Wolf Creek Father (Wolf Creek, Arkansas Book 3) (21 page)

“Dan told his version. I need to tell you mine.”

“All right.”

He drew in a fortifying breath. “After we talked the other day, I started thinking that for a lot of reasons, I should try to be a better person. And then I remembered the scripture about fathers bringing up their children the way they should go.”

He looked her directly in the eye. “I realized that I hadn’t done that, and figured that my kids had become such messes because I’d failed to teach them the way they should behave and why. I’d already come to terms with the fact that I’d failed them in a lot of ways, but I don’t think I really understood how badly until then.

“I prayed, and I think I had my first heart-to-heart talk with God in years.” He smiled. “It felt good, Allie. I felt better afterward. So I decided to go to church after all. And then we got called away.

“While I was waiting for Elton to make his move, I started thinking about what you want in a husband. Like I said this morning, looking death in the eye sort of puts things into perspective. I think God sent those mosquitoes as part of the way to save me from a bullet, so I can be that man.” His sincere, golden gaze held a tender expression. “I believe in time that I can be that man.”

“You’re doing it for me?”

“No! I thought I’d just made that clear. I’m doing it for me. I’ve done some things in my past that I’m not proud of, and I believed that God was punishing me by taking Patty away from me. Then while I was so miserable about you turning me down, I remembered that scripture, and it was like my eyes were open for the first time. I thought—hoped—it would make a difference to you.”

Allison rose and went across the room to look out the screen door. Did she believe his claim that he wanted to change his life? Strangely enough, she did, and she was glad. She’d thought that if he made this commitment, she would be able to give him a chance, but now that she was faced with that scenario, she wasn’t so sure.... Memories of her old heartache surfaced, bringing all the pain and shame. Could she take another chance with her heart?

Turning to face him, she dipped her head and looked at him over the tops of her glasses. “Are you saying that you love me?”

“Yes!” he cried, actually leaping to his feet and throwing up his hands. “Why is that so hard for you to believe?”

“Because you’re...everything I’m not.”

He made a slashing gesture to cut her off. She paused, clasping her fingers together at her waist to still their trembling. He looked furious. Nothing at all like a man declaring his love.

“We’ve been through all this.” He took another deep breath, as if he were gathering himself for a major confrontation. “I know you’re insecure about your looks. You as much as told me so that morning at Ellie’s. What if I said that sometimes you make me more than a little insecure?”

“Me? Why on earth would I make you insecure?”

“You can deny it all you want, but deep in my heart, I think you care for me at least a little. That’s scary to a guy like me. You’re far better educated than I am, far more knowledgeable about a whole slew of topics I can only begin to guess at. The thought of trying to make conversation with you for the next fifty years scares me to death, but I’m willing to try.”

This was something she’d never considered. She couldn’t fathom anything threatening him. Could it be possible that her education was a deterrent? Still, she knew she had to get everything she was feeling out in the open. Otherwise, they wouldn’t stand a chance. She began to pace the room.

“You talk about being together for fifty years, but for love to last that long, it has to be real. You don’t find it by making a list.”

There! She’d said it.

Colt, who was following her every step with his eyes, grew very still. “List?”

“Yes. I saw the list you made of potential brides.”

The expression on his face was somehow both horrified and remorseful. She felt no satisfaction for having caught him out, only sadness.

“How?”

“Cilla and Brady found it one day looking for something to write you a note on. She showed it to me thinking it might make me feel better to know that you’ve been considering me. Instead it showed me that you were wooing women, and when one didn’t work out, you moved on to the next.”

“Guilty as charged.”

He seemed to be regaining his composure, and she thought she detected a hint of irritation in his eyes.

“Again, that’s how I thought it worked,” he told her with a shrug. “You meet someone and try to find out if she’s the one. If not, you move on. None of those women was right for me for one reason and another. Of course, what do I know?” he added in a scorn-filled voice. “I’m just an inexperienced country sheriff, not a man of the world.”

