Withered + Sere (Immemorial Year Book 1) (16 page)

He raised his hand toward her, to rub it along her arm, to comfort her. She flinched, and Other Cavalo dropped his hand back to his side.

“We’ll be fine here,” he said.

“I know,” she said. “Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

And he had believed her. In the days that followed, he had believed her. There were moments when he’d come home from working the walls and she’d be smiling like always.
I planted new herbs in the garden
, she’d say. Or,
The funniest thing happened today
, as she laughed
.
She would curl up against him at night, her breath on his neck, his arm around her shoulders, his hand splayed out across her bare arm. And so what if he still felt that anger? So what if he still felt the tingle in his palm? Everything was fine. Everything was as it should be.

And his son! There were days filled with his
son
. Cavalo (Other or Real, it didn’t matter because they were one, they had merged as
one
) could hear him
laughing
and
crying
and saying
Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
He was so distracted by Jamie that he didn’t even try to change what had already happened. He was lost in the door in the storm, and he didn’t even
try
.

Time grew strange, and Other/Real Cavalo saw days skip by as if they were seconds, as if they had stuttered.

Here
was his wife, kissing his cheek, the bruise on her face already faded.

Here
was Jamie, laughing in the sunlight, tossing Mr. Fluff in the air.
Catch it!
he cried.
Catch it, Daddy!

Here
was Mark, an old friend of Cavalo’s, saying
Well, if you’ve only hit her once and she hasn’t cut off your balls, then you should be okay. Just don’t do it again. That’s not who you are.
Cavalo didn’t know if that was true anymore.

Here
was a night spent out on the Patrol, walking along the stone walls around what remained of Elko, Nevada. Dead Rabbits rarely came this far from the Deadlands, but it didn’t mean they couldn’t. Cavalo had a family to protect. He took his job seriously.
They’re right outside
, his wife whispered in his head.

Here
was Cavalo coming out to his wife’s garden, finding her speaking to the plants.
It’s the only way
, she said quietly.
It’s the only way
. He asked her what she meant, and she just smiled.

Here
was the night before he sank into darkness. She was in the kitchen, humming quietly to herself. Jamie was nodding off in his lap. Cavalo sat, trying to ignore the current that ran underneath his contentedness. It
hummed
and it
sparked
, but it didn’t matter because he could feel the weight of Jamie against him, could
hear
his wife’s melodic voice as she moved around the kitchen, sashaying back and forth, her feet moving lightly across the floor. He could see her from where he sat holding his son, and she danced, oh how she
danced
. Little twirls. Humming a song he did not recognize. Hands coming above her head, fingers flexing.

Pretty
, Jamie said sleepily as he watched his mother.
So pretty.

Yes
, Cavalo said.
Yes.

Here
was when Cavalo woke later that night to screams and chaos.

How did we get here?
Real Cavalo thought.
I thought we had more time
.

What was that?
Other Cavalo thought.
Jamie. He’s hurt himself.

But reality set in, as it is known to do, in this place behind the second door in the storm. Real Cavalo joined with Other Cavalo, and even though he knew how this night would end, he still had to
try
. He still had to
save
them.

Cavalo opened his eyes. The bed was empty next to him. He called out for his wife as he rose. There was no answer.

Through the bedroom windows, he could see people running through the street. He could see fire. He could see blood.

He ran to his son’s room. It was empty. Mr. Fluff lay on the floor, discarded. Forgotten. His black eyes stared up at Cavalo.
Ha-ha!
Mr. Fluff said.
Ha-ha! You’re too late! You’re too late again, Cavalo!

His panic rose.

Screams from outside the house.

He went back to the bedroom. Went to the top shelf in the closet. Pulled down the rifle. Loaded. Locked. Grabbed shells, shoved them into pockets. All the while, he could hear gunfire outside the house. An explosion. Cries of pain and horror. In his head, he could not get his wife out of his mind, the look on her face on that day weeks ago, how sanity had all but fled.

This has nothing to do with her
, he told himself.

Oh?
a little voice whispered back.
Then where is she? And where is Jamie?

Cavalo could not answer.

He opened the door to his house, and Elko, Nevada, was on fire.

