Wolf Asylum (6 page)

Darwin looked down into his hands and said softly, “I always wanted to be a werewolf. I don't know why…something inside of me always made me want to rip my clothes off and howl at the moon. I remember when I first began to realize what I was. It was surreal, a dream that couldn't be, but it was. Part of me was frightened and another part of me longed to let go and run wild. I didn't know what to do with my power.”

“How did it happen?” Teddy asked.

“I don't know. I just changed one night, and every full moon after that night. I wonder if I was infected, or if I was marked by the underworld. I wasn't bitten or scratched—like in a classic werewolf movie. I wanted it, I almost wonder if my prayer was answered. It truly is a gift.” Darwin said, continuing to find comfort in his palms.

“What does it feel like?” Teddy inquired with genuine curiosity.

“An orgasm that builds and intensifies across your whole body. Imagine your muscles expanding in size and strength in seconds. Imagine feeling weak and soon it's gone and you begin to feel powerful. You can't stop it, and you don't want to. As your body transforms, the clothing begins to tear away from your body which adds to the immense supremacy that you feel. Your human mind lets go and the thought of killing and eating takes over. You fight it at first, but eventually you give in and then it becomes a pleasure, not a burden. The act of killing recreates the feeling of transformation, which drives you to do it again and again. It's beyond sexual. It's not about the food or nourishment, it's about the high. There are the powers too; the hearing, the strength, the psychic…” Darwin became lost in his description of the power he could barely explain.

“Psychic?” Teddy prodded.

“When you drink the blood, sometimes you can watch the person's past. Intimate stuff…secret things.”

“So it doesn't hurt?”

“You can experience pain, but not from the change. Being caught in the snow and freezing in your human form hurts, but it won't kill you. Anything that can hurt a human might also hurt as a lycan.”

Teddy asked quietly, “can you die?”

“I think so,” Darwin replied keeping the truth to himself. “So, do you want to become a werewolf?”

“Like this? I'm a fucking freak, just kill me,” Teddy said in frustration.

“Maybe I'm not going to give you a say in the matter. I think you could serve a purpose in our community. You could represent the evils of humanity. The disabilities embodied within you would be a constant reminder to our people how cruel humans can be. Only through the gift can those errors be corrected. You could live a normal life with prosthetics, I think it could work.”

Teddy pleaded, “Darwin, please, just end me. I don't want to go on living with what I am.”

“What you
were
. I don't think you are the same person you were six months ago.” Darwin looked into Teddy's watered eyes.

Teddy was begging now. “If you care at all for me, like I think you do, please just end me.”

Darwin sat on his stool looking at Teddy's plea for what it was. Teddy had given himself over to death, freely and with no resistance. Darwin decided he would not drag out the conversation further; the decision was a simple one.

From the end of the room, Darwin stretched a wire cable from a winch and pulled it towards the gurney, hooking the line to grommets on the thick leather strap that secured the lone arm. With the cord affixed, Darwin unhooked the strap from the table, allowing the arm to freely move around. He then turned his attention to the chest strap which was secured but not tight enough. Darwin wrenched on the strap constricting Teddy's chest, but he still said nothing.

Casually Darwin returned to the winch motor and turned it on. The small machine began to hum and the reel began to roll up the slack. Teddy closed his eyes in anticipation of what was to happen with no protest. He merely mouthed the words: “Thank you”.

The wire became taut and soon the slack in the arm began to dissipate. As the limb became rigid, Teddy's hand and wrist started to involuntarily point towards the wall. The cartilage and joints popped and contorted but the wire kept pulling. The shoulder and rotator cuff offered the winch some resistance but in quick succession the arm dislocated from its housing. Teddy yelled and cursed in pain but he smiled, as his dues were paid.

The wire momentarily stopped and the motor struggled. The arm was now erect and the only thing left holding it to Teddy's body was the failing epidermis. The skin, muscle, veins, bones and joints all collapsed under the relentless pull of the cable. Skin at the shoulder tore away, shredding muscle through the biceps and triceps. Teddy prepared himself for the onslaught of pain he knew was coming. Shock was assured and surprisingly Darwin had opted to forgo the adrenaline shot.
A minor gift
, Teddy thought.

The flesh of the upper arm peeled and fell apart like a few pounds of ground round but the limb released itself from the body, flopping onto the floor and sliding towards the winch. Darwin walked over and turned off the machine just as the arm was beginning to ascend towards the reel. In the silence of the room, Darwin was greeted with the sounds of Teddy Holmes struggling to deal with his agony in a proud and honorable way. The young man winced and choked, but he had ceased his yelling. The pain he knew—the torture he welcomed—and it was death he still anticipated.

