Witchful Thinking (35 page)

He lifted his head and when he looked down at me, he smiled.

“Shall we attempt to re-create that bond?”

I smiled back up at him. “You’re on.”

I almost felt like I was dreaming—like I wasn’t actually in my bed with Rand on top of me, like I wasn’t wearing just my bra and panties. I’d been waiting for this moment for so long that it almost didn’t seem real. And had Rand really pledged himself to me, or had that been a figment of my imagination too?

The feel of Rand’s thumb pressing against the inside of my thigh while the rest of his hand gripped the outside felt genuine enough. So did the heat emanating from his body. Nope, I was pretty sure this was the real deal—stamped with a seal.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked as he stopped kissing my neck and pulled away, staring down at me.

“What do you mean?” I asked innocently.

“It feels like you’re distracted.”

I giggled a bit and felt a little silly as I answered the question. “I was debating with myself about whether or not this was real.”

Rand chuckled and shook his head like he just didn’t understand me. “Jolie, I’m real and this is real so please stop orbiting in outer space because I’d like to have you in the moment, right here beneath me.”

I swallowed hard at the expression of pure lust in his eyes.

“Okay,” I said sheepishly.

He offered me one more amused smile and then started kissing my neck again. His lips were incredibly soft and slightly moist.

“Your skin tastes so sweet,” he whispered and nibbled on my earlobe while I giggled and ran my hands down his naked back, relishing the feel of his muscles as they tensed beneath my hands.

And I suddenly had the desire to just look at him, to soak in his beauty, to come to terms with the fact that the one man who had captured my heart when he’d first walked into my store two years ago … was really mine.

“Rand, I need to see you.”

He pulled away from me and offered me a puzzled expression.

“Just sit up,” I said with a smile and watched him obey, bracing his arms on either side of me so he wouldn’t shift too much weight on my middle.

I didn’t say anything as I drank in his beauty. My eyes traveled from the wave of his chocolate-brown hair, to his warm brown eyes, past dimples that betrayed the fact that he probably thought I was the strangest girl he’d ever met. His lips lit up in a half smile, highlighting his square jaw.

I allowed my gaze to continue south, to imbibe his smoothly defined chest muscles peppered with wiry, light brown hair. And still farther south—down to his rock-hard abs and the trail of brown hair that started just below his navel and acted like an arrow pointing below his pajama pants.

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” I asked, glancing up into his face again.

“You asked me if I used magic to enhance my appearance when we first met.”

I laughed with him and returning my gaze to his incredible body, shook my head in wonderment.

“You do realize I’ve been yours all along?” Rand
asked, the smile dropping from his lips. “From the moment we met, it has always been you.”

He glanced down at me again, his gaze traveling from my face to my chest.

“Show me your breasts,” he whispered.

I felt a burning deep down in my core—an aching, yearning need. I sat up slightly, reached around my back with both hands to unhook my bra, and slowly pulled each strap down my shoulders, teasing Rand as I moved at a snail’s pace. With a smile, I pulled the satin material away until only the peaks of my alert nipples met his eyes.

He swallowed hard—I could see his Adam’s apple bobbing with the effort. And then his hands were on my breasts, teasing my nipples.

“You are stunningly beautiful, Jolie,” he whispered as he leaned down and took one of my nipples in his mouth. I immediately arched up against him, the burning in my core now an out-and-out fire.

Then his hands were on my thighs again, grazing the outside of my panties. I brought my hand down and blocked his from the junction of my thighs.

“No, let me see you first,” I whispered, wanting nothing more than to touch him, kiss him, hold him in my hands.

He pushed away from me and stood, his eyes never leaving mine. But my eyes left his as they moved down his exquisite chest, pausing at the drawstrings of his pajamas. He was rock hard—I could see the outline of his penis straining against his pants.

“Don’t be shy,” I said in a raspy voice.

With that, he pulled his pants down and he was suddenly gloriously naked before me, beautiful in his raw masculinity. I felt myself inhale deeply as I gazed at him, realizing this was the first time I’d ever beheld his naked body in its entirety. Of course there had been the time
that we’d had sex in 1878, but there had been more urgency then and I’d never truly seen him in all his glory.

I wrapped my fingers around him, wondering how I’d ever be able to support his girth, how I’d been able to do so all those years ago. And suddenly I was struck with the need to taste him. I dropped off the bed, dipping down on my knees as I took him in my mouth and watched him clench his eyes tightly.

“Jolie,” he groaned out.

Before I’d had my fill of him, he gently pushed my mouth away. Grabbing me by the waist, positioning me on the bed, spreading my legs, he angled himself between them, his shoulders resting on my thighs.

“Quid pro quo,” he said with a smile and slipping my panties to the side, his mouth was suddenly on me.

I screamed out in pleasure at the same time that I ground my heels into the bed and shot upward. Rand chuckled as he pulled me back toward him, holding my pelvis down to keep me in place.

“Rand,” I whimpered. “I don’t know … how much more I can take.”

He made a throaty sound and raised himself up, watching me with a smile of amusement as his fingers danced over me, teasing me ruthlessly. He continued holding my panties to the side as he ran his index finger down the length of me. I clamped my eyes shut.

“When we bonded before,” he began and then slipped a finger inside me as I bucked up. He pulled his finger out of me again and chuckled.

“You are evil,” I groaned out.

