Withholding Secrets (13 page)

“Ben is a really good man. Andrew and Alicia are good kids, too. I wouldn’t worry about them at all.” Since she had slipped away from me, the void was sinking in, and fast. Putting my arm around her, I brought her back to my chest, the warmth and comfort instantly filling into that empty hole. “A friend of mine works at the bank and I will see what I can find out for you. In the meantime, I will bring some groceries and whatever else you need to until we get this straightened out. Don’t give up.”

“I appreciate the offer, but … If anyone finds out about this, they will take the kids away from me. I can’t let that happen, Kane.” Her body tensed a little, the muscles tightening, but I could still feel the determination deteriorating underneath her sweatshirt.

“Having no money
and
no food will get them taken away faster. Just … trust me. We will get this straightened out.” Guilt swooshed into me for the first time in my life. I was completely wrong, and the sting of flesh where her hand connected was a way to tell me just how horrible I was to say what I did to her. Jumping to conclusions was what my adoptive mother told me not to do, but I did it anyway, and now I was finding out how crow tasted.

“I get paid in two weeks, and I will pay you back.” Her words cracked and she trailed off, the pain thickening in her body, tightening her muscles even more. There was no way she was thinking she could do this now. Not after the truth came out about her missing money. And with her, I strongly believed that it was the truth. She needed to unleash the secret before it really destroyed what she was trying to give to those kids.

And a hundred dollars in groceries was not going to bankrupt me. My accountant was great at being able to write off some things, and helping her out wasn’t going to hurt, as long as this was not an on-going ordeal. But, seeing how determined that she was about taking care of those two, I knew that she wasn’t out for someone else’s money. She wasn’t that kind of girl, like the sure thing I walked away from in the club to run after Keri.

“Get back home to them, and I will meet you in the morning to get groceries. We will get enough for the week. Just keep them at home and make sure they stay there with the doors locked.”

Her shoulders dropped with the weight of defeat and she nodded slightly. “I’m sorry about coming here and breaking up your night. I just needed to know why you went behind my back.”

“I did it to help you, and help Jordan. Not to hurt you both.” And I did do it behind her back. I was the horrible person for jumping to conclusions when I should have just talked to her in the first place. She wouldn’t be in this situation if I hadn’t assumed the worst of her.

“I need to get back home. I’ve left them alone too long already.” She motioned to the car and stepped away from me. “Thanks for your help, and I’m sorry to break up your fun.”

That was all I needed; to have her look at me like I was more of a creep than I already was. But, I was pissed about the check. Now understanding what was actually going on, she hadn’t knowingly written a bad check. Something else was going on that even she wasn’t fully aware of. Helping her out just might be what she needs to give those two a good life for a change. All it took was the right person, and she was the right person for those two.

“I’ll get you some night and I will show you some fun.” Smirking, I winked at her, hoping to ease the bad blood between us. Crow didn’t taste very good, and I would rather not eat it again, if I could help it.

“Pretty sure that I won’t be having your kind of fun. I’m not a
skank
.” Pulling the door open, she slipped into the driver’s seat and closed the door before I could catch her and challenge that snide remark. But it was the truth. Keri was far from the type of girls I picked up for a weekend stress reliever. And maybe I needed to back off the stress relievers and start keeping my book open for the girls like Keri—the ones who are determined to make someone else’s life better than what they had before.

Once again, my night was ruined because of
that
woman. Sucking in a deep breath as she pulled out of the parking lot and onto Main Street, I went back into the club and took a seat at the bar instead of finding my sure thing. Getting a drink, the frustration was pooling deep inside of me. Keri was really working me toward a cliff, and I would have to take matter into my own hands and stop myself from falling off. Tipping back the amber liquid and the biting after burn, I rested my arm on the countertop and glanced over the packed dancefloor. Having Keri in my second place of business now ruined any chance of seeking a bedmate for the night.

“Hey. You want to blow this place and begin a party of our own?” The sure thing found me and pressed her big chest against my arm as her lips nipped at my ear. “I’m not wearing any panties.”

“Not tonight.” Standing up, I tossed a few dollars on the bar for the bartender, downed the full and fresh drink, and looked at her pouting red lips. She was really a skank, an easy lay, but after seeing Keri, I couldn’t. There wasn’t anything happening in my jeans anymore, and I lost all hope for the night. Maybe for good until the one woman I shouldn’t want gets out of my mind.

Just like that, she was pressing herself on me with her arms wrapped tightly around my neck and drawing me to her lips. Nothing but a complete void and disgust was sinking in. Swallowing hard, I shook my head and carefully removed her hands from their strong hold.

