Witch Is Why Time Stood Still (A Witch P.I. Mystery Book 13) (16 page)

I poured myself a small glass of wine. I deliberately hadn’t drunk much during the evening because I’d wanted to keep my wits about me.

After about thirty minutes, I heard the sound of snoring. That was my cue. I used every magic spell in the book, and within half an hour, the place was spick and span. Now I could go to bed. Now I could relax. I was never going to move house again, not if it meant having another housewarming party.

Chapter 22

Mrs V was nowhere to be seen when I arrived for work the next morning. That was hardly surprising after she’d spent most of the evening with Grandma. I could have called Jules to ask her to come in on her day off, but I figured it wasn’t going to be all that busy.

Winky was on my desk, looking just like a parent waiting for their teenager to come home after a night out.

“I hope you have a good excuse!” he said, as soon as I walked through the door.

“For what?”

“You know what.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“Why wasn’t I invited to your housewarming party?”

Oh bum. “What housewarming party?”

“The one you had yesterday.”

“Oh, that one. I wish I could have invited you, but like I said before, we’re not allowed to have any animals in the house.”

“You invited the old bag lady who is about as much use as a chocolate fireguard. And you invited Jules, who although very pretty, has only worked for you for five minutes. But you failed to invite the most important member of your team!”

“Who would that be?”

If looks could kill, I would have been an ex-P.I.

“
That
would be me.”

“Look, I’m really sorry, Winky. You didn’t miss anything. It was pretty rubbish.”

“All the more reason to have invited me. I would have really got the party started.”

“I’ve brought you some cake.”

“Really?” His face lit up.

“Of course. You didn’t think I’d forgotten you, did you?”

“Where is it?”

I took the box out of my bag. “Here you are. I’ll put it in your bowl. You do like Victoria sponge, don’t you?”

Because I had no PA/receptionist, I had to man the phone myself.

“Jill Gooder. How can I help you?”

“I’d like to book a stand-up tanning session, please. Do you have any slots free this afternoon?”

“We don’t do tanning.”

“Oh? I saw the orange sign and thought—”

“Sorry. No tanning here. Bye.”

I really was going to have to change that sign, or perhaps I should just move into the tanning business. I certainly got more inquiries for tanning than I ever did as a private investigator.

I grabbed what was left of the Yellow Pages, and found the section for signage. The most eye-catching ad was for a company in Washbridge called ‘It’s A Sign’. I gave them a call.

“Hello, It’s A Sign.” A sing-song voice answered.

“I need a new sign for my business.”

“That’s what we do!” The sing-song voice was getting to me a bit, but I persevered.

“Would it be possible to have someone come out and give me a price for a new sign?”

“Of course!”

“How soon could you send someone?”

“Where are you located?”

I gave him the office address.

“As luck would have it, I have another job in that area. I can come around later today, if that suits?”

“That would be great. See you later.”

By the time I’d finished on the call, I’d more or less lost the will to live. Why couldn’t he speak normally? Still, hopefully it would be worth it. I needed a sign that conveyed the right message. One which let people know I was a P.I, and not some silly tanning salon.

There was nothing much happening in the office—even Winky was asleep, so I magicked myself over to Cuppy C.

“Did you enjoy yourselves yesterday, girls?”

Amber and Pearl were both behind the counter in the tea room.

“Yes, thanks, Jill. I really enjoyed it,” Amber said.

“Yeah, me too.” Pearl nodded. “Mind you, the guys aren’t speaking to us again.”

“You’re always falling out. What have you done this time?”

“They reckon we spent too much time talking to Jethro and Sebastian.”

“You did seem to spend a lot of time with them.”

“We were only asking how they were getting on in their new jobs. That was all. We were just being friendly.”

“You weren’t flirting with them, then?”

“No,” Amber said. “Of course not! We’re married women now.”

“How’s the P.I. business?” Pearl asked. “Anything exciting happening?”

“Not really. It’s pretty quiet at the moment. The most exciting thing I’ve done today was ring someone about my sign.”

“I thought you’d only just got a new one? Has it broken already?”

“No, but it’s obviously conveying the wrong message. I keep getting phone calls from people wanting to book a sunbed, so I’m going to get someone to design me a completely new sign. Something that says: ‘Private Investigator’.”

“Actually,” Pearl said. “That’s not a bad idea. We might not be able to change the name of Cuppy C, but we could change our sign.”

Amber’s eyes lit up. “That’s a great idea. We’ve had that sign ever since we opened. It’s a bit boring—a bit plain. We could get something really exciting which would put Best Cakes to shame.”

“Are you sure about this, girls? Everyone loves Cuppy C just as it is, and that includes the sign.”

“Dead sure! It’ll be brilliant!” Pearl was way too excited by the idea. We’ll still have all of our regular customers, but the new sign will attract new ones. We’ll have to get somebody in, Amber.”

“Yeah. What should we have on the sign?”

That was my cue to leave. I left the girls discussing their new signage, and went upstairs; Flora and Laura were up there, chatting. I wasn’t sure what sort of reception I’d get because we hadn’t got off to a very good start.

“Hi, Jill,” Flora called.

I didn’t want to be mean-spirited, so I said, “Hi.”

“Jill, could we have a word with you, please?” Laura stepped forward.

What was this all about? What did they have planned now? The doors to their rooms were open, and I could see they were both neat and tidy; a total contrast to the last time I’d been there.

