With Every Breath (37 page)

Wade was there first, pushing by the others so he stood squarely in front of the surgeon.

“Tell me,” Wade muttered fiercely.

“She made it through surgery,” the doctor said, though there was no real joy or relief in his statement. “I have no idea how the hell she made it. When they brought her in, I gave her less than a five percent chance of surviving the first hour. But she hung on, refusing to give up.”

“Can I see her?” Wade asked hoarsely, afraid to feel hope.

“She isn't out of the woods yet,” the doctor said grimly. “I don't want to give you false hope. She could still die. Her condition is critical and she's on life support. As soon as she's out of recovery, she'll be moved to ICU. You can see her then. We'll just have to take it day by day, but for now, she's alive.”

No. Surely he wouldn't be given such hope only to have it snatched from him in the cruelest way possible. His heart pounded and he felt light-headed as relief poured over him. He hadn't lost her yet. She'd made it through surgery. No way she'd go down after surviving the worst. All she had to do now was recover. Get better. And he'd ensure she did exactly that. He wouldn't leave her side.

“I'll have someone come get you when she's been moved to ICU,” the doctor said before taking his leave.

Wade took several steps back and then numbly sank into one of the chairs, his hands shaking. He closed his eyes and swallowed visibly, knowing that when he did see Eliza, it wouldn't be good. But he had to be as strong for her as she'd been for him.

TWENTY-EIGHT

FOR
four of the longest days of Wade's life, he kept vigil in the ICU, never leaving Eliza's bedside. The nurses had tried to make him leave, citing strict visitor hours. Wade had dug in and told them over his fucking dead body would he leave her. There had been a tense standoff until the charge nurse had intervened, taken one long, hard look at Wade and then had told the other nurses to let him stay.

Maybe she'd seen just how close he was to losing it. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that he was with her, holding her hand, talking to her. He slept for short intervals, awakening to once more encourage her, bully her, demand that she wake up.

Her team came in, one at a time, at regular intervals. The nurses had already allowed one breach of the rules. Allowing more than two people in Eliza's room at the same time was where they put their foot down solidly. Wade hadn't cared about that either. As long as he was with her, he didn't care who else got to see her.

On the fifth day, Wade had dozed off, leaned over the rail of her bed, his fingers wrapped around hers when he was awakened by a small movement. His eyes snapped open and he glanced down, unable to determine whether he'd dreamed it or if she had really moved her hand.

And then she moved again. Just one tiny clench of her fingers around his. Almost as if to let him know she was there, with him, that she wasn't going anywhere.

Excitedly he leaned forward, talking urgently to her, telling her he was here, that she was okay and he begged her to open her eyes. He begged for half an hour when, finally, he saw it. The slightest movement of her eyelids as if she were straining to open her eyes.

Suddenly remembering the tube down her throat and the fact that if she came around, she'd likely panic, he quickly pushed the button for the nurse with his free hand, all the while continuing his steady encouragement for Eliza to open her eyes.

The nurse came in, looking sharply at Wade.

“She's coming around,” he said hoarsely. “She's been moving her hand for the last half hour and I just saw her eyelids twitch. She's coming out of it.”

The nurse sprang into action and soon the room was filled with other medical personnel as they prepared to extubate her. An ICU doctor stood by, prepared to re-intubate her if she was unable to breathe on her own. Through it all, Wade continued to remain at her side, holding tightly to her hand, and no one argued with him as they worked around him.

He found himself holding his breath when the tube had been removed from Eliza's throat and held it through the tense seconds following as they waited to see if she would breathe on her own.

Her vitals were checked every minute and then finally, the most beautiful words he'd ever heard came from the doctor.

“Her vitals are good and improving. She should wake soon.”

Wade's knees buckled and nearly gave out. He gripped the railing with his free hand and stood there shaking, tears swimming in his eyes. Then he leaned over to kiss her forehead and whispered against her skin.

“Come back to me, baby. You're going to be just fine. Open your eyes and look at me. Let me know you're all right.”

Again he saw her eyelids twitch and her eyes moving beneath the closed lids and he caught his breath when he saw the first tiny glimpse of the whites of her eyes.

“That's it,” he said urgently. “You can do this, Eliza. Wake up, baby. Wake up so I can tell you how much I love you and that I'm going to spend the rest of my life taking care of you.”

Her eyelids fluttered and then blinked, her gaze slowly tracking upward to his face. Then they remained open as she stared at him with recognition and awareness.

“Hi,” she whispered hoarsely, nearly inaudible.

It was too much for him to bear any longer. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he pressed his forehead to hers, holding on to her hand while she held on to his.

“Hi yourself,” he choked out when he was capable of speech. “Welcome back, beautiful. You scared the ever-loving hell out of me. How about we agree you never do that again?”

Her lips quivered into a semblance of a smile and her eyelids drooped as though it was taking all her strength to remain awake. He pulled his forehead from hers and then stroked her brow lovingly with his hand.

“Go back to sleep, baby. I'll be here when you wake up. I swear it.”

“Wade?”

Wade roused instantly when Eliza's voice reached his ears. It was a low, husky whisper, but nothing had ever sounded sweeter.

“I'm here, baby. How you feeling? Are you in pain? Do you want me to call the nurse?”

After regaining consciousness the initial time, Eliza had roused a few more times, but hadn't had the strength to do much more than direct her determined stare at Wade and squeeze his hand. She'd held his hand while her team filtered through, often falling back asleep after only the first few had gotten to talk to her. Wade didn't know how aware of them she had been or if she would even remember their presence.

Carefully, Eliza shook her head. Then she pursed her lips and Wade leaned forward, knowing there was something she wanted to say. He pulled her hand to his lips and simply pressed it against his mouth as he gazed at her with so much love in his heart that it was a physical ache.

