Wishes on the Wind (31 page)

    David felt the nudge of panic at Meg's continued silence. Lowering his head, he brushed her parted lips lightly with his own, and joy touched the throbbing ache within him. He brushed her mouth again with his, and again, until his arms tightened spontaneously and his mouth claimed hers fully.

    
Meg… Meg…
Her name went round and round in his brain as his mouth sank deeply into hers. He had wanted this for so long. He wanted Meg to truly belong to him so he could care for her, protect her, and now he wanted…

    
He
wanted. But what did Meg want?

    His breathing ragged, David drew back and looked down into Meg's sober face. "Say something, Meg. You're not angry with me, are you? Talk to me."

    The shaky whisper that finally emerged from Meg's lips stunned him.

    "You've spoiled it all, David."

    "Spoiled it?"

    "Let me go."

    "Meg…"

    "Don't you see what you've done?" Meg stared up at him, anger and pain mingled in her gaze. "We were friends!"

    "That hasn't changed, Meg."

    "Oh, yes it has! Friends want nothing from each other but what's best for both. But it isn't that way anymore. You want more from me now. More than I can give!"

    "That isn't true, Meg. I still want what's best for you. I always have."

    "Then let me go."

    "Why?"

    "Because you've proved me wrong and Sean right, that's why! All the times I talked to him about you, I told him you just wanted to be my friend."

    "Things change, Meg, just like people change." David's voice held a plea for understanding. "You're not the little girl you were, but I still want what's best for you, only in a different way."

    "You do? Will it be best for me when tongues are wagging? Will it be best when people laugh behind my back and declare me a fool for believing the glib tongue of a fellow like you?"

    "I've never been glib with you." David held her fast, refusing to let her go. "Meg, you don't understand. I didn't bring you up here today with any thought in my mind except to tell you Uncle Martin talked to me this morning. He received responses from a few colleges about me."

    "Let me go, David."

    "Meg, don't you know what that means?" David was growing impatient. "That means that I'll be going away from here soon probably for years!"

    Meghan's gaze flickered briefly before she raised her chin. "You knew the day would come, and so did I."

    "But I didn't know the thought of leaving you would wound me so deeply. I don't want to leave you, Meg!" Tears welled in Meg's eyes at his words, and David felt his own throat thicken. "But it doesn't have to be that way, Meg. I have a plan."

    "A plan?"

    "I saw a letter from the University of Pennsylvania in Uncle Martin's mail today. It's located in Philadelphia. I could talk Uncle Martin into making arrangements for me to go there, and it wouldn't be at all difficult for me to arrange a position for you in the Hutton household. Then you could be close by and we could see each other every day. There are so many wonderful things in Philadelphia a whole world you've never seen. I want to show you all of it. We could"

    "Let go of me, David!" Her face flushing with color, Meg jerked at his clutching grip.

    "Meg, I love you and I don't want to be separated from you. I want to take you with me when I go. Why does that make you angry?"

    Meg's lips trembled. She shook her head, her gleaming sun-kissed curls dancing wildly on her shoulders as a tortured hiss escaped her. "You've not changed a bit, have you? You still want to get me out of the valley, and if you couldn't talk me into living    in your grand house, you hope to lure me away from my own with talk of places and things I've never seen. You've cast aside all I've tried to make you understand about the valley and the people in it as if I never spoke the words. And you've cast aside the promise you made to me a year ago just as easily."

    "No I haven't, Meg. I remember that promise, and I haven't broken it by telling you that I don't want to be separated from you."

    "I'll not listen to another word!" Her eyes suddenly wild, Meg shook her head. "Sean has
my
promise that I'll tell him if you press me to leave the valley again, and unlike you, I put value on my given word."

    "Meg…"

    "My employment here has come to an end."

