Wishing on a Rodeo Moon (Women of Character) (25 page)

"People
make choices that hurt others, Tye. Maybe that realization has finally come to
your father. I think you’re right not to hurt him now."

"Now
he's trying to make up for the past and it's too late."

"It's
never too late."

"He
doesn't want me to tell Mama," she whispered brokenly. "How am I not going
to tell Mama?" She looked up, the sheen of tears evident in her eyes.
"He didn't tell Ben, he hasn't told Mama. Why me?"

"Would
you rather he kept it a secret?" he asked her, gently pushing the hair
away from her tear-studded eyes.

Immediately,
Tye shook her head. "No, I wouldn't want that either." She let out a
ragged sigh.

Jake
wanted to take her pain and carry it himself.

"I
don't know what I want. Part of me wishes I didn't know, the other part feels
guilty about the old anger I've kept inside. I feel so mean and terrible now,
knowing he's going to die."

"Your
father knows you love him. All you can do now is support him and let him see
your love."

"You're
right, Jake." Her arms held onto him tightly. "I-I need to go lie
down, I have to think."

"Lay
down in my room," he told her. "Come on."

Jake
walked with her to the bedroom, and once there she lay down on his queen size
bed. He pulled a quilt up over her, pushing back the light fall of hair, seeing
her eyes staring at nothing, a certain hopelessness in her face. His gut
tightened. Talking to Lanny today brought back the memories of his own father's
last few months. He remembered how helpless he had felt, knowing the inevitable
outcome. He had wanted to do something to slow the time, but in the end, time
had run out. He understood her feelings of helplessness now.

"I'll
let you rest, then I'll go pick something up for dinner," he said, taking
a step away from the bed.

Tye
reached out her hand. Jake stared at it, aware of the importance of the
gesture, the measure of trust it represented. He let his fingers close around
hers. He could feel the slight tremble in her fingers.

"You’ve
always been so good to me, Jake. Sometimes I don’t think I deserve your
consideration. All those years ago... I can only imagine what you must have
gone through with your Dad. Your mother and sisters depended on you entirely.
Who did you have to lean on?"

Jake
stared at Tye in surprise. "My family was around Tye."

Tye
shook her head at him. "No, Jake. You’re the one who’s always
been around for everyone else. They all expected it of you, and you
didn’t fail any of them. Everyone has always leaned on your
strength."

"Move
over."

Tye
moved over on the bed and Jake sat down beside her.

"I’ve
got pretty wide shoulders, Tye. I handled it."

Tye
looked away from him. "I’ve been thinking about it a lot, that night
ten years ago. I get a sick feeling when I think back to that time."

"It’s
over with. Let’s leave it in the past where it belongs." Jake felt
now wasn’t the time to talk about the past. He moved to get up, but Tye
gripped his hand.

"Please
stay," she whispered. "Please hold me. Can you just hold me,
Jake?"

Without
a word Jake pulled off his boots and slid onto the bed beside her. Tye turned
her back and fitted herself to him. Gradually, her body began to relax.

"How
did your doctor appointment go?" he asked.

"Fine,"
she murmured. "I’m fine."

"Do
you want to tell me your news?" Jake asked her, hoping to turn her
thinking to other channels. She had been so full of excitement when she had
arrived home. As the days went by Jake had gotten to see more and more of the
exuberant, full-of-life Tye, a vast difference from the night she had first
arrived at his ranch. So very different, so very much like the younger Tye he
remembered.

"My
news?" her voice sounded vague, then she stirred and turned toward him.
Jake dropped his arms to her waist and let one hand cradle her hip. "I
went to a riding clinic today." She took a deep, shaky breath. "It's
for disabled kids...a great program, but the funding for it has virtually
disappeared. Samantha ― that's the woman who runs it ― said she
could use any extra help. I'm going to give lessons two days a week and see how
it goes."

"I
think that's great, Tye. That must be Sam Evans?"

"Yes,
she said she knew you. I was really excited about it, but now after talking to
my father..." she shrugged her shoulders. "It kind of kills the
moment."

