Winter's Thaw (11 page)

She’d spent a lot of time with only her own thoughts for company by the time she was pulling into the long gravel driveway of her mom’s place. She rounded the house and pulled onto the small, paved section in front of the garage, and before she even had the car turned off, Cass was flying out of the house and making a beeline for the driver’s side.

“Mom! Mom!”

Maggie exhaled on a half laugh, half sob at the welcome sight of her daughter’s dear, excited face. She danced in place next to the driver’s door while Maggie turned the car off and grabbed her purse.

Cassie pulled open the door from the outside and was instantly on Maggie in an awkward but very necessary hug. “I didn’t think you were ever going to get here! What took you so long?”

“Come on, honey, let your mom get out of the car.”

Maggie gave her mom a half smile of gratitude and shared amusement, but it was bittersweet. Sympathy was etched on her mom’s face, making her look older than usual.

After finally getting out of the car and giving in to the overwhelming need to stretch, Maggie gave Cassie a proper hug. Then she hugged her mom, who clung tightly for an extra minute to whisper in her ear, “Probably need to do this right away. She’s been asking questions I couldn’t answer.”

Heart sore, Maggie nodded and gave her mom an extra squeeze before letting go. “Thanks, Mom.”

She gave Maggie a tentative smile then headed back into the house.

Cass, in one of those intuitive flashes where she demonstrated her growing awareness of the world around her, glanced quickly at the door her grandma disappeared through then focused back on Maggie. “I still don’t get why you had to go all the way home and why Grandma’s being so weird about it. Every time I try to talk to her about it, she changes the subject to food. What I want for dinner—do I want a snack—should she bake something for dessert.”

A fleeting smile crossed Maggie’s lips. “That’s your grandma for you.”

Cass wasn’t deterred and continued to study her closely. She was a smart kid and had some kind of sixth sense for when she was being put off.

“Okay, Cass. Let’s go in and sit down and I’ll answer all your questions.” Maggie took Cassie’s hand and led the way inside.

The television was on some sort of detective show in the living room, which must be where her mom had gone since she wasn’t in the kitchen, so Maggie instead went out to the sunroom. She sat on the couch and Cass sat next to her, not exactly cuddling, but still pretty close.

Maggie took a deep breath then exhaled, trying to decide where to begin. “Remember the night we got here? I got a phone call and after that I was super busy with calls and so forth, then left the next morning?”

Cass nodded. She was looking out of the window, but Maggie could tell that her entire focus was on the conversation. She braced herself to continue, “The phone call was from a police officer, telling me that your dad had been in a car accident.”

Cassie whipped her head to face Maggie. “Dad? Was he hurt?”

Oh God
. “Yes, honey.” She cleared her thickening throat. “They took him to the hospital, and that’s why I was flying back. But…on my way home…”

Pressing her lips together, she fought the emotions but moisture welled up in her eyes. “I don’t know how to tell you this.” Somehow needing to get it out before the tears overflowed, she also looked outside and forced herself to go on quietly, “Your dad died that morning.”

There was an immediate intake of breath but not another sound or movement from Cass for several long moments. Her weight seemed to increase its pressure along Maggie’s side where they touched. Maggie turned toward Cassie again, and she could tell from the lost and overwhelmingly painful expression on Cassie’s crumpling face that the words and their meaning had definitely registered—that Cass knew what it meant.

“What?” The rhetorical question was barely audible, but the next sentence was crystal clear. “Dad… No. Daddy. He can’t be dead. He’s not”—Cass made a windmill gesture that turned into a fist—“not…old. No, no…
nooooo
…” This last was not quite a word, more of a wail as her mouth dropped open and the tears began to fall for both of them. Maggie gathered Cass against her, halfway on her lap as Cass’ sobs became increasingly loud and hysterical.