He chuckled more deeply and buried his finger in me again. “At what point did you know it was happening?”

I tried to remember, to force myself to focus when all I wanted to do was lose myself in the feeling of his fingers.

“Jolie?”

“Oh my God,” I muttered. “I really can’t think right now.”

With another chuckle, he removed his fingers and slid my panties off, spreading my legs again as he settled himself between them. The head of his erection perched at my opening.

“Are you able to think now?”

I leaned on my elbows and glanced up at him. “Are you sure you aren’t a demon whose sole intention is to drive me to insanity?”

“Quite sure,” he answered with the epitome of a demonic smile. “Answer the question.”

I thought back, remembering the feel of Rand inside me, and the memory of our bonding rained down on me as if it had happened only yesterday. “We started bonding once you were …” I cleared my throat and felt myself blush. “Um, once you were in me. It happened right as we were both coming.”

He didn’t respond right away so I glanced up at him to find him staring down at me, lovingly.

“Don’t look away,” he said. Before I could question him he drove himself into me. Gasping at the feel of his invasion, I arched up and clenched my eyes shut.

“No, look at me, Jolie.”

I opened my eyes and focused on him. He was watching me like a hawk as he pulled out, only to push back into me again. I wrapped my legs around him and he pushed harder.

And suddenly it was as if I’d been transported back in time, as if my Rand of 1878 was making love to me. That was when the beauty of the moment dawned on me. Rand loved me and I loved him—today, in the here and now. We were destined for each other and in a few moments’ time, we would be bonded again. I finally had the man I’d wanted for so long. Rand was mine, body and soul, and I’d kept my promise.

I was surprised when something inside my throat constricted and tears started in my eyes. I couldn’t even control myself as they fell onto my pillow.

“Jolie, am I hurting you?” Rand said and immediately stilled within me.

I shook my head and held him to me, embraced him like I’d never held him before.

“No,” I said. “I’m just so incredibly happy. I love you so much and now you’re actually mine.”

Rand chuckled but lifted me into his arms, holding me tightly as he began pushing into me again. I gasped beneath him.

“Yes, I am yours,” he whispered. “I love you, Jolie, and I promise to protect you forever.”

I could feel myself growing wetter, hotter. I was going to come soon, I could feel it.

“I’m close, Rand.”

“That’s right,” he said between clenched teeth, and pushed into me with renewed zest.

I arched up and threw my head back, screaming out as bliss captured me, transporting me to a place that defied words. Rand’s grasp on my shoulders tightened and I opened my eyes to find his firmly shut. With a groan, Rand thrust inside me once more and then collapsed against me, his chest rising and falling in time with my heart.

I swallowed hard and wondered which one of us would bring up the obvious first.

“I didn’t feel it,” Rand said as he kissed the side of my face. There was something in his eyes—surprise warring with disappointment and concern.

I sighed. “I didn’t feel it either.”

And then I was left wondering—wondering why we’d just had the best sex of my life, and yet we hadn’t bonded.

Wow, Diary, I don’t even really know what to say or where to begin. I guess I’m still reeling over the fact that for the first time in the last two years, well, really, for the first time since I met Rand, I don’t have this insatiable need burning inside me—this question constantly plaguing me about whether or not Rand loves me, whether or not we will be together—a plague of questions that used to drive me insane
.

Now my emotional seas are no longer turbulent—instead, they’re calm and peaceful
.

The man I’ve loved since the moment he first walked into my store loves me. The man I’ve dreamed about, the man I’ve lusted after, the man who has owned my heart … wants to be with me … forever. It’s a feeling that’s difficult to explain, a sense of absolute bliss, of complete and total happiness
.

Well, I guess I can’t go that far. There is one little thing that is bothering me and I know it bothers Rand too—that whole little sticking point about why we didn’t bond when we had sex last night. And I do have to admit, ahem, that after that first mind-blowing session, we stayed up for the rest of the night and did it five more times. Five more times! Can you even believe that? I guess I can’t call myself the Virgin Queen any longer …

And as to Rand and his sex drive … I never really had
any idea how completely insatiable my warlock is. He’s so funny, Diary, because he said he was just as sexually frustrated as I’d been over these last two years. Well, even more so, because at least I had that little session in 1878 to relieve me. Well, granted, Rand did too, but he couldn’t remember it and it had been over one hundred years ago for him. Of course, I’m not about to believe that poor Rand hasn’t gotten any in over one hundred years, but that’s not a thought that pleases me so I’ll move on …

So back to this whole bonding deal (or not-bonding deal in our case …). As I mentioned earlier, we had sex a total of six times and still nothing. No fireworks, no blinding lights, no sudden unexplainable feelings, no random thoughts or words in my head … nothing. And I’ve been sitting here, at my desk in my room at Kinloch, wondering why. In fact, I can’t get any of this out of my head
.

I wonder if traveling out of 1878 and Rand nearly dying and Mathilda having to wipe me clear out of his brain somehow messed things up, somehow un-bonded us. And if it did un-bond us, could that bond ever exist again?

I mean, really, not being able to bond shouldn’t matter that much. It’s not like Rand and I would stop loving each other just because we can’t bond. And furthermore, Rand said there wasn’t a requirement for witches to bond in order to be together forever and he was insistent on the fact that he and I were meant to be together and that he’d “be damned if not bonding would keep me away from the woman I love.”