“What? You get me all worked up and that … that … woman comes in here…” Her eyes glistened as she batted her eyes and her body was drawing near again. “She doesn’t have to know.”

“I’m going home.” Looking up at the smirk spread over the thirty-ish year old male bartender, I flipped him off with my eyes and mentally noted the incident. 

“That sounds like fun.” Before I could do anything about it, she pulled herself up onto me, wrapping her legs around my waist. Her mouth covered mine, and the taste was worse than eating burnt three-day old pizza. The scum alone layered onto my teeth, and the strong urge to brush them filled into my mouth.

Getting her off me, I made sure she was steady on her high heeled shoes, and then cursed as I walked through the crowd while washing my hands over my mouth. Slipping up to the black door in the black painted wall, I unlocked the door and slipped through as quickly as I could, making sure the damn thing locked behind me. Once in the kitchen, I grabbed the bottle of
Jack
off the kitchen counter and filled a double shot in the regular glass that was available on the island counter. Tipping it back, the bitter and burning liquid flowed down my throat and settled into my stomach, relieving the guilt of the bar fly’s actions. What the hell was I going to do about this Keri thing?

Tomorrow, I would take Keri grocery shopping and make sure that she had everything she and the kids needed. Instead of watching her get those kids taken away, I would have to help her. I
needed
to help her. I still didn’t have the whole story, but I had enough just from how she acting. Maybe the kids were better off with her than someone else.

I had gotten lucky with my new parents. Not all kids were adoptable, and most of them stayed in the system until they turned of age to be out on their own. If they were even able to stay together, no one would adopt them and they would be shifted from foster home to foster home. When Jordan turns eighteen, he would be sent on his way and Sky would be alone until she turned of age.

And seeing Keri with them, guilt and shame were coloring into me, filling into my veins for thinking the absolute worse about her. She was the best for those two, and those two were the best thing for her. They were working as a team, and Jordan hadn’t been so filled up on his hatred for everyone. Taking them apart would only destroy them.

I knew what I would be doing first thing Monday morning. I needed to find out where Keri’s money went for her and figure this out. She needed a break, and deserved one. She deserved a nice guy like Ben, too. Being pissed over that needed to end now.

Keri invaded my office at the rink, invaded my club, and invaded my thoughts. But, how in the hell could I get my mind off that woman?

As I looked at the phone again, my head started throbbing with the pulsating discomfort moving to both temples. I didn’t have much of my clothing to choose from because laundry was stacking up, so I ended up just wearing a pair of black yoga pants and a light red sweatshirt. Nothing that screamed I was doing okay by any means, but I had to do what I had to do at this point. One more day and I would be able to confirm with the bank that they were the ones who made the mistake.

I checked the phone again to make sure I turned it on, but it was on and there weren’t any calls yet. Kane said he would call me to meet up with him for some groceries, and the only reason why I fell into his trap was because the kids needed to eat. He was right about not having any groceries would get them taken away faster than anything else. And for some reason, last night, I caved into him, opening up the doors of trust.

“Keri.” Jordan came through the door, checking over his shoulder for Sky, who had still been asleep on the couch.

We ended up watching the movies that we rented prior to the explosive fit of rage I dived into, and poor Sky wanted to watch all of them. It was the least that I could do, seeing as I was drowning in the pool of bankruptcy. It wasn’t their fault at all, and I wanted to make sure they knew that, too. I would rather take a little help from Kane than lose them at this point. We became a team, and we were good together.

“I thought you would be sleeping yet.” My heart slammed hard. I told him that I was going to go grocery shopping and I would be back in a little bit. As much as they liked to do the shopping together as a family, I couldn’t let them know I had no money. It was bad enough when Sky tried giving me the money that she had worked for and I didn’t want Jordan’s anger with himself to increase.

“Is everything okay?” His voice softened as he leaned against the door frame, folding his arms across his chest. His tee shirt clung to his shoulders, showing me that he was going to need some more clothes. Playing hockey was beginning to put some muscle on him, and he was filling out what he had already.

“Everything is fine.” The lie rolled through my lips faster than I wanted it to, but I couldn’t let them worry about the stuff that I was going through. Keeping them was my decision, and I wouldn’t change it. Even if it meant buckling down even more on wants instead of needs, those kids wouldn’t be going anywhere. “What’s up?”

“Well, Sky has her … you know.” His cheeks darkened a little to a hot shade of crimson as he waved his hand, trying to imply that his sister needed some woman things. “I haven’t been able to stop at the store between practice and homework, and she’s kind of embarrassed about it.”

