Wishing Pearl (16 page)

K
nock, knock. You up for a visitor?” Jodie poked her head into the room.

Olivia winced when she tried to nod. She touched her bandages and wondered how bad she looked. Mom said her face was swollen and bruised, but no one would let Olivia see a mirror. “Head hurts so bad.” The throbbing felt like a drumbeat.

“I know, sweetie.” Jodie stepped over to the bed. “I brought you some flowers.” She held up a vase of cheery daisies.

Olivia nodded and gestured to the window ledge. “Thanks.”

Jodie set them down and spread the flowers in the sunlight. “I heard what happened last night.” She covered Olivia’s hand. “I’m really sorry about your friend.”

Olivia blinked. “Everyone dies.” Her breathy voice was a barely audible whisper.

“What’d you say, sweetie?” Jodie leaned closer.

“Nothing.” Best not to repeat it, or they’d put her in the psych ward. Then again, that might be the best place for her.

“Where’s your mom?” Jodie looked around the room even though Mom obviously wasn’t there.

“Shopping.” Olivia swallowed, finding it difficult to talk. “She was here earlier. Decided a concussion and twenty-two stitches deserved new pajamas.” She lifted the cup of water from her bedside tray and sucked on the straw, letting the water touch her cracked lips. “Might go home tomorrow.”

“I heard.” Jodie sighed. “Any news about when the visitation will be?”

“Tues … day.” Olivia’s voice choked on a sob. She closed her eyes to the horror of the reality she faced in the coming week, and forever.

“I’m not going to stay long. You need your rest.” Jodie squeezed her hand. “Can I pray with you before I go?” Olivia blinked. “Please.”

“Our precious Lord Jesus …”

At the mention of His name, Olivia broke down. Hours, months, years of grief poured out from her body in buckets of tears that washed over the bandages on her face, soaking through them and stinging the rips in her flesh. Her shoulders shook; her hands trembled. She felt Jodie’s arms encircle her and pull her close, but Olivia didn’t hear another word Jodie said. Finally, when she’d cried her last tear, Olivia opened her eyes.

Jodie desperately prayed, pleading with God over Olivia. Her lips moved, and her hands were white as they clasped a well-worn Bible. “Olivia. I feel an urgency. I feel like God is asking me to talk to you about this right now while He’s got ahold of your heart. Get out of this, Liv. Go to Diamond Estates. Find healing. Find peace. Find Jesus.” Jodie scrunched her eyes and squeezed Olivia’s hand. “Please.”

Olivia blinked twice.

Dressed for the visitation, Olivia sat on her bed. How could she put one foot in front of the other and walk out of the house to go to something like this? What would it be like? Jordyn had been so young, so beautiful. Her parents must be beyond devastated. Surely they blamed Olivia for not doing something—anything to stop Jordyn from getting behind the wheel that night. What should she say to them? What
could
she say? It probably didn’t matter. They wouldn’t speak to her anyway.

Olivia put her fingers on her temples and tried to smooth away the tension and the questions plaguing her. Why hadn’t Olivia insisted they call a cab? She could have taken the keys from Jordyn, called home for a ride, or even staged a simple protest by not getting into the car. Was she just as guilty as Jordyn because she went along with it? Maybe even worse because she knew better. Why hadn’t she told Jordyn to put on her seat belt? And why had Olivia allowed herself to fall asleep? If she had just stayed awake, maybe she could have kept Jordyn alert. Why hadn’t she just said no in the first place? The endless questions would never have answers.

Her fingers traveled down her face and traced the length of the three-inch wound running down the side of her cheek, in front of her ear. She walked back to the bathroom to cover it with a patch of surgical gauze. The doctor had she didn’t need to bandage it, but it looked so red, so angry—gross with all those stitches.

People keep saying it could have been a lot worse.
Duh. Just ask Jordyn
. But, even so, it would be a permanent reminder that nothing ever went right for Olivia.

And nothing lasted forever … except for scars.

