Winter's Path: (A Seasmoke Friends Novel) (6 page)

This was not helping my blood pressure one iota. It took a hell of a lot to get me riled and a hell of a lot more to calm me down once I was in that state. The thought of others treating her with anything other than what she deserved had me close to homicidal. Worse, was that she’d believed those lies. That much was obvious.

“Jenny—“

“It is what it is, Matt. You get used to it.” She rubbed her chest as if it hurt. “To answer your question, I only go out with men who are temporary for that reason. Guys who aren’t from around here see me as fun and pretty and worth the time of day. Then they’re gone. I chase that high. It’s the only time when...” She looked at me and my heart stopped. “The only instance where I’m not trash.”

Fucking son of a bitch. “You are not, nor have you ever been trash.” She didn’t respond, didn’t deign to look at me, and I nearly lost my shit. This had to have stemmed from somewhere. And not just mean kids at school being jerks or teasing her for her clothes. Some guy, somewhere along the way, had put the notion in her head she wasn’t worth more. Because outside of her love life, she was confident and assured. I ground my teeth. “Who was he?”

She wearily sighed. “Who?” When I didn’t answer, she glanced my way. A kaleidoscope of emotion swirled through her golden brown eyes—understanding, fear, resolve, shame—the last one most gutting. She faced the water. “It’s not a pretty story, Matt.”

Intuition had already warned me. “Talk. To. Me.”

Rubbing her eyes with her fingertips, she shook her head. “It’s over and done. Happened a long time ago. I haven’t told anyone and I don’t talk about it.”

My body was so effing rigid my muscles could’ve shattered with any movement. “I’m not just anyone. And I’m not screwing around.”

After a prolonged beat, gaze heavenward, she started talking. Her robotic voice was a direct contrast to her wet eyes, and I thought I was going to be sick. She used words like scared and pain and immobile and blood and scream, and I wanted to die. Fucking die. My stomach rolled in queasy waves the longer she went on, and air became non-existent.

Pausing, she bit her lip. “I walked home, showered, and took a lot of pain killers. Tried to forget. A week later, I met you on the beach.”

Soughing air, I looked at her, remembered the tiny waif of a girl she’d been back then, and it was like a goddamn knife wound to my chest with an acid chaser. Rage amped my pulse as tears burned my eyes. My sweet, gorgeous little Jenny. Held down. Bleeding. Broken. Crying.

“He raped you.” I could barely choke the words out. Saying them aloud made her experience seem even more vile.

“Can’t call it rape if I never said no. I was too confused, too shocked. I went with him willingly. I just realized his intent too late. Still, I never pushed him away or tried to stop him. I just laid there, hoping he’d finish quickly.”

I gagged at that image.

“I was a naive idiot.”

A growl ripped from my throat. “You were not an idiot. And it was rape.” Then something else hit me, a memory I’d all but forgotten. “That’s why you were dressed that way. The day on the beach, with the long sleeves and pants. It had to be a hundred degrees outside.” I shook with fury I’d never known possible. “You were hiding bruises.”

Slowly, she nodded. “Some sweet boy brought me a bottle of water and introduced me to his friends. And for the first time in my life, I was someone worth knowing.”

Christ Almighty. I rose from my chair and paced the deck. Shaking, I fisted my hands in my hair. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

Her shell was back up, defenses in place. I could tell by the lift in her brows, the wry twist of her mouth. “When? While we Skyped? In a text? How about with your friends around the bonfire? Hey, guys,” she drawled with thick sarcasm, “by the way, losing my virginity was a crappy experience. Let’s roast another marshmallow.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t make light of this. We were alone countless times. I could’ve—“

“What?” She launched to her feet. “You could’ve what? Held my hand? Patted my hair? Looked at me with pity in your eyes, like you’re doing right now?”

My hands clenched. “I’m your friend, darlin’. I care about you. I’d do anything for you. So pity is not conceivable. Concern, guilt, regret, empathy...but one thing no one should ever feel for you is pity. You’re strong and smart. But you didn’t have to be alone in this.”

