Words to Tie to Bricks (16 page)

Narrator
: Our story begins on the fifteenth of June, 1815. Fourteen months prior to these events, the French emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was captured and sent into
exile. He was permitted to bring along 5000 men from his beloved Imperial Guard and rule the tiny island of Elba. He was not to be gone for long however. After eleven months, he returned to France.
The newly crowned French king fled and Napoleon was back in full glory.

Horrified, his old enemies met in Vienna to form the Sixth Coalition and plot against one man. The old enemies, listed off the fingers of a hand: Spain, Britain, Prussia, Austria and Russia.
Napoleon tried to appeal for peace by appearing publically in white robes as opposed to his famous brown overcoat and sending envoys equipped with treaties to each of the other powers, but any
requests for negotiations were overturned. Everyone had learned from their previous mistakes and assumed correctly that Napoleon was not to be trusted. However, despite the danger that faced
France, Napoleon’s newly reformed army had certain positional advantages. The Austrian and Spanish armies were not mobilised and were encountering logistical problems due to distance. The
Russian troops marching all the way from Moscow were not due to arrive for at least a year.

Only two armies, one British under Sir Arthur Wellesley, the Duke of Wellington, the other Prussian under Gebhard Von Blücher, were deployed near France and were in any way prepared for
battle. Napoleon had set his sights on Brussels in order to crush both armies simultaneously and establish permanent dominance over mainland Europe. The fate of Europe, and indeed the world, hangs
in the balance.

Act One, Scene One

A tent. Enter Duke of Wellington, his staff, some soldiers etc. Enter Prussian messenger holding a sealed letter

Messenger:
Your honour, Arthur Wellesley, Duke of Wellington. I bear news from my leader, marshal of the Prussian Army, Gebhard Von Blücher.

Wellington:
What news would this be? I received word of his advance toward Ligny only last night.

Messenger:
I bring word of a skirmish, sir. A French army has been sighted in Belgium.

Wellington
:
(stunned)
An army!

Messenger
: Yes sir. Under the command of the French Emperor himself. Marshal Blücher’s 124
^th
Musketeers engaged them. A light skirmish
– they seem to have more Voltigeurs than usual – and a brief cavalry charge by French Dragoons. Hardly another Austerlitz but –

Wellington
:
(suspiciously)
Did Blücher himself send this message?

Messenger
: These words have come from Blücher himself, your Grace.
(Shows him seal on letter)
The armies engaged just as the clock struck eight.
I was dispatched at once. Marshal Blücher is going to stand ground at Ligny. This French army, according to spotters, appears to be on a road directly between us. Marshal Blücher feels
they want to push us apart, sir.

Wellington
: Was there a sighting of Napoleon himself?

Messenger
: The Imperial Carriage was spotted at an inn a few miles west of the skirmish, your Grace. Blücher believes that unless this is the biggest
bluff the Emperor has ever attempted, he commands them directly.

Wellington
:
(nods)
Message received and understood. I must consult with my staff.
(Waves hand behind him)
Send your marshal word that I shall
be in touch very soon. You may go.

[Exit Messenger, leaving letter on table]

Wellington
: The clock has just struck one. If Napoleon’s advance began at seven o’clock, say, they could have advanced a far distance into Belgium.
(Thumps table)
Goddamn it! How could this have happened? Could it be a bluff? Ploys to make us think France is more powerful than they are in reality and hence deter us launching an
invasion?

Staff 1
: Your Grace, I feel this is no bluff. Why would the Emperor –

Wellington
: Silence, Moore.

Staff 2:
But sir ...

Wellington
: Silence! You all know damn well I don’t think this is a bluff, but nor am I willing to accept at present that this blasted French bugger who
crept back from exile three months ago would have the nerve to march a full army straight onto British-occupied soil.
(Wellington puts map on table. Staff gather around. Project map of Belgium
for audience)

Staff 3
: Assuming that messenger was completely accurate, the Emperor is ...

Staff 2
: Your Grace, we do not know for certain that messenger was not a fraud. For all we know, he could be French –

Wellington
: With a strong Prussian accent and Blücher’s personal seal. No, I do trust him, I believe he is as he says.

Staff 4
: Supposing the messenger himself was genuine, do we know for certain that it’s the Emperor? Could he not have sent Ney or Grouchy, perhaps?

Wellington
:
(Almost amused)
Men, men! I do not wish to believe that it really is Napoleon – I know many of you still think of him as formidable
after Spain – but I do not assume he would send Ney or Grouchy to Belgium. It just is not in his character.

