Wishes and Tears (9 page)

‘Fair enough. Cheerio then, mate. Remember to think over what I said. I mean it, you know.' He shook Mark's hand, then took hold of Janet's. ‘It's been very nice meeting you, my dear, and when he comes up here again just you make sure he brings you with him.'

Janet could feel herself beginning to blush. Danny was like Sam - a real charmer - and if she did ever meet him again she would have to watch out.

‘He seems nice,' said Janet as they made their way back to the underground.

‘He's all right, but you'll have to mind your step with him.'

‘Why?'

‘He's a bit of a ladies' man.'

‘And you're not?'

‘I could be.'

‘What are you going to do about the job he's offered?'

‘I don't know. But I reckon Danny's right: I could earn a lot up here.'

‘But wouldn't you miss the fields and the smell of the fresh air?'

‘No, I'd rather have the smell of money.' He laughed. ‘But I would miss you.'

Janet didn't look at him and was relieved when they reached the station. As they made their way down to the train she wondered what his future would be here in London, and if he did come here to live and work she knew she would miss him too.

During the week after they had been to London Mark dropped a note into Janet's house and asked if he could meet her the following night after work at a coffee bar in Horsham.

‘This is nice,' said Janet, looking round. ‘I've never been in here before.'

‘Coffee bars are all the go in London. They even have blokes playing in 'em, skiffle they call it. D‘you know, they even play on washboards with thimbles on their fingers and they use tea chests as a bass?'

She laughed. ‘You're having me on.'

‘No, honest. You must have heard of Lonnie Donnegan and Tommy Steele.'

‘Yes, of course. Well, I've read about them.'

‘That's where they started.'

Janet laughed out loud at the comical idea and they were still laughing when Mark leant across and took hold of her hand.

She pulled away in surprise. ‘Don't do that.'

‘Sorry.' He looked very hurt.

She felt embarrassed. ‘Why did you ask to meet me here? It wasn't to tell me all about skiffle, and I'll be seeing you on Saturday?'

‘I'm going away.'

Janet was stunned. ‘To London? So soon?'

He nodded. ‘I've made up my mind. I phoned Danny yesterday and told him I want to see him and talk it all out. I'm going this weekend so I won't be able to take you to the dance.'

‘That's all right,' she said light-heartedly, trying to sound cheerful. ‘If that's what you want. After all, it's your future.'

He looked a little happier. ‘You're a nice person, Janet, and I'm glad you understand. I was a bit worried in case you thought I was letting you down.'

‘Why should I think that?'

‘Well, I am the only one you've been out with.'

‘Will you be staying with Danny?' she asked, to change the subject.

‘Just for Friday and Saturday.'

‘Well, I hope his flat's a bit cleaner and tidier than his office.'

‘It is a bit of a mess.'

‘So can we still go to the pictures next week?'

‘If you want.'

‘You will tell me what the outcome of all this will be, won't you?'

‘Course. Will you miss me?'

‘Yes, I will.' Janet looked away. She didn't want him to see in her eyes just how much he had come to mean to her. But what did she mean to him? Was he just feeling sorry for her? He knew she didn't have anyone else to take her out. But she had always made it very clear to him she didn't want any romance in her life - well, not up until now. But had she changed her mind?

‘Janet, Janet, you're not listening.'

‘Sorry, what were you saying?'

‘If I do get settled there perhaps you could come up and see me sometime?'

She laughed. ‘You sound a bit like Mae West.'

He laughed. ‘I'm really going to miss you.'

‘You'll soon forget me with all those posh London girls hanging round.' But, she would have liked to add, not nearly as much as I shall miss you.

 

On Saturday Janet didn't know what to do with herself and wandered about aimlessly.

‘Aren't you going out tonight?' asked her mother.

‘No.'

‘Oh dear. I do hope you and Mark haven't had a silly quarrel.'

‘No. He's gone to London for a few days.' Janet wasn't sure if she should tell her mother his plans—did his own mother know? ‘On business,' she added quickly.

‘I see. Mrs Scott didn't mention it last night when I saw her at the WI.'

‘Perhaps she didn't think it was worth talking about.'

‘Yes, I should think that was it.'

By Wednesday, the night they usually went to the cinema, Janet was still anxiously waiting for his news.

His knock on the front door sent her hurrying to open it. ‘I'm ready ... Bye!' she called over her shoulder.

As soon as they were outside she said, ‘Well?'

He grinned.

‘Oh Mark, don't be so annoying. Why haven't you been round to tell me, or ... ?' She stopped. ‘You're not going then?' She held on to his arm.

‘I didn't know you cared.'

She quickly drew away. ‘I'm just interested, that's all.'

‘Well, I am going. I'm not going to put any money into his business just yet, I'm only going to work for Danny. I'll give it a year and then I'll be able to see how the land lies. But don't worry, I'm coming home every weekend even if it's only to keep Ma happy - that's of course unless something urgent crops up - so we can still go to the village hop.'

‘What does your mother say about it?'

‘She's not very happy, but it's Dad I'll miss. He's not that well and I worry about him. His war wound has started to cause all sorts of health problems. Mum will miss my money but I hope I can give her some every week. I'll just have to see how it goes.'

Janet felt happy that he'd be home every weekend, even if she was a little disappointed that it wasn't to see her. Suddenly she realized how she felt about him and how much she was going to miss him.

 

On Sunday evening, as they wandered around the village, Janet knew she was going to miss Mark more than she let on. Her life had taken on another meaning since Christmas and now he was going the next day. When he said good night she wished him luck. She wanted him to hold her and tell her how much he liked her, but he didn't.

‘You will let me know how you are getting on, won't you?'

