Woman Who Could Not Forget (13 page)

After Yellowstone, we drove straight south to Salt Lake City. We took a tour at the big Mormon Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and listened to their version of history and the religion of Mormonism. When the church video said that American Indian art and culture could be attributed to the Jews who left Israel to discover the New World, I could see that Iris was frowning with disbelief. We were not Christians, but we were not against any religion or anybody’s belief. As a scientist, I’m always in pursuit of truth. Our views might have influenced Iris. When her friends asked her whether she was Christian or whether she believed in any religion, she would say she was “agnostic” but not an “atheist.”

That summer, the Olympic Games were taking place in Los Angeles. The People’s Republic of China, for the first time, was going to participate in the Games. Before that, only The Republic of China on Taiwan was in the Games. Watching that year’s Olympics in L.A. on TV was very popular among Chinese-Americans, and Iris and Michael were excited about it too. Very naturally, we talked about the two Chinese political systems and the historical background involved. At this time, there was a game between the PRC and the U.S. In front of the TV set, Shau-Jin and I were in favor of the Chinese team, whereas Michael supported the American team. Iris seemed undecided and she said she did not know which side she would prefer. This reminded me an incident Iris told me about when she was in grade school. One of her classmates asked her, if America and China were at war, which side she would be on. Iris told her friend that she hoped there would be never a war between America and China. When she came home, she told me that she was confused and did not know how to answer. She said she loved both countries. In 1984, she still loved both countries. She was not too concerned about which country would win the medal count in the Olympics.

On our way back home from L.A., we passed through Utah again, but this time we accidentally visited Cedar Breaks National Monument near Cedar City. It was raining. When we reached the Monument, the sun suddenly broke through the clouds. The sunshine made the rain-washed sandstones brilliant red. The scene was stunningly beautiful and unforgettable. Could all those scenes Iris saw from the trips we took over the years to the West and to the East Coast have made her more appreciative of nature? The family trip we took together in 1984 spanned more than half of the country; we saw from the vast flat plains of the Midwest to the majestic Teton peaks of Wyoming, from the white sand desert of the Salt Lake to the bright red sandstone of Cedar Breaks, from the glittering neon signs of Reno to the blue seashore of Santa Monica. . . .

In the fall of 1984, Iris began her last year of Uni High. She became the senior editor of the magazine
Unique
. With the SAT and ACT examinations behind her, the last year of high school was really a free time for all the seniors. Iris collected many articles from her schoolmates for
Unique
to be published, and she herself also contributed many. When the 1984-1985 issue of
Unique
came out, it was thicker than before, and she had four poems in it.

During her senior year, Iris’s English class had a senior debate. Iris prepared for the debate very carefully. The topic was social reform in the U.S. Iris went to the U of I main library to gather materials and prepared for the debate. I remember that she carried a gray metal index-card box to school with her every day. She wrote down her arguments on each notecard. She often mentioned to me that the debate at Uni was good training: it prepared her for public speaking and debating later in her career.

In February 1985, she was almost seventeen years old and got her driver’s license. She was like a bird, ready to have her solo. As a senior, she now had many literary friends and enjoyed her life and was very busy with her social activities. When it was time for the Prom, we went together to look for a prom dress and the necessary accessories. Indeed, she had grown up as a beautiful young lady, but she somehow did not realize it yet.

In June, Iris graduated from Uni High. It was an important time for all the seniors. Iris was no exception. All the seniors received the Uni High Yearbook with their senior class pictures. Each graduate had been asked to write a few words of their own or use a quotation from their most admired personalities. Iris chose Matthew Arnold and Albert Einstein, a literary figure and a scientist. The quote from Matthew Arnold read:

“Poetry is simply the most beautiful, impressive, wildly effective mode of saying things, hence its importance.”

And from Einstein:

“Imagination is more important than knowledge.”

On graduation day, all the students were busy writing in each other’s yearbooks. The seniors were especially excited since they were embarking on a brand-new stage in their lives. Iris’s friends from the editorial board of
Unique
wrote words of appreciation and admiration for her literary talent and hard work. But there were others who did not know Iris very well, and they expressed regret that they had not made the effort to know her better.

It was a paradox. On the one hand, Iris tried her best to be accepted by her peers; on the other hand, she was very independent. She held her own views and opinions, and resisted following the crowd. Some of her classmates considered her to be a loner lost in her own world. In reality, she was constantly reflecting and striving to become the best in whatever she was doing. She was extremely competitive and motivated.

On graduation day, as Iris watched some of her classmates being voted to be one of the most likely to succeed, she felt left out and depressed. She knew that it was just a popularity contest, but it was disturbing to her. She was restless. She talked to me for a long time that evening after graduation. I did sense her ambition, her strong determination to succeed, and her confidence in proving herself. I told her that I believed in her and that one day she
would
succeed. I told her that all she had to do was work hard and have patience. It went without saying that she had my full support. It was a mutual commitment we had.

Iris’s English teacher, Adele Suslick, knew Iris well, as she was the faculty sponsor for
Unique
and the two spent a lot of time together. Ms. Suslick spoke about Iris at the memorial service held on the University of Illinois campus on December 2, 2004, which gave us an accurate glimpse into her days at Uni High. She said on that occasion that “‘Colorful’ pales as a descriptor for her. She was one of the most passionate individuals I have ever known: very intense, very focused, totally committed to the cause at hand. . . .

