Words Unspoken (27 page)

Her mother answered impatiently. “Shh, Katy-Kate. Don’t worry about Daddy.”

“But Daddy’s sick, Mommy. I saw him, stretched out on the bed. That nurse was trying to wake him up.”

“He’s better now, but he needs to rest. And your father has a lot of work. I am going to take you on a wonderful trip far away where we’ll see castles and beaches and go to fancy parties and ride ponies. You’ll be happy, little Katy-Kate. We’ll be happy.”

But she had not been happy. She had missed her father, the way he held her in his lap and read her wonderful stories or made-up ones of his own. Life with her mother meant constant moving, from house to apartment to estate to farm, a journey to fancy places with strange foods. All Katy Lynn wanted was to go home and be a family of three again.

A crash of thunder surprised her, and she watched, mesmerized, as far out over the sea a brilliant flash of lightning split the sky in two with its fierce jagged white line. Just as suddenly another scene flashed before her.

Mommy led Katy Lynn to the bassinet, where a tiny baby lay wrapped in a blanket. “Look, Katy Lynn! Your baby sister! Isn’t she beautiful?”

Katy Lynn did not think she was beautiful. She didn’t want this baby. Katy Lynn finally had what she had dreamed of—the three of them, together, happy. Mommy, Daddy, and Katy-Kate. Now her father looked adoringly at Mommy and baby Janelle. Not fair! In her nine-year-old heart, Katy Lynn decided she would do whatever it took to win her father’s affections back to her.

By the time Katy Lynn found refuge in a café in La Grande Motte, she was soaked to the bone and her mind had replayed several other distasteful memories of the past. She had hated her baby sister, treated her as an intruder, watched jealously all the attention her parents had lavished on the new baby.

“Sweetie, listen to Daddy. Nothing in the whole wide world can replace my Katy-Kate. I love you with everything in my heart.” Here he swung her around and around until her giggles filled up the room. “Baby Nelli requires
a lot of attention right now, but that doesn’t mean we love you any less. You are our wonderful Katy-Kate.”

Katy Lynn did not want to remember the rest—the way everything had changed, the way her capricious fits wiped the joy from her father’s face, the way her parents were forced to hire baby-sitters to watch Janelle because they could not trust teenaged Katy Lynn with her little sister, the jealousy that had clung to her just the way her damp hair was sticking to her face and neck as she bent over her hot chocolate.

It took two hours to get back to the house, and when she opened the door, Janelle greeted her with a hug.

“Katy! I was so worried. I had no idea where you’d gone, and I had no car. And look at you! You’re sopping. Where in the world have you been? Are you okay? Oh, I’m so glad to see you. Now run take a shower and get on some dry clothes, and I’ll fix you a cup of hot tea.”

Katy Lynn felt numb from the cold and the reality of her life. She climbed the steps obediently. Her sister was treating her like a child, but Katy Lynn did not mind. It felt good to be worried over, pampered, and cared about by someone else.

Katy Lynn stood in front of Sandy’s closet, naked and clean. She reached for her pajamas, needing their comfort, but settled on the worn pair of jeans she had thrown in her suitcase at the last minute, in case she needed something casual.

Casual! Everything about Janelle’s life was casual! No parties except the ones she gave for veiled women and bratty kids. Even at their little church, Katy Lynn had been way overdressed. Never mind, today she needed casual. She pulled on the jeans and a sweat shirt. No sense putting on makeup; she couldn’t cover up her red eyes. Well, who cared? Janelle certainly was no queen of fashion. She probably didn’t even own an eyeliner.

Katy Lynn took a breath and walked down the stairs.

Janelle had set a teapot on the scratched coffee table, along with two mugs and a plateful of those delicious cinnamon cookies Katy Lynn had discovered at the store. She was sitting on the couch—the one that desperately needed recovering—her legs tucked under her, a copy of
Southern Living
spread across her lap.

“You look nice and comfy,” Katy Lynn said.

Janelle glanced up, took in her sister’s appearance without comment, and patted the sofa. “Yes, it feels heavenly to be reading a magazine. Thanks for bringing it. Come on, sit down and have a cup of tea.”

Katy Lynn sat on the opposite end of the sofa and watched as her sister delicately poured the tea, placing the mug on a coaster and offering her cream and sugar. She took a lump of sugar, then another, shrugging. “I shouldn’t,” she said as she reached for a cookie.