“Some of those relationships ended because they were sabotaged by your children,” she reminded him, letting his sarcasm pass. “Not because you ended them.”

“Yes, they were. And while their conduct was way out of line, in the long run they saved me from a lot of wasted time. None of those women was right for me.”

“And I am?”

“My heart says you are.”

Oh, how she wanted to believe him, but there were still so many unanswered questions! “Then why is my name at the bottom of the list?”

Colt shook his head and one side of his mouth lifted in a half smile. “You don’t intend to make this easy for me, do you?”

“No, because it certainly isn’t easy on me. I feel like...like—” she sniffed “—like I win by default or something.”

“I see.” He crossed the room to take both of her hands in his. There was no denying the determination in his eyes. “I’ll try to explain, but I confess I’ve been knocked for six by everything myself.”

He lifted her chin to force her to look at him and began. “Until I came here, I didn’t think I was quite ready to marry again, but I realized I’d moved past my grief over Patrice’s death, so I started consciously looking for a wife and mother for my children. When you came to me after the incident at Gabe’s, I realized for the first time how out of control they’d become, and it really brought home just how much we all need a woman in our lives.”

He lifted one of her hands and rubbed his cheek against her knuckles. His end-of-day whiskers felt rough and exciting.

“You made the list after our, uh, confrontation?”

“Soon after, yes. I made a list. I admit to feeling a little desperate that day, so I was determined to put down the name of every available woman in town whether she was single or widowed, young or old. I even wrote down the names of the women who’d already come and gone on the off chance that I’d missed something, but when I tried to see each of them in my life, I couldn’t. I knew they wouldn’t work for me or the kids, even though they had some good qualities.

“Your name was at the bottom of the list simply because I hadn’t thought about you. Then Dan mentioned you and Ellie, who we know will probably never marry, so I added your name.”

It was not heartening to know that she was last to enter his mind but even more disturbing that Dan knew. “Dan knows about the list?” she cried, aghast.

“I caught him looking over my shoulder. He was a little put out that I’d scratched off Gracie’s name, and that’s when he decided he’d better not waste any more time trying to win her hand.”

“Why hadn’t you thought about me?” she asked.

“Honestly?” That wry grin was back. “Before the day you stormed into my office, you weren’t a woman—you were just Miss Grainger, the teacher. You’ve never taken part of the social scene, so for the most part, the only time I ever saw you was when you were giving me what for because of Cilla and Brady’s behavior. And then you were always so stern and confident. You laid down the law and I was supposed to do as you said.”

He flashed her one of the smiles that melted her heart. “That chafed. No man likes hearing the truth when it isn’t pretty, and it’s not pleasant to be put in your place by some pint-size female. You must know you can be a bit intimidating, Miss Grainger. When I did add you, I really couldn’t see myself with the schoolteacher.”

Oh, dear! According to her mama, she’d done the unspeakable. Somehow he’d taken her strong suggestions of keeping the children in line as a personal attack on his manhood. Not good for a man whose job it was to keep the populace in line.

“What really stung was that deep down I knew I wasn’t doing right by them. I didn’t know how to deal with them until you came along and helped me realize what the real problems were and showed me how to address them.”

Well, that wasn’t exactly what a woman wanted to hear. She pulled her hand free.

“How flattering,” she told him in a cool tone. “You became
interested
in me when you realized I could help with your problems with the children, is that it?”

“No!” He narrowed his eyes at her in exasperation. “You’re determined to misunderstand, aren’t you? Or maybe you aren’t as smart as I think you are.”

“How...how dare you!” she gasped.

“Oh, I dare a lot more than that,” he drawled, pulling her into his arms and kissing her until she was breathless.

Allison was so stunned she couldn’t do anything but stand there and allow him to plunder her mouth. When he stopped, she had to cling to him, since her knees seemed determined to buckle.

“I became interested in you the day you barged into my office like a crazy woman with your hat askew and your hair straggling down, breathing fire and accusing my children of attacking you in a public place. No matter what I dished out, you refused to back down. I couldn’t help admiring you for that. I’ve spent years perfecting my ‘scary sheriff’ look,” he told her ruefully.

He pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose. Smiled. “And you looked at me with an unfocused expression in your eyes, sort of like you’re looking at me now.”

“I couldn’t see without my glasses,” she squeaked, barely able to breathe, much less talk with him so close.

“Mmm.” He kissed a freckle on her chin. “I know that now.” His voice was husky. “And then you licked your lips and I thought you looked like someone had kissed you thoroughly. Like you do now.”

Very deliberately, he set her away from him and took a step back. “It’s been downhill for me from there. I don’t know how it happened or when it happened or why. All I know is that I haven’t been able to get you off my mind longer than ten minutes at a time since then.”

Allison reached out and placed a hand on his arm to steady herself. His kiss had pretty much decimated her argument that he didn’t care.

“And as far as lists go, everyone has things they want or don’t want in a mate. Even you have a list, Allison Grainger.”

“I’ve never made a prospective-husband list in my life,” she denied hotly.

“You might not have written down your likes and dislikes,” he told her, “but you have one, all right. You’re looking for a man to love you for who you are, and you want him to be a Christian. When that bullet came inches from killing me, I knew for certain that if you’ll give me a chance, I’ll spend the rest of my life trying my best to be both. All I ask is that you think about what I’ve said, and remember...life’s short, sweetheart. We may not get another chance.”

Without waiting for her to comment, he strode across the room and pushed through the screen door, leaving her there, her doubts doing battle with her dreams.

* * *

She hardly slept all night. Instead, she replayed every conversation she’d ever had with Colt, looking for every nuance of how he felt, weighing every look, every word.

Common sense told her that he was an honorable man, a man who would not lie to get his way. Her fearful heart was afraid, whispering that, like Jesse, he would find someone prettier and more amiable. Someone who would not challenge him as she was bound to do from time to time. Could she trust that he would do as he promised? Could she trust that he truly loved her and was not marrying her to fulfill a hole in his life?

Finally, toward dawn, she prayed, asking for guidance and trust and for something to happen to help her make the right decision. Feeling more at peace than before, she drifted into a light sleep.

* * *

A woodpecker pounding at a tree outside her open window jolted Allison to wakefulness. She glanced at the gold-finish windup clock sitting on the small table next to the bed. Ten o’clock. What a slugabed! She’d almost slept the morning away!

Covering a wide yawn, she scrambled to her feet, reached for her wrapper and slipped her arms inside. She tied the sash around her waist as she padded barefoot toward kitchen.

An hour later, freshly bathed and wearing one of her revamped dresses, she headed toward Ellie’s to see what was for lunch and maybe to ask her sister’s advice on what to do about Colt.

She managed to reach the café before the big lunch rush, only to find that Ellie was no help at all. In fact, she was thrilled with the turn of events.

“Well, let’s see. He claims to love you, and I don’t think he’s the kind of man to lie about that. He’s willing to try to be what you want, and I can’t see him saying that if he didn’t mean it. He’s employed, very good-looking and you love him. What more can you ask?” Ellie said, pulling two loaves of fresh bread from the oven.

“I’m so scared of being hurt, Ellie.”

Ellie turned out the bread to cool on some clean tea towels and began to smear the crusts with butter. “Everyone who loves someone takes a chance on getting hurt, Allie,” she told her. “And you do get hurt from time to time. It comes with the territory. But if you don’t take that chance, you’ll never experience the good times.”

Leave it to Ellie to cut to the chase.

“Believe me, I wish I had a chance to find love.” Ellie sighed and pushed a wisp of hair away from her eyes. “I have a good life, but it would be nice to share the ups and downs with someone and have them hold you when things get tough.”

Allison’s heart went out to her sister. She wondered if Ellie would ever be free of the husband who’d walked out on her the day their baby daughter was born, her features clearly announcing that she was mentally deficient. Twelve years and Ellie had no idea where he was, if he’d divorced her or was dead. All she knew was that she was not free to look for love. Not with anyone.