Darwin looked at the limbless Teddy and felt pity for him. Blood spurted from the latest catastrophic wound but Darwin made no effort to cauterize it. Instead of medical treatment, Darwin went to a drawer and found himself a 24 gauge one inch, 2cc syringe. He removed the sterile packaging and slapped his own forearm, finding a series of veins rise to the surface. With only an educated guess of how to correctly draw blood, Darwin jabbed himself with the needle in the area of the largest vein. When he pulled back on the plunger no blood filled the needle. He dug around and moved the needle under the skin, pulling back on the plunger every few moments until he finally began to fill the vial with his thick, red fluid. Darwin filled the needle to 1.5cc before removing it from his arm. Without capping the sharp point, Darwin approached Teddy.

The dazed and distraught captive saw Darwin approach with the red vial and knew what Darwin was planning. He pleaded one final time knowing it was for nothing.

“Please I don't want it this way,” he croaked.

“I know,” Darwin soothed. “Only in life can you truly know suffering. You're a good person at heart, but you'll continue to make amends for your life as a human in your new life as a lycan. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one. Yes Teddy, I may have seen a
Star Trek
movie or two. Welcome to the family.” Darwin jabbed the needle into the neck, pushing the blood into Teddy's body.

Teddy screamed, “Noooo!” he cried as he pleaded, but it was done. Darwin's blood now coursed in his veins and he knew there was no going back.

Darwin assured Teddy as he pet the forehead of his latest creation. “This is a big day and not just for you, but for me as well. I never in my most crazed dreams ever thought I would one; start to like you, and two; save you from death. You've helped me grow as an individual, and for that I will always be grateful. I honestly never thought I was capable of change on that level, but I guess I am. Thank you Teddy. I know in time you will come to accept your new life. It will be an adjustment, I know—but it will be fine, I promise.”

“What now?” Teddy asked as a bolt of pain made him cringe, racing through his body. The hole left by his missing arm had already stopped bleeding.

“Now it's time to eat!” Darwin said with delight.

“Of course it is, enjoy!” Teddy replied feeling violated.

Darwin smiled and retrieved the arm from the floor, unhooked the leather strap and returned to the slab with the hunk of meat.

“My friend, this is the last trace of your humanity. It would be a privilege to devour it, but this is not for me, this is for you. You are now like me and even though this flesh is yours, it is human and you are not. Eat the flesh of your past and move into your future.” Darwin held the arm up to Teddy's reluctant mouth, but he shied away.

“I'm still human; I don't feel any different,” Teddy said, knowing it wasn't entirely true. The smell of his own bloody flesh was making him curious, though he couldn't escape the idea that he should be appalled by it.

“You are lycan now. Trust me! I've done this a few times. When you eat this flesh you change, at least partially. Eat, and let go of your old life.” Darwin pushed the arm and flesh only inches from Teddy's mouth. A drop of blood rolled down the battered arm and dropped onto a reluctant but yet eager tongue.

Teddy opened his mouth and raised his head, placing his lips into the bloody and torn flesh. His first moments in the meat were like a child unwilling to try a new food, but steadily the taste of blood aroused his primal instincts that were growing inside of him. Teddy took his first small nibble, tugging at a vein and some muscle until it snapped and released to his mouth. With the tissue inside his chops, he chewed slowly for a moment before swallowing. As the meat entered his body, the thrill of the flesh took over and with growing canines the next bite came easily.

Darwin watched his son consume the last of his humanity and experience his rebirth. Darwin was torn with what he had done and the conflict within him made a trip to see Steve an absolute necessity.

Teddy consumed himself saying nothing to Darwin as he chomped through his bone. Darwin quietly excused himself, leaving Teddy in hallway Ten by himself where he could become acquainted to his new emotions and feelings.

The drive to the cemetery was a long one. Darwin kept thinking to himself how fast Steve would be spinning in his grave if he learned that Teddy Holmes had been granted immortality. Was it the greatest betrayal that he could have done; or would Steve understand the reasoning? Darwin wasn't even sure
he
understood. His gut told him he had done the right thing even if it was for the wrong reasons.

It was a race to the headstone. Darwin sprinted through the paths and markers, not wanting to keep Steve waiting. The last thing he would want is for Steve to leave and move on. Darwin wasn't ready for that yet. Steve would be there, upset…but he would be waiting for Darwin. He was certain of it.

The headstone for Steve Cardwen was off on its own, set away from the other dead. It was private and allowed Darwin to speak candidly without the ears of other deceased picking up too much of the conversation. He slowed his sprint as he came into view of the marker. Steve was there, just as Darwin knew he would be. Relief swept through his murky soul but now it was Darwin's time to explain himself.

Darwin fell to his knees before the rock, his hands to his head now, shaking. “Don't be pissed. Please don't be pissed, Steve,” Darwin beseeched. “You have to understand; he's like you and me. He knows what he did was wrong and he only did it because he had the same fears that you and I did. Can we really condemn him for that? He just had the ability to hide it. If we could have done that don't you think we would have—even if it had come at the expense of someone else? Don't you remember how desperate we were, to just be accepted and—normal? He was a coward, he freely admits that, but I think he can be used in a positive way now. I truly think he's changed.”

