Withholding Secrets (6 page)

“Don’t you even think about touching her—”

“Keri,” I bit at her. Accusing everyone of being monsters wasn’t right. I could see her point in wanting to protect the girl, but not everyone was out to hurt her. “I would never do that. I figured that while she was here, I could pay her for taking down my notes while I coached. Give her something to do, only if she doesn’t have any homework. But Jordan … I think he really wants to play.”

“I don’t know if I can do that. I looked at what it would cost and…” Shame crawled up her throat, turning her neck to a soft shade of pink. It
was
only her; otherwise she wouldn’t have cared. Maybe she was the only one working in the house, but just the desperation that was coating her eyes turned my gut. Never in a million years would I ever want anything to do with a woman who had kids. I didn’t want them, and I sure in the hell didn’t have any. I just didn’t want the trouble. But, those three people grabbed hold of me for some reason.

“I could help with that. Each year, the rink sponsors a kid, and if he really does want to and has what it takes, I can make the arrangements.” Why the hell not? If Jordan wanted to play, he should. And I could understand Keri’s monetary worry as playing hockey was the most expensive sport available to Jordan, not to count playing a goaltender position.

“No. I don’t need anyone’s help. I can do this myself.” Shaking her head, she looked down the tunnel while trying to pull her tears back. “I just need a little time to adjust, but we will be fine.” The crack in her voice stopped my heart. It was like her hand reached right into my chest and grabbed the damn thing and squeezed until it couldn’t beat anymore. “I’ll take a look at some things tonight and I will see.”

“I’m serious, Keri. The rink will sponsor him—”

“I said no. I will work it out if he wants to.” The numbers were flashing over her face as the bite of reality pinched her brows together. There wasn’t a way she could afford it on her salary alone unless she took on a second job. And I didn’t see her dong such a thing either with having the two kids under her care.

“But—”

“No! I can do this by myself!” The hurt had slapped me in the face. I never met a woman like her before. Not one
that
strong and independent. Women loved money, and they loved a man with lots of it even more. Not once had I
ever
offered to help a woman out, nor would I. The women I wanted ended that night and nothing more. That was just the way I was and the way they were.  A night.

Keri wasn’t that kind of woman. She covered more of her body than the women I went for. Her blouses were conservative, yet classy on a decent salary, but nothing that was expensive. She couldn’t have made a lot of money, but before the kids came into her life, it was a comforting one. Now, with two teenagers and maybe a deadbeat at home, her salary alone wasn’t enough to support them. Not without stretching every cent that she had.

But, I had to let it go. If I pushed, she would take the kids and not come back. That was something that I couldn’t risk. Not yet, anyway. I had to make sure that those two were being taken care of and treated right first.

With the way that I grew up in that house with two drunken drug addicts and the physical abuse that I went through, I vowed to not allow that to happen to anyone under my watch. That was why I donated a lot of money to helping children in those kinds of homes, and why I spent most of my time at the rink during the week. My rink was a safe place for kids to run to if there was someone hurting them, and me being here meant that I could help someone if they did show up.

But
Keri Borelli
. I thought it was an act when she first stormed into my office like she did. Some people do act that way when they are around the watchful eye, but behind closed doors, it was a different story. The only thing wrong with that conclusion was the fact that the pain was deep in Keri’s eyes—pain she was trying to mask. Maybe there was a stronger force that had her under control. Seeing that she was so young, she could just be the decoy to hide something that someone else was doing. But, that just wasn’t sitting right either. Keri was a different story. A complete different story. She was angry and scared, just as the two kids were. As much as she wanted to hide it, everything was clearly passing through the shades.

Looking out to the ice, she forced a smile to her face as she waved while watching the two. “I figured that I would pick you both up so you didn’t have to walk.”

My heart slammed hard, skidding across my chest and knocking into my lung filled with air. Walk? Though Jordan would stay with Sky, I had no clue as to how far away Keri lived with the kids, or anything about them.