“Thomas?” she rasped out.

Wade's expression tightened. “Dead.”

Relief washed through her eyes and for a moment she closed them and he thought he'd lost her again to unconsciousness. But then she reopened them, tears turning the beautiful green glossy.

“Good,” she whispered.

“Not happy about you taking a bullet for me,” he said in a tense voice that still reflected his vivid memory of the event.

She half-smiled. “Didn't figure you would be.”

God, she seemed stronger now. After several days of drifting in and out, not even speaking after her first whispered, “Hi,” she seemed more determined to remain awake this time.

“Swear to me you'll never do anything so stupid again,” he demanded, or rather he intended it to be a command. It came out as a fervent plea, him begging her to never frighten him the way she'd frightened him again.

Her smile was crooked now and she squeezed the hand he'd never once let go. “Can't promise that.”

Her words were labored and raspy and she sounded as though she were in pain. He leaned forward in concern.

“Do you need the nurse?” he asked again. “You're hurting, baby.”

“No,” she said. “Need you to talk to me. Don't want to sleep anymore. I hate sleeping. I feel so alone. It's so dark.”

She shivered as she spoke, and it nearly undid him.

“You aren't alone, baby. Never again. Do you understand that? I'm here. I'll always be here. I'm not going anywhere so don't get any ideas of getting rid of me. I'll give you the moon, and there isn't a damn thing I won't do to make you happy, but what I will
not
do is ever leave you.”

A tear trickled down her cheek and he tenderly wiped it away.

“I couldn't let him take you away from me,” she said painfully. “When you burst in, the last thing I was thinking about was guarding against his mental intrusion. I was so terrified. I wouldn't have survived losing you and he got in because I lost focus, because I panicked and allowed him to see what you meant to me. He wanted to punish me, hurt me, by killing you and I couldn't let him do that.”

“Do you think I would have been any happier if you had died?” Wade asked, his voice cracking with emotion. “Do you not have even a clue how much I love you? How much I need you? That I am and have nothing without you? You are the only person I have ever loved, Eliza. The only person who has ever loved
me
. That kind of beauty can't be lost once experienced. You couldn't expect me to survive losing you. I
wouldn't
have survived it.”

“And I couldn't have survived losing
you
,” she whispered.

He sighed. “Don't we make a fine pair. Bitching about not taking bullets for the other when we've both done exactly that because we love one another and can't even begin to fathom our lives without one another. That's rare, Eliza. That's rare and precious. Just like you.”

Her eyes shimmered with emotion at hearing the words he'd given her what seemed a lifetime ago. Words he'd meant absolutely.

“I guess what we have
is
pretty special,” she murmured.

“Bet your ass it is,” he said around the knot in his throat. “What do you think we should do about it?”

She went pensive, exhaustion creeping in to her features. He thought she might fade away but she seemed to rouse herself and once more directed her full focus on him.

“Are you going to demand that I quit my job?” she asked after a hesitation.

He softened all over with love for his badass, justice-minded woman.

“Not unless you continue with these suicide missions.”

The corner of her mouth turned upward and relief flickered in her eyes. He kissed her hand again and became utterly serious when he said his next words.

“I once told you that you stood for what's right. That's who you are, Eliza. And I wouldn't change one single damn thing about you. Will I worry about you and bitch over some of the missions you take? Hell yeah. But I'll never stand in your way or demand that you choose between me and something that is one of the biggest reasons I love you so much. I will, however, expect you to allow me to help when I need to help.”

Eliza's eyes were warm as she gazed back at him. “We do make a pretty good team, don't we?”

“Bet your ass,” he said again. “And speaking of team, they're all here. I don't know how much you remember, or if you remember them being here at all, but they've been camped out in the waiting room ever since you were brought into surgery. Dane has been worried sick. He loves you, Eliza, and he feels guilty for not doing more to shut you down before you took off for Oregon.”

Eliza sighed, pain replacing the warmth in her eyes. “I'd like to see him. I need to apologize. What I did wasn't cool. It was selfish. I made a lot of people who care about me worry. I was too focused on my own pain, fear and vengeance to realize that I was the one hurting the people I love.”

“You were
protecting
the people you loved,” he gently corrected. “And yes, he's here. I expect he'll be in at the top of the hour when they allow the next visitor back.”

She swallowed nervously and he squeezed her hand, kissing her knuckles.

“Baby, he isn't angry with you. None of them are. They just want to know you're going to be okay. That's all any of them want, especially Dane. Well, and I think he'd very much like to have his partner back. As long as he understands that you are no longer exclusively his.”

He smiled as he said the last and delighted in her returning smile.

“I think he already gets that,” she said ruefully.

“So, are you going to put me out of my misery and make an honest man out of me?”

She stared inquiringly at him. “Was that a rhetorical question? Because I'm pretty sure this is the first time the subject has been mentioned, or at least an actual question has been asked.”

Damn but that was his Eliza. Sassy and sharp-tongued. Never missing a beat or an opportunity to bait him.

“You know damn well I want forever,” he said gruffly. “And that means you and me having a ceremony with everyone who means anything to us in attendance that will make me want to crawl out of my skin in discomfort but will suffer through because the end result is you. You being mine in every way possible. Forever.”

“I want forever too,” she said, an ache to her voice. “I love you so much, Wade. I think I've loved you for a long time, but you scared me. I was scared to love you.”

“Me too, baby. Me too. We can be scared together.”

“And yeah, I'm going to make an honest man out of you. In more ways than one,” she said, her eyes narrowing. “Don't think I don't know about some of your ‘business practices.' You're about to clean up your act, Wade Sterling.”

He threw back his head and laughed. God, it felt so damn good when he thought he'd never laugh again. Never have reason to be happy. When the most precious thing in the world to him had nearly been taken from him.