Darwin paused, calming down and seemed to listen.

“Yeah, okay. I have my own selfish reason too. Yes, I want to keep him around because of the connection to you. I know it sounds strange but knowing he was tormented inside, just like we were, gives me some satisfaction. I enjoy hearing him talk about you and me, and his perspective on things. What he did, and how he felt. Knowing he attempted suicide and that he gave up his real love to be normal. He was us; we should have been friends, but this damn town, this fucking world made it impossible. Instead we became enemies, and it should never have been that way. He helped me to forgive…I don't think I've ever been able to forgive anyone. If he can reach me, maybe he can reach you, too. Can you see it in your heart to at least try to give him a chance?” Darwin begged and waited.

“Won't you at least say something?” Darwin asked to break the silence.

A voice came from behind Darwin, “Okay, do you normally talk to dead people?”

Darwin turned to be greeted by a woman, young in appearance but dressed to sophistication. Her long, brown hair was well kept and was accented by her long eye lashes. She wore a bright red lipstick that contrasted against her pale skin, but in all she was beautiful.

“Do I know you?” Darwin asked, knowing the stranger was not a resident of New Haven.

“No, but you're talking to my brother, so I guess we're about to get to know each other,” The woman replied breaking Darwin's attention completely.

“Steve didn't have a sister,” he stated, refuting the newcomer.

“Yeah, he did. My parents were Theodore and Sally Cardwen. Steve was my brother, though I never really knew him. I'm Mary Smithton, formally Mary Cardwen.” She extended her hand to Darwin who reluctantly shook it.

“Steve never mentioned you.”

“I doubt he would have remembered me. I sure remembered him, though. He had the most amazing eyes for a baby; they were deep blue when I knew him. Such a smile and a cute laugh too. I got pregnant pretty young. My parents sent me away to hide the shame of a teen pregnancy out of wedlock. I was never sure if it was because I was pregnant or because I wasn't married. Hell I wasn't even sure who the father was. After that, they sent me away to a Mormon inspired compound for single mothers; I had to break out. I ran away and started a new life. I met a man a few years later, got married and started a whole new life. I never looked back.”

Darwin asked, “you never spoke to your family in all that time?”

“I tried once, my mother answered the phone. She asked me not to call ever again and hung up on me which was more or less what I expected. I always intended to contact Steve when he was old enough, to let him know someone in the family loved him. I hope he had a better time in that house than I did, do you know?”

“Probably worse from what I know,” Darwin replied solemnly. “His dad beat him a lot. It wasn't good.”

Mary sat on a nearby headstone. “How did Steve die?”

“He took his own life.” Darwin hesitated and choked, not wanting to recount the story in vivid detail. “Steve got himself into trouble. I guess his parents pushed him too far. He killed them, and then he took out his frustrations on the temple and burnt a lot of people to death. He hanged himself in the shower room at the high school…there's more but I think you get the idea.”

Mary opened her mouth in incredulity and it hung there for a few seconds before the words would form naturally. “He killed my mom and dad? Way to go Stevie!” she replied quietly with a light tear on her cheek.

“How did you find out?” Darwin asked.

“I actually didn't know. I came to town hoping to find him. A young girl at the coffee shop—Cindy I think her name was—she told me about Steve. Then I came here to see his grave. I'm sorry that I missed him…I wish I had come sooner-I'll regret that forever.” Mary began to break down as she pulled a tissue from her hand bag and blew her nose.

Darwin replied trying to lighten the mood, “At least you have a family to go home to; I think that would give Steve some comfort. He's got a sister and he's an uncle. How awesome is that?”

“My husband and daughter died a few years ago in a car wreck.” Mary dropped this information onto Darwin with no cushion.

“I am so sorry; forgive me,” he replied, trying to re-establish a trust.

Mary cracked a small smile and shook her head, “It's okay, a few minutes ago you didn't know I existed…how could you know about my situation?” Mary reassured, pausing a moment, “So, were you Steve's best friend?”

“Yes,” Darwin replied without divulging the depth of the feelings. “I miss him very much. I come here sometimes to vent when things aren't going so well. I'd like to think that Steve hear me and that he responds in his own way.”

“I'm sure he does. You know I never caught your name…” Mary cast her sparkling eyes on Darwin that for a moment, made him remember Steve.

“Darwin Foster,” he replied with a small wave of warmth traveling through his stomach.

The two spoke for hours and quickly found an interest in each other. Mary intrigued Darwin and talking to her reminded him of Steve. At times, Darwin couldn't tell the difference between Mary and Steve; if his eyes were closed it could have easily been Steve. Mary was familiar and it brought Darwin much needed comfort.