And today’s news report on the missing pre-teen aged girl was still in the back of my mind. It was the first missing child case in the county in the past fifty years. Our neck of the woods was pretty vigilant on watching out for abductors, especially with the teenage girl abductions around the country at an all-time high. Young girls about Sky’s age were the targets, and there was rarely any chance of getting the girls back before they were killed and dismembered.

Though the missing girl on the news at noon wasn’t anything like Sky, Jordan and Keri needed to be on high alert just in case.

Jordan and Sky were proudly working at the rink, and enjoying their time there; Jordan handing out and taking care of the equipment, and Sky with taking notes for the coach. After Jordan’s Saturday afternoon practice, I wanted to get Sky into that larger room upstairs so that she had more room, but I would need some help from Jordan to move some things around.

“I can’t do this.” Sky groaned as she cupped her forehead and the tears were on the verge of spilling over. She hadn’t worked on her homework while she was at the rink, because she had given up and started taking notes for Kane. It bothered me at first, but seeing as he was paying her out of his pocket, I wasn’t too upset. Still, I would have to remind him that her schoolwork came first—what she could do without help, at least.

“What’s the problem?” I checked the jar sauce to make sure that it wasn’t boiling before I turned to the two kids working at the kitchen table on their homework. The past couple of weeks had been pretty tense with the kids in school and falling into a routine, but they were actually getting more comfortable around the house.

“Like you know this stuff.” Jordan hissed a little as he put his pen down on his notebook.

“Try me.” Leaning against the counter, I listened to her rattle off the algebra problem. “Once more.” She repeated it. Nodding, I pressed my lips together and shrugged. “Once more.”

“Come on, Sky. She doesn’t—”

I said the answer, making them both look at me. “Hit me again with another one.”

She gave me one that was a little harder.

“Again.” I listened hard and paid attention to the whole equation. “Once more, Sky.” She said it slowly, and I had it. I spouted off the answer as I looked back at Jordan and smirked.

Jordan grabbed the book and grumbled. “Try this one.” He read one off. I nodded, and he said it again. When he started with the third time, I gave him the answer. His jaw dropped and he stared at me. “How in the hell did you do that?”

“It’s easy.” Going to the table, I picked up the pen and turned the notebook to me. “Give me the equation.” I wrote it as he said it. Walking Sky through the problem, I made sure that I went through every step for her to understand how to figure it out.

“Yeah, but you wrote it here. How did you do that in your head?” Jordan stood as he put his hands on the table top, ready to battle over that answer.

“It’s easy.” I pointed at the table, waving my finger at the books, notebooks, and pens and pencils that were littered over the whole eating area. “Go ahead and clear up the table for dinner. You two can work on that after.”

Sky closed her book and put her stuff to the side. “I like this dinner thing.”

“Sitting down together?” I smiled at her. She looked nice in her pink, light sweater with the white jeans—clothes that actually fit her and didn’t look like hand-me-downs. When she came out of the dressing room, she just loved them. I particularly didn’t like white jeans, but she so wanted a pair and I couldn’t resist.

“Having it.” She brushed past me as she went to the cupboard to get the plates out.

My heart sank hard as I looked at the anger filling in on Jordan’s face. His shoulders were slumped as he shoved his books to the far end of the table. How could these kids not have warm dinners before? All the more reason that I had to find a way to cut somewhere else to give them good meals every night. Joe may have been able to walk away without a shred of self-consciousness, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t going to do that to them. Those kids didn’t do anything wrong.

After she set the table, I put the bowls of sauce and noodles on the table and took my seat with them. My chest was tight as I waited for them to fill their plates first. Those two were growing yet and they needed the food more than I did. Besides, it didn’t bother me at all. I could fill up on water. Money for groceries was tight, but we could do it with the meals my mom taught me how to make after my dad left.

The table was quiet as the two glanced back and forth at each other, once again, as it usually involved that
man
. I didn’t know how much Kane was paying them, and I didn’t want to know. They were working and doing something that they both wanted, and I wanted them to feel good about it. Kane didn’t seem like a bad guy, but still, I had to watch out for him. I heard stories about guys that had strong interests in the kids, and to be leery of them. And Kane had an interest in both of the kids.