Jake
understood her mixed emotions. Her earlier excitement had been weighed down by
the news of her father's condition. Jake wished there was something he could do
to ease her mind.

"Why
don't you tell me more about this riding program," he suggested.
"When are you going to start?"

Tye
pulled herself upright and leaned against the headboard. She pushed the hair
away from her face and drew a deep breath. "I was planning on driving over
tomorrow morning but I wonder if I should go to town and spend time with my
Dad."

Jake
could see the confusion and worry in her eyes, feel the renewed tension in her
body beside him. Carefully, he suggested, "Your father told me he was
going to see Ben early tomorrow. You could still go to the riding clinic, then
make arrangements to see your father later in the day." Jake had a feeling
Tye needed this riding program. She had come a long way since arriving at his
ranch, he didn't want her tossing this opportunity aside if it would help her;
if she found out it was something she wanted.

"You're
right, you know." Tye's gaze met his. "It's just that I feel so
heavy-hearted inside. I want to go out and ride some bulls right now just to
make Daddy happy before it's too late."

Jake
locked his jaw tight. Bull riding. Why would she think about bull riding at a
time like this? He couldn’t imagine her getting on another bull.

"How
can you think of riding the bulls again?" Jake said fiercely. "How
can you forget what happened?" She couldn’t go back to bull riding.
He wouldn’t allow it.

Jake
brought himself up short. Grimly, he reminded himself he didn’t have a
say in the matter. Tye could do anything she pleased; and she would.

Tye
looked at him briefly. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ears and admitted
slowly, "I’ll never forget what happened, but I’m not going to
live my life in fear. It all comes down to what I’ve made of my life, Jake.
Quite simply, I've failed. All these years when I’d get close to winning
big time, something always happened to screw it up. Maybe I did it
subconsciously."

Jake’s
insides twisted up tighter. He dropped his arm around her shoulders.
"You've never failed, Tye," he said quickly. "You’ve got
the buckles to prove it. You've had a grand and memorable career, and I know
you're destined to go on and continue to make your mark in the world. Remember,
you're the one who told me you never give up. It's when you don't try new
experiences that you've failed. Whether you want to hear it or not there are
other things beside rodeo."

Tye
suddenly smiled at him. Sliding down on the bed she threw her arms around his
shoulders, pulling him down to her. Jake put both arms around her and buried
his face in her neck, loving the fragrance that was Tye. She never ceased to
surprise him with her lightning changes of mood.

"You're
right, Jake. It's times like this when you remind me of what I've accomplished,
that I feel I can do anything." She planted a kiss on his cheek, then
rained another half dozen along his jaw and lips. Jake’s body responded
immediately. He tightened his arms around her.

"You're
good for my ego. I think I'll keep you around."

Playfully,
she leaned her full weight against him, then propped her chin in her hands, her
elbows resting on his chest. "I'd like to seduce you," she said
boldly. "Are you going to cooperate?" She trailed a finger down the
side of his neck and snap by snap, slowly undid his shirt.

He laughed.
"Depends how good you are at it."

Each
popping sound brought Jake closer to the burning need he always felt for Tye.
His gaze met hers and held. She wanted him, he could see it on her face. He
knew her well enough by now to know she didn't want gentleness. She
wanted...needed to forget, if only for a moment, the news she'd heard from her
father.

Jake let
the exuberance that was Tye distract him into a frenzy of need and want. They
made love quickly, explosively. Jake felt as if he were being consumed by the
fire in Tye, then he consumed her in turn. He wanted to protect and devour her
at the same time, but he settled for reaching out and touching the stars
instead. With Tye, he felt like he could do anything, be anyone. Sometimes, he
even forgot the past.

He
wondered how long this relationship could last. Sexual desire would only
continue for so long, then it died a natural death. What if she wanted to break
things off before he was ready to end it? Would he be worse off than he was
before they began a relationship?