“Look, Jill,” Flora said. “We’d like to apologise.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” Laura nodded. “We were totally out of order. We were so excited at getting these rooms that we had a few too many drinks, and then, well, we kind of lost our heads. I know we were rude to you, so we just wanted to say we’re sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“Okay then, but if it does, I’ll have to tell the twins.”

“We promise. You won’t have any more problems with us.” Laura drew a finger across her heart.

For some reason, I still didn’t trust them. Maybe it was because I’d seen them with Miles Best. I couldn’t help but think they were up to something, and that their ‘butter wouldn’t melt’ act was all part of some sinister plan.

When I went back downstairs, Daze was sitting in the corner.

“Hi, Daze. How’s things?”

“Remarkably quiet, but I’m not complaining. I’m ready for a bit of a break.”

“Daze, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, fire away.”

“I’ve already mentioned this to Grandma. I haven’t seen Ma Chivers or Alicia for over a year now. According to Grandma, a lot of the wicked witches have disappeared from Candlefield for no apparent reason. You wouldn’t know anything about it, would you?”

She beckoned me to sit down. “I don’t want what I’m about to tell you to go beyond these walls.”

“Okay.”

“Something’s afoot, but I don’t know what. It isn’t just the wicked witches who have gone AWOL. A lot of other criminals—all sup types: vampires, werewolves, witches, wizards—you name it—all seem to have gone to ground. No one knows where they’ve gone or what they’re up to. If they’d all moved to the human world, we’d have heard about it by now, but there’s been nothing.”

“That’s interesting, and a little scary.”

“You’re right there. I can’t help but feel that something big is about to happen. I just hope I’m wrong.”

***

A few hours later, back at the office, a man popped his head around the door.

“Hello there. I’m from It’s A Sign, I believe you’re expecting me?” the man said in the same sing-song voice I’d heard on the phone.

“Yes, thanks for coming in so quickly. Mr—?”

“Song, Sid Song.”

He said everything in a sing-song fashion, and I was having difficulty concentrating. I felt like I needed to reply in song, but resisted the urge. Instead, I took him through to my office.

“So, Mr Song, is that why you speak like that? Is it a gimmick?”

He looked puzzled. “Speak like what?” he said, in his sing-song way.

“Like—never mind.”

“It was quite fortunate that you called when you did,” he sang.

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“I already had an appointment in this very building. In fact, I’ve just this minute finished with the two gentlemen next door.”

“You mean the new health club?”

“That’s right. So, Miss Gooder, what exactly is it you’re looking for?”

“I don’t know if you saw it when you came in, but I already have a sign outside.”

“I didn’t notice it. I did see the one for the tanning salon though.”

“That’s actually my sign.”

“I thought you were a private investigator.”

“I am. Never mind. Look, I need a sign that says:
Jill Gooder, Private Investigator
. I don’t want it to say P.I. because you’d be surprised how many people don’t know what that stands for.”

“Would you like anything else on the sign? Maybe a magnifying glass or a cat?”

“Why would I want a cat on it?”

“You’ve got a cat there in the window. I thought perhaps he was part of the team.”

“Definitely no cats or magnifying glasses. Just the words, ‘
Jill Gooder, Private Investigator’
.”

“Right you are.”

“And this is the important part. The colours—I don’t want anyone thinking it’s a tanning salon or a nail bar.”

“So, probably blue on white, or black on white?”

“I’ll leave that to you, Mr Song. As long as I end up with something that says I’m a serious private investigator.”

“Okay, I’ll go and take some measurements, and I’ll give you a call later today.”

“Excellent.”

As soon as he’d left, Winky jumped onto my desk.

“Why was that guy singing all the time?”

“I don’t know.”

“You have a bad habit of attracting all the nutjobs.”

Wasn’t that the truth?

***

There was no sign of Mr Ivers on the toll bridge, which was something of a relief. When I arrived home, Mrs Rollo was in the garden again.

“Hello, Jill. Thank you for inviting me to your housewarming. I really enjoyed it.”

“No problem. Thank you for the cake.”

“I noticed there was quite a bit left when I went home.”

“Don’t worry about that. I took it to the office with me today, and it’s all been eaten now.”

“Has it?” She beamed. “That’s good to know. I hate to see waste.”

“Me, too.”

Once inside the house, I set about reversing the sequence of spells that I’d cast before the party. I took all of Jack’s furniture back up to the spare bedroom, and got all of mine out. Minutes later, my furniture was back where it should be, without a blemish on it. That had been a great idea of mine.

Just then, there was a knock at the door. It was Megan.

“I hope you don’t mind me calling around like this.”

“Not at all. Aren’t you working today?”

“No. I don’t have any bookings, so I’m starting to put together my business plan. Your brother-in-law, Peter, was very helpful.”

“So I noticed.”

“He gave me lots of good advice. The problem was, he gave me so much, I can’t remember everything he said. I was just wondering if there was some way I could meet up with him. I could take a notepad with me this time, and make some proper notes. Do you think that might be possible?”

“I can certainly ask him.”

“Would you, Jill? That’s really kind of you.”

“No problem. Leave it with me. I’ll have a word with Peter, and see what he says. I’ll let you know as soon as I can.”

“Thanks, Jill. You’re a good friend.”

After Megan had gone, I called Kathy. This should be interesting. Snigger.

“Kathy?”

“Hi. Have you got your place straightened up after the party?”

“Yeah. Just about. Did you, Peter and the kids enjoy it?”

“The kids had a great time. They’ve made some new friends. Pete
certainly
had a great time with your bimbo of a neighbour.”