“Kane asked Jordan—”

“Shut up, Sky.” His growl shot out across the table at his sister, making her chin quiver.

“You want to, though.” She put her fork down and wiped the tears off her cheeks from his verbal lashing. “Why can’t you just be happy?”

“Because. This isn’t going to last, Sky.” The pain struck his face as he let out a loud breath. His jaw was tight and his shoulders stooped as if he were covering the food from any seekers.

“What’s going on?” The guilt rose in my throat as the two looked at each other. It had to be about Jordan playing hockey, and if he wanted to play, I could cancel the cable and switch around a couple of things to have some money for the gear. “Did you want to play?”

“The roster is closed, so it doesn’t matter.” He cringed as he looked at his heaping plate of food. The desire to play washed through his face as he tried holding down his first fork of spaghetti.

“Maybe I could talk to—”

“He’s not going to make an exception, Keri. Besides, why do you care?” His cold eyes shot to me, making me want to just get up and go to my room. This was going to be harder than I thought. We had been alone for a month now, and still, Jordan was set on me sending them away, too. I didn’t blame him. That was what he was used to; people who were supposed to care for him walked away as if he and Sky didn’t matter.

“Because I do, Jordan.” My throat tightened as the thick, salt water filled lump began to block it. “I don’t want to be another person who walks out on you. I won’t be, but I need you to help me out with this.” I pointed at his plate, knowing he was the one who ate a lot, and he had to be hungry from a full day of school and then work. “Eat up.”

“Cut the shit. You barely eat now. We are just draining you and it’s a matter of time before you decide that we should go somewhere else.” Pushing the plate forward, he mumbled through his lips, but under his breath where I could barely hear what he actually said. “Go ahead and call.”

Getting up from my chair, I walked out of the kitchen with the tears stinging my eyes. Grabbing my phone off the coffee table, I looked at the couple of numbers that were stored in it. I found the one that made me want to break down and just hide for the rest of my life. It was
the
one person that I didn’t want to call what so ever.

“Hello?” The deep voice came through the phone, kicking my heart into overdrive, beating hard against my chest cavity. “Hello?”

What was I doing? I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t ask him for anything. My hand was shaking, and I just stared at the blank television, unsure of what I wanted to say to him. He would have the kids taken away from me in a heartbeat, but dare I try to get him to help me get Jordan onto the team?

“Keri, I can hear you breathing.”

“Um…” Clearing my throat, I had to put heated anger aside for right now. I had to show this man that I could take care of these two kids, and that I was doing a good job at it. “I needed to talk to you.”

“Well, color me shocked.” Again with the colors. He wasn’t going to let that one down, was he? But instead of urging the fires to turn up in my bloodstream, the tiny little hint of a smile started to tug at my lips.

“I just wanted to see if there was any way that Jordan could get on the team or…”

There was another noise in the background, maybe a woman. But as I listened a little more, the woman’s voice sent a chilling shiver through my spine. He
was
with a woman. Of course a guy like him wouldn’t be single. That was a stupid thought. Just because he didn’t wear a ring, didn’t mean he was
alone
.

“I’m sorry to bother you. I will…” The warmth sheeted my face and robbed the little smile away.

“Hold on, Mom! I’m on the phone,” he said in a muffled tone before his breathing came back on the line. “Well, I can wiggle him with the paperwork, but he would have to have a sports physical. And I can’t fudge numbers or dates with that.”

“I could get him one.” What was another doctor bill? As long as I made some payments on them, they were happy. And with that promotion coming, that meant five more dollars an hour. We could do it.

“Well, here’s the thing. If you would let me get the rink to sponsor—”

“No. I have the money. That’s not an issue.”
Lie! Lie! Lie!
I was surprised that my pants hadn’t caught fire, but I wasn’t taking any help. If I had to get another job, that was what I would have to do, as long as those two were happy. It was about time they were happy and saw that not all adults were just out to send them away when something was too hard to get through. I wasn’t going to do that to them.

