-Worlds Apart- Ruination (3 page)

I pick-up the shell and hold it next to my ear, I let the whooshing sound take me away as I close my eyes, picturing the ocean that lays across the concrete walls separating us from the Outer. It calms me as I imagine sitting on the grains of sand Margaret said bordered the ocean. I can almost feel the sand creeping between my toes as I sink into the tan grains. I open my eyes again, setting the shell back on our brown dresser. I make my way over to the bed, sitting down on top of the grey covers. I lower myself back to my elbows. Out of the corner of my eye I see a folded piece of paper sitting on my pillow.

I grin, snatching it up. Another one of Garrett’s creations. This one’s a swan. He spends days turning sheets of paper into these little animals. He knows they make me smile which is why he gives them to me when he’s done. I turn it over in my hands, its wings stick out from the sides as it sits in my palm. I carefully pull it open stretching the paper to see his messy writing centered on the sheet.

‘
Nessa, congrats on ending education today. It’s a big deal and I’m proud of you. Don’t spend your night like a ball of nerves (I know how you are). Just breathe. Tomorrow we start preparing. Before you know it we’ll be at the banquet accepting the leap together. See you tomorrow at our spot
.’

I grin as I fold the paper back into the swan. I swing my long pale legs off the bed and walk to the dresser. My fingers wrap around the worn knob as I open the top drawer and set it next to the other folded notes he’s made for me. I listen to the shell one last time before I crawl into bed for the night.

Chapter 4

My family called me Tyler in the Outer. I always liked Ty better but my mom wouldn’t let me shorten it. It didn’t take me long to change it though, I was on the hover for all of ten minutes before I decided to leave Tyler behind and go by Ty. I set my mind to it and when that happens there’s no turning back. I was going to be a new me, I had to change and grow up.

The move from the Outer seems like a blink ago, mind blowing to think it’s almost been two years. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. At fifteen I had to leave my parents and brothers behind. My mother bawled when I made the leap, it wasn’t happy tears either. I know she was proud and all but that wasn’t it, she was broken. I could hear it between her sobs, sort of like an empty straining noise.

The day my uncle Dan died in a mining accident my aunt Ginny cried like that. She just sat in the corner, cradling his work-jacket, wailing like an animal. That was the last day I ever saw her. Central took Dan’s things the next day and she went ballistic, I mean crazy.

They said she’d lost touch with reality. Central said she was unfit to be a citizen so they sent her away, beyond the walls. Sometimes I wonder how she’s doing, wonder if she’s still alive. I think about Ginny and my family a lot, more than a lot, almost all the time.

My youngest brother Sammy will take the leap next year. Michael didn’t make it otherwise he’d have been transferred to the Inner last year. The day the newbs were coming in last year I sat at the hover pad waiting, hoping Michael would walk off the hover, but he didn’t. I’d hoped but I didn’t really expect he’d make it. I doubt Sammy will either. They don’t have ‘sight’ like me. Not like I know what that means, it’s just what my mom called it. All I know is it gives me a leg up during the leap.

It was my ‘sight’ that got me out of the Outer in the first place. Doubt I would’ve accepted the offer without it, probably not even scored high enough to worry about being offered the leap anyway. Back then I couldn’t imagine leaving home. I didn’t care about going to the Inner, average was fine with me. That’s not how we’re programmed to think but I couldn’t force myself to want to leap, not till I saw her. 

I had six months ticking away before my birthday. Three months of classes and skills training before I’d finally be left alone to prepare for the leap. My other classmates were brainwashed with the leap. Not me, all I had to do was make it through those three months and then I was going to basically do whatever I wanted. I was going to ‘passively learn’ as I call it. I could sleep late every day, go swimming and fishing, or do nothing at all, it was going to be awesome.

Then bam, just like that it all changed. I was diving off the cliffs that June. I leapt straight into the water and I’d taken four or five pulls down when I felt the pins and needles. I knew I was going to have sight so I booked it in the opposite direction, pulling my way to the surface but I was too late. I was paralyzed, dropping like a stone.

