Wise Folly (20 page)

She pushed the
hospital room
door open but continued to wat
ch Noah's back as he
strode
down the hall and into the elevator that seemed to magically open as he approached.

CHAPTER SIX

By early morning
Noah was
back, sweet
-talking Tabby and the nurses who were in and out continuously. He showed up wearing jeans and a dress shirt with rolled sleeves. She tried not to stare at him, but he looked like a GQ ad.

By eight o'clock,
Tabby had already been readied for surgery and given a sedative.
The doctor had explained once more what was about to happen and how the tiny hole in the little girl's heart would be closed and how long the surgery would take.

A little later, a
plump nurse with kind, smiling eyes had then directed
them
to the waiting room. Now she stood facing the window, her back to
the
green-and-
gray
walls that left her more depressed than before. It didn’t really matter, she thought
.
Nothing mattered anymore. Noah, Catherine, June, the mess her life had become. Nothing.

Her
only reality was Tabby and the desperate hope that she was strong enough to pull through the operation.
She'd looked up the surgery on the internet and it had far more information that her Doctor had given her. That information caused more aggravation, more doubt, more worry. She couldn't help all the negative thoughts that flooded her. She barely held herself from wailing like a baby.

Dianna crossed her arms and began her ritual pacing, stopping occasionally to stare out at the view she had not yet been able to consciously register in her mind’s eye.

Tabby had looked so lost when the orderlies came to wheel her into surgery. Her little arms were so thin; her long caramel-colored hair was bundled into a white paper cap, making her look even tinier than she was. Her features were so wan, so drawn. Her tiny body so lifeless...

A sob
escaped
in her throat and she covered her face with trembling hands as tears trickled between her fingers. Loneliness isolated her from everyone. She was alone
and it seemed as if she'd always been alone
. There was no one with whom to share her heartache, her doubts, her aching emptiness.

Noah might want to be Tabby's father, but the truth was,
she was the one who had birthed, cared for, loved the tiny girl who's heart needed healing. From the get-go, she had wondered what she'd done wrong to have hurt her daughter so. Had it happened in the womb? Had she not taken care of herself enough? Was it
due to the rape? Or in Charles' family tree? No matter what,
no one could feel
the depth of
what she was feeling. No one else had a horse in this race, as they used to say. And Tabby was such a wonderful little girl, full of sweetness and fun and a smile
that lit up her mother's world
.

Why? Why was
an innocent child
being punished for something she didn’t do? Why was Tabby suffering for being the sweet child she was? It made no sense! Her eyes lifted, searching the
creamy
white ceiling for heaven. Her lips moved in silent prayer. “
Pl
ease, God, let her live! Please, God! Please!”

Life without Tabby?
She couldn't imagine it
. Once again she buried her head in her hands, unable to bear the pain that seemed to squeeze the blood from her heart
.

Strong arms surrounded her, wrapping around
and
holding her firmly in their grasp. She didn’t look up, uncaring for the mome
nt whose broad shoulder she wet
.
Dianna
was content to be consoled as hands stroked her hair, rocking her against a hard chest
.
Giant sobs racked her body as she
gulped
for air until
she
finally
ran out of
tears
. She was left with
a feeling of washed-out peace. A handkerchief was placed in her trembling fingers.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner.
We got trapped in a truck accident.
” Noah’s voice was warm, his breath soft against her throbbing temple.

He continued to hold her as she wiped her eyes and blew her reddened nose. Nothing ladylike about me now, she thought
.
“
Tabby kept looking for you, but
I didn’t expect you here at all.”

He took the handkerchief from her hands and dabbed lightly at the smeared mascara under her eyes, smiling tenderly at her bewilderment ‘Tabby’s my d
aughter too now. Did you think I'
d let
either of y
ou go through this alone?”

“Tabby’s only been your daughter for a week.

"
According to you, s
he's been my
relative
for six years."

"And I've
been alone for the past six years, Noah. I didn’t expect it to be any different now.” She wasn’t speaking with anger or bitterness, just resignation. How could she expect him to care for a child he hardly knew?

Apparently he refused to get into that argument.
“Waiting is the hardest thing to do alone. Especially when it involves someone you love.”

“How d
o
you know
that
?”

“
My brother wasn't killed instantly in that car crash, Dianna. And m
y sister was in this same hospital
six
years ago with a stroke.” His voice was void of emotion, but
there was ten
sion in his arms. “
They had good doctors here and she's
completely recovered.” He
stated both as fact, not getting into what Charles had done to her, just the fact that he'd suffered with that death also.

Instead, he
grinned
down at her
. “How about a cup of coffee? Mrs. Frank packed a thermos full. She says she doesn’t want my missus trying to drink that ink that comes out of a machine.” Dianna smiled as he’d meant her to. “Now why don’t you have a seat, Mrs. Weston?”

