Wishful Thinking (a journey that will change lives forever) (39 page)

It was the morning following the train crash. Dara swallowed hard as she entered the Intensive Care Unit.  She’d been released just that morning, and although her body ached, she looked a hell of a lot worse than she actually was. Her face and body were covered in bruises and she had a patch over a black eye from when she’d been thrown forward into the side of a seat. But other than that, she was fine. 

Physically, anyway.    

She looked up as she realised there were other people in the room.

“Nice of you to drop by.” The sardonic tone was unmistakeable.

“Gillian, stop it!” Sheila admonished her daughter and gave a quick glance to where her beloved son lay barely conscious on the hospital bed. Linda stood at his bedside, crying openly for her older brother.

“How are you feeling, Dara?” Sheila asked, her tone kind but also a little wary. “We were going to visit, but the nurses said you were being released this morning.” 

“I’m fine,” Dara replied quietly, almost afraid to look at Mark. His face was heavily bandaged, his body still as he lay on the bed.  “How is he?”

Gillian snorted, as if to say ‘What do you care?’.

“I did nothing wrong, Gillian,” Dara said, her tone hard as she turned to face her. “I know you think you saw something that day in town, but you didn’t.”

“I saw what I saw!  You and some fellow crawling all over each other and – ”

“This isn’t the time or the place!” Sheila hissed, her expression pained, and Linda whirled around to face them.  Dara dropped her eyes, ashamed.  Sheila was right. Let Gillian think what she wanted.  Nothing had happened between Noah and her, and nothing was about to happen.

Ever. Dara had made sure of that.  If Gillian didn’t like it – tough.  She’d never liked Dara anyway.

Only then did it cross her mind that maybe Gillian had suspected all along that she wasn’t being true to her brother, that she’d noticed something amiss from the very beginning.  So maybe she couldn’t blame the woman for being suspicious – she’d been right, hadn’t she? Still, all she could do now was make up for lost time, and prove to Gillian – prove to Mark that she truly did love him, that he was the best thing that had ever happened to her. 

“How is he?” Dara asked again.

Just then, Linda came over to join her mother and sister and gave Dara a mournful nod.  Sheila took her younger daughter’s hand in hers and slowly shook her head. “They’re not too hopeful,” she told Dara sorrowfully, “but they’re still not sure.  Even if he does come out of it, there could still be complications … with his brain, you know?” Her voice broke slightly. “All we can do now is just wait … and hope. But, Dara, love – there’s very little hope.”

Dara felt dizzy. She knew that it was bad – Ruth had prepared her for that, and she’d also spoken to Mark’s doctor before she’d come in here.

“I’m sorry, Mrs Russell,” he’d said, and Dara was startled upon hearing that.  It was the first time she’d ever been called that in her life.  Now, she thought sadly, there was a very real chance that it might just be the last time too. “We’ve done all we can for him. After that we just don’t know.”

Dara was devastated. After all that had happened, after all the time she’d wasted, worrying about bloody Noah Morgan, failing to recognise how truly wonderful Mark was, she couldn’t comprehend the idea that she might lose him now.  It seemed cruel.  But life could be cruel, and things didn’t always turn out how people wanted, simply because they wanted it, did it?

Tentatively, Dara went to the bed and took her husband’s limp hand in hers. She stared down at him for what seem like an age, trying to swallow the lump in her throat.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered eventually, and her eyes blurred with tears as she realised just how badly he’d been hurt, and how frail he really was.  The doctors weren’t mistaken – just then Mark looked as though he had passed away already.  She tried to banish this horrible thought, and try and concentrate on what she was going to say.  Maybe Mark couldn’t hear her but she needed to say it. 

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t a better wife, I’m sorry that I’ve been such a fool.” She didn’t care that the others could hear everything; she just wanted him to know the truth.  He deserved that. But to their credit, Sheila murmured something about getting a cup of tea and she and the girls left, to give Dara some time with him. Time that, as they all knew well, could be very precious.

Dara gulped hard, trying to bite back the tears. “I’m sorry that I made you feel second best.  I don’t know why … I was blind, stupid, an idiot.  Mark, you’re not second best, you couldn’t be second best to anyone. You’re the most honest, loving, considerate person I have ever met, and I love you very much.  I know this sounds pathetic, but I
really don’t think I realised how much until now – now that I have some idea of what it would feel like to lose you.” 

Mark’s eyes remained closed – his face motionless as cold stone.

“I know I don’t deserve you,” she added, “and maybe when you come out of this, when you get back to normal, you’ll tell me to get lost. But, I just want you to know that I love you.”

Tears streaming down her face, she bent low and rested her head on the bed, willing Mark to open his eyes and tell her that everything would be OK, that he would be OK.  But there was nothing – no response, no movement, no flicker of an eye or twitch of the hand like there always was in the movies – nothing. 

Dara watched helplessly as deep down she finally understood that she would never leave him but, by some ironic and very cruel twist of fate, Mark could be leaving her.

Louise felt all eyes turn to look at her, as she nervously entered the room.  From behind, Heather gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. 

“Go on,” she urged her.  “I’m right behind you.”