That’s when I first saw her, it wasn’t clear but my sight never really is. It comes in patches and it’s my job to put it together. I saw her lips, full and pink. Cold air was pushing between them. Her brown hair was dancing in the wind. It fell past her shoulders, curling at the ends. Her deep blue eyes stood out against her pale skin. She was gorgeous. It wasn’t so much seeing her that got me hooked, it was feeling her energy. I could
feel
the history between us, even though I’d never met her. I fell in love with her on the spot.

More patches flashed and I saw her on stage with me, gorgeous and proud. More patches flashed and then we were in the woods, she was walking away from me. Flash after flash filled me and I knew she was what I needed to find and protect. My sight became more ballistic as images flashed in a fast string and then she was on fire. Screaming and shrieking.

Just as fast as it came, it was gone. I pulled myself to the surface, coughing and choking for air. I dragged myself to the rocks and I cried like my aunt Ginny had. I was just a kid, only fourteen but in a blink I’d found the love of my life and lost her. Love and pain bashed through me. I had to find her and save her. Maybe my sight wasn’t a curse. I decided if I could use it to keep her alive then maybe it was a blessing.

So that’s what I did. I made it through the three months of education and instead of passively learning I studied and prepared. I had motivation; I had to get to the Inner and save her. Leap came and went and before I knew it I was at the banquet accepting the offer. I don’t know what I thought would happen when I transferred to the Inner. I guess I’d assumed she’d be here waiting for me.

It was dumb, I’ll admit, but I was just barely fifteen and naïve. I was housed with the other Outer-transfers in a separate subdivision than the native Inner citizens; I couldn’t meet her at education either since we were separated too.

That gave me two years to cover all the skills and education they’d taken a decade to learn. I don’t mind the challenge; I know I have to get on stage with her at the banquet just like I’d seen in my sight.

Last year I hardly slept. When I wasn’t in education I was studying or practicing skills. During the first winter I snuck out every night, wandering the streets looking for her. It was the first thing I’d seen in my sight. She’d been bundled in her blue uniform, winter air between her lips. I looked for her every night that winter and every night I came home empty, but I knew I had to keep trying.

Chapter 5

Garrett and I have been capitalizing on our three months before we turn seventeen, the time when Central absolves us of all obligations other than preparing for the leap-test. The closer we get to the test, the faster the time goes. Days that once seemed lengthy and endless now come and go in a blink of the eye.

His voice startles me, “You must be kidding. You call that a
concealed
snare?” He laughs as he heaves a stick, triggering my hunting snare. I’d painstakingly veiled it amongst the thick trees and grass, certain he wouldn’t find this one.

“Ok, no more snares today. What else do you want to practice?” I ask.

“Nessa, I don’t need to practice, I need to
perfect
. Get it right!” He’s kidding, but it’s true.

“Fine, let’s
perfect
healing.” I’ve always ‘dominated skills’ as Gwen says but healing is my shakiest area and he knows it too.

“Okay.” He pauses momentarily. “It’s the night of the banquet and you’re looking pretty amazing, by the way.” He flashes his crooked smile, making me blush. “Naturally I’m top boy. I’m standing on stage ready to accept my offer.” I roll my eyes; he can be so narcissistic. He crosses his arms behind his head, “I look at the crowd, everyone’s envious of my superb self and then I see your face. You botched your test because of your
awful
healing skills.” I shove his arm but he carries on. “I’m seriously distraught by this point, thinking of never looking into those eyes again, hearing you, or having you around, so I decide to eat churn berries in a shot to snuff myself.” He looks raptly at me. “What would you do?” He asks.

“Boil root of bine and force you to drink two cups,” I say with a smug look on my face. “Then kick your butt for being so dumb.”

Who’s he kidding? There’s no way he’d eat churn berries. He flashes a smile and I temporarily forget his penetrating eyes
.
He thuds down in the grass and I position myself next to him.

“Tell me something I don’t know about you” I ask.

“You pretty much know it all Nessa, except for my hygiene routines which I’ll keep to myself, thank you very much.”

“Tell me something I don’t know. Seriously.”

