was still pleasant and it irked the hell out of him.

“I’m telling you because you’re carrying my baby.”

“Which you don’t want, so your whereabouts mean nothing to me.”

He rolled his eyes and turned away from her. Instead of yelling in frustration, he took a calming breath and ran his hands over his face. When he turned back, he said, “So that’s your game? Reverse psychology? Tell me all the reasons why I’m wrong so I’ll try to do right?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She turned to walk away, but he blocked her path. Their eyes met and he almost lost himself in their honey colored depths. He took a deep breath and her clean scent assailed him. Damn, why did she have to smell so good? She broke eye contact first and stepped back; he mirrored her actions.

“Why did you do it, Tasha? Why did you trick me?”

Her smile left her face and she scowled at him. “I didn’t trick you. I didn’t plan on getting pregnant.”

“Just admit it, and I’ll move on. I’ll give you what you need for the baby if you’ll just admit you did this on purpose.”

“I won’t admit to anything. Why don’t you ask Monica? Was she the one you were sleeping with when we were together?”

He scoffed. “I slept with Monica before I slept with you.” She turned away and put her face in her hands. “Don’t lay blame somewhere else. I saw you going through my bag in Charleston.”

She spun to face him. “I didn’t go through your bag to punch holes in the damn condoms, I was looking for something to eat.”

He clenched his fists. “Dammit, Tasha, stop lying to me. Just tell me why you did it. Did you think I’d marry you?”

She held up one hand and put the other on her forehead. “Let’s stop. This is pointless. You are determined to believe the worst about me, and I can’t … deal … with knowing how easily I fell for you. I’m having this baby, and I don’t need anything from you. My life will be just fine once you’re out of it.” She lowered her hand and placed the fake, frozen smile back on her face. “I hope you do well in L.A. Goodbye, Jared.”

He reached out as she walked away, then closed his hand and pulled it back. There was nothing left to say. She denied it so sincerely he almost believed her. He
wanted
to believe her. The Tasha he thought he knew wouldn’t have deceived him, but he’d seen the evidence himself. He didn’t know Tasha at all.

He walked back toward the doors leading into the fellowship hall. Tasha was standing inside. When he entered, she passed him a bulletin and fan. She smiled as if he was any other late arriving parishioner, but her eyes didn’t meet his.

Monica waved at him from one of the back pews, and with an inward sigh, he walked over to join her.

Tasha didn’t hear a word of her father’s sermon. She spent the entire service staring at the cross above the pulpit. The struggle to ignore Jared seemed physical. It was as if she could feel him in the same room, breathing the same air and hearing the same things. A few times during the service, her skin would tighten and tingle, and she knew he was looking at her. During those times, she read the words on the cross over and over, to avoid meeting his gaze.

She wouldn’t talk to him as long as he accused her of deliberately getting pregnant. She’d always wanted to have kids, but if given a choice she wouldn’t have had his child. Or at least, the child of the Jared she knew now. She’d been afraid, but she’d admit hopeful, when she’d first learned of her pregnancy. But Jared’s accusations killed all of that hope, and turned the light happiness she’d had in her heart into a cold, dead weight in her chest.