Louise took a deep breath and made her way slowly to the front of the courtroom where James Cahill and the others awaited.  She tried her best to avoid looking at a smug-looking Leo Gardner and his legal team.  The elegant one in the power suit was missing today, Louise noticed, wondering if that meant anything as far as her own destiny was concerned. 

But she was here now, and whatever was coming, she had to get it over with. Heather had finally convinced her of that. In her living-room in Cardiff, Heather had sat her down and gone through both Louise’s finances and her options, despite her protests that she had no option other than to run away and start again.  But Heather wouldn’t hear of it.

“Louise, at the end of the day – it’s only money.  And you
will
get it paid off – maybe not today or tomorrow but you will eventually. You’ve always been a hard worker and you know well what you have to do.  To begin with, you’ll need to tone down the shopping and partying for a while and – ”

“Don’t worry, there’ll be no more of that,” Louise interjected determinedly.  “That should never have happened in the first place. I’ll move out of the apartment and stop seeing Fiona and I’ll – ”

“Louise, no! Don’t do that. Of course you can still see your friends. All I’m saying is that you have to tone down the social life. A bit – not completely! Just stop the champagne spending, particularly when you’ve only just about got lemonade pockets! That’s part of your problem, you know,” she added, shaking her head from side to side.  “With you, it’s either one extreme or the other.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you got into debt because of the accident, and you said yourself your philosophy was ‘Well, I’m in this deep – what’s another overdraft or credit card?’. But if you’d just tried to nip all this spending it the bud, before it went so far …”

Louise sighed. Of course Heather was right.  She’d always known she should have been more careful, more disciplined about her finances.  But she’d been so pleased to finally have a social life again, and Fiona was so persuasive that she really didn’t want to let anyone down.

When she explained this to Heather, her sister shook her head again. “Louise, if Fiona is really your friend, she’ll understand.  Nobody judges their friends by the clothes they wear or the amount of drinks they buy and, if they do, then they’re really not your friends.” 

Then, with the mention of Fiona, Louise realised that she’d better phone and tell her where she was.  She would be frantic, no doubt believing that Louise had died or been injured in the accident.

She was right.

“Oh, my God, Louise, where were you? Oh, Jesus, I can’t believe you’re OK!  I was worried sick!” Then, incredibly, Louise heard her normally controlled self-assured and image-obsessed friend break down and sob her heart out. “I really thought we’d lost you!”

Louise was so taken aback by the strength of Fiona’s emotions towards her that she too started to bawl.  Eventually, and with an impatient roll of her eyes, Heather took the phone off her.

“Fiona? Hi, Heather Reeves, Louise’s sister here ...  Yes, yes, she’s absolutely fine.  Oh, it’s a long story, and I’m sure she’ll explain all when she comes back ...  What? No, I think she just got a bit of shock. … Yes, I
know
she’s your very best friend, of course I do. Of course you are … OK … talk to you soon.” Heather put the phone back on the receiver and smiled at her sister.  “Well! That certainly doesn’t sound like someone who doesn’t give a damn about you, does it?”

Louise smiled slightly, already feeling buoyed by Fiona’s depth of feeling, but at the same time desperately guilty that she had put her through so much worry.

The girls talked well into the night about the entire situation, with lots of focus on a strict budget for Louise.

“Now about all these clothes,” Heather began. “It’ll be the high street from now on for you, my dear.  No more ‘cute little boutiques’ and discount evenings at department stores. You have a lovely figure, and you can wear cheaper clothes as well as anyone.  Anyway, what’s wrong with the cheaper stuff? It can be just as nice, if not nicer than some of those posh ‘labels’, can’t it?”

Louise grinned.  Not being a labels fan herself, her sister would probably never understand, but again Heather was right.  And in all honesty, Louise had so many clothes in her wardrobe back at the apartment that she need never buy another stitch again!

The two girls continued going through some more cost-saving ideas and Heather eventually managed to convince Louise that perhaps the life she had was worth going back to. After their conversation, and particularly the phone call to Fiona, Louise finally began to come around.  But there was one thing that Heather couldn’t help her with, and that was her broken heart.

“He made such a fool of me,” she admitted, her face burning with shame as she thought about Sam – all the great times she’d had with him, how wonderful he had made her feel.    

“It’s not a crime to take someone at face value, you know,” Heather said softly. “In fact, it could be considered a positive thing. You’re a decent, honest, open person and you expect other people to be the same.  This Sam guy was a professional, Louise.  He didn’t just make a fool of you – he made more of a fool of himself.  What kind of person can do that and still live with themselves afterwards? What kind of person can make a living out of exploiting others? Would you like to be a person like that? Louise, that guy is nothing but a weak, spineless asshole, and he’s the one that has to live with it – not you.”

Louise said nothing.  Unfortunately, this didn’t take away from the fact that she’d cared a lot about Sam. She had let her guard down and allowed herself to be taken in by him.  She didn’t know which was worse – the hurt or the utter humiliation at being so easily fooled.

“Someone like that doesn’t deserve your respect – let alone your love,” Heather went on.  “I know it’s easy for me to say, but I really don’t think the feelings you thought you had
for him were real.  He played on your emotions, told you what you wanted to hear and made you feel special.  That’s the only reason you fell for him.”

