Within These Walls (28 page)

SLEEP COMPLETELY ELUDED me as I waited for the minutes to pass by until morning came.

I should have told her.

I should have said something the second after it had happened. But I hadn’t. I’d walked away from Marcus and her crying mother, holding Lailah’s hand as she’d softly sobbed. Then, I’d comforted her as we made our way back to the cardiology floor. I’d helped her take down her hair and wash away what was left of her makeup. She’d changed out of her dress, and I’d held her as she fell asleep.

I never said a word.

I’d known Marcus was her uncle. I had known, and I hadn’t told her. I’d kept his secret because, like Marcus, it wasn’t mine to tell. Too many cards had been stacked up in this crazy lie, and I hadn’t wanted to be the one to bring it to a tumbling crash.

But now, I was stuck in it, and I had to find a way to tell Lailah.

The first rays of sunlight began to stream through my window, and I sat up. I looked around the sparse room, wondering if I would have her here with me tonight or if I’d be alone again.

Only one way to find out.

I jumped out of bed and headed for the shower.

Twenty minutes later, I was throwing a T-shirt on and grabbing an apple as I headed out the door.

It was early, but I knew Lailah would be up with the sun, packing and getting ready to leave. I wanted to be there, helping her. It didn’t take long to drive to the hospital and park. A short elevator ride later, and I was at her door. It was open today, and I saw her before she noticed me. Her long blonde hair was loose and falling forward, still wavy from the braids her mother had done. As she folded a shirt and placed it in a pile, I felt like I’d been slapped with déjà vu. On the eve of her last discharge, I’d walked in and watched her do the exact same thing. Finding out she was leaving that day had left me feeling frightened and happy all at the same time. I’d been frightened because she was leaving me and happy because she was finally getting to go home.

Today, I felt all of that and more.

Please don’t change your mind. Please come home with me,
I silently begged as I stepped forward, announcing my arrival.

She turned and smiled. “You’re here early.”

“I figured you would be up, so I thought you might want some help packing.”

“I do, thanks. Can you get that bag over there?” she asked, pointing to a duffel bag next to the bed.

I grabbed it and placed it on the bed beside her.

“I have to tell you something,” I said, my hesitance weighing down every word.

She turned to me with nervousness lining her features. “What?”

“I knew Marcus was your uncle,” I admitted.

“How?” She sat on the edge of the bed with the shirt she was folding still balled together in her hands.

“I guessed from the way he’d protect you, how he talked about you and your mother. He loves the both of you much more than a doctor loves his patients.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, looking up.

“Honestly, would you really want that information to come from me? It wasn’t my place to say. I hated knowing it to begin with, but I do know that Marcus and your mother didn’t mean to hurt you.”

I sat down next to her and took her hand.

“Then, why keep it a secret? I don’t understand.”

“Marcus said your mother wanted your father erased from her existence. I guess having an uncle around you would only make life more complicated. It was easier if Marcus was just—”

“Dr. Marcus,” she finished.

“You need to talk to her,” I encouraged.

“I will…soon. I just need some space.”

“Well, I can definitely help with that. Come on, let’s get you packed.”

I pulled her off the bed, and she gripped my shoulders as she rested her head on my chest.

“I was so scared you were going to leave this hospital without me,” I confessed.

She looked up at me, confused. “Why? Because of that? You were put in an incredibly tough spot, Jude. I don’t fault you for that. But it’s over now. No more secrets. So, let’s get going already!”

Her beaming smile destroyed me.

No more secrets.

My raspy and pleading voice, the sound of my cries as I’d begged them not to do it, not to take her away from me—it all swiftly came back, making my head spin.

I was the biggest secret of them all.

“Here are your discharge papers,” Dr. Marcus said, holding his hand out to a wary-looking Lailah.

She’d been still and eerily quiet since the moment he’d walked in with instructions on her home care.

“We’ve done this many times before, so I feel like I’m repeating myself. I’m just going to tell you to be careful, Lailah. Take care of yourself. Don’t be overly ambitious and find yourself back in this room. You might not believe me, considering how protective your mother and I have been over the years, but I really do want you to have a life outside of here.”

She looked up at him from her position on the bed. Her legs were crossed, and I could see the wheels turning in her head as she considered what to say in response.

“Thank you…” she responded. “I don’t even know what to call you anymore.”

“How about Marcus? Can we start with that?”

She nodded, and I saw the briefest smile pass between her lips before she sobered once again.

“What exactly is going on between you and my mother?”

Marcus let out a lingering sigh as he leaned up against the wall. He looked tired. His salt-and-pepper hair that usually made him look suave and sophisticated now only served to accentuate the lines and dark circles under his eyes.

“The same thing that has been going on between us for twenty-two years. I get too close, and she pushes me away. She refuses to acknowledge that there’s anything between us, and I’m foolish enough to keep trying to convince her otherwise.”

“You love her,” she said softly, looking up at the man who could have been her father if things had been different, if life had been different.

“Every day since the first day I laid eyes on her,” he said with such conviction that it made my heart constrict in pain for him.

The CNA arrived, a guy I knew from the day shift, to help escort Lailah to the parking lot, and she stood, facing Marcus with uncertainty.

Finally, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. “Don’t give up on her, Marcus.”

Heavy with emotion, his eyes squeezed shut as he held the girl he’d loved as his own. “I’ll never give up—on either of you.”

I gathered up Lailah’s belongings and helped her settle into the wheelchair. We said brief good-byes to Marcus, promising to check in once a week, and then we headed for the door.

“Jude?” Marcus called on our way out.

I turned and found him standing in the same spot by the bed, watching us leave.