Time to go. One last deep breath, and Olivia pulled herself away from the mirror and reached in her closet for her black jacket to go over her charcoal sheath dress. She needed to find Mom and hurry her up.

“Livvie?”

Startled at the sound of a man’s voice in her bedroom, she hurried from her closet, half expecting it to be Charles. But thankfully he’d ignored her since the accident. Olivia peeked into her room then squealed and jumped when she saw who stood there beaming at her. She immediately winced as her sore body reminded her it still wasn’t quite ready for excitement. “Jake! What are you doing here?”

Her big brother pulled her into a tender hug.

She let her head drop onto his comforting chest and soaked in the security only he offered. Olivia held on as though she clung to a life preserver in the middle of a vicious ocean.

“I came as soon as I could get away. I needed to see you—to make sure you’re okay.” He pulled back and looked in her eyes. “You
are
okay, aren’t you?”

Olivia nodded. “Nothing that won’t heal. Well, except for this.” She pointed to her wound.

“Oh, that’s nothing. What a wimpy scar.” Jake tried to make light of it with his words, but his eyes were sad.

“Yeah right.” Olivia smiled for the first time in days. “You coming to the funeral home with us?”
Please
.

Jake nodded. “If it’s okay with you.”

“Thanks.” She tapped her fingers on her chin in the sign for
thank you
and breathed a deep sigh of relief. Jake would get her through the visitation and the funeral that afternoon. He’d be her rock.

“I brought you something. I want you to have it—at least for a while.” Jake dug in the front pocket of his jeans and pulled out a gold ring.

Olivia gasped and reached out a finger to touch it then shrank back like she’d been bitten. “You can’t give Dad’s wedding ring to me.”

“We’re calling it a loan. I think you need it more than I do right now.”

She nodded as she accepted her father’s wedding ring and slipped it onto the chain she wore around her neck, letting it drop under her dress. Placing her hand on her chest, covering the dangling ring, Olivia closed her eyes and drew strength from her father’s eternal promise. “Ready?”

Olivia exhaled a shaky breath and nodded. As ready as she’d ever be. It was time to go.

After a short drive, the trio walked through the front doors of the funeral home and up to the registry book where Mom signed them in and included their address.

Olivia shifted nervously and glanced both ways down a stately hallway. Ghostlike forms milled in and out of doorways. Some nodded at each other as they passed, but no one spoke. Where had they put Jordyn? Would the casket be open? How would she look in death?

Mom gestured at a sign directing them to the room on the right.

Entering the visitation felt like getting in line for a beating. The collective pain of the grieving crowd was like a dark storm cloud overtaking the room. Not a dry eye among the mourners. Did everyone know who she was? Did they blame her for the accident? If they did, they were probably right.

Dozens of people stood queued for their opportunity to approach the open casket. She recognized some teachers and students from school. Bailey and Emma stood huddled in line with their parents. Olivia turned to Jake in a panic and clutched his hand. “Do I have to go up there?”

Jake offered a gentle smile. “You only do what you feel comfortable doing. Maybe it’ll get easier in a little while.” He scanned the room. “Which ones are her parents?”

Olivia located Jordyn’s mom lying on a sofa. “She’s over there on the couch. Is she asleep?” Olivia squinted and peered closer.

A plump gray-haired woman with a tissue tucked into the neckline of her black dress leaned in with a whisper. “Penny was having a horrible time of it, and they had to give her something to take the edge off. Jordyn was her only child, you know. She’s sleeping off the effects of the medication.” The woman shook her head and dabbed her bloodshot eyes. “Unthinkable what she must be going through.”

“Thanks,” Olivia mumbled as Mom steered them to three seats in the middle of the room. Mom had told her people didn’t always wear black to funerals anymore, but it seemed like everyone had to this one. Olivia watched as person after person approached the casket and leaned over to say a prayer, touch Jordyn’s hand, or, in some cases, kiss her cheek.