“I was embarrassed, okay?” She covered her face as if she hadn’t meant the admission. Scrubbed her hands like she was trying to erase the past five minutes. Or the past twelve years.

That was the last straw.

I strode over, wrapped my arms around her, and held her to me as tightly as humanly possible without snapping her in half. I cupped the back of her head, pressing her face to my shoulder. Her arms came around my waist and her hands fisted my shirt. I couldn’t tell which one of us was shaking, perhaps both, but having her against me tampered the anger simmering, the gutting pain for the girl she’d been. I kissed her hair, breathed in her shampoo scent, and closed my eyes.

After who knew how long—days, years—she sighed. “He was just a stupid boy. He didn’t break me.”

I don’t know who she was trying to convince. And maybe this prick hadn’t broken her, but he’d left a scar. One she’d slowly developed into a wall to protect. The way she’d lived her life proved she still believed the shit he’d told her, otherwise she wouldn’t flitter from one relationship to the next like a demented butterfly.

“Where can I find this asshole now so I can beat the shit out of him?” Putting him in traction for the next decade sounded ideal. One call to Ian and Rick, and they’d be down here in a blink, too.

Her arms clenched around me as if to say thanks. “He got fat after high school and moved to Florida. You did punch him once, if it makes you feel better.”

I lifted my head to look down at her. “Say what?”

She nodded.

Gazing over her shoulder, I shoved memories aside in my mind, trying to recall...Wait. “That douche bag at the ice cream shop? Our first summer?”

“Yep. Besides Grampy, you were the first person to ever defend me. Swoon, Matt.”

I laughed, but it was ragged. Pure suspicion here, but something told me few had defended her since. And if memory served, Ian had landed a couple punches that day, too. “I should’ve hit him a few trillion more times.”

She patted my chest with a placating grin. “My hero. Now, I’m going upstairs to bed. This guy made me go shopping all damn day, then paint his living room. I’m wiped.”

God help me, she could unravel a person in seconds. Smiling, I wiped away the smudge of paint under her jaw. “Goodnight.”

Slipping out of my arms, she turned for the patio door. “And we will never speak of this again.”

Before she’d completely disappeared, I called her name, and she turned. “I meant what I said. You’re not alone.”

CHAPTER FIVE

Matt

July—Two Years Ago

S
till shocked at my behavior, I followed Cara’s directions to the pier and parked my car. She’d said very little since we’d left the nightclub together, and it was wringing my nerves raw. I was a bit of a good guy, a safe bet. Ergo, I’d never associated with the likes of a woman resembling Cara. I’d been instantly attracted to her and still didn’t know why.

Without a word, she climbed out of the car and headed toward the dunes. I followed, stepping under the stairs to the massive pier jutting out at least two hundred feet into the ocean. I’d never been down this way, but by the look of it, the pier was used by fisherman. This area was relatively deserted. No one wandered the beach. A few restaurants dotted both directions, but they were closed for the night.

Staying under the canopy of the pier, she walked the width of beach until her toes dipped in the ocean. I came up beside her, glancing up at the dark brown painted planks and beams overhead. It offered a false semblance of solace. Graffiti riddled the underside.

“Come here often?” I joked.

“Shh.” She stared straight ahead where the black water met the inky sky. Most of the view was blocked by the pier. “Do you hear that?”

Tilting my head, I listened. Waves lapping the shore. Palm leaves crackling in the wind. That was all. “No, nothing.”

“Exactly. Nothing.” Her voice was a contrast of smooth silk when she spoke and rough sandpaper when she laughed. A small smile curved her bright red lips and her short, dark strands tossed in the breeze. “People always try to fill silence with anything, ruin it, as if it had personally done something to them. It would be nice if they just let it be, not wreck perfection.”

Shaking my head, I stared at her profile. She was the craziest person I’d ever encountered in my life. A little funny, a lot beautiful, extremely mysterious...and I wanted a handle on her as much as I preferred her just like this. An enigma passing through my life. I got the impression she wasn’t completely aware I was with her any longer. Her lips would occasionally move as if having a conversation in her head.