“Take care of our girl.”

“I’ll guard her with my life,” I vowed.

“I know you will. Take care, J-Man.”

I caught up with Lailah, who was halfway down the hallway with the CNA, chatting about the beautiful weather. We made our way downstairs, and within three minutes, we were stepping outside.

I thanked the guy, glancing down at his name tag to catch his name, and I helped Lailah up from the wheelchair. “We got it from here, Adam,” I said before turning to Lailah with a wink.

She looked around, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath of fresh air as it breezed past her.

“I’m free!” she squealed.

“Well then, why are we standing around and wasting time? Let’s get the hell out of here!” I laughed, grabbing her hand and tugging her in the direction of my car.

“I’m sorry it’s not that great-looking, but it runs,” I said, regarding the less than stellar state of my car, which had probably seen more birthdays than she had.

“It’s green!” she exclaimed.

I threw her bags into the trunk. “Yep, split-pea, baby-shit green.”

“Eww…gross. Why did you have to ruin split-pea soup for me?” She laughed as we got in.

“Well, that is a color!”

“I think we should name it,” she declared.

I turned the key. “The color? I thought I just did.” I pulled out of the parking spot and drove the short distance out of the hospital.

We were officially free.

“No.” She laughed. “The car. Cars that are baby-shit green need to have a name.”

I turned my head with a look of mock surprise and shock. “Did I just hear you curse? I don’t think I’ve ever heard a bad word leave those pretty little lips of yours before in my life. Two seconds out of the hospital, and you’re already swearing like a sailor! I think I’m having a bad effect on you.”

She stuck out her tongue and laughed. “I’ve cursed before—in my head and maybe once or twice out loud,” she said, grinning. “You’re changing the subject. From this day forward, I hereby do so-eth—”

“Do so-eth?” I couldn’t help but ask.

She was literally vibrating with excitement. Being out of the hospital had awoken her spirit and had breathed fresh new life into her lungs.

“Shut up! It’s my fancy car dubbing speech. I’m supposed to sound like Shakespeare.”

“Oh, sorry,” I faked a cough as we turned west. “Go on. You do so-eth?”

“I hereby name this car, um…” She looked around, searching, and finally her eyes grew wide. “Yertle the Turtle!”

She was so proud of herself that she didn’t even notice where we were when I pulled the car to a stop.

“Very clever, Sam I Am.” I laughed. “But Yertle the Turtle was blue.”

“He was not!”

“He was,” I urged. “In the book illustrations, he’s blue.”

She looked over at me with her arms folded over her chest. “How the heck do you even know that?”

“My mom used to read to us a lot when I was little.” I shrugged. “And I’m smart,” I added with a grin, tapping on my temple.

“Well, whatever. We’re calling it Yertle, even if it isn’t blue. Now, where are we? And what are we doing?” she asked, looking up. She gasped when her eyes took in the panoramic view of the ocean.

“We’re going to put your toes in the ocean.”

I HADN’T LIVED my life completely in a box.

Living in Southern California my entire life, I had seen the ocean from time to time as we drove around the city. But sitting there in Jude’s car, seeing the turquoise water sparkle endlessly before me, I felt like I was seeing it for the first time. My gaze wandered down to the long stretch of sand standing between me and the gentle waves lapping at the coast.

I turned to him. “How? I don’t know if I can make it through all that thick sand without having breathing problems or getting too tired,” I admitted, hating my limitations and weakness.

“I’m going to carry you,” he simply stated.

“The entire way? In the sand?”

“Yep. Now, come on, let’s go!”

He pushed open his door and jumped out, and I was left staring at an empty seat. Moments later, he was opening my car door, grinning.

“The water isn’t going to make it all the way up here.” He held out his hand.

I reached out and took it.

“But that’s a long way to carry me, Jude,” I said.

He gave me a dubious, amused expression. “You weigh about as much as a box of Cracker Jacks, and in case you didn’t notice during all those times when you had your hands shoved up my shirt, I’m in good shape.”

His wink that followed was what sent my cheeks aflame, and I couldn’t contain the laughter that sprang forth when he lifted me into his arms.

“See? Piece of cake. Now, if you’re done complaining, I think we have something to do.”

I nodded excitedly, wrapping my hands around his neck, as he cradled me, and we took off down toward the sand.

“Where is everyone? I thought California beaches were always packed,” I said, looking around at the very empty beach.

Only a few surfers dotted the shoreline, carrying boards to and from the beach.

“It’s early still. The beach will start to fill up in the next hour or two, which is why I wanted to come now. I thought it would be nicer to be here without a thousand people running around.”

Gazing up and down the long beach, I smiled. “Yeah, it’s peaceful now. I like it.”

The sand changed from light to dark as the waves grew closer.

“Can I walk the rest of the way?” I asked, eager to feel the damp sand between my toes.

“Yeah,” he said with warm tenderness echoing in his voice.

I kicked off my flip-flops just as he began to slowly lower me to the ground. Our eyes met the second my feet hit the cool sand. It was gritty and wet, and it felt completely wonderful between my toes. Our fingers laced together as a crooked smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. I turned toward the horizon, and we walked the last few steps to the water’s edge. The icy water rushed over my toes, and I gasped.

“It’s cold!” I yelped.

Jude’s deep laughter filled the air. “Why do you think the surfers are in wet suits? You’ll get used to it,” he promised. “We can walk for just a little bit.”

Hand in hand, we walked down the beach, talking and laughing, as others passed by. It was the most normal morning I’d ever had, yet it felt extraordinary and exhilarating. It was a feeling I never wanted to end.