With Abandon: With or Without, Book 3 (17 page)

“She does that every now and again. It’s just that lately it seems more frequent. My parents don’t like each other.”

Aubrey shrugged. “Maybe they aren’t mates.”

“Nah…” But it sort of made sense. He didn’t know any other mates who acted like his parents. Their animosity did seem a little extreme. Maybe there was an underlying reason. Perhaps they were once like all the other mated couples. “Can you imagine ever hating me?”

“Hell no.” Aubrey scowled, looking half-confused, half-offended. “I guess that’s why I thought they might not be mates. The longer I’m around you, the more I like you, the more I find we have in common. I even like our differences.”

Matt nodded. “Me too.” The immediate reaction from his mate made him all warm and fuzzy inside. Truthfully, he was halfway to being head over heels in love with Aubrey. Which made his parents’ relationship even more puzzling. All the mated couples he knew were good to one another. Mates were a perfect match. Keaton and Chay, Jake and Remi, Chay’s parents, Aubrey’s parents, all of them were deeply in love. Not only was there an unmistakable physical attraction—his parents had that at least—but mates were friends too. His parents truly did not like each other, and they had nothing in common except their kids.

Oh no. No, no, no, no.
Matt stared up at Aubrey, not really seeing him. A deep, empty feeling settled in his chest. “You’re right. They aren’t mates.” The sense of betrayal washed over him. Logically, it had nothing to do with him, unless— Matt gasped in air. He couldn’t breathe. Aubrey’s face blurred, and Matt’s nose started running. There was a lump the size of Texas in his throat. “They got married because she was pregnant with me.” He tried to blink back the tears, but failed. His entire life was one giant lie.

Aubrey dragged Matt up into his lap and pressed his face up against Aubrey’s neck. He rubbed Matt’s back, rocking them side to side. “Shh… All couples fight, even mates. My parents have arguments. Hell, I’ve thought Chay was actually going to strangle my brother a time or two. Can’t blame him, but still… Mates fight just like every other couple. They even pick fights occasionally. God knows Keaton does.” He kissed Matt’s temple, his cheek and his ear.

Matt shook his head and buried it farther into his mate’s neck. His hand touched the bare skin where Aubrey’s shirt hung open. “But mates don’t hate each other.” This was
all
his fault. It made sense now. His mom seemed to distance herself from Matt more so than the others. She blamed him…resented him. And his dad? Now the talk about how they should save themselves for their mates made sense. It wasn’t some romantic notion. It was to keep from knocking up some bimbo and being stuck with her. Their dad didn’t want them making the same mistake he had. Not that that would ever be an issue for Matt, but it certainly shed light on Dad’s irritation over Logan’s never-ending sexual conquests.

“No one made them have eight other kids, Matt.” Aubrey caught Matt’s face and forced eye contact. He wiped a tear away with his thumb and kissed Matt on the lips. “Even if they got married because she was pregnant with you, no one forced them to bring eight other children into their lives and bind them further together. That’s what’s bothering you, isn’t it? You think it’s your fault that your brothers have had to suffer through your parents’ rocky marriage.” He kissed Matt again and brushed away more tears. “You and your brothers are the innocents in this.”

Taking a deep breath, Matt tried to calm himself down. It
was
his fault his brothers had to deal with constant tension. He didn’t want to be upset over this, but— “They never wanted me.”

“They did want you. They just didn’t want each other. If they didn’t want
you
, they wouldn’t have bothered getting married so they could both raise you.”

But that didn’t sound right. Maybe his dad had wanted him but his mom didn’t.
Guh.
This sucked. His nose was all snotty, and now he was getting a headache. And he couldn’t do anything about the actual problem. Matt sniffed. “Why do I feel so betrayed? Why does it bother me? It shouldn’t.”

“Ah, sugar, of course it should. As deeply as you care about people? You’re the most affectionate person I’ve ever met.” Aubrey smiled. It wasn’t just a normal smile. Or maybe it was, but the look in his eyes said a lot more than the smile. He cared. A lot. He liked that Matt was affectionate. He liked Matt.

That gaze got through to Matt. It was like the rest of the garbage got pushed into the background. Aubrey’s heart beat strong and steady against his palm, grounding him a little more. The turmoil was still there, but now there was something else too. Matt snuffled. The tears had stopped flowing finally. Now if he could get the snot to quit running out his nose… The pain in his chest eased, enough so he could breathe again. He felt like an idiot for bursting into tears, but he was too enthralled with the glint in Aubrey’s eyes to be embarrassed.