    David stared at Meg for a moment's incredulous silence. "An end? Does all I've said to you this afternoon boil down to that in your mind a matter of employment?" Stiffening under the frigidity of her gaze, David drew back. "Could you do that, Meg? Could you walk away from me without regret, knowing you'd never see me again? Could you forget everything we"

    "Stop! Stop speaking those words, for they'll do you no good! You still want to change me from the person I am with sweet words, David. You talk of love, but you've no idea what the word means. Oh, you think yourself to be sincere, I've no doubt, but your grand plan betrays you, because once more you're trying to separate me from the person I truly am. You'd have me abandon my only living kin on your whim, to live in a strange house amongst strangers while I wait for you to come and spend a few hours to brighten my dreary days. And as unhappy as that would make me, I've no doubt you'd be fully content knowing you've finally severed the bond of blood between Sean and me that you so despise."

    "Meg…"

    "You neither see nor care that to sever that bond of blood would be to bleed me dry."

    Torn by the pain of her words, David reached out to Meg. "You're wrong. I don't mean to hurt you or change you."

    Meg shook off his hand. "No, David. It's not a matter of what's meant. It's a matter of what's become so clear. You've never tried to understand the person inside me, so wrong do you believe me to be in claiming allegiance to those of my own. So all's lost    between us with what you've now said, for even our friendship has gone astray."

    "Meg, please."

    "I'll give my notice tomorrow."

    "No!"

    "It'd not be by choice, for I'll have my brother to face." Meg held his gaze with brimming eyes. "In the end, it's up to you again, David."

    "To me?"

    "If you'll leave me be, treat me no different from the other servants from now on, I can stay."

    Almost disbelieving his ears, David withdrew a step farther. He had told Meg he loved her bared his heart to her because he trusted her, only to have her turn against him. Still unwilling to accept that thought, David pressed her one more time.

    "You're telling me you want no part of me from now on that everything's off between us, or you'll leave the hill and never come back?"

    "Aye."

    Incredulity froze David's face. His pain a breathing, palpable part of him, David finally gave a short laugh. "And the strangest part of all of this is that I was convinced you really cared for me."

    Her small face pinched, Meg replied in a rasping whisper. "And care for you I do, but I've promises to keep to those I love."

    "And you don't love me."

    Meg's fine lips twitched, but she firmed their line with her reply. "You should not have thought to come between my brother and me, David."

    "I didn't think to have you make a choice."

    "Did you not?"

    Suddenly realizing that was exactly what he had done, David briefly closed his eyes without response.

    Meg nodded a soft, "Aye."

    Meg turned away, only to have David's voice halt her briefly with his whisper. "This is wrong, Meg. You're making a mistake."

    "Aye, and if I am, the mistake is my own."

    Standing where she had left him, David was still long minutes after Meg had disappeared from sight.

    The sun of late afternoon was hot against his skin, but it failed to warm him. Looking down at his feet, he saw abandoned there the wildflowers Meg had gathered with such care. He stooped    down and picked up a discarded stalk, realizing he shared its fate, and he wondered how it had suddenly come about that the girl who had given him back his life and so much more, had so coldly turned against him.

    Familiar aromas filled the kitchen as Aunt Fiona moved deftly between table and stove. Suppertime neared and she raised the lid of an oversized pot to stir her fragrant stew again, accepting with a sigh that this was her lot, to spend her life wearing a groove in the hard kitchen floor as she catered to the wants of those who spared her no more than a few short words each day.

    Aye, it was painful to know that her boarders had better things to do between meals than to talk to a work-worn old woman who had little joy left in her, that her husband treated her less kindly than he would a servant, and that her own nephew despised her.

    But then there was Meg.

    Her tired eyes brightening momentarily at the thought of her dear niece, Fiona replaced the lid on the pot to turn to the breadboard once more. Raising her gaze upward toward one visible only in her mind's eye, Fiona spoke silently to the woman she was certain now abided peacefully in the heaven she had so diligently earned.

    
Ah, Mary O'Connor, it was a great gift, indeed, when ye brought yer dear girl to me house and left her in me care. For she's a treasure and all a woman could ask to fill the last, lonely days of her life. I thank ye, Mary. From the bottom of me heart, I thank ye.