“Keri—”

“Don’t make me regret calling you.” Sticking my thumbnail between my teeth, a pool of heat filled into the vat of my stomach just as his breathing became heavier in the phone.

“Fine. Fine.” He sighed heavily again, urging the vat of heat to boil over into my lower region. “I have some old gear that he can use tomorrow and Saturday. By then, I should be able to see what position is best for him, and then, I will give you a list of what he needs. And get him in for a sports physical. He would need to be cleared before he can play.”

“Alright. And the paperwork, you will have tomorrow then?” A spark of happiness seeped into my crayon box and began to mix together. If I could get Jordan on the team, maybe he could work out some of the anger and realize this was his full-time, permanent home.

“As long as he’s cleared.”

“Thank you, and I’m sorry to bother you.” Turning around, my heart stopped, seeing Sky standing there with the tears raining down her face. “I will see you tomorrow.”

“And Keri?” Kane’s voice brought my heart rate up to a faster pace. Hearing my name drift through the phone line and into my ear felt so comforting. Heat pooled in my stomach as I bit my bottom lip as the little gnats chanted
more, more
. “If you need anything…”

“We’re okay.” And then he had to smash those itty, bitty bugs and stop them from wanting to hear more of his voice. Hanging up, I rubbed my forehead as my eyes scanned over the phone. I could lower my plan on my phone for fewer minutes and that would take some off that bill, too.

Tomorrow, I would have to see what else I could cut back until that promotion came through. And as my boss mentioned, it would be in a couple of weeks. I just needed that couple of weeks to be next week.

“You’re giving us up just like that?” Sky cried as she shook her head. “Please, don’t. Please.” She pulled the couple of twenties out of her pocket. “I’ll give you my money if it will help.”

“No, Sky. That’s your money. You earned that and I want you to save that. My job is to provide for you.” My heart shattered into little shards that poked into the muscle around it from seeing that desperation in her eyes.

“But if it helps. Please, don’t send us away.” She held the money out farther.

Hell. Just for taking some notes, Kane was paying her pretty good. Too much. That would be something that I would have to talk to him about. We weren’t his charity case. If he wanted to pay the kids for the work that they did, that was fine, but it had to be a reasonable wage. Besides, we couldn’t take money from his family, either.

“No. No. That is your money.” I wrapped my hands around hers, making her hold onto the money. “We will get through this. We just need to watch what we spend for a little bit longer. I promise that we will get through this.”

“You told them to have the paperwork—”

“Yeah, and I will take care of it.” Pushing a smile to my face, thoughts ran wild through my mind. How could I cut back more to get these two what they needed? Could I possibly manage to pick up another job to help out without making the kids think I was trying to stay away from them?
How in the hell can I do this?

She nodded as she tucked the money back into her pocket. “How come you barely eat anymore?”

“I’m not hungry.” And I wasn’t hungry anymore. Calling
that
man for anything wasn’t something I wanted to do. He would be the first one who would have the kids taken away from me in a heartbeat. I knew his kind. That
friendly, offering to help, just to prove his point that I shouldn’t have the kids
act.

“When are they coming to get us?” Jordan called from the table, his tone curt and sour, but the pain and hurt was colored on the bottom trying to hide.

“You are not going anywhere. Let’s just eat and get the homework done. You both have school and you will not get out of it.” I nudged Sky to go to back to the table.

We finished dinner in silence and then cleaned up the table. While they worked on their homework, I ran through my account and tried figuring up what I would need for next week’s bills, and how much I had to hand over for the equipment Jordan would need. A hundred should be plenty for everything, which was what I noticed on one of the blogs I snuck onto on my computer at work to see. I could swing that without dipping into the emergency funds. Jordan could play hockey, Sky could try out for basketball, and everyone who gave me those dirty looks when I registered the kids for school could eat their thoughts.