Staff 3
: Bonaparte sent Ney to conquer Austria –

Wellington
:
(Irritated)
While he had taken up residence in an inn twenty miles from the border, yes. However, that was different.
(Bangs
table)
Napoleon is a xenophobe who utterly detests the English. Belgium and specifically Brussels is the main centre of British influence on the mainland! Ten years ago, were it not for
Nelson, Napoleon would almost certainly have personally led his blasted invasion.

Staff 2
: Why would the bugger risk his neck?

Wellington
: It was never really war with the coalition. It was always Napoleon against the British. He hates us! He wants nothing more than to beat us off the
continent and send any disbanded survivors tearing back to the seven gates of London. He will lead his villainous army in the hope of watching our heroic gin-sodden rags, bless them, blast
themselves with their own muskets! He uses scare tactics gentlemen, nothing more! That was what let him conquer half the known world a decade ago but
(raising voice, thumps table with each
word)
times ... have ... CHANGED! Now he must defeat five united empires, along with numerous smaller countries in open warfare. The strategy of Macbeth shall not humble us into submission
again.

Staff 1
: Your Grace, how would you like us to proceed?

Wellington
: Send word to some cavalry skirmishers on the flanks to go hunt for this French army of Blüchers. Find out if it even exists. There’s
absolutely no point in doing anything else first.

Staff 3
: And the gala ball tonight? Shall we send word to Her Grand Duchess of Brussels that His Grace the Noble Duke of Wellington shall not be in
attendance?

Wellington
:
(Considering)
No. We will proceed with that plan for now. There is absolutely no point in deploying troops or anything else until we know
for certain that there is a genuine threat. The Duchess is a rather forceful woman and maintaining good relations with the Belgians is essential for the success of this campaign. And after all
(laughs)
I can’t see them attacking in the middle of a celebration. We all know the French dictator fancies his wine as much as assailing us! In short, pretend that godforsaken army
doesn’t even exist! Don’t let it spoil your evening, my lads!

[Exeunt]

Act One, Scene Two

A tent. Enter Napoleon and his staff

Napoleon
: Has our army congregated as we planned?

Staff 1
: Yes, Mon Emperor. Marshal Ney has sent word that he is prepared to take Quatre Bras and later La Belle Alliance. We shall be dining in Brussels by
Sunday evening.

Napoleon
: Today is Thursday. When shall Ney be ready to strike?

Staff 2
: Daybreak, Mon Emperor. The gullible British are unprepared and defenceless. As we speak, their
(sneer)
grand leader, Arthur Wellesley of
Wellington, is putting on his finest clothes and dancing shoes for some ridiculous dinner party the Duchess of Brussels is hosting. Their army is spread across the whole country like butter on
bread. Ney shall crush them with ease.

Napoleon
: Send word to Ney to proceed. I personally wish to speak with Wellington when he is in chains.

Staff 1
: I shall see it done, Mon Emperor.

[Exit Staff 1]

Staff 2
: And what of the Prussians, sire? What shall be done to deal with their threat?

Napoleon
:
(Thinking)
I will engage them personally. Prussians ... annoy me. They are flies to be crushed, specks to be wiped. The British are the true
enemies of any Frenchman. However ... Blücher. He is a sly fox. I shall lead the Guard forward. Ney shall capture Quatre Bras. We will destroy both the English and the Prussians at dawn
tomorrow and capture Brussels permanently!

Staff 2
: As you wish, Mon Emperor.

[Exeunt all but Napoleon]

Napoleon
: Oh glorious day! Oh triumphant day! The thought of Wellington in the heart of the Bastille beguiles me. Wellington. The one enemy general who
supposedly has the capacity to defeat me in battle. I would have believed it was impossible, a rumour started by a child, but even my own generals do not advise direct contact with him. Were I a
Corporal once again, I’d request him to eat grass before breakfast. He and his army are so unfathomably irritating.
(Pacing)
The British. The British Goddamns. I was forced to
abandon my campaign in Egypt to deal with traitors in my capital. It was the British who had lashed out against me, spreading their lies and propaganda. It was the British who crippled my fleet at
the Nile and finally crushed it at Trafalgar. And the British in the Iberian Campaign ...
(Hollow laugh)
I desired Portugal, a British ally. Spain was no genuine asset, merely a servant to
be sent on errands, no more. They had served all their purposes as allies; now they would join the proud league of nationalities under French ascendancy.
(Shout)
But oh no! The traitorous
hypocrites chose to join London, not Paris! Pushing my armies north, back over the Pyrenees! But not this time!
(Growling)
Oh, come Ney, take La Belle Alliance, we shall engage the
tiresome British on the Brussels road and in our victory, six centuries of shame, insult and pointless conflict will be avenged and the British army will be but a cutlet of meat beneath a French
knife!

[Exit Napoleon]