“It’s one of the things that makes you special.” That tender expression never left Aubrey’s face. He stared at Matt fondly.

That look did funny things to Matt’s insides. His body got all tingly and hard again. Wait. Aubrey thought he was special? Matt clutched Aubrey’s face and mashed their lips together so hard and fast it surprised both of them. A gasp pushed out of Aubrey’s mouth into his.

It was nice, freeing in a way. He really
did
love Aubrey. It seemed wrong, but the thought of his parents not being mates made his feelings for Aubrey clearer. His life with his parents was over. This one with his mate was just beginning.

Chapter Thirteen

Matt stared into the mirror. He was going to have to leave the bathroom sooner or later to go get his tie tied, but he was nervous. He’d never been to a fancy party like this before. He wanted to go, was excited even, but there was still the fear of the unknown. The crowd at this party would be sophisticated and rich…glamorous. He was none of those things. What if he did something stupid, like trip—he was always tripping on stuff—and embarrassed Aubrey?

“Sugar? You ready?”

Glancing toward the bathroom door, he hesitated. He picked up his color identifier off the vanity and pointed it at his jacket.

“Black,” came the disembodied mechanical voice.

“Matt, you know you’re in all black and white, right?” Aubrey’s voice held a hint of amusement.

Matt sighed, feeling silly for getting caught using his color identifier on a tuxedo. “Yeah, I know. I’m just playing.” It made him feel more secure. He hadn’t worn pink or lime green since he got the thing. He’d become dependent on it. And right now he needed all the surety he could get.

“I promise it’s all black and white, sugar. Come on out here.”

Resisting the urge to use the thing on his shirt, Matt set it on the vanity and gave it one last longing look. “Please don’t let me screw up tonight.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.” Matt checked his appearance once more, smoothing down the jacket. There was no time like the present. He snatched up the bow tie and went into the bedroom. His stomach was queasy.

Aubrey stood in front of their bed—when had he started to think of it as theirs?—watching the stock-market ticker scroll across the bottom of one of the news channels. He was watching the stocks because the volume was off. He did that occasionally, and it still baffled Matt. All those numbers and letters made no sense to him at all and after a while they all blurred together.

“Are you—?” Aubrey turned and froze.

Oh no.
Matt’s stomach clenched, and his breath hitched. He looked down at himself, but didn’t see anything wrong. He hurried back to the bathroom to check the mirror. Nothing jumped out at him. He seemed okay. At least he thought he did. Frowning, he glanced over his shoulder at his back.

“What are you doing?” Aubrey stepped into the bathroom and took the forgotten tie from Matt’s hand. He positioned himself behind Matt and began putting the tie on him.

“You looked at me funny. I was trying to figure out what I screwed up.”

Fussing with the collar, Aubrey chuckled. “Relax. You’re about to jump out of your skin. I was staring because you look amazing.”

“I do?” Matt cocked his head at the mirror. Amazing? He saw the same reflection he always saw and…did he look pale?

His tie was starting to take shape beneath Aubrey’s slim, elegant fingers. Matt followed those fingers to the arms and the face just behind his shoulder. Aubrey was the one who looked amazing. He belonged in that sleek black tux.

“There.” Aubrey gave Matt’s bow one more twisting motion and let go. He grabbed Matt’s shoulder and turned him, forcing Matt to end his ogling of Aubrey in the mirror.

“I’m nervous.”

Aubrey grinned and kissed his chin. “Nooo…”

Matt smacked him on the arm. “It’s not funny.”

“It’s adorable, and you are absolutely gorgeous.” Aubrey stepped back, studying Matt. “It’s going to be pure hell trying to keep my hands off you all night.”

Heat raced up Matt’s neck and face at the thought. That shouldn’t embarrass him now after all they’d done, but it did. He wasn’t used to being admired like that.

Aubrey stared at him. “What’s that look for?”

“I like that you like the way I look. No one’s ever complimented me like you do.”

“The people in New Mexico must be blind.” A smirk oozed over Aubrey’s face. “I’m going to have to beat the women and probably a few men off of you with a stick.” He caught the back of Matt’s head and pulled him down for a kiss. He nibbled softly and sucked at Matt’s bottom lip for several seconds before nudging Matt’s lips open with his tongue.