Janelle poured herself a mug of tea, stirred in the cream and sugar, delicately again. No, not delicately. Thankfully. Yes, as if this simple gesture were an extravagant gift, something she relished.

“Sometimes we just need a little comfort, don’t we?” her sister said, taking a long sip of tea.

Katy Lynn felt her body relax, the tightness in her chest lessen. “Yes. I guess so.” She reached for the cup and found herself curling her legs up under her. “Thank you, Janelle. For this. You’re right; I needed it.”

“Umm. Good.” Her sister held the cup in front of her, and the steam seemed to warm her face. “I can’t offer much, but it always surprises me how a good cup of tea will do the trick.”

“You have lots of ladies over for tea, don’t you?”

Janelle gave a shrug and her round cheeks grew pink. “I guess it’s just my way. The women need a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen to them. So we drink tea, and I listen.”

“That’s it?”

“Well, eventually, after they tell me about their lives, they start asking questions about my life, about my beliefs. If I listen long enough, they don’t seem to mind when I talk about the way I do things and about God.” Her cheeks were glowing now. “You know, faith. But it’s all so gradual. Just takes time. A lot of time.”

Katy Lynn turned over these words. France had stripped her sister bare, but not in a bad way. Bare of the trappings of life, but full of relationships. Sad, depressed Janelle nonetheless made tea and listened. Katy Lynn had accused her of being a fake, but the truth was that Janelle did not hide her pain, neither did she hide behind it. She used it. Yes, that was it. Tragedy was part of her life.

“You visit his grave every day, don’t you?”

Janelle looked straight at her sister. Katy Lynn had never really noticed that her eyes were such a deep brown, a soothing color.

“Almost every day, yes.”

“Does your, your faith help you, Nel?”

“Sometimes it does.” Janelle gave a sad smile. “And then sometimes I feel so very low and even angry, and nothing helps.” She set down her cup on the coaster and stared out into the tiny backyard where rain was pelting the grass. “But even then, I know God is holding me. He’s not expecting me to be some strong woman. I don’t think He minds my tears. My friends are patient, but they want me to be over it. Two years, you know …”

She looked at Katy Lynn almost apologetically.

“Oh, Janelle. How could you ever be
over
it! People say the stupidest things! I don’t know how you’ve kept going. Losing a child must be the worst thing on earth. You should just keep grieving for as long as it takes.” Her eyes misted. “I’m sorry I didn’t know how to help. I should have done more.”

Janelle shrugged her shoulders and gave a weak smile.

What do I expect her to say?

“You’re brave, Janelle.”

At that comment, Janelle rolled her eyes and gave an exasperated sigh. “Right.”

“No, you are. I mean it. And I can tell how much the people love you. Don’t feel bad about hurting.” The next sentence she needed to say quickly. “I think it scared me—the horror of it—you losing Josh. And it happening to you—a missionary, devoted to God’s cause. I couldn’t figure that one out.”

Janelle nodded and bit her lip. “I guess finally I stopped trying. The Bible says it rains on the good and the evil. I had to accept that our tragedy wasn’t going to fit into some neat little category about God’s will.” She ran her hands through her hair, pulling it back into a ponytail, then letting it fall free again. “I guess I just wanted my friends to listen and cry with me, the way I had done with them. Instead, they tried to make it better. I know they meant well, they still do, but people can say such shallow things.”

“That’s for sure. My group of girls—good friends, mind you—are the queens of gossip. Sometimes I wonder if they would listen if one of us ever brought up anything serious.”

“I think it’s something we have to learn—we have to feel the freedom to tell the truth. That kind of atmosphere comes with time, with trust.”

Katy Lynn took another cookie, dipped it into the tea, and watched the cookie change color, parts of it disintegrating into the liquid. Tears were right behind her eyes; she dared not speak.

Gently Janelle asked, “Katy Lynn, how’s Hamilton? You haven’t really talked about him much. Are things okay?”

The tears trickled down her cheeks. She said nothing, occasionally brushing them away with the back of her hand. Finally she whispered, “Hamilton has gone off with a cute little secretary from the office. He’s filed for divorce.”

Janelle reached over and took her sister’s hand. “No. Oh, no.”