He smiled. ‘Course. I'll be seeing you on Saturday.'

Janet at least had that to look forward to.

 

March 2 was Paula's first birthday. It was Janet's dearest wish that she could have sent her a card or given her a present. Was she having a birthday party? Would there be a fancy iced cake with a candle on? Had her new parents bought her nice things? Did they keep her well dressed? Janet looked at the clock. All day at the office she had gone through every moment of Paula being born again. Once old Mrs Baker told her off for daydreaming. Janet smiled to herself. She'd have a fit if she knew what I was thinking about, she thought. She tried to visualize what Paula would look like with her dark eyes and hair. Was it straight or curly? Short or long? She wanted to cry and felt her heart would break. Was it possible to find out where she was?

Throughout the summer Mark came home every weekend. More and more Janet looked forward to seeing him. Even though he looked tired they still went dancing.

‘Danny certainly keeps me busy,' he said in the interval when they were having a cold drink.

‘Do you enjoy working for him?'

‘I think so. I've certainly learnt a lot about the second-hand car business and the dodgy deals that go on. By the way, I'm getting a car next week.'

‘Can you drive?'

‘Course, it's part of the job, but I passed my test in the army. If you like I'll teach you.'

‘Would you? That would be super.'

‘So next week, Miss Slater, we will be coming here in style.'

She giggled.

On Saturday Janet stood waiting at the gate for Mark. She couldn't believe her eyes when he drew up in a gleaming black car.

‘Hop in,' he called.

She did so, and sat back, sinking into the soft green leather upholstery. ‘This is really lovely,' she said, running her hands over the walnut dashboard.

‘Would have liked something a bit flashy, but you can't beat an old Morris for reliability.'

‘Did it cost a lot?'

‘Na, not now I'm in the trade and in the know. Say, what about we go for a spin instead of the dance?'

‘That'll be great, just as long as I get back about the same time. You know what my father's like.'

They sped along the country lanes and laughed at silly things. They stopped to stroll on the downs as the night was just turning. The sunset lit up the sky with fire.

‘It's such a beautiful evening,' said Janet as they walked along. ‘It's times like this when I wish I could live for ever.'

Mark sat on the grass. ‘You don't want to bother with wasting wishes like that. Wish for money and things it can bring.'

Janet sat down beside him. ‘Yes, but can it bring happiness?'

‘Dunno. But it sure can make life a lot better. Take Danny - it won't be long before he moves.'

‘What, the business?'

‘No, out of the flat.'

‘Why's that?'

‘He's making a packet. He's talking about getting a real posh house.'

‘What about his flat?'

‘I'm thinking of taking it over.'

Janet laughed.

‘What's so funny?'

‘You. A man of property.'

‘It's only a grotty old flat and I'd only be renting it. In fact that's something I'd like to talk to you about, Janet.'

She stiffened. She knew this was going to be a serious conversation. ‘What about? Here, you don't want me as a cleaner, do you?' she laughed.

‘In a way.'

‘Blooming cheek.'

Mark began picking at the grass. He wasn't looking at her. ‘Jan, I know this sounds daft but you see I didn't know I'd miss you so much, and I'd like you to come and ... Oh, what the heck. Janet, will you marry me?'

She stared at him. This wasn't what she'd thought he was going say. She'd thought he might have suggested she go up to London for the weekend, but marriage ... He had never shown any real emotion towards her. They got on all right but only as friends. They only kissed as friends.

‘I don't know,' she finally said.

‘You do like me, don't you?'

She nodded.

‘Well then.'

She did like him, but did she love him? ‘You'd have to ask my father.'

‘I know. But what about you?'

‘I do like you, Mark.'

‘Good, that's settled then.'

‘When were you thinking of us ... you know?'

‘What about next year? That'll give me time to save.'

She smiled. ‘Mrs Mark Scott. Sounds rather nice.'

‘I think so.' He pushed her back on the grass and kissed her. It was a clumsy, searching kiss. He tried to put his tongue in her mouth but she didn't like it. His hand was up her skirt and he began caressing her thigh, but she quickly pushed him away and sat up.

‘Stop it.'

‘Why, what's wrong?'

‘Give me time.'

‘Janet, I haven't got time. I'm off in the morning.'

‘So?'

‘I was wondering if we could ... You know?'

She quickly stood up. ‘No, Mark. Is that all you proposed for? So that you could ... ?'

‘No, course not.' He laughed and stood next to her and put his arm round her slim waist. ‘I'm sorry, but you can't blame a bloke for trying now, can you?'

She smiled. ‘No, s'pose not.'

They slowly walked back to the car.

‘I'm really sorry, Janet. I shouldn't have done that.'

‘You didn't do anything.'

He grinned. ‘I would have if you'd have given me half a chance. I suppose you do have to behave yourself, seeing you're the vicar's daughter.'

She couldn't bring herself to look at him.

‘Janet, I do love you, you know. Sounds silly, but somehow you miss things when they're not there all the time.'

‘I miss you too, and I'm very fond of you, Mark.'

He started the engine. ‘I'll leave it till next weekend to ask your dad.'

‘When will you tell your mother?'

‘After I've got your dad's permission.'

Janet laughed.

‘What's so funny?'

‘Can you imagine it when our mothers get together?'

‘I'm glad I'll be out of the way all week.'

‘Coward.' Suddenly Janet was beginning to warm to the idea of getting married.

That night she wrote in her diary: ‘Mark proposed and I said yes.' She sat back and chewed on the end of her pencil. She was very fond of him but was it love? The thought of leaving home and going to live in London and being able to do as she liked in her own home was very thrilling. She sat up. Living in London - could she possibly find out who had adopted Paula?