Worth Dying For (16 page)

“You must try to sleep longer,” Bane said, breaking the awkward silence. Amber had just about decided she would let him leave if he wanted to. Forcing him to spend time with her wasn’t fair.

She answered him anyway. “I know.”

“Do your dreams frighten you?”

“I can’t remember much about this one, to be honest, but if they’re about Tom, they’re usually a bit scary.”

“Dreaming of him makes you sad?”

Amber bit her tongue—Bane couldn’t really know how she felt. “Of course it makes me sad. He committed suicide while married to me. You can imagine why thinking of him at all would upset me.”

“You blame yourself?” She didn’t respond to his question, hiding her face in the pillow to avoid giving him the answer with her eyes. “Amber, how can you think it’s your fault?”

When she didn’t move, he tilted her face up to his with a firm, cool finger under her chin. She closed her eyes to hide from him the only way she could, unsure why she couldn’t force the words she wanted to say through her lips.

“He didn’t deserve your love if he chose to leave you.” Bane’s tone made her look at him and she saw his disgust at what Tom had done. “To burden you with this guilt is unforgivable.”

Amber slapped his hand away. “He isn’t the guilty one, it’s me.” She sighed to relieve the pressure in her chest that thinking of Tom always caused. “I fell out of love with him…and he knew it, although I never told him.”

“Was there someone else?”

“No. I would never do that. But it made things worse for him when I think back now. I’d become distant and he couldn’t think of any reason for it except that he wasn’t good enough for me. At least, that’s what he told me when he tried to find out what was wrong.”

“So you left him?”

Her harsh laugh seemed to confuse him. “No, but it would have been kinder. I decided Tom loved enough for both of us. I did care about him—deeply. He’d been my best friend since the day we met in college and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. It took me fifteen years to realise that we should have stayed friends and by then it was too late. Our lives were bound together.

“Then, one day, when things seemed settled again—out of the blue, he asked me to have a baby. To say I didn’t react the way he hoped is an understatement. He was shocked. We’d always wanted kids and had talked about it often but there was always a reason that it wasn’t quite the right time. Of course, I know now I was putting it off.

“Tom didn’t take it well. He…he got physical with me.”

“He hurt you?” Bane stiffened beside her.

“He didn’t do much, just pushed me around a little and tried to make me have sex with him. When I screamed, he stopped, realising what he’d been about to do.” She covered her eyes with her hands. “He ran from the apartment. That was the last time I saw him alive.”

The torment of living with someone who just didn’t love you anymore had killed Tom. Amber knew she wasn’t responsible for his actions, but she was the reason he’d been half out of his mind. She would never forget the expression on his face when he had left that night. Deep down, she had known she would never see him again, but she could never have imagined the horrific events that followed.

Bane tried to pry her hands from her face but she fought him, pressing her palms to her cheeks. “Amber. Look at me. He chose to end his own life out of guilt for what he had done. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I know,” she said, through her hands. “But if I’d left, things wouldn’t have gone so wrong. I wouldn’t have driven him crazy.”

“You can’t make anyone do something that goes against their nature. If you had left him, he may still have taken his life.”

He tried to move her hands again, and this time she let him, turning his way when he held her wrists. “He doesn’t deserve your grief. I would never have willingly left Mary. She was my life and my reason for living.”

His voice had dropped to an impassioned whisper and his eyes seemed to glow at the memory of his beloved wife.
 
She envied Bane. She had never loved anyone that way—and no one had ever loved her as deeply.

Amber closed her mind against the thought she shouldn’t do what she was about to, and leant forwards to brush her lips over his.

“Please,” she said as he pushed her away with gentle hands. She tried to reach his mouth again but he leant back, shaking his head.

“This isn’t a good idea.” Bane didn’t look or sound as if he meant what he said. His black eyes glistened and his lips parted as his gaze roamed over her face.

She surged forwards again, crawling onto his lap and wrapping her arms around his huge neck. This time, he could not avoid her lips and she sighed in pleasure at the hard throb of arousal in her groin as she trapped his mouth with hers. Bane groaned against her lips and slid her from him, using his grip on her arms to force her to lie back on the bed.

“Bane, please, I don’t want to think anymore.” Her throat hurt as she restrained a sob. “I don’t want to be scared or hurt. I…I just need to lose myself for a while.”

She tried again to pull him to her but she might as well have been trying to move a mountain.

“I can help you relax, Amber. You need to sleep.” Bane’s voice took on the seductive warmth that he’d used on her before and she felt the heaviness invade her limbs. She fought it this time, closing her eyes against the pull in his, determined not to let him force her to do something she didn’t want to.

“Please—don’t make me sleep again. When I sleep, I dream.”

Her words seemed to have an impact on him and he sighed, letting go of her hands and placing his clenched fists on his thighs as he turned his face away. “You don’t really want me…”

She scrambled onto his lap before he had a chance to stop her, pushing her lips to his again to mumble against his mouth. “I want to feel something real, Bane—something that doesn’t frighten me.” Her urgent pleading stopped when he began to respond and his mouth moved beneath hers.

Encouraged, she pushed her body against his, trying to force him to put his arms around her. The instant his hands touched her waist, he lifted her from him as if she weighed no more than a child and put her back onto the bed. Amber curled onto her side and away from him as shame crawled over her skin.

“You don’t want me,” she said, stating the obvious but trying to let him know she understood now.

“You have no idea what I want. In other circumstances, it might be you pushing me away. But I know you are afraid and it’s only natural to want to do something life affirming when faced with the notion that you could die.”

Bane’s gentle but firm rejection hurt less than believing she had failed to arouse him at all. He’d hesitated, just for a second but what difference did that make if he insisted on sticking to his principles? Amber rolled onto her back, fixing her gaze on his.