    Resuming her chores, Fiona wiped a tear from her eye and pounded the dough before her with a practiced hand. She was making sweet rolls because Meg had a weakness for them, and because with all the growing the girl had been doing in the past year, she had not an ounce of spare flesh on her. A smile touching her lips for the first time that afternoon, Fiona nodded. But the truth was, she would not change a hair on the girl's head, so much did she love her. And the wonder of it was that the girl loved her in return.

    Not a woman accustomed to inspiring love, Fiona swallowed tightly and gave an impatient grunt as she acknowledged that sentimentality did not set well on the rounded shoulders of a homely, ignorant, middle-aged woman who had little but failure to show for her life.

    A flash of pure hatred momentarily overwhelming her, Fiona

    remembered the night before and her husband's abusive words to her dear Meg, but the passion of the moment soon passed. If she hated her husband, she need hate herself for failing to stand up to the man, and she could ill afford to dwell on the failures of her life any longer. They caused her too much pain.

    The sound of a step outside the door turned Fiona toward it with expectation, for it was the best hour of the day when Meg returned home. They then talked and worked together in a leisurely way that gave them both pleasure. She was grateful that Meg saw in her the last ties to the Ma she loved so well, and she hoped the girl's feelings never changed.

    Her thoughts interrupted as Meg walked into the room, Fiona felt the joy of expectation drain from her mind at the sight of Meg's white face. The girl attempted to brush past her with a brief word of greeting, but Fiona's hand on her arm brought her niece to a sharp halt, allowing her to see red-rimmed eyes that had recently shed tears.

    "Meg, m'darlin', will ye tell yer aunt what's wrong?"

    "It's nothing, Aunt. Just a few somber thoughts I've not been able to drive away."

    But Meg could not meet her eyes, and the pain of again being excluded allowed Fiona's hand to drop back to her side. Taking advantage of her opportunity, Meg continued rapidly through the kitchen, turning with a belated thought as she reached the hallway door.

    "You'll not say a word of this to Sean when he comes home, will you, Aunt? It's but a passing thing and I'll be right as rain again in a few minutes."

    "Nay, I'll not speak of it. Ye've a right to a bit of privacy if ye desire. But, Meg…" Hesitating briefly, Fiona concluded in a softer tone. "Ye'll tell me if yer ever in need, won't ye, m'dear? For ye know I'd never let ye go wanting."

    Regretting her words as Meg's eyes brimmed once more, Fiona saw Meg nod before she turned out of sight.

    The thoughts within Fiona churned. She'd allow no one to hurt dear Meg. Aye, coward that she'd been all her life, she'd not fail the child.

    The sound of her aunt's gentle words echoing in her ears, Meg made her way up the staircase at a pace just short of a run. Across the second floor landing in a few quick steps, she pushed open the   door of her room and closed it swiftly behind her, tears brimming once more.

    The worn surface of the door hard against her back, she closed her eyes for a few short moments as she strove to gain control of her ragged emotions. Her anguished whisper rasped on the silence of the empty room.

    "Oh, Ma… Ma, I need you now to advise me, I'm that miserable and confused."

    But there was no response and no respite from the image of David's face when she'd told him he'd spoiled it all between them.

    Even now, Meg could not quite believe the words David had uttered, his handsome face so sincere, his eyes so open and anxious. Love her? How could he love her in the way that had made him take her into his arms and kiss her with a tenderness that had touched her soul? Did he not see the vast gulf that lay between them? Did he not see that no matter the affection they shared for each other, no matter the strength of the bond between them, it all would fall away when exposed to the hatred and prejudice of those around them? And did he not know that even if all that did not exist, the bond of blood was stronger than any other that when it came to a choice between Sean and him, she had no choice at all?

    But the answer to those questions was simple. David did not acknowledge the impediments between them because, in all of his life, he'd never been denied.