We stood there for upwards of twenty minutes before she sighed. A heavy, expunging sound like she’d come to some kind of conclusion without including me in the debate. “I think, boy wonder, I shall like spending time with you.”

I laughed. “Yeah?” We’d said less than ten sentences in the span since we’d met. “What makes you say that?”

She turned to face me, a decisiveness about the move, and studied my expression. “Because from the time we left the bar to right now, you stopped noticing my tattoos and piercings and started seeing the person. I asked you to hush, and you did without getting defensive. You watched me, but never intruded. You, Matt, are capable of evolving.”

Okay. What does one say to something like that? “Evolving?”

Her grin was a tequila shot on an empty stomach. “You walked into my club—“

“Your club?”

“Yes, I own Tedium.” She waved that away as if insignificant. “You walked into my club looking like the all-American boy scout and left with the likes of me. I like men who aren’t judgmental and are open to new things. You’ve obviously never been on the other side of the tracks, and though you proceed with caution—smart, that—you remain in your tidy bubble. Twenty minutes, boy wonder. That’s how long you were in my place. You evolved in twenty minutes.”

She was either the looniest chick in existence or she was frighteningly intuitive. Either didn’t bode well. I was very, very out of my league. My gaze swept over her short, spiky strands and pale face, her eyes lined with coal. “And that’s why you left with me? My ability to not play the asshole card?”

Her face tilted heavenward and her smoky laugh filled the night. Then, she stared at me like I were a toy. “No, Matt. I left with you because I’ve never fucked a boy scout.”

I choked.

“Guess we both are capable of evolving.” She stepped closer and my heart puttered to a halt. Running her fingers down my abs, she unbuttoned my jeans, and I just stood there like an idiot, frozen. “I’ll bet you even have protection in your wallet, don’t you?”

“Yes,” I rasped. Not that I’d had reason to use the condom the past couple months. The woman I’d been dating hadn’t worked out and we’d parted ways a few weeks ago. “Maybe we should go somewhere?” Such as...somewhere not public.

Christ. Was I serious? I’d met Cara five damn minutes ago and—

“Or maybe we should stay right here.” Her fingers dipped behind my fly and...Holy Mother of God...wrapped around me like a glove. Zero to hard in less time than it had taken to learn her name. She rose on tiptoes and licked a path from my jaw to my ear. “I’ve never fucked a boy scout and I’ll bet you’ve never fucked a bad girl.”

No, I hadn’t. I’d been around the block, but not with anyone resembling someone like her. She stroked me, and I inhaled hard, closing my eyes, debating.

Sex on the beach. Go home. Decisions.

Her lips hovered over mine, and I stared down my nose at her, a little dizzy with all my blood rushing to my other head.

“Let me see if I can help you make an informed choice.” With a slow strip-tease, she shimmied out of her jeans, tank top, and panties, then leaned against a pillar wearing nothing but a come-fucking-hither smile.

I quickly glanced around, but we were still alone. Moonlight played over her skin, changed the depth of her tat sleeves to make them appear alive. She was so thin I could count her ribs, sickly almost, yet she had a sexual allure all her own. Something that screamed an odd contradictory combination of take-me and take-care-of-me.

What the hell? Why not?

With quick movements, I pulled the condom from my wallet and replaced it in my back pocket. I walked closer until the salty breeze couldn’t come between us and kissed her. She obviously wasn’t seeking gentle because she drove inside my mouth and stroked my tongue with the urgency of a woman needing air after being trapped underwater. A brutal, arduous kiss, and I had to wonder who she was punishing. She shoved my pants and briefs to my thighs, took the condom from my hand, and rolled it down my length.

Grabbing her waist, I lifted her and pinned her to the beam with my chest. She wrapped her legs around my hips and shoved her fingers in my hair. I wasn’t sure what the hell to do with my hands, so I cupped her ass with one and gripped the beam above her head with the other. She ground her hips, ate at my mouth, and I couldn’t tell night from day.