At some point her mom had joined them and wrapped them both in her embrace. They all rocked together as they fought to get over that first blinding shock of Cassie hearing and processing the news. There would be more questions later, Maggie was sure—so much grief and anger and sadness to come. But the initial, painful blow had landed and Maggie let herself cry alongside her daughter—for her, with her. It was no less than Wade deserved. The man had been a devoted and loving father, and Maggie’s partner and best friend for so many years. It still didn’t seem real that she would never see him again, that Cass would have to go through all of the milestones to come in her life without Wade being there.

Even as she wept into her daughter’s hair, Maggie pressed her lips together in determination. She was going to have to be both parents from now on, the only parent, and concentrate all of her focus on Cassie.

All they had was each other now.

Chapter Ten

The quiet of the house was deafening, and Maggie sighed just to hear something. The second day of the school year. She’d known it was going to be hard to lose Cassie’s constant presence—she always got so used to it over the summer break. But this year it was even harder and more poignant.

So she’d sent Cass off to school on the bus this morning, then hadn’t done much of anything. After Maggie had informed Cassie’s new teacher in a quiet aside about Wade’s death at the school supply drop-off night last week, a conference had been set up a couple of days ago that included Maggie, Cassie’s teachers, the school counselor and principal. They would all keep a close eye on Cassie to make sure she was handling things okay as she transitioned back to school while continuing to deal with her grief. Maggie had been a bit surprised but gratified to learn that the counselor led a monthly lunch meeting with kids dealing with issues in their home life, including divorce and death. She’d had no idea, and wondered to the assembled group whether she should have informed the school about the divorce the prior school year. They’d assured Maggie that they hadn’t noticed it affecting Cass, and indeed, the impression had been that they were still a couple since they often showed up for school events as a trio.

Excited to be back with her friends, Cassie had actually spent that last few weeks looking forward to the first day of school. So had Maggie, in a way, but for a very different reason. With Cass practically glued to her side all summer, she hadn’t been able to do much of anything about Wade’s apartment. It was now on a month-to-month lease, and she really needed to get it cleaned out, but that was not something she wanted Cassie around for. As it was, the few times she’d gone over there while Cassie had spent time at Sam’s, she’d come home with mementos and things she wanted to keep, and it always set Cassie off to see them. Sometimes tears, sometimes just withdrawal. So she wanted to minimize the exposure.

She’d spent a good part of yesterday sorting and packing things there and really should be back at it today, but she needed a break—more just from the constant decision-making about what should stay, go and be donated.

Enough thinking. That’s all you do anymore, Maggie Jean
.

Speaking of which, she should really start sorting through Cassie’s clothes and start culling the too-small stuff, but she wasn’t in the mood. It might be time to dust off her résumé and start looking for a job, but she still wanted to be home when Cassie was, and not many jobs offered school-hour and holiday flexibility. Maybe something online, though…

Diverted by that thought, she made herself a fresh cup of coffee, then went into the office and sat down in front of the computer. She turned it on to boot it up. As it was going through start-up, she idly looked over the stacks of papers by the inboxes. She didn’t think all the paperwork for Wade would ever end.

Her gaze sharpened on a business card.

Nick
…

The mere sight of the card brought back the seductive memory of that crazy time early this summer, when she’d let her libido rule her brain. She’d spent a couple of months trying her best to forget those nights. And she’d been partially successful, especially during the days in which she’d had Cassie’s heartbroken reaction to losing her father to deal with, as well as all the myriad tasks and frustrations which came with dealing with the death of a family member.

She’d relegated Nick to a memory of a kind of mental breakdown, a doomed one-nighter—well, technically a two-nighter—with a kid in his twenties that couldn’t have possibly gone anywhere. She’d needed to grow up and focus on Cassie, not be selfish.

But Nick wasn’t easily forgotten. Sitting here now, Maggie could still recall very clearly the taste of Nick’s kisses, the solid weight of him, the trust-inducing way he’d cared for her. She stared at the card then reached out and picked it up. Turning it over, she spotted his personal email address written under his phone numbers.

Maggie glanced at the computer then back at the card.

What are the chances he still even remembers you
?