Shoving the thought into my head, I packed it right in there with the notation of what Jordan needed. The phone vibrated in my hand and Kane’s name was displayed over the screen. I had to meet him at the store now, and I couldn’t let Jordan know that I sunk that low. After telling him that we would be just fine, I couldn’t let him think I was at the point that could get them taken away. I was just hoping that things with Kane would work out. If he told anyone, I was sure to lose the kids.

“There’s…” I always had a tampon supply and backups, but a twelve-year-old probably didn’t use them yet. I didn’t at that age, and my mom wouldn’t let me until I matured a little more. After that, I only used tampons before I started the birth control shot where I didn’t need anything anymore. Since then, I vaguely recall throwing them out when I moved in with Joe. “Okay. I’ll get some.”

“I told her to talk to you about it, but she’s a little scared since…” His head snapped back to the couch, making sure the girl was still sound asleep.

Gritting my teeth and remembering what I learned the first day we were left alone together, my stomach quaked and curdled at just the thought of what Sky went through. “I’ll get some for her. Just let me know when she needs some, Jordan. You don’t need to be buying things that I am supposed to supply for you or her.”

His eyes fell to the floor. “She told my mom … when she first started it, and my mom made fun of her. She was talking about it, and the douche that she was dating had … He thought it was primetime…” He covered his hand over his face as the anger tensed up in his muscles. The large vein in his neck began to throb from the terror he must have witnessed under his own mother’s roof. “How could she do that to her own daughter? She was laughing about it, and then he came to her room a week later. Then, she still laughed about it.”

“You are both mine now, and I will
never
allow that to happen. Do you understand me?” I put my arms around him, pulling him close to me to assure him that I meant every word of that. No one would ever put their hands on that girl again. Not for as long as I was alive. “You’re such a good brother, Jordan. You’re going to be a great man.”

“I am so sorry, Keri. My dad hurt you, too, and I was so mean to you.” His hand slid behind my back and, for the first time, he actually hugged me a little.

“You two are the best things to come out of that marriage no matter what, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.” I patted his back. “Just keep an eye on your sister until I get back. I won’t be long.”

“If there’s anything I can do to help, I will. I will get a job after school, and that will help with some—” Retreating into his shelter, he stuck his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants and stepped back into the living room, leaning against the wall.

“No. We are fine. We will make it. We just hit a little patch in the road, but we will make it, Jordan. Keep playing hockey and concentrate on school. That is what I need you to do.” Forcing a smile to come forth and plant onto my face, I glanced over my attire again, not enjoying the fact I was dressed in yoga pants and an old sweatshirt, but I didn’t have any laundry soap and I desperately needed to do some laundry.

“We’re not, Keri. That’s the problem. I have the money I made working for Coach Kane, and so does Sky. We can give it to you and—”

“No. That is only for your savings accounts.” Looking past him, the guilt crept into a thick lump of salt water in my throat, and I had to get the hell out of the house before I cried in front of him.

“If you need some, we understand. He was our dad who did this to you.” The persistence puckered up his forehead.

“He also gave me you two, so I got the better end of it.” Opening the door, I looked back at the worried face on him and I planted that smile back onto my face. “We are together and
that
is what matters.”

Walking out, the heaviness of guilt and shame pressed down in my shoulders while the thoughts of walking right off a cliff scattered all the thoughts in my head. Scenarios of pulling up to the grocery store Kane mentioned and the child protections services already being there, waiting for me, was the only one that confirmed the wrenching knots in my stomach. But, I still drove over to the grocery store, seeing Kane waiting by a big, fancy, newer pickup and the hot waters scorched the tender tissues of my eyes, though there wasn’t anyone else who looked to be waiting to corner me. He checked his cell again and cursed before straightening up and shoving his phone back into his pocket.

With the shame heavily burning through the flesh on my face, I walked over to him. I had to trust him that he wouldn’t turn me in. If he went to the trouble of keeping Jordan on the team, then maybe I could trust him. There was no way I would make the mistake of calling Chuck back and pleading for the money from my investments. Kane was my only hope to help me through this until I had the bank straightened out.

His emerald eyes shot up as the anger dropped from his face, smoothing out all the stress lines. “I was beginning to think you weren’t going to show.”

“Jordan needed to talk for a moment, and I had to leave my phone with him.” As soon as my money was returned, I would have to get a phone hooked up in the house for them. When hockey ended and the kids were home after school, they would need a way to call me if something was wrong or they needed something.