They sat quietly side by side for a while. Dianna barely noticed how hard she clung to the hand that covered hers,
because if felt so g
ood to hang on.

He began talking of mundane things: the weather, the ranch, his work, her work. At first she answered abstractedly, her mind hardly able to cope with his questions, but the more he forced her to answer, the more she began to relax.

“Why did you decide to keep Tabby?” he asked suddenly.

“Because Tabby’s mine!” she retorted quickly, surprising herself with the answer.

“You had plenty of other options, yet you chose to keep her. Why?”

She tried hard to remember back to that difficult time in her life. “I’m not sure, really. I was brought up with strong
values but most of all with a
sister who didn't desert me in the middle of my crises.  We went through all the available options, looking and discussing each one. I knew I was going to give birth but I couldn't decide which step was the right step until I felt the first kick.
Then, when it came to the question of giving her away, I
recognized I couldn
’t do that. Somehow
I
thought I would never marry and this would be my one chance at motherhood.
I
would be able to raise a child—my child—and give it all the love and understanding I could”

“And you’d never be lonely again,” he added softly.

“That wasn’t my intent
.
”

“Come on, Dianna. None of us gives without wanting something in return. Even love.”

“What do you know about love!” she snapped. “All you know how to do is go through the motions.”

“Sometimes tha
t's
enough
for others
and sometimes that's all that's available
.
And sometimes others chose not to see what's in front of them.
”

She hated his cock-sure self-confidence. Who did he think he was to enter into her life and begin analyzing her motives?

“And don’t tell me you don’t like the motions, Di,” he went on. “My memory isn’t that short
.
I
still remember what it feels like to have you come alive in my arms.”

Her face burned with the knowledge of those sweet nights years ago. “You don’t have to remind me of past
errors
.”

Noah’s eyebrow quirked but his expression remained impassive. “Was that what
you thought
it was?
Some kind of a
mistake? Is that why you’ve hung on to
the
memory of Char
l
es and blocked out our passion?
Was it
easier to hate him the
n to
love me?”

“Stop it!” She
jumped up
, only to come face to face with Dr. Stom. Once again
, she
was focused on Tabby.
The Doctor
related the details of the operation and its success with a kind smile, quickly easing the worried look that had come over her features.

“By the way, Mr. Weston, her last words
before we put her completely out for surgery
were ‘I want a red pony with a star on
its forehead like the picture.’

"A pony? What picture?" she asked.

"
We'll
get those facts later," Noah said with a
big
smile, reaching
for
and holding her hand.

The Doctor continued. "
Her attitude is so good that I expect to see her playing tennis in a day or so just to get into shape for riding that pony she’s been promised!” He laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. “I wish all my patients had something like that to lure them out of their sickbeds. Attitude is the only ingredient that
I
can’t control,
but
it makes all the difference in the world.”

Noah nodded his head, ignoring Dianna’s surprise. “When can we see her?”

“You can see her now if you only stay a minute or two.” His eyes softened as they rested on Dianna. “She won’t know you yet, you realize.”

“We understand,” Noah interjected smoothly. “I think my wife just wants to assure herself of Tabby’s recovery, then I’ll take her home to rest
.
”

“Oh, but I’m staying here!” Dianna exclaimed.

The doctor shook his head. “
Once you see her, y
ou won’t be able to see Tabby again until tomorrow morning
. She's going to a child's intensive care unit and we need to monitor her like we do all heart patients. She will be kept sedated for about twelve hours.
Get a good rest tonight and know that we'll call you with even the slightest of changes.
If Tabby sees you tired and washed out tomorrow then she’ll be worried, and that will impede her progress.” His tone was kindly but brooked no argument

She should have been angry with them for making her decisions for her, but she wasn’t
.
Instead
s
he followed them quietly down the hall, content to let them carry the conversation. All she wanted was to see Tabby. Secretly, Dianna was more tired than she would admit
.

The powerful car ate up the pavement as it headed toward home and Dianna drifted off to sleep under the spell of the engine’s
lullaby
. She awoke with a
start when
the movement of the car stilled and the comforting hum of the engine abruptly stopped. Dianna pulled herself up, her hazel eyes growing wide with surprise although she was still half asleep.
Her senses were not sharp, but
Dianna knew she wasn’t home yet
.
With a feeling of foreboding she turned toward Noah. He was watching her carefully.

“Where are we?”

“We’re home.”

“No. No” She glanced around for the first time, confirming her fears. They were in the basement of Wescomp and in every comer lurked ghosts ready to remind her of things better left in the past

Fear made the pupils of her eyes seem like hazel pools. She
stiffened
. Noah’s piercing gray gaze caught hers, silently sending her his strength and willing her to fight the debilitating fear.

“Is the idea of being home so abhorrent to you?” he said gently, a half-teasing note in his low voice.