And for a moment, it skipped, the picture unfolding in front of him skittering across his vision, mixing with a blizzard, a vast field of snow, and a building rising in the distance. He recognized it as his home, even as the door to his
other
(Other?) home shut behind him. A blast of pain shot through his chest, and he heard a voice blare in the distance: “YOU HAVE ENTERED A RESTRICTED AREA OF THE NORTH IDAHO CORRECTIONAL INSTITUTION.” Cavalo wondered wildly about the insanity of robots as the voice said, “TURN AROUND IMMEDIATELY BY ORDER OF THE SENTIENT INTEGRATED RESPONSE SYTSEM FOR THE NICI OR YOU WILL BE FIRED UPON.”

SIRS
, Cavalo thought, even as the snow began to fade and Elko began to rise.
SIRS, don’t shoot. It’s us. It’s me. It’s—

Other Cavalo shook his head, trying to rid himself of the snow. Of dreaming in robotics. He had to find Jamie. He had to find his wife.

He took a step off the porch, and two women ran screaming past him.

He took another step and saw a Dead Rabbit chasing after them.

He took another step and spun the rifle in his hands.

Another step and he swung the butt of the rifle. It connected with the Dead Rabbit’s face. The Dead Rabbit was knocked back off his feet and flipped over until he landed on his neck with an audible crack. The vibrations of the impact roared up Cavalo’s arms, causing him to almost drop the gun.

“What have you done?” he asked the Dead Rabbit.

The Dead Rabbit stared up at him with glassy eyes, wide and unseeing.

“
Cavalo
!”

He looked up.

Mark ran toward him, a large cut on his face, arms smudged with dirt.

“Where are they?” Cavalo demanded. “I have to find them.”

“I saw her,” Mark gasped. “Oh Jesus. Oh
God
.”

“Tell me.”

“Near the gate. The entrance. I tried to get to her, but something hit me and—”

“Did she have Jamie?” He grabbed Mark’s shirt and pulled him close. “
Did she have my son
?”

Mark shook his head. “I don’t know. I couldn’t tell. I couldn’t see.” He looked stricken.

“I have to find them,” Cavalo said hoarsely. “I have to get them back.”

Mark nodded. “I can help you. I promise, I can help. We’ll get them back. We’ll get them—”

Mark’s eye disappeared in a spray of blood as an arrow pierced his face. Cavalo stood there as Mark reached out for him, confusion in his remaining eye. “I… don’t…,” Mark said, taking a lurching step back. “Is this…? Where…?”

Cavalo didn’t move.

“Jenny,” Mark shouted. “Jenny. Jenny. There is black! I am eating black. In my mouth.” And then he fell back. He twitched a few times before lying still.

Cavalo couldn’t remember who Jenny was.
Was that Mark’s mother?
he thought as he raised the rifle.
Or was it his sister?
He found the Dead Rabbit with the bow using the sight of his rifle, and he realized he was already thinking of Mark in past tense. He pulled the trigger, and the Dead Rabbit fell in an arc of blood and bone.
I don’t know who Jenny was. I don’t know.

Cavalo stumbled over his oldest friend’s body, unable to look down. If Mark could die, Cavalo knew, so could Jamie. So could his wife. He had to find them.

He ran then, as fast as his legs could take him. He shot at four more Dead Rabbits, hitting three of them. One of them died, if his brains against the wall behind him were any indication. The other two were shoulder-hit. The fourth had laughed and charged at him, only to be distracted by a young woman who screamed for help. Cavalo didn’t know what happened to her.

Of course you do
, the bees told Real Cavalo, even as he was trapped with his Other self.
Of course you know what happened to her.

He didn’t know how long it took for him to reach the gate, which lay in large burnt-out chunks spread around the one entrance to Elko. He didn’t know how many people had rushed by him. Had begged for help. Had tried to kill him. How many more he had killed. His vision had tunneled to a pinpoint. He could hear his own ragged breath in his ears. It was too much. It was all too much.

He took another step, and Elko disappeared and he was back in the blinding snow, his chest collapsing. He struggled to take a breath as a metallic voice bellowed, “UNHAND CAVALO, YOU SAVAGE FIEND! DATA ENTRY SEVEN SIX FOUR DASH NINE. ALGORITHM ALGORITHM, I’VE GOT THE ALGORITHM BLUES. ONE MORE STEP AND YOU WILL BE FIRED UPON PER THE ORDER OF THE NICI!”