“Iris’s first published work may have been this haiku (which appeared in the 1980-1981 issue of
Unique
):

“Time

Moving steadily

Destroys, mystifies, conquers

Absolutely impossible to stop

Eternity.”

Ms. Suslick continued: “Iris may not have considered knowledge paramount back then, but she knew a lot about a great many topics, as demonstrated by her outstanding performance in Senior English. What’s more, she had an innate talent for public speaking and could nail an argument with compelling evidence. She made meticulous notecards, I recall. Grades did not seem to motivate her as much as her desire to understand something thoroughly, and she always looked you directly in the eye when she spoke. There was no doubt that she believed in what she had to say and that she wanted you to believe it too.” These words were a good characterization of Iris as we knew her.

In August 1985, after her high-school graduation, we headed east for a family vacation to see Po-Po and Gong-Gong in New York. We drove to New York via Ann Arbor, then from Toronto to Boston. When we reached Cambridge, we showed Iris the Harvard campus along the Charles River. We showed her the Memorial Church on the campus quad, where Shau-Jin and I had married, and the Holden Green, the married student housing, where we had lived. We also took her to see Harvard Medical School, where I had spent five years as a medical science student. We also showed her the famous century-old Filene’s bargain basement store where I’d found the few fancy clothes that I could afford to buy. It was a trip to recount Shau-Jin’s and my graduate student days. Now, twenty years later, Iris was going to move to a dormitory and get her own taste of college life.

I
ris was admitted into the University of Illinois in 1985, double-majoring in mathematics and computer science. Before she started her freshman year that fall, she had already registered with the U of I for a summer math course in calculus. She studied hard every day, since the summer course was short and intense. She got an A for her hard work. At the end of the summer, after we returned from our vacation to the East Coast, Iris moved to Hendricks House, a privately owned high-rise building in Urbana very close to the campus. It was on the same block as the Physics building and one block from my laboratory in Morrill Hall.

The day she moved in, we all were there, including Michael, to help her. The campus was full of students and helping parents. The town was awakened by the noises, which were a huge contrast to the summer silence. Finally, Iris was out of our house—an independent person. In reality, it only took ten minutes for her to drive home and five minutes to walk to her dad’s office or to my lab during the day. Nevertheless, she was living on her own.

The first weekend, Iris came home. She was very happy and excited. She brought all her dirty laundry with her. While she was doing her laundry, she described to us the things that had happened in Hendricks House and her coursework. The girls she shared her suite with were nice, but they did not study as hard as she, she said. Most of the students in the house came from the Chicago area or nearby towns, and they all got along just fine. Looking at her beautiful and happy smile, she was just like a flower in full blossom. I was as happy as she was when I saw her smile.

Iris told me that she loved the fact that UI was so big, so that she was able to meet many different kinds of people. She enjoyed the freedom on the campus too. She said that no one really knew anyone else in such a big university, so no one would be judged as closely by peers, as would be the case in a small school. She was happy like a fish that had found water.

During registration and course selection, Iris had consulted Shau-Jin as to what courses she should take for her first semester. After all, Shau-Jin had been the course advisor for students in the Physics Department for many years. Shau-Jin told Iris that if she wanted to major in math and computer science, even if she was only required to take Physics 101 and 102, he advised her to take the Physics 106 and 107 series instead. Math and computer science were part of the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences. Only engineering students needed to take the harder Physics 106 and 107 rather than the easier Physics 101 and 102. But Shau-Jin told her that physics was a basic science for students who really wanted to major in math and computer science. Iris listened to her dad and signed up for Physics 106.

Iris studied hard, and the only time she came to see me or her dad in our offices was when she needed money to pay tuition or rent, or to buy meals and books. In addition, we gave her an allowance for clothes. At this time, she was quite aware of her appearance, and she started to enjoy shopping for clothes. She found an Indian shop on Green Street carrying many exotically colored clothes imported from India that were comparatively inexpensive. Because she was tall and slim, any clothes looked elegant on her. She showed me a multicolored skirt made of soft cotton fabric imported from India and a black long-sleeve top. Wearing those clothes, with her long curling black hair (she had her hair styled in a beauty salon in her senior year at Uni High), she looked like a gorgeous young lady from an ancient Middle Eastern country.

Iris did not usually spend too much time shopping, except for necessities. She wore T-shirts and jeans to go to class. The only times she really needed fancy clothes were when she went to a party. Whenever she was shopping, she looked at the price tag first. I think we had influenced her in this regard. Both Shau-Jin and I had come to this country on scholarships with limited resources. We were very careful in spending, quite frugal. It became a habit, even when our income later improved. We had always told her that we should not waste time and money on something we did not really need.

Iris told us that she was often noticed and admired by male students she met on campus. She seemed to enjoy the attention. I knew she was going to parties and watching movies in addition to studying. She was really enjoying college life. She not only met many students in her computer science courses, but also met students from other departments, such as engineering or English majors.

Every weekend Iris came home to do her laundry and see the cat, as she missed Cat very much. In the meantime, she would ask Shau-Jin about the math or physics that she did not understand in her courses. Her first semester ended happily, with a grade point average that qualified her for the Dean’s List.