With Me In Seattle: Bundle Two (93 page)

“I’ve just been in a funk since the wedding,” I admit softly.

Jax tilts his head, watching me closely. “Why?”

I jerk my shoulder up in a shrug. “It’s stupid.”

“I doubt it.”

I sigh and wave at a mom as she sits on a bench on the far side of the room.

“It just reminded me that Mom, Dad and Tiff are gone and if I ever marry Mark, they won’t be here for it.”

“That’s not stupid.”

“It’s not stupid, but it’s silly to still be brooding about it. That would just piss Mom off.”

“You’re grieving, sweetie. It’s okay to be sad sometimes.”

“Yeah.” I blow out a gusty breath. “I’m starting to piss myself off, though, so it’s time to shake this mood off.”

“GGN tonight?” Jax asks.

“That would be fun! No plans with Mr. Lovey Pants?”

“I can rearrange things.”

“Meredith.” Our heads swivel toward the door at the sound of Luke’s voice.

“What’s up?” I grin at Mark’s handsome older brother, but I feel the smile fall from my face when I see the look on his. “What happened?”

“Jax,” he begins without breaking eye contact with me. “I need you to take care of things here. There’s been a car accident.”

I gasp and feel my heart speed up as my entire body breaks out in cold sweat.

“What?” My voice is a low whisper.

“There’s been a car accident, Mer. Mark’s on his way to the hospital.”

I blink frantically as Luke and Jax continue to talk, but I can’t hear what they’re saying. My ears are buzzing. Or is that my head? Someone takes my hand and pulls me out of the chair.

“Meredith,” Jax says sternly, making me meet his gaze. “Breathe, baby. You go with Luke. I’ll take care of this last class and meet you at the hospital later.”

I nod automatically as Jax passes my hand to Luke and he leads me out of the studio to his SUV, but I can’t even feel my feet. I’m just following automatically. My face suddenly feels wet.

“Is it raining?” Is that my voice? Soft and hoarse and weak?

“Yes, sweetheart. Come on, get in my car.”

Luke is talking, but I don’t hear him. I lean my forehead against the cool glass of the passenger window, and I’m suddenly thirteen years old, sitting in Mrs. Yakamura’s classroom.

“Meredith?”

Oh geez, did I do that bad on the stupid math test? Mrs. Yakamura is staring at me with really serious eyes, like I’m in trouble or something. I didn’t do anything I can think of. I mean, she wouldn’t know that I stole Tiff’s favorite barrette this morning and put it in my hair after I got to school.

“Yes, ma’am?”

“I need you to go down to the principal’s office, please.”

The kids around me snicker and my tummy tightens with nerves. “What did I do?”

“You’re not in trouble, but they do need you down at the office, sweetie.”

“I’m not in trouble?” Why else would I be sent down there? This is the weirdest day ever!

“No. But grab your things. You won’t be coming back to class today.”

“She’s
suspended
?” My best friend, Amanda, asks with wide eyes.

“No. They’ll explain when you get down there.” I grab my backpack and coat and shrug at Amanda when she does the
what the heck is going on
look. When I move to pass by Mrs. Yakamura, she pulls me in for a strong hug, surprising me.

“I’m so sorry, Meredith.”

I must be in trouble. Why else would she be sorry? Oh my gosh, if my dad finds out that I got suspended from school, he’ll be beyond mad. He might even take my dance lessons away, and that would suck the worst. He’s always lecturing me and Tiff about being responsible and taking school seriously, and that it’s okay to have hobbies but we need to be focused.

Blah, blah, blah.

I’m only thirteen, for gosh sakes. It’s not like I’m going to college next year. Maybe I won’t go to college at all. Maybe I’ll just be a dancer. I’ll be a dancer and fall in love with a handsome musician and he’ll write me love songs and tell me how pretty I am.

Daddy tells me I’m pretty, but he’s my daddy. He’s supposed to say that.

Happy with my decision to marry a musician, I execute a perfect pirouette down the empty hallway on my way to the office. When I go inside, I’m surprised to see my mom and the counselor, Mr. Pritchett, waiting for me.