    A tear slipped down Meg's cheek as the painful truth registered in her mind. She hadn't wanted to deny David love. Raising her trembling hand to her lips, Meg remembered the touch of his mouth against hers. Oh, the wonder of it… A flower far more beautiful than those of the fields had unfurled inside her with his kiss, its petals a bright warm gold that filled her heart with its glow. Its fragrance had spread through her, tingling down arms that longed to encircle David's neck, to fingertips that longed to stroke his cheek and smooth his dark hair. The feelings he had evoked were unexpected, and yet it was clear to her now that David and she had been leading that way from the first.

    But it was all over now. All she had said was true. David loved the person he wanted her to be, a girl who was separate from the valley, a girl who would cast aside everything and everyone who'd made her what she was for him. Meghan knew with a deep certainty she could never be that girl. With a misery unlike any she'd ever known, Meg also accepted that in acknowledging that

    David and she were more than friends, they had taken a step too far.

    A low sob escaping her lips, Meg closed her eyes, her sense of loss intense. She would stay on at the manor, for Sean would be too quick to miss the cause if she left. She would strike the look of hurt in David's eyes from her mind, and force the sound of pain in his voice from her heart. She'd forget the closeness they had shared and all it had added to her life when so much else had been stripped away.

    And she'd forget that David and she were more than friends, because that was the way it had to be.

Chapter 13

    The mild air of afternoon had cooled with the setting sun, returning the bite of autumn to the twilight hour. The narrow dirt road just beyond town was silent and still, but inside the abandoned mill a few yards off the deserted stretch, the rasp of labored breathing broke the stillness and the sounds of passion grew more intense.

    Sheila was oblivious of all but the bliss of Sean's lips against her flesh and wonder of his weight upon her. She gasped as Sean gripped her firm buttocks and raised her to him, biting her lips against the sting as he thrust his engorged organ inside her. But her heart swelled with love.

    Ah, Sean… Sean… Sheila's heart sang. She had loved him all her life, from the day she had followed him as a child, dogging his steps on the tracks when he went to gather spillage from the rail cars for the family stove. That day was still clear in her mind. A year younger than he at five, she was desperate from the cold that settled in the house with her Da and brothers working their shift and her Ma stricken and helpless with the flu. A small, empty sack in her hands, she stumbled on the tracks, panicking at the roar of an approaching train. Screaming with fear, she was unable to move and would have been crushed beneath the racing iron wheels had not Sean dragged her from their path.

    She did not thank Sean when he stood her on her feet and angrily shook her, nor did she thank him when he filled her empty sack as well as his own and dragged her back to the patch, scolding her every step of the way. Ah, but she had loved him, and she loved him still.

    The change that came over Sean after the deaths of his Da and brothers frightened her, and she saw him become harder still after they put his Ma under the ground. Meg warned her then not to set her hopes on him, that it would bring her pain to believe he could love her, but she did not bother to tell Meg she was wrong. For the

    truth was, even now, after she let Sean have his way with her so many times as to have lost count in recent months, and after admitting to herself that Sean still did not love her, she had no regrets.

    She was not the fool some thought her to be about Sean O'Connor. She saw the direction hatred was leading him, and she knew that hatred left no room in his heart for her. But she knew something else, as well. She knew for the few minutes she lay in his arms, Sean put his hatred behind him. She knew she gave him pleasure in a way no other woman did, and because she loved him, that knowledge was enough.

    The rhythm of Sean's lovemaking grew more intense, and Sheila clutched him close, savoring the warm part of him that gave her life. She felt him swell inside her and her love swelled in return. She heard the ardor in his voice as he whispered into her ear, and her passion soared anew. She felt his body shudder, his ecstatic cry of release harsh as it echoed in the silent mill, and her intense ecstasy was bittersweet with the knowledge that he would soon release her as well.

    Replete, Sean's muscular frame lay heavily upon her and Sheila knew that if she had her choice, she would not have this moment end. Aware that he was already stirring, and that in a minute he would be anxious to be on his way, she wrapped her arms around Sean's back and drew him closer, her palms smoothing the strong muscles there. She suffered anew the knowledge that for Sean these moments when he and she were together were but a diversion from the ghosts that haunted him, while for her they were the reason for life.