Wisdom Seeds (29 page)

“Have you thought about college, Joshua?” Mom asked while she helped me clear the dishes.

“Yeah, I'm thinking about NC State or Johnson C. Smith.”

“Is that where your little girlfriend is going?” My dad inquired.

“She's not my girlfriend,” Josh blushed. “We're just good friends.”

“Are you seeing someone else?”

Josh shook his head no.

“Is she seeing someone else?”

Josh smiled, shaking his head no. “Not any more.”

“So you're really dating each other just not calling it dating.” My dad looked at me and I was glad Isaac had left.

Josh took the dishes into the house.

The performance was held in the auditorium at the high school down the street from the church. We arrived thirty minutes early and sat in the fourth row in the center section. Isaac joined us and sat next to me. Doug, Sheila and her parents sat with us and Andrea's family sat behind us. I was nervous for Josh. He had never done anything like this before and I wanted him to be great.

My concerns were premature and unnecessary. Josh was a natural comedian and had a very nice voice. Guilt tapped me on the shoulder. How had I missed that in him? I should have helped him nurture his talent.

For the finale, the cast danced to Stomp. Harvey and his frat brothers digressed to their college days on the yard and barked while the kids were stepping.

I intentionally avoided asking about my dad's health. Driving my parents back to the airport, I rationalized the avoidance was worth it. We had had a good time and my parents seemed to enjoy the weekend. If it had been anything serious, I assumed Mom would have mentioned it.

Leaving the airport, I smiled to myself. The sun was shining and I felt like those old wisdom seeds were finally beginning to bud, again.

“Thank you,” I whispered to Nana.

A week after the school year started we were on our way to the Singleton family reunion in Columbia, South Carolina. The previous year had been the first Labor Day we hadn't attended the reunion. In spite of my best intentions, our relationship with the Singleton's had diminished to phone calls, cards and an exchange of pictures. Josh needed his family and they needed to be a part of his life. Jason would have wanted it that way and I knew I would have to do better at making sure it happened. He left me with people who loved me and I needed to hang on to that.

We arrived at Maureen's house in Detroit on Thursday evening. Mr. and Mrs. Singleton arrived from Ann Arbor earlier that morning and greeted us as we drove up.

Maureen reminded me, several times, that Detroit was not that far from Pittsburgh. Ellis was a Lion's fan and planned to come to Pittsburgh when they played the Steelers. Maureen agreed to come, only if we could spend the weekend doing anything except watching football. Then she called Adrienne in Los Angeles and we talked for over an hour. Mrs. Singleton reminded us that we would all be together on Friday evening. Adrienne and her family were flying to Columbia in the morning. Our bus was leaving at midnight.

We arrived in Columbia at five o'clock Friday evening and rushed after checking in at the hotel because the dinner started at six-thirty.

“Are you nervous?” Josh asked sitting on the bed when he should have been in the shower.

“No, not really,” I lied. “We're here with family.”

“I'm sort of nervous,” he admitted. “I don't want people to keep asking if I'm alright.”

“Are you okay?” I asked to clarify for myself.

“I'm trying to be.” Josh bit his lower lip, then clenched his teeth. He had Jason's expressions. “I miss him so much,” he continued. “I'm not angry any more that he died, I just wish he was still alive.”

I sat next to him. “I know, me too. No one will ever take his place in my life.”

“Not even Mr. Isaac?”

“Not even Isaac,” I assured him. “If I ever fall in love again it will be different. I can't replace Jason.”

“Would I have to call Mr. Isaac ‘Dad' if you married him?”

“I don't have any plans to marry him,” I smiled. “We're just friends. If I ever plan to get married again, we can talk about what you call my husband at that time. Right now, it's not an issue.” Getting up from the bed I took a deep breath. “And no matter who I marry, Jason is always going to be your father. Nothing will ever change that.” My words felt good.

Josh hugged me and kissed me on the forehead. “I love you, Mom.”

“Show me how much and take a ten minute shower.”

While Josh was in the shower I cried. It had been a long time since I had had a good cry. Being with the Singleton's triggered memories and at the moment I missed Jason more than I could describe.

Most of Jason's relatives inquired as to how we were doing and had a favorite story they felt compelled to share with us. As I walked across the room to the buffet table I noticed Jason's cousin, Alexis. We weren't close enough to
speak and that was good because I was still angry about her comment at Jason's funeral. She told several people that it was nice of the Singleton's to remain involved in Josh's life.

Dinner conversation at our table was spent catching up on the past year. Maureen and Ellis added a deck onto their house. At twelve, EJ was becoming quite a basketball phenomenon and was claiming MVP for the year. Ten-year old Elise was an honor student and was planning to be an actress and a doctor. Her twin, Maurice, was taking guitar lessons and playing the drums and eight-year-old Monique was starting piano lessons because she wanted to write her own songs. Adrienne and Scott were looking at houses in San Diego because they wanted to get out of LA. Tiffany was six and starting ballet and tap dancing lessons. Although only ten, Chase had already decided that he wanted to be President of the United States.

I promised Maureen and Adrienne that I would maintain better contact and suggested we plan to visit at least yearly. They both wanted to be more involved with Josh and invited him to visit them. Maureen was planning a trip to Los Angeles for New Year's and suggested we come along.

On Sunday morning, during church service, I thanked God for the Singleton family. Keeping in touch with them would be a priority.

After an early dinner we went to the mall while the kids went to the movies.

“So how are you really doing?” Maureen asked at the jewelry counter.

I felt on the spot. “I'm okay.”