“Mom?” Her eyes are red and blotchy. Mine get the same way when I’ve been crying for a long time. “Mommy?”

“Oh, baby girl.” She yanks me into her arms and smothers me against her breasts, holding onto me so tight I can barely breathe, and cries hard. She’s shaking and sobbing against me.

Why is she crying? She only ever cries when she watches sad movies or when Grandma died. I start to cry too because she’s scaring me.

“Come on, Addie,” Mr. Pritchett says, pulling us toward his office. “Let’s sit down for a minute.”

“The police officer is waiting outside to take us back,” she sobs.

Police officer?

“Am I going to jail?” I cry.

“No, baby, no. Of course not.” Mom sniffs and wipes her cheeks dry, then pushes my hair back over my shoulders. Her lips are trembling. “Sweetie, there was a car accident today. Daddy’s at the hospital now, but we have to get back as soon as possible because they don’t think…” She can’t finish the sentence.

“They don’t think what?”

“You need to go see your dad, Meredith,” Mr. Pritchett says quietly.

“Where is Tiff? Is she at the hospital too?”

Another sob escapes Mom’s lips, but she firms her chin and swallows hard. “No, honey. Tiff isn’t at the h-h-hospital.”

“Where is she?” I whisper.

Mom shakes her head, takes my hand in hers and kisses it. “She didn’t make it, baby.”

I wrinkle my forehead in confusion. “Didn’t make what?”

“Tiffany was killed in the accident, Meredith,” Mr. Pritchett says. His eyes are full of tears too.

“What?” I pull away from Mom, yank my hand out of hers and bump into a chair. “What?”

“Come on,” Mom says. “We have to get back now.”

“I don’t understand.” I can’t stop crying now. My whole body feels hot, like it does when you stand in the bathroom with the shower running hot on a summer day. I can’t breathe. “I want Tiff! I want Daddy!”

“We’re going to see Daddy right now,” Mom says and pulls me out of the office, through the front doors of the school to the police car out front.

I want to ask why the police are here, but I can’t talk. This can’t be happening. What in the hell is happening?

Mom hugs me hard on the drive to the hospital. The tears have dried up, but I feel numb. This can’t be true. Dad had to take Tiff to her dentist appointment this morning. They’re fine. Maybe he took her out to lunch after the appointment and there’s been a mistake.

The policeman’s radio is loud with a deep, monotone man’s voice listing numbers and ten-fours. When he pulls up at the hospital, he helps Mom and me out of the car. He has nice eyes. Sad eyes. He pats my shoulder and walks next to us into the hospital, up an elevator and down a hallway. It smells like medicine and cleaner and feet. I hate the smell of feet.

Why does the hospital smell like feet?

Mom leads us to a room where a curtain is pulled, blocking the view of the bed. She keeps my hand in hers as we walk inside and as we walk around the curtain, I see my daddy lying in a bed with tubes coming out of his mouth. He has a white and green hospital gown on. His face is all bruised. His hand is scratched up badly and his right arm is wrapped in gauze from his elbow to his fingertips.

“Daddy,” I whisper.

“Go talk to him, baby.” Mom guides me next to him. “You can touch him.”

“He’s hurt.”

She nods quickly, tears spilling from her eyes again. “He is, honey. They’re just keeping him with us until we have a chance…”

My eyes fly to hers. “He’s going to die?”

“He is.”

A doctor joins us. She has crazy red hair and freckles, but she has kind eyes too, like the policeman.

“Your dad was in a very bad car accident, Meredith.”

“He’s breathing,” I point out desperately.

“With the help of this machine, yes he is. But sweetie, when we turn the machine off, he will pass away.”

“How do you know?” I ask angrily. “You don’t know! My daddy is strong! He’s just scratched up!”

“Your daddy
is
strong, Meredith,” the doctor replies when my mom can’t. “He tried all he could to save your sister. He is a brave man. But you have to say goodbye to him now, honey. You can both take your time. Spend some time with him.” She squeezes both mine and mom’s shoulders and leaves. The policeman leaves after her, and we are alone with my dad.