Matt sighed into the caress and allowed Aubrey to do what he wanted. He didn’t even try to kiss back. The wet slide over his lips, teeth and tongue was soothing. The only person he wanted on him was right here, and no way would Matt want to beat him off—well yeah, he would, but not like Aubrey meant. He smiled and suppressed the giggle wanting to escape.
Time and place, Matthew. Sheesh.

The whole kiss was gentle and coaxing, meant to reassure. God, he loved this man. Sighing in pleasure, Matt wrapped his arms around Aubrey’s waist and kissed back. He could get through anything with his mate by his side. Suddenly this party was more of an annoyance than an anticipation. He’d rather skip the party and snuggle in bed.

The scent of arousal surrounded them. He hadn’t realized he’d gotten hard. He’d been too caught up in the kiss, in letting Aubrey love him. But now…now his cock was becoming insistent, and Aubrey’s arousal was invading his senses as well.

Aubrey’s arms came around his shoulders, and his hands cupped Matt’s neck. He loved how Aubrey always held his head and touched his face. It made Matt feel irresistible. He wasn’t, but he loved that his mate thought so.

Matt pulled Aubrey closer, needing the press of body against his. He circled his tongue around lazily, exploring and caressing, wanting to savor the magical moment. Even the feel of Aubrey’s erection against his thigh and racing heart against his chest didn’t make him want to hurry.

Breaking the kiss, Aubrey smiled at him. “I’d love to continue this, but Tee’s here.”

What?
Matt blinked, trying to focus. Aubrey’s kiss had robbed him of conscious thought, apparently.

There was a knock at the door. Followed by Tara grumbling, “Come on, guys. I forgot my damned key. Let me in.” She sounded annoyed, like it wasn’t the first time she’d knocked.

Tara was going with them? Had he missed something?

“Hold your horses.” With a wink, Aubrey headed out of the bathroom.

Matt didn’t want to feel disappointed but he did. Guilt followed closely after. Tara was his friend. He liked hanging out with her, nearly as much as he did Aubrey. But he couldn’t deny the powerful urge to have Aubrey all to himself and for everyone to know Aubrey was his. Which was just dumb. That was a ways in the future. He should’ve realized Tara was coming. And really he was glad…he was. If anyone could make him feel less edgy, it was Tara. As far as he knew, she went to every social function with Aubrey.

Another feminine voice came from the living room. Telling Aubrey hello and…kissing him? Yeah, that was definitely a smack. Who the heck was kissing his man? Matt practically ran into the living room. About halfway there he caught himself and slowed. Possessive much? That was a new feeling for him. He tried to decide whether he liked it or not. Not that it mattered, because he’d had it regardless. It had been immediate and from the gut.

Tara drew his gaze as soon as he stepped into the living room. The tomboy who drove like a NASCAR driver and shot Nerf darts true enough to make a sniper envious was gone, and in her place stood a goddess.
This
was the Miss Georgia persona. She wore a long strapless formfitting dress with a slit all the way up to the top of her right thigh. The curves of her breasts appeared ready to spill out of the bodice any second, and if she moved too quickly, that slit would let everyone see what she wore beneath. The dress was gold, but it was that weird gold that told Matt it was probably a color his eyes couldn’t see rather than a true gold. Her dark hair was piled on her head with that sexy almost-coming-down look that women did.

“Wow.” His brothers would probably drop to their knees and offer her the world, but Matt had the urge to tease her about being a girl. Maybe they should stop by the sporting-goods store and buy a bat, so he and Aubrey could beat people off her. If she had any idea he’d even considered it, she’d probably kick his butt.

“What? What’s wrong?” She did the exact same thing Matt had done earlier when Aubrey had looked at him. She lifted her arms a bit, studied herself and frowned up at him. “Do I have something on my—?” Her mouth dropped open. “Oh. My. God. You look incredible.” She strode forward. “Matt, you’re always gorgeous, but day-um…” She grabbed his hands, holding them out from his body to check him out, and smiled. “Honey, you’re beautiful.”

“Me? Look at you. Holy smokes. Maybe I’m not as gay as I thought.”

Tara laughed and Matt joined her.

“Matthew.” Aubrey was so quiet and steady it was eerie.

Together Matt and Tara turned toward him.

He wore an expression so blank it could have been made of stone. He stalked toward them, his gaze locked with Matt’s. “Can I see you for a moment.” It wasn’t a question, and he didn’t give Matt time to respond before continuing past him into their room.