Louise nodded.  Heather was right in a way, but this didn’t help her devastation at being betrayed, and her embarrassment that she had made it so easy for him.  But still, she’d get over it – she had to get over it and, in fairness, getting over Sam would be the least of her worries.

Now, it seemed the rest of those worries were about to be dealt with.

“All rise!”

Louise’s legs felt weak, as she heard the familiar announcement in the courtroom, and she wasn’t sure how she found the energy to stand up.  For one very brief second, she contemplated racing out the door and running away.  But she’d already tried that, hadn’t she? And Heather had convinced her to come back, had convinced her that whatever happened, they’d face it together. 

“We’ll get over it – haven’t we come through worse?” she’d reiterated once more, on the plane journey back to Ireland, a perplexed Andy having been promptly dispatched to the travel agent’s the day before to buy the tickets.  Heather had told her husband nothing about Louise’s mess and had quickly glossed over the reasons for her sudden appearance in Cardiff.  There was no point in trying to explain it.

Louise wasn’t sure if she
would
get over it, but she had very little choice.  And it was too late to be worrying about it now anyway.

But the weird thing was, she thought, her face burning at the realisation, it wouldn’t have worked anyway.  Upon her return to the apartment on Saturday when she’d told Fiona everything – everything about the claim and the money problems and her decision to run away – Louise discovered that her ‘escape’ hadn’t been as flawless as she’d thought.  She’d been spotted on the street shortly after the crash – by bloody Gemma!

“I really thought she was mistaken,” Fiona informed her, still red-eyed after the two girls’ rather emotional reunion.  “I mean, I
knew
you had taken that train – wasn’t I there that morning when you left for work?  So when I met Gemma later, and she told me she’d seen you taking a taxi somewhere, when you should have been at work, I really wouldn’t hear of it.”

So, as it turned out, the great escape wouldn’t have worked anyway.  Eventually, someone would have put two and two together.  Still, it was pointless thinking about that now. Louise had run away, but not for long. 

And now she was back.  

Now she closed her eyes as Judge Corcoran began to speak.  For the first few minutes, she barely heard his words, she was so wrapped up in what might happen. 

“Having carefully considered the nature of the claim … and having listened to both sides …”

Would he put her in jail? Lock her up and throw away the key?

“I do feel that …”

Just how was Heather going to help her through
that
, she wondered, vivid images of a dank, grey, prison cell full of murderers and rapists filling her brain.  A far cry from the glamorous celebrity hangouts full of glossy, perfect posers she used to frequent.

“ … having heard
very
convincing testimony from Mr Harris …”

The judge’s words were now a blur, and once more Louise felt her head begin to spin as the final decision got ever closer.

“ …not to mention Ms Patterson’s extravagant lifestyle and mounting debt….”

Mounting debt.  It was going to get much worse, wasn’t it?  How on earth was she going to pay Gardner’s legal fees?  Despite Heather’s protests, she really couldn’t take anything from her – she
wouldn’t
take anything from her. She and Andy were struggling to get by as it was.  This was her own problem, her own fault, and she’d just have to take it on the chin. 

However bad it was.

“ …see no reason why Mr Gardner should shirk his responsibility or duty of care …”

Duty of care? James Cahill had mentioned that phrase over and over again at the beginning while trying to convince Louise that she really had a case, hadn’t he? Slowly but surely the judge’s words swam into focus and, heart racing, mind spinning, Louise began to concentrate.  

“… no doubt that Ms Patterson’s life has been adversely affected by Mr Gardner’s negligence – something that he himself does not dispute.  And I personally do not feel that Ms Patterson’s social life is any concern of this court.  In fact, I believe that this   testimony actually underlines Ms Patterson’s strength of character.  Instead of descending into desperation or depression, as other victims have been known to do, Ms Patterson has picked up the reins of her damaged life and continued to enjoy living it.”

Louise inhaled deeply and her heart leapt into her mouth. He wasn’t … he couldn’t … was he thinking about ruling in her favour?

“Ms Patterson’s lifestyle in no way takes away from Mr Gardner’s culpability in this case. Indeed her lifestyle is her own concern, and the evidence clearly supports the claim of diminished earnings.  So, why should she have to suffer as a result?  Why should she have to alter her lifestyle because another person ignored his duty of care?  Indeed, Ms Patterson has considerably altered her lifestyle and has suffered enough, both physically and financially.” 

As she listened, Louise realised she was still holding her breath.

“So, it is the decision of this court that Ms Patterson be awarded an amount of eighty thousand euro to compensate for her additional injuries – injuries that were caused by Mr Gardner’s negligence.”

Louise stood rooted to the spot, stunned.  She barely heard the judge bang his gavel, barely felt James Cahill’s firm handshake, Heather’s enthusiastic hug. 

It was over.  It was all over.  Her life hadn’t been ruined at all.  All these years, all those financial worries – it was over.

And perhaps, she thought, as she turned and saw Fiona waving gleefully from the back of the courtroom, perhaps her life – her
real
life, and not one based on lies and fantasy – was just beginning.