“Mom?” I don’t want to touch him. If I touch him, this might all be real, and it can’t be real. “Mom, he just looks scratched.”

“I know.”

“I don’t want to say goodbye.” I shake my head slowly. I can’t look away from him.

“Okay.” She clears her throat and smiles bravely at me, then pulls two chairs by his bedside and motions for me to sit closest to his head. “Let’s just sit for a while and talk. Let’s tell stories. I bet he can hear us.”

“What k-k-kind of stories?”

“Any kind. Happy ones.” Mom takes Dad’s hand in hers and bites her lip. She puts it up to her face, nuzzles her cheek into his palm the way she always does when we all sit and watch movies together. Tiff always steals all of the Sour Patch Kids.

“Remember when we took the road trip down to the beach in Oregon last year and Dad kept warning Tiff that she might get bit by sharks?” I smile at the memory as Mom snickers.

“He likes to torment you girls,” Mom says. “You and Tiff collected about a hundred sand dollars on that trip.”

“Ninety-six,” I say proudly. “We were so close to a hundred, but then we had to come home.”

Mom and I sit and talk for a long time. Daddy never moves, but I think he can hear. I finally get brave enough to reach out and lay my hand on his arm.

“He’s warm.”

“I think we have to say goodbye now, baby.”

Tears cloud my eyes as I stare at this man that I love so much. “I don’t want to.”

“I don’t either.”

“Mama, why did this happen?”

“I don’t know.”

“Where’s Tiff?”

She’s quiet for a long minute.

“She’s in the morgue, honey.”

“Here? In the hospital?” I’ve seen
Law and Order
when Mom and Dad didn’t know I was watching, so I know how the morgue works.

“Yes.”

“Can we say goodbye to her too? Before we leave?”

“I don’t know for sure. We’ll ask, okay?”

I nod and stare at Daddy. I just want him to wake up. Just for a minute. Just to tell me that he loves me and that I’m pretty. So I can tell him I love him and that I will be responsible and I will take things more seriously.

I stand and lean in so I can whisper in his ear. His hair is bloody and his ear is all swollen and scraped up, but I ignore it and talk anyway.

“I love you so much, Daddy. You are my hero. I will watch over Mama. Don’t worry, okay?” I sniffle and kiss his cheek, resting my lips against his scratchy stubble for a second. He used to always tease me with his stubble, rubbing it against my neck, making me giggle. I brush my nose over it for a second. “I love you.”

I step away and wipe my nose on my sleeve and watch as my mom, rather than sit next to him, or lean in and whisper like I did, crawls on top of him, rests her head on his chest, wraps her arm around his waist, and just cries. It’s the saddest cry I’ve ever heard. So loud and long. She buries her face in his neck and holds on, crying for a long time.

When it seems like she might have fallen asleep, she kisses his cheek, his neck and then his lips. Tiff and I always make gross faces when they kiss and stuff but this time it just makes me cry harder. When she lays her head back on his shoulder, she whispers to him. I can’t hear all of the words, but I do hear
love, forever, best time of my life.

Finally, when she’s all done, she stands and leans over him. She kisses his forehead and next to his lips and presses the red call button.

A few seconds later, the doctor comes back with a bunch of other people. She has Mom sign some papers, and then the team of people unplug all of the machines and take the wires off him. I don’t know what they mean or what they do.

They leave just the one that beeps with his heartbeat on and silently leave the room. Mom sits with him, murmuring to him, caressing his face.

“Love you so much, darling. You’re not alone. You don’t need to be afraid. Go see our girl. Go be with her now, and I’ll see you a little later.”

I’m crying silently. The beeps are getting farther and farther apart, until finally, there’s a beep and then… nothing.

No more beeps.

Just me and Mama, crying.

***

The house is quiet. It’s not quite dark yet. After Daddy was gone, we were escorted down to the morgue, which is
nothing
like
Law and Order
, to see Tiff. They would only let me see her face. They wouldn’t tell me, but I think her arms were really hurt because I wanted to hold her hand, but they wouldn’t let me.