“
Keri
.” The curse came from him as he rubbed his forehead, his shoulders tightening up even more, and the muscles caused the sheen blue cotton to hug his upper body. “Fine. I will take care of that later today.”

“No. I don’t need you involved in our problems. We will get through this as soon as I find out why the bank is taking my money.” The insult wounded my heart and dumped a can of salt right into it. Having him supply everything for my kids was a stomp in the dirt with a little twist action just to grind in the fact I couldn’t care for them myself.

“It isn’t the bank, Keri. They
can’t
just take your money. There’s something or someone else who’s doing it.” His greens caught the sun, intensifying the color of his irises. Even though his eyes were the center of attention, the muscle in his jaw was tense and to the point of throbbing with his teeth clenching together very tightly.

“I am not taking my own money. I need that for them.
They are my kids!
” Turning back to my car, I threw my hands up in the air as the wound ripped wide open. I should have known better than to accept anyone’s help; his especially. “Screw this. I knew that I couldn’t—”

“You better stop right now.” He caught up within a couple of strides with his long legs as he snaked his arm around my waist, bringing me tight to his hard body. It felt so good and so comforting, even though the rage was pulsating through my body.

Seeing him with
that
barely clothed
woman
last night was still itching in the back of my mind. He was in a tight lip-lock and I was surprised anyone could hold their breath for that long. Not only did I want to vomit at the sight of slobbering all over someone, but Kane being the one really burned a fire in the pit of my stomach. Just when I thought I could trust him and I gave into him, the snide remark told me I was wrong, very wrong. 

Pulling away from him, I stepped toward my car door as the lump thickened in my throat. “I was wrong, and I should have known better than to fall into your
kindness
.”

“No. You aren’t wrong, and nothing happened last night.” Was it nothing with me, or nothing with that nasty woman? His face was written with the words that he was talking about the woman, but could I really believe that a man with that black hair and those emerald eyes wouldn’t just hook up with a woman for a night?

“It’s none of my business, Kane.” I held my hand up, not wanting to hear about the wonderful and free sex life that he had. Jealousy already colored my blood when I saw him with his hands all over that woman and his tongue down her throat. I had no idea that guys really kissed like that, but apparently I was wrong again. I don’t know what was more disturbing; seeing that, or the wishing that it was me instead of her.

“I understand that you want to do the best for those two, but you might need a little help. I’m going to help you, but you have to trust me. We need to get in there and get some groceries before the store gets busier. I don’t want to give anyone a chance to question this, Keri.” His eyes eased back from their tightness and the beautiful specks of hunter green peeked through the emerald, making him look even sexier than before. But, I needed to pull back and not look at him as anything more than the hockey coach. Besides, I wore too much clothing for him to want to do anything with me, anyway.

“I can’t trust anyone. Not when those kids’ lives are at stake.” My chest tightened as I looked at the hurt coming into those greens. Maybe I could trust him, but lately, my life had been full of people I couldn’t trust. Joe ruined the three of us the day he left us with just a note. Then, to find out what happened to Sky, I needed to make sure they had someone who would protect them like a parent should.

“Seven, four, three, seven.” His jaw tensed as he nodded. “Remember those numbers.”

“What are they?” The breeze blew against my skin, sending a chill through my spine as his body was stiffening and the hurt was packing within him.

“You’ll need them, but I swear if you tell anyone about this, I won’t help again.” The muscle in his jaw thumped a couple times as his lips wrapped tight to the pearly whites. 

“Why would I tell anyone?” The tears burned my eyes again. Why would I think about telling someone that he helped me buy some groceries to feed the kids; the ones I wasn’t able to feed? I was doing all I could to take care of them.

“I’m not kidding, Keri.” He pulled me close to him, his arms wrapping around my waist, and pressed his cheek against mine. His breath warmed my neck, sending throbbing impulses between my legs, a raging fire in that pit that I was afraid would get out of control if I couldn’t figure out how to control it. “And if I hear that you’re not eating again, you will have to answer to me.”

“I eat.” The heat blasted in my face. My focus was on making the kids full and happy, not my own hunger. I did snack on some crackers that I had left over, and some nights, as long as I guzzled down a full glass of water with them, it was enough.

“Never again, Keri. I find out and I will be very upset.” His left brow cocked up, enhancing the sun’s rays that were poking him in his illuminous eyes.

Nodding, I walked with him into the store as if we just met in the parking lot. Getting a cart, the warm shivers ran through my spine, knowing just how embarrassed my mother would be of me right now. She had taken care of us three without any help at all, and I couldn’t do it even with a full-time, good paying job.