What would it have looked like if it had been Olivia in that casket? Whose faces would have peered down at her? Mom. Jake. Jodie and Pastor Tom. Jordyn. Kids from school. Some teachers. Charles? Maybe, but he hadn’t come to the hospital—not that she’d wanted him to—but who knew if he’d even bother coming to her funeral?

Daddy. She’d always known he’d never be at her graduation or her wedding—but it never dawned on her that he wouldn’t be at her funeral either. If she’d died instead of Jordyn, she’d be
with
Daddy already. Would he be sad to see her, knowing it meant she was dead? She sure didn’t want to go be with him under circumstances like these had been. She wanted to make him proud, live a long life, give him grandbabies to love from heaven.

Was Daddy disappointed with her choices and the way her life was going? He had to be—that is, if God let him see the bad stuff. That’s
if
there was even a God. Did Olivia even deserve to go to heaven? Would God let her in? She shuddered at the chilling thought that she might not make it—if there even
was
a heaven. But there had to be, because if there wasn’t, that meant Daddy was gone forever. Jordyn, too. Impossible.

Maybe the time
had
come…. Time to make some changes.

She’d already pretty much told Jodie she’d go to Diamond Estates. Even though Olivia’s reply had been weak blinks from a hospital bed, Jodie seemed to have gotten the message. Maybe that place
could
help her get it together and find some answers to the questions she’d been asking for so long. Maybe it
was
the right thing to do. In Jordyn’s honor. In Daddy’s honor.

How would she tell Mom? Not like Mom would fight it or anything—she’d probably help her pack. What if Charles said no? He might not want to let her out of his sight. Well, if he said no, she’d just run away to Diamond Estates anyway—if they’d have her. If they wouldn’t, she’d just have to disappear. Her life depended on it … in more ways than one.

Toward the end of the visitation, when the line died down, Olivia gathered her nerve. She stood up, smoothed her dress, and sucked in a rattly breath.

Jake slipped his hand into hers and shifted in his seat as if he planned to rise and accompany her to view Jordyn’s body.

Olivia pressed his hand and shook her head. “I need to do this alone,” she signed.

He nodded and rested back in his chair.

New Louboutin pumps slipping on the carpet, Olivia made her way to the front. Up close, the figure in the casket resembled Jordyn, only … not. Like one of those cheesy wax-figure renditions they made of celebrities. A caricature only reminiscent of the beauty she had once been.

It occurred to Olivia that she’d never seen Jordyn with her blond hair loose and flowy like that. It was always braided or tied back in a ponytail. Olivia reached out to touch her friend’s hand then reeled back as the feel of Jordyn’s icy skin shocked her. There was no life there. It wasn’t gross or weird. It just wasn’t anything.

Olivia remembered seeing her daddy lie like that. Then Mom had taken her out while they closed the casket. Over the years, she’d been so resentful toward her mother for that choice. Still hated her for it. Olivia’s breath caught as she realized her mom had been right to do it. To have a memory of her daddy like the sight she saw before her was bad enough. But to see the casket close on him—Olivia shuddered. Letting a seven-year-old see such a thing would have been cruel. Wow. Mom had been right.

Olivia felt movement near her arm. She turned her sore neck just enough to see Jordyn’s mom out of the corner of her eye. Olivia took a single step toward the haggard woman and became enveloped in a hug. “I’m so sorry.” Olivia sobbed on the shoulder of a woman she’d met only one other time. A shattered woman who faced the unimaginable task of burying her teenage daughter that very day.

“Jordyn thought you were very special, Olivia.” Penny didn’t look her in the eye. “She wanted to be just like you.”

“
She
wanted to be like
me?”
Jordyn was the cool one. She had it all together.

Penny nodded. “She saw something in you. Please promise me you’ll honor her memory by doing something great with your life. Something greater than
this.”
She gestured to her lifeless daughter. Penny’s knees began to buckle, and she reached out for support. Her ex-husband stepped in and offered his arm.

He turned to Olivia. “I guess I thought you girls were smarter than this.”