Woman (8 page)

     "Not in other words,
Maxie boy," Val came back. "Them's the words. Sex objects,
period.
I mean
except
for their period." He held out his glass, chanting,
"Wha-wha,"
in burlesque style.

     "Val, be serious,"
Liz told him. Her tone was more affectionate than serious, though, David noted.

     "Why, aren't
you
a sex object, Liz?" he said. As
she gave him a mildly critical look, he added, "You are to me."

     Liz groaned softly.
"God," she murmured.

     Val looked at Candy with an
innocent expression. "Aren't
you
a sex object, Candy?" he asked, his tone making it obvious
that he already knew she was.

     
"No"
Candy whined. "I have a brain too, you know."

     Val looked astonished.
"
I
didn't know
that," he said.

     "I doubt if you know it
about
any
woman,"
Barbara said coldly. Everyone looked at her, surprised.

     "
Ooh
," Val said as though stung.
"Right in the kishkes. Better keep an eye on her, Max." He turned to
Ganine. "What do you think, sweetheart? I thought you were retarded
because you never heard of
Country Boy
but I didn't
really
think you were. What do
you
think about all this?"

     "I don't know anything
about it," she said, blushingslightly.

     "Holy shit, she
is
retarded." Val looked around the
group. "It's very simple, folks. Pay attention now. Men have cocks and
women want them."

     Liz looked incredulously at
her brother.
"Penis envy?"
she said. "You can't be serious, Val."

     "Am I
ever
serious?" he asked. Abruptly,
he did look serious. "You
bet
I'm serious."

     "Well, that's
ridiculous,"
Barbara said. David had
always suspected that Barbara didn't like Val but he'd never known it for
certain until now.

     Val pointed at Barbara but
looked at Max. "Better watch her, Max," he warned.

     "Not to defend my dear
wife but Freud didn't think it was ridiculous," Max told him.

     "Good ol' Ziggie,"
Val said.

     Barbara's words overlapped
his, "Freud was a goddamn chauvinist," she said.

     Val assumed an over-ripe
German accent. "Got'n'himmel," he said. "I thought he was a
fucking Viennese."

     "Val, come on. Be
serious. I mean
really!"
Liz told him, "Why in God's name should women want that. . .damned
protuberance?"
she finished.

     "Pro-
tub
erance?" Val said.
"Hoo-ee!"

     "I think men have
vagina envy," Barbara said.

     
"Pussy
envy?" Val said. "No way! I don't
want
one. I just wanna be
inside
one. With my protuberance, of
course. Or—"
He made a rapid
tongue-lapping face at Candy who struck at the air in front of him again.

     "You know," Max
said, his tone gentle as though he was about to make a reasonable point.
"The Hebrews have a daily prayer which goes—" His voice turned icy as
he finished "—
I thank thee, Lord, for not having
created me a woman."

     "Yes. And Freud was a
Jew," Barbara countered.

     Val looked pseudo-startled
at Max. "You married ananti-Semite?" he said as though the notion
shocked him.

     "That's right!"
Barbara exploded, causing everyone to look at her in surprise. "The
ultimate goddamn defense!" she raged. "Call women prejudiced who've been
prejudiced against since the beginning of time!" David was the only one
who noticed that Ganine had silently applauded.

     "Ooh, this is getting
good
now," Val said, grinning.
"I can see why you wanted to get back to this," he told Max.

     "Barbara is right in a
way," David said, wondering immediately if this was going to delay their
departure for too long a period.

     "How's that,
Doctor?"
Max asked in a cold voice.

     "Well," David
said, "Freud's major theory was that man is incomplete. He meant,
literally,
man.
He never
thought of women as incomplete. Merely inferior."

     
"Inferior?"
Barbara said angrily.

     "Wait a minute, wait a
minute." Val broke in. "We have an expert here. Let's pay attention.
Okay, Doc. Enlighten us. What's the story about men and women?"

     David smiled, knowing the
reaction his answer would bring. "Men are afraid of them," he said.