“Yep. Just got a full report from the private investigator this morning. Plenty of pictures, if I want to see them when I get back.” She took the Kleenex Janelle offered and blew her nose. “That’s why I’m here. I was trying to escape. Your big sister’s life is falling apart.”

“I’m so sorry.”

Katy Lynn blew her nose again. “You’d think I would have caught on earlier. I was too busy pretending everything was okay, making it seem okay …” Another sniff. “Anyway, I’m glad I came. I really am.”

“Me too.”

“Thank you for letting me barge in, a silly sister who has no clue about what your life is like. You’re a saint.”

Janelle looked at her wryly. “You know
that
isn’t true. I can’t say I was jumping up and down when I found out you wanted to visit. But I really am glad you’re here.”

Katy Lynn took a sip of tea and smiled. “You’ve done it again—tea and cookies, and I’m spilling out my life. But there’s something I want to say. You and Brian are great parents. And the kids are fantastic. They really are. And I want to say something else. What you’re doing matters, somehow. I can tell it matters.”

Spontaneously, they reached across the couch to each other and squeezed hands. Then each took a Kleenex, blew her nose, and laughed.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 16

Janelle didn’t know what to make of the sudden change in her sister, but she accepted it with gratitude, like an unexpected hug from one of her children. When she returned from walking Luke and Sandy to school on Friday after lunch, Katy Lynn announced, “Janelle, you need to get ready.”

“Ready for what?”

“I’m taking you shopping. And to get your hair cut.”

“Oh, no, Katy. You don’t need to do that.”

“I
want
to do that. It’s the least I can do. You’ve kept me for almost two weeks, free room and board, yummy food.”

“In the dollhouse,” Janelle said with a smile.

“I’ve grown quite fond of your dollhouse. Come on, Nel, let me treat you to a haircut and a new outfit. I guarantee it’ll do wonders for you.”

Janelle had to admit as she searched through her wardrobe for something appropriate to wear that she felt a sudden lightness and excitement at the prospect of shopping with her sister.

________

Amazingly, the coiffeur knew at once what Janelle needed to bring back a youthful appearance. Janelle could not help but smile and feel the heat coming to her cheeks when the hairdresser swished her neck with the duster and pulled off the plastic robe. She looked years younger!

Katy Lynn nodded in approval, paid with a wad of franc bills, and said, “Brian will go wild. But we’re not done yet.”

My sister is a woman on a mission,
Janelle thought as Katy Lynn led her through Montpellier’s mall to where the chic store Galeries Lafayette opened in front of them.

“Makeup. You need makeup. Subtle, but enough to highlight your strong points. You’ve got gorgeous big brown eyes and a perfectly creamy complexion.”

Before Janelle could protest, Katy Lynn had located a saleswoman and convinced her with hand signals and bare-bones French to give Janelle a free makeover. Thirty minutes later, Janelle stared for several seconds before she actually recognized herself as the young woman staring back at her in the mirror. She felt like shouting
Hallelujah!

“Next item! Lingerie!”

“Oh, no. French lingerie is expensive and it never fits me right.”

“Don’t be ridiculous! French lingerie is gorgeous and doesn’t have to exactly
fit
.” Katy Lynn gave her a wink. “The whole point is that it won’t stay on for long!”

Janelle’s face went scarlet, but then she said, “Lead on, big sister! Seduction, here we come!”

________

Katy Lynn had not had this much fun since she’d treated Gina and her friends to lunch at Neiman Marcus last year. It took a bit of prodding, but she managed to convince Janelle to purchase French lace undergarments, things Janelle had probably never even dared to look at before. Well, Brian would certainly enjoy looking now! And in the women’s department at Galeries Lafayette, she found two pairs of stylish jeans that made Janelle look slimmer, as well as a nice fitting long-sleeved blouse in a soft brown that was the perfect color for her. Katy Lynn couldn’t resist buying her sister matching pumps and a purse.

On their ride back home on the bus, each woman carrying several bags, Janelle looked at Katy Lynn and shook her head.

“I don’t know what to say, Katy. Thank you so much. It’s been a long time since I’ve had anything new. A long time since someone treated me like I deserved to look nice.”

For some odd reason, Katy Lynn felt a catch in her throat. All she could do was nod and choke out, “My pleasure.” Nothing else came. Next thing she knew, she’d be hugging her sister.