A loud bark, high and excited.

“BAD DOG! THAT YOU? ATTACK! BITE! KILL! MAIM! YOU FLEABAG! CAN’T YOU SEE YOUR MASTER HAS BEEN TAKEN HOSTAGE? DON’T YOU DARE GROWL AT ME, YOU WORTHLESS MUTT! BLAST IT ALL! GET BACK, YOU INCORRIGIBLE BEAST, AND I WILL TAKE CARE OF THIS MYSELF!”

Cavalo could hear the whir of machines starting up, a great clanking noise in which gears ground together and shrieked. For a moment he didn’t know what was happening, wasn’t in control of the bees in his head. He thought,
SIRS. Fucking SIRS. He’s starting his defense program and oh shit, oh shit
, oh shit
—

He was Other Cavalo.

He was Real Cavalo.

He was through the Mr. Fluff door in Elko, Nevada.

He was at the prison listening to an insane robot getting ready to shoot them.

He was
here
.

He was
there.

He was insane with bees, so many
bees
.

He was—

Outside Elko, which burned behind him. Later, after all was said and done, half the town would be destroyed, with a third of the population dead or missing. No one could say for sure how the Elko walls were breached, but Cavalo would think he knew. In his secret heart, the dark place that was collapsing in on itself, he would know.

But that was still days away. Now, Other/Real Cavalo walked through the brushlands outside of the Elko walls, his rifle dragging on the ground beside him. The moon was bright and high above him, casting long shadows. He didn’t know he was shirtless. He didn’t know he was barefoot. He didn’t feel the cactus needles scrape against his leg.

The man named Cavalo called out for his wife. He called out for his son. He didn’t think of the Dead Rabbits who were surely around, hiding in the dark. He didn’t think of his own wellbeing or of the wellbeing of those he called his friends in Elko. No, his thoughts were of his son and the way Mr. Fluff was thrown to the ground. It was of the way his wife’s eyes had looked, so wild and vacant. How long had that gone on? How much had he not seen? Or ignored?

He walked a mile. Maybe more. His voice was hoarse from the shouting. His feet bled. Mosquitos lit upon his arms and chest and drank. He thought it impossible he would find them now. Too much time had passed. The world outside Elko was too big. It was too dark. They were probably long gone.

Or dead
, whispered the bees.

It might have been better had he never found them again. Real Cavalo realized this even as Other Cavalo sank into despair. It might have been better for his sanity had they disappeared forever and he was forced to spend the rest of his days searching and wondering. At least then he would have a purpose. At least then he would have reason.

But fate is a bitch. And it was not done fucking with Cavalo.

“Jamie!” he cried into the dark, his voice breaking. His mouth was dry. His tongue felt swollen in his mouth.

“Daddy!”

He stopped and swayed as if drunk.

A trick
, he thought.
It’s a trick.

“Daddy!”

He ran.

It was not a trick. The dirt road curved ahead, and as soon as he rounded the curve, he saw them both. His wife sat near the edge of the road, under a tree. His son sat in her lap.

“Stop,” she said.

He did. Something in her voice made him.

“Daddy,” Jamie said. “We’re camping! We’re going on a trip!” He sounded excited, even though it was the middle of the night.

“Yes, baby,” he said. “A trip.”

Jamie laughed. It sounded free.

“Did you see them?” his wife asked. “They came, just like I said they would.”

“Yes,” Cavalo said. “You were right. You are always right.”

“They spoke to me. At night. When I was on Patrol. They told me things. Whispered to me.”

She wasn’t looking at him, so he took a step. “What did they say?”

She chuckled bitterly. “You will listen now?”

“Yes. Anything you want.”

“It’s too late.”

“No. It’s not. We can go home. Help the others.”

“They told me that the world was over.”

Another step. “It’s not. We have each other.”

She shook her head. “It’s not enough.”

“Don’t cry,” Jamie said, sounding concerned. He reached up and cupped his mother’s face. He smiled. “Don’t cry.”

“There are monsters,” she said. “Everywhere. We can’t live like this.”