     "Afraid!" Val
cried, looking amazed.

     "That's bullshit,"
Max said.

     
"Max,"
Barbara said.

     "Well, it is," he
said.

     Charlie pushed to his feet.
"Speaking of shit," he said, heading for the bathroom.

     "Let's hear what
Doctori has to say," Val said. He did his Groucho impression again.
"As crazy as it is."

     David's smile was uncomfortable.
"Maybe we should talk about this in the limo." He checked his watch.
"It should be here any moment now."

     "No, you've brought
this up," Liz told him.

     "I know but do we
really want to go into this right now?"

     "You're
on,
Doctor Harper," Liz told him
only half in humor.

     David blew out breath.
"Okay," he said then.

     "Let's have it,"
Max said.

     "All right," David
said, "The reason women have always been an oppressed minority is that men
regard them as a menace."

     "There I'm
with
ya, Doc," Max told him.
"They
are
a
menace."

     "Put 'em away!"
Val cried, "chain 'em to the wall!" He made a suggestive face.
"Naked, of course," he added.

     David ignored him. 'This
so-called 'alien' quality has always outweighed women's desirabilities."

     "All three of them,
including hands," Val said. "Or in Candy's case, four."

     "Shut up, Val,"
Liz told him casually.

     Val imitated Butterfly
McQueen. "Yaz'm, Miz Scarlett! Yaz'm!"

     "Go on, David,"
Barbara said, "I like what you're saying. Mostly."

     "You would," Max
said.

     "All right. Brace
yourselves, Max and Val," David continued. "Historically men have
always been afraid of falling under the power of women and becoming slaves to
them."

     "Oh, Jesus
Christ," Max muttered.

     
"Ah,
yes," Val said, imitating W.C. Fields, "The old S and M
syndrome. Know it well."

     "Val,
shut-up,"
Liz said.

     Val looked hurt.
"Talking like that to the
star,"
he moaned.

     "Let David speak,"
Barbara told him irritably.

     "Christ, they're
all
turning on me," Val said.
"Boo hoo times two. Okay—" his voice went guttural. "
Speak,
Doctor Harper. Speak."

     "Do we really want to —
?" David started.

     
"Yes.
We
do,"
Liz
said. David wondered what she was thinking.

     He sighed. "All
right," he said. "This traditional fear ofwomen has engendered a
hostility which lurks behind a facade of domination. A façade which, hopefully,
intends — as Esther Harding put it—to overcome her (meaning woman) —with a
stroke."

     Val again, as W.C. Fields,
"Stroke me a stroke as fast as you can." He turned to Ganine.
"You haven't said a word," he told her. "What do you think of
all this?"

     "I think Doctor Harper
is always right," she answered.

     David saw how Liz stiffened
at Ganine's reply. Don't say anything to her, he thought with a sense of sudden
alarm. He really didn't know if what he'd said about Ganine was nonsense or
something to really be concerned about. He only knew that this was not the
moment to test it.

     "So what about
you,
Liz?" Val asked. "We
already know that Babs agrees with the Doc, Candy doesn't have the slightest
idea what he's talking about."

     "I
do
so," Candy pouted.

     "Yeah, yeah," Val
said. "Liz? You agree?"

     "More or less,"
she said.

     "How much more and how
much less?" Val asked.

     "Why don't we just let
David continue?" Barbara told him stiffly.

     Val raised both arms, bowed
to her twice in mock-abnegation, making East Indian chanting sounds of
humility.

     "Go on, David,"
Liz said. He had the feeling she was inviting him to say something she could
disagree with.

     "I don't like doing
this on an evening when—" he began.

     "Go
on,
David," She interrupted.

     "Please, David,"
Barbara said.

     "Let's hear more,"
Max told him.

     "The mandate of the people,"
Val said. "Vox populi. Ducks copulate."

     "Oh, I really
don't—" David started uncomfortably.

     "Where does all this
fear come from?" Barbara broke in. "All this hostility?"