“Using dangerous words like ‘seriously’ could get you in trouble little lady.” I shoot him a sideways glance before I push harder.

“Come on, I really want to hear something new, anything to take my mind off the leap.” I turn-on a flirtatious smile to soften him.

“Okay...” He finally breaks. I roll on my side to cradle my head. “Our family has a mark.” He says.

“Don’t most?” I interrupt

“Yeah. Except
I
got the mark.”

“When?” I can’t believe he’s never told me. 

“It was actually right after we met.” I instinctively lower my eyes, our first meeting carries so many emotions, most too painful to think about. “That afternoon after I found the healer I went to pick you flowers.” I smile remembering him holding them, the way the colors captured my eyes was like water capturing the sun. “I’d seen my dad bring my mom flowers before, it made her happy.” He laughs. “I’d gotten the bunch and was on my way back when I saw a den.” He pauses to remember. “I heard whimpering, so I went to it. There was this starving kit, it had been abandoned.”

My heart unexpectedly aches for the abandoned fox, like a part of me could relate to it. The isolation and fear, the loss that comes with being alone without your mother. I really could relate.

“I couldn’t just leave it there to starve so I went back every day to feed it. It ate just about everything I put down. Eventually it got stronger and walked and then it played and ran.” I picture him at five-years-old playing with the little animal. “It would come when I whistled, all sorts of dumb stuff, but to me it was awesome. I had a friend and something that needed me.” He pauses briefly, “I’d been going there for months, and my best guess is that one of the retirees told a regulator I’d been pocketing food during second line, because one day a regulator followed me. He was real sneaky, I never knew he was there until I was already at the den.” His eyes soften and his voice cracks, “I whistled and the fox came out, I fed him like always and then everything was a blur. I heard a twig snap and I saw the red hairs on the fox stand straight up, but it was too late. It tried to run but the bullet was too fast.”

“Garrett that’s terrible.”

“The regulator took me home and explained the situation to my parents. He said he was being ‘lenient,’ since technically I could’ve gotten two marks, one for lifting food from the pavilion, the other for interacting with animals outside of hunting.”

“How come you never told me?”

“Don’t know. It’s one of the only times I’ve really been mad at Central. I don’t like thinking about it. Reminds me that the place I’m supposed to idealize may have flaws.”

I can’t find the words he probably wants to hear, something along the lines of agreeing with him. I don’t have the anger he has, I idealize Central. It’s one of the few things I truly believe in. When you believe and trust something so totally, it’s hard to find faults in it.   

“So why all the studying and preparing? Would you even accept the leap?”

“Of course, it would be stupid to turn it down. I figure everything’s better over there. Who knows, maybe they’re allowed to keep animals.” He laughs. “Plus someone has to keep an eye on you when you’re over there.”

“Right! Cause I’m so pitiful that I need constant supervision.” I roll onto my back and think about Garrett with his fox. I wonder what it would have been like to have someone care for me during the time my heart was healing. Papa did his best but he couldn’t take the pain away. Either way, I made it through that darkness. I gathered my shattered heart and piece by piece put it back together. Part of it was through hope, part of it was believing in something better.

The sun strikes its highest peak when Garrett breaks the silence.

“Why won’t you go out with me?”

I snap my head to look at him. “Not this again.” I smile.

“It’s been a couple weeks since I asked. Figured it was worth another try. I’m patient, I’ll keep waiting for a moment of weakness.” He grins, nervously combing his hands through his hair. Man does he look good when he does that.

My eyes trace a path across our bodies to my pale arm. I look down seeing my skin turning red. I should cover my arms I think. The last time I let them get this red my skin blistered and peeled like a snake shedding its skin. My absent thoughts get interrupted by his breathing. “You sound like the shuttle when it hits a loose rock” I joke. Garrett turns to me, shrugging his shoulders.

He grins and I find myself staring at his lips. “I bet I can swim to the northern embankment and back before you even get wet” he says. I barely have time to question that possibility as I briefly envision him running for the water. Suddenly there’s a rush of air and his strong hand taps my shoulder.