Okay, that was weird.
Aubrey was never that emotionless. Something told Matt he was seeing the corporate tycoon the business world saw. The hairs on the backs of his arms stood on end. Matt glanced back at Tara, and for the first time noticed the other woman coming to stand beside her. She was pretty, with long dark hair around her shoulders and a blue dress slightly more sedate than Tara’s but still quite elegant. She resembled Tara. “Hi.” She waved at him before glancing in Aubrey’s direction and swallowing hard.

Matt looked back at Tara.

She shrugged and furrowed her brow at the open bedroom door.

No sooner had Matt cleared the door, than Aubrey softly closed it. He gripped Matt’s shoulder and whirled Matt around to face him so fast Matt stumbled.

Matt would’ve bumped right into his mate, but the look on Aubrey’s face made him fling his forward progress to the side to keep from colliding. He shifted his weight and clasped his hands together. His stomach plummeted to his feet. What had he done? Surely Aubrey knew he’d been playing with Tara. He couldn’t possibly be jealous, could he?

Matt composed himself and gave Aubrey a weak smile.

Aubrey didn’t smile back. If anything, his scowl deepened. “What da fuck? Ya cain’t go around tellin’ people you’re gay,” he gritted out between clenched teeth so low Matt doubted that Tara and the other woman heard, even if they were standing with their ears to the door, and Matt wouldn’t put that past Tara. Aubrey’s eyes narrowed, piercing him to the spot. The anger coming off him was suffocating.

All the blood drained from the upper part of Matt’s body, he was sure of it. He grew lightheaded, and the room started to spin. He hadn’t expected that. Aubrey might as well have punched him in the face.

“I got Tara to bring Ashley as your date for that very purpose, and here you go spoutin’ off that you’re gay anyhow.”

What? The other woman was his date? He didn’t want a date. He was tagging along with Aubrey and Tara. Bile climbed up Matt’s throat, and he tugged at his collar. It was too tight. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t do this. He hadn’t meant to blurt that out, but he couldn’t hide who he was. It just wasn’t in him. Where did that leave them? Aubrey had never said anything about Matt pretending to be straight too.

“Are you listenin’ to me? It’s a damned good thang Ashley’s Tee’s sister and can be trusted to keep her mouth shut.”

Matt nodded, not even knowing what he was nodding for. Tears prickled the backs of his eyes, and he bit his lip to keep it from trembling. His whole world had come crashing down around him. Not only was Aubrey furious with him, madder than Matt had ever seen him, but he wanted Matt to be something he wasn’t. It was one thing not to let everyone know they were mates. It wasn’t actually lying unless someone asked outright, and no one would. But this was lying, plain and simple. He didn’t know if he could do that.

Matt hadn’t looked him in the eye since they left the limo. That was three hours ago. The evening should’ve been flawless. The ballroom was a showcase for The Buchanan with its crystal chandeliers and Brazilian cherry wood floor. The band was good, the hors d’oeuvres and champagne were top quality. Best of all, he was positive he’d persuaded several board members and shareholders to his way of thinking. But it all paled in comparison to enjoying Matt’s company. Instead he was left remembering the crestfallen look on Matt’s face.

Damn Matt anyway
.
Aubrey took another drink of champagne and tried to concentrate on what his chief financial officer was saying.

Across the room Matt laughed. Even if the wolf senses that proclaimed them mates hadn’t honed in on Matt, his rich scent and joyous sound would’ve captured Aubrey’s attention.

Matt and Ashley had their heads together as they walked toward the ballroom entrance, obviously enjoying the evening. God almighty, he was gorgeous, especially when he laughed. His whole personality came bubbling to the surface. There wasn’t a soul around more down to earth and genuinely friendly, and most of the partygoers had figured that out as well. Every time Aubrey looked up, Matt had a crowd around him. It was hard to believe Matt could be so shy at times and even harder to remain irritated at him.

“Reynolds, I like your ideas for the chain, but Boskie brought up a good point the other day. For only a little more we could open another hotel,” Geoff Smithly, one of the minor shareholders, said.

Tearing his gaze from his mate, Aubrey turned his attention back to the group of men whose support he was trying to gain. Damn Boskie’s hide. “Very true, but right now the hotels aren’t taking in as much with this recession. By renovating we’re trying to attract new customers to all the hotels, not just a new one.”