“If you fail…and I die tomorrow or someday soon, do you want my last memory to be this?”

Okay, so she wasn’t playing fair. But at least she was being honest—unlike him. The large bulge in the front of his jeans told her all she needed to know about what Bane really wanted. Why fight it?

Bane looked down at her, his face suddenly calm, as if he’d just made up his mind about something. “As tempting as you are, beautiful girl, I will not take advantage of your fear.” He slid down the bed, propping his head on an elbow as he rolled to face her. Bane stared at her mouth through half-closed eyelids, promise in his gaze, and Amber thought he would kiss her, but he didn’t move. “But I can make you feel good…and forget things for a while.”

His breath washed over her skin again and she sighed as it caressed her skin. Bane lifted one of his huge hands and trailed a finger across her forehead and her eyes fluttered closed.

She gasped as an image flooded her brain. Amber saw herself naked and writhing below Bane, his body claiming hers in long, slow thrusts. More pictures flashed in and out of her mind in rapid succession—his lips crushing hers, skin brushing against skin, grasping hands clinging to glistening curves. Her body reacted with a surge of arousal, moisture and heat building suddenly in her groin, causing her to moan. Amber opened her eyes and found him staring into her face. He’d sent her the images—she didn’t know how but he had. His gaze dropped to her mouth as he trailed his finger down over her cheek and across her lips. He parted his own, as if imagining their kiss. Amber felt the sensation as strongly as if he had actually done it.

His hand continued downwards shadowed by his lustful gaze, trailing over her neck and stopping to caress her collarbones before moving on to her chest. Lightheaded from the intensity of the sensations raging through her, she closed her eyes again and the images reappeared. She could see her bare breasts and taut, sensitive nipples reacting as his hands claimed them with his huge palms. Moments later, she felt his touch on her skin, mimicking what she had seen in her mind.

Amber looked down her body, sure he’d disrobed her somehow without her knowing it—but she still wore her clothes and his hand lay innocently against her breastbone. She searched his eyes for the answer to her unspoken question.

 
“Don’t try to understand. Just accept it.”

His voice held the same honeyed warmth as before when he’d tried to sedate her, but this time, instead of putting her to sleep, it woke every part of her up. The sound of him sent a fresh wave of heat tearing through her and she threw her head backwards into the pillows, giving in to the overwhelming sensation. Squeezing her eyes tight shut, she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth as she saw herself under his touch, shaking and moaning as he drove her crazy. His hand moved down onto her abdomen and her mind showed her how his fingers would look splayed across her skin. Amber gasped when she felt a light pressure on her pubic bone. Bane placed the flat of his hand against her and gave a gentle push. Her hips surged upwards, her body reacting to his touch and the vision of his fingers working their way inside her.

Her hands scrambled to grab at something and she caught hold of his strong arm, digging her nails into it, trying to make him touch her harder. Was this how Bane imagined taking her? Did he fantasise about seeing her this way?

A gentle tap on the crotch of her jeans brought her attention back to his hand and her clitoris throbbed in response. Her legs parted further as she saw his thumb rub against her flesh, in time with the fingers moving inside her.

Amber was certain he’d torn off her jeans but when she dragged her head up from the bed to look down at her groin, his hand lay over her clothing as before, still not touching her skin. She turned to him and groaned at the heat she saw in his gaze. She
was
seeing and feeling what Bane wanted to do to her. He released a low grumble from somewhere deep in his chest and she knew then that his arousal matched hers. The knowledge sent her orgasm racing through her. She fell back, gasping and writhing at the too-intense-to-be-imagined sensations of his fingers plunging in and out of her, his thumb moving over her moist, sensitive flesh. Her muscles tensed around his fingers—tightening and relaxing—over and over again as pleasure pulsed through her. She saw herself, naked and spread wide, receiving his touch, her body shuddering as the feelings he was causing overwhelmed her. She heard herself scream out and the sound of her frantic cries but she couldn’t be sure if they were real.

Her spasms subsided, releasing her from their grip, and Amber slumped into the mattress. Her fingers ached as she let go of Bane’s arm and she knew she should apologise for digging her nails into him, but she didn’t have the strength.

She’d say sorry later—when her body had come down to earth, and she remembered how to talk.

Chapter Nine

Bane ran through the woods, intent on putting many miles between himself and the cause of his torment. He’d been a fool to think he could be with Amber that way. Her reaction to him had almost broken his resolve not to take her and he had fled as soon as she fell asleep.

Another searing jolt of desire made him hard when he remembered her beautiful body and the smell of her desire. He longed to taste her—to see if she would be as sweet as he thought she would be.

The island was bathed in the silver light of a full moon and, as he reached the water, he cast his gaze upwards to the crisp, clear night as if it held the answers he sought. The way she had responded to him gave Bane no satisfaction. He hadn’t played fair. The ability to seduce a woman with nothing more than his mind was just one of the tools he inherited along with his condition and if he wished, he could use it to trap his prey.

In the early days, he’d taken some comfort in knowing that he could give his victim the most intense sexual experience of her life while he killed her. The narrow line between orgasm and death meant they never realised anything bad had been about to happen to them. But Amber’s inquisitive mind had refused to shut down, even as he saw her reactions to him and knew she shouldn’t be capable of coherent thought. She had wanted to connect with him, looking to him over and over, trying to understand.

Bane shed his clothing, plunging into the waves and swimming fast and hard, closing his mind to the urge to go back and show her how much she had affected him. An hour later, he crawled back onto the beach—spent and as near to exhaustion as he had ever been—but still rock hard for her. He staggered to the cover of the trees, slumping against the first one strong enough to resist his weight, and encased his straining cock in a strong, tight fist.