“Cara, let’s slow down.” I couldn’t even tell if she was wet enough to take me yet.

Her response? She fisted my base, rose enough to align me, and took me balls-deep inside her.

Later, after we’d righted our clothes, she winked at me. “Tomorrow. Same time, same place. I’ll buy you a drink first.”

And with a finger waggle, she walked away, leaving me standing on the beach, shaking, wondering what the hell just happened.

Jenny

Present

B
y low lamplight in Matt’s guestroom, I paged through his parents’ photo albums. I was hoping to find some pictures to put up around his living room, preferably on the non-accent wall we’d left white. While shopping earlier, I’d discovered these artistic unfinished frames in varying sizes. They almost looked like driftwood. Very cool. I thought it would be a nice housewarming gift.

So far, I had a great photo of his folks the year they’d bought the house, his mom very pregnant with Matt. I also had one of me and him the year we’d met, and one from this past summer. There was a wonderful shot of all six of us Seasmoke friends, arms around each other, from about three years ago. I’d be stealing a copy for myself as well as using it for him. I had one frame left and was searching for an updated picture of Matt with his parents that wasn’t too outdated.

My body was used to a different schedule. Even without the conversation with Matt weighing on my mind, one a.m. was a tad early for me to crash. My stomach knotted and my face heated again at the reminder of what I’d told him on the back deck. I’d never intended for Matt to ever know what Jared had done to me. It was so long ago it hardly mattered. But Matt was perceptive and by him pushing, I’d seemed to have no choice.

And now I felt like shit. He’d been obviously upset, and I feared he may never look at me the same again. I was damaged. He may not pity me, but it was embarrassing he knew a part of my past I’d worked very hard to rise above.

I flipped the page, pissed off. A song lyric idea floated to mind and I stored it for later. I wasn’t in the mood to write it down, and doing so would only inspire me to keep writing. I didn’t have my guitar with me, either.

Matt’s bedroom door opened with a quiet snitch of a hinge, and I stilled. I’d left my door open because I hated enclosed spaces, especially while asleep and defenseless. I hoped the light or my movements hadn’t woken him. He didn’t move for several beats, and then his footsteps padded on the hardwood floor.

As he came into view, my heart pounded. Stupid, but it was my visceral reaction to him every time. Twelve years and it hadn’t evaporated. Especially when he wore nothing but a pair of black nylon shorts and an uncertain expression. He stopped in the hallway outside my door and sighed, not meeting my gaze. He gripped both sides of the doorframe, leaning into his hands. Head hung, he stared at his feet.

I took in his lean, athletic build while he wasn’t paying attention. My panties grew damp, but that wasn’t unusual around him either. He was so damn beautiful. Not rugged or built. No edges or bulges. He was subtly sculpted as if created from stone. Slight ridges of a six pack, fair skin, defined biceps straining from his position. He didn’t have a lot of chest hair, but the strawberry-ish dusting created a goody trail to just below his navel and disappeared behind the waistband. Long, muscular legs. Big feet. Big hands.

Gentle hands that were always seeking touch. His mom was like that, too. Always hugging or reaching out for a connection. It had taken some getting used to, but over time, I hardly noticed anymore.

He ran a hand through his adorably messy hair and looked up at me. Our gazes locked from across the room and...there it was again. That moment from the car I’d convinced myself hadn’t happened. Lust and desire crashed with hesitation and remorse. Wrecked. He looked wrecked. Leave it to Matt to feel guilty for slipping into something more than friendship. If, in fact, I was reading him right. I couldn’t wrap tangible logic around the thought, though. Why now, after all this time? Which just proved this was my own hope and pathetic feelings muddling things.

My cell chimed on the nightstand, and we both jerked. Grateful for the distraction, I swiped the screen as Matt came deeper into the room to stand beside the bed.

He glanced at my phone. “Rock?” Sweet mercy, his rough voice had my girly parts begging. “As in, rock and roll?”

I cleared my