Jake
cared about her, but he was determined it would go no further than the desire
he felt now. They were too different. He had buried the pain of Tye’s
leaving with family issues and work for ten years. He felt a clenching in his
gut. When they felt the time was right, they would call it quits and they could
both walk away and get on with their lives. That had been his plan all along.
Closure. It’s what Tye wanted too. She would return to bull riding, maybe
thinking of her time here as just a pleasant interlude. Jake didn’t want
it to be like that, but he had to let her go. It hurt too damned much
otherwise.

There
was no way he could watch her return to bull riding. Obviously she was still
bent on doing so. Her resolve had not changed. She had never pretended
otherwise. Tye had always been up-front with him about that.

Bull
riding. A chill raced through Jake, he felt it clean to his toes. To ward off
the confusion in his head, he tightened his arm around Tye, feeling her snuggle
down against him, the skin of her shoulder warm against his ribs.

"I
like our little...ahem...conversations," Tye said in a husky murmur.

Jake
bent his head, aware of the feather of her hair against his cheekbone. He
speared his fingers through the silky blonde texture, cupping the base of her
skull to tilt her head up.

Jake
looked straight into Tye’s eyes. "You’re one hell of a lady,
Tye Jenkins," he said deliberately. "I’m proud to know
you."

Tye’s
smile slipped just a bit. "Thanks, Jake. Too bad we
couldn’t..." she let her voice trail off.

"What?"

"Nothing.
There’s no use going over the past."

Jake
felt his insides tighten. Was this goodbye? He’d said all along he wanted
to get her out of his system, but he couldn’t forget the last week of
camaraderie they’d shared. "What rule says we can’t try to
live with it? I’m willing to forgive and forget."

Tye
jerked back from him. "How can you say that?" She asked, her voice
bordering on anger.

She
pulled the sheet and wrapped it around her body, almost as if she had to shield
herself against him, Jake thought.

"Forgive
and forget ― you make it sound like it was all my fault! You know what
happened! I was seventeen. We were both too young. Afterwards, you did a good
job of cutting me out of your life."

Jake
felt his own temper rise, but he knew they’d accomplish nothing by
yelling at each other. "You did the walking, Tye." Jake clenched his
jaw tightly. He wouldn’t soften the words. He recalled the sting of her
walking away. "You told me you loved me and you walked away. Rodeo was
more important."

"What
else could I do? I didn’t know anything except rodeo." Tye got up
quickly from the bed. "At first it was romantic to talk about getting
married, then it became more real. I got scared. You were talking about babies,
a mortgage. Then the whole world suddenly dumped on your shoulders. I was one
more burden to the pile."

"It
wouldn’t have been like that. We’d have been stronger, the two of
us together."

Tye
shook her head, clutching the sheet as she quickly gathered her clothing.
"You didn’t have time for me, Jake. I didn’t blame you, I
understood. Your father was hovering by death’s door, your mother...your
little sisters needed you."

"You
never gave us a chance," Jake bit out, no longer trying to contain the
anger. "One week we had all these plans and then wham! You tell me
it’s better if we split."

Tye
looked around the room almost desperately, Jake thought. He took a deep breath,
standing quickly and pulling on his shorts, then his jeans.

"Tye,
we’ve got to talk about this calmly and rationally."

She
looked at him over her shoulder, the slender curve of her back to him.
"No, no, we can’t see each other’s point of view. Maybe
we’re both too stubborn. Maybe..." she caught her breath, and Jake
put out a hand to her when he heard the half-sob that escaped her.
"...maybe it’s happening again, the inevitable tearing apart.
We’re having an affair, that’s all. We don’t care about each
other enough. It’s like it’s unfinished business between us, Jake. Unfinished
business you’re intent on finishing. I’ve got to go."

She
whirled from the room, still clutching the sheet and her clothes. Jake dropped
into a chair, his insides as empty as the doorway. He put his head in his
hands, pressing his forehead with his palms. He needed to examine what was going
on here. He had an uneasy suspicion he was missing something. Had Tye changed?
Did she want more than what she said? Did either one of them want to go back
and start again?

Telling
her he forgave her had been the worst thing he could have said. Why had he
added fuel? Had he really wanted to start a fire? What the hell was going on
with him?