Well, he probably remembered her. But that didn’t necessarily mean he’d want to hear from her, especially after all this time. He could be dating someone. For all she knew, he had been when they’d gotten together. Or he could have just moved on and wouldn’t find her as attractive as when they’d been in the first rush of passion they’d shared.

If it had just been a physical attraction, it would be easy to toss the card and move on with her life. But Maggie still had a huge part of her that still missed Nick’s presence. That part of her wasn’t pulling any punches right now, goading her to give in and call him. Hear that deep voice saying her name.

She toyed with the card a bit longer, then set it down and walked away.

* * * *

A grand total of frustrating three hours later, she was back in the office looking down at the card again. She was too spooked to call and possibly hear dismissal in his voice, or worse, that he didn’t even remember her. After all, they’d only spent a handful of hours together, a long time ago. So instead, she decided to send him an email. She’d kept it brief, only a few sentences asking how he’d been and telling him she’d been fine, but it had taken her the better part of an hour to compose.

Hi Nick,

I hope you had a great summer and this finds you well. Sorry it’s taken me so long to get in touch. It was a very difficult and busy summer, but things are going okay now. I’ve been thinking of you recently and wanted to let you know how much I appreciate all you did for me during that dark time earlier this year. You certainly went above and beyond, and I’m very grateful. I’d love to hear from you when you have a chance.

Take care,

Maggie

To her shock and secret delight, he had replied almost immediately, and his warmth and personality rang through his missive, making her miss him even more.

Hi Maggie!

So great to hear from you! I’ve been thinking about you, too. Both you and Cass. I’m sure it’s been extremely hard, but you’re a very strong woman, and I know that you’ve been a rock for your daughter. I wish I could have been there to support you, and please know that the offer is open any time you need someone to lean on.

I’d love to hear your voice. Call me sometime. Anytime.

Hugs,

Nick

It was as though the conflicted part of her began to dissolve at his words. Simple words on a screen, but they reached in and touched her heart.

The self-loathing she’d felt after their couple of nights together had been hard to deal with, but she’d finally seen their brief affair for what it was—an affirmation of life. What had been hardest about it was how disloyal she’d felt to Wade, scant hours after his death, to have experienced elsewhere the passion she’d never felt with him—what he’d eventually gone to look for elsewhere.

She finally began to accept how upset his infidelity had made her, how much it had hurt her. Maggie had tried so hard to keep things peaceful for Cassie’s sake, she hadn’t given in to her honest right to her anger. And Wade had only benefitted from her tacit acceptance of his straying, getting off scot-free, which made her angry at his memory—creating a whole new level of guilt.

So many ‘what ifs’ had gone through her head, and the grief and guilt and exhaustion had all combined to make her do what she’d feared to be the stupidest thing she’d ever done—ruthlessly pushing a man like Nick out of her life. A man who was everything she’d never known she wanted, and who had treated her like some precious gift without thought for himself.

Now, Maggie had an opening for a second chance.

She smiled and hit reply.

Chapter Eleven

Maggie checked her inbox with more eagerness than she should have felt, hoping for a message, however impersonal, from Nick. Disappointment rang through her—nothing.

Since those first couple of stilted emails, they’d gotten into the habit of sharing their days and thoughts with one another via that medium and the occasional IM. Every few emails, he’d close with, “Call me sometime,” but not once in the past couple of months had she heard his voice. She hadn’t yet had the nerve to pick up the phone.

“Hey, Mom. Can I check my inbox too?”

Cassie was still very excited about having her very own email address. She corresponded mainly with Maggie’s mom and a couple of cousins, as well as a few school friends she saw every day anyway. “Sure, sweetie, let me switch over.”

“I can do it!”

“Okay, okay, go ahead.” Maggie slid out of the chair and ceded it to her daughter. She headed to the kitchen and heard a ping from the computer.

“Who’s Nick?” Cassie called.

Maggie’s heart almost stopped in her chest, and she hurried back to the computer. An IM box had popped up in the lower corner.