“Are you dating?” Adrienne passed a pair of earrings to me. “It's been over a year and you're still young.”

“Josh will be leaving soon,” Maureen added. “You don't want to end up by yourself.”

“I'm not dating,” I said handing the earrings back to
the sales clerk. “But I do have a friend that I go out with sometimes.” I waited for a response and intentionally avoided eye contact.

“Oh yeah?” Adrienne asked. “Just how friendly are you?”

“Just have a nice time friendly,” I told her. “It's nothing serious.”

“Well what's Mr. Nice Time Friendly's name?” Maureen wanted to know.

“Isaac. Isaac Turner.” I tried to sound nonchalant.

Adrienne was smiling. “When will we meet him?”

“When it gets serious.” I could feel myself blushing.

We bought matching ankle bracelets and took pictures at the photo booth. Our last stop was the Gourmet Pretzel store. Garlic for Adrienne, cinnamon raisin for Maureen and a pizza pretzel for me. We were quite a combination in the taxi going back to the hotel.

I was the first to cry at the airport later that night. Before Adrienne boarded the plane she made me promise to come to LA to bring in the New Year. I made her promise to send pictures of the kids.

Adrienne and Maureen hugged as if they weren't sure if they would see each other again. They were true sisters and the love between them was a bond that miles could never shatter. They still talked daily, as if they lived around the corner from each other.

When I got back to the hotel, there was a note from Josh on top of his suitcase so I could see that he was packed. He was in the game room with his cousins and Isaac had called. Isaac wasn't home so I left a message that I would call Monday night.

The bus ride back to Detroit didn't seem like fifteen hours. Josh stayed up all night so he slept most of the way. Pretending to be asleep, I thought about my life. Memories
filled the weekend and I hadn't thought about Isaac. Although I liked him more than I was comfortable admitting, it would be difficult telling him that I wouldn't be around for New Year's.

We arrived in Detroit a little after nine o'clock on Monday night. I was thankful for Maureen's offer to stay and leave the next morning. Mrs. Singleton was glad we were staying, too. I had already taken a personal day on Tuesday and Josh didn't mind missing a day of school. I called Isaac to let him know we wouldn't be back until Tuesday. Then I called Sheila. She wasn't home, either.

Mom Singleton made breakfast and we ate at seven-thirty before Ellis went to work. I helped Maureen get the kids ready for school and then we sat down to enjoy a cup of coffee with Mom Singleton. Pop Singleton showed Josh how to go over a car before a road trip. Then they took it to the gas station and filled the tank. That's what Jason used to do before we went away. We departed at ten-fifteen after many hugs, kisses, tears and promises.

We were finally settled into our house, Josh began his senior year and I contemplated going back to school to get my Principal certification. There were so many things I wanted to do at the school that were out of my current authority. I needed to be running my own building to make the changes I felt necessary. Andrea and I had also participated in several think tanks about the charter school movement. The idea of operating a college preparatory charter school was intriguing.

“I know what I want to do,” Josh announced one Sunday on our way to church.

“Do about what?”

“College, Mom. I know where I want to go.”

“Let me guess,” I smirked. “NC State.”

“No, Johnson C. Smith.”

“You must have really liked it when Dennis took you guys to visit.”

“There was something about it, and I like Charlotte.”

“Is that for school, or for basketball tickets?”

“For both,” he replied matter-of-factly.

“And because Syd will be at NC State?”

He was smiling. “No, not really.”

“Oh really? What about majors?”

“I don't know what I want to do yet, so it's cool. And besides, as long as Aunt Alicia is in Raleigh, I always have a place to go when I want to get away.”

“Josh you need to think seriously about picking a college.”

“I did Mom, really. I want to go to Johnson C. Smith. John and I are going to be roommates.”

We pulled into the church parking lot and all I could do was shake my head. It was seventeen-year-old rationale, and I didn't understand it.

Isaac's car was already in the lot. Josh walked over and greeted him with their usual handshake and it made me smile. Intentionally, I took my time walking over to his car so he would meet me half way. He always hugged me when we met and I liked that. This time, after he hugged me, he kissed me on the cheek. I blushed.

Sheila came in after Sunday School started and sat in the back. I caught up to her on our way to the Worship Center.

“Late night?”

“No, not really.” She batted her eyes. “Just a great time.”

Doug joined us as we entered the Worship Center and we all sat together.

Josh and I left immediately after service to continue our conversation. After much discussion, he applied to Johnson C. Smith, University of Michigan, University of Pittsburgh and Hampton. He wasn't able to give reasons for his choices, but he understood that it would be a four year commitment.

The school year was off to a good start for both of us and we were looking forward to spending Thanksgiving in Smithtown with my parents. Isaac planned to join us so I started praying early that we would have a nice time. When I called Rhonda about our visit she was excited, especially about meeting Isaac. While I was making plans, I called Maureen to coordinate our trip to California for New Year's. I was able to get a flight that landed forty-five minutes after hers which would keep Adrienne from having to make two trips to the airport.

October was a collage of earth tones as the leaves descended from the trees. It was beautiful, but I hated raking leaves. I made a mental note to remind Josh to bag the leaves on Saturday. As I was leisurely reading my Essence magazine, Josh came in from basketball practice in time to answer the phone. As usual, he raced to get it before the first ring ended. My stomach knotted when he yelled out ‘No'. He wasn't a prankster and the tone of his voice confirmed that something was wrong. I felt suspended in animation and unable to run to him.

My dad was dead of a heart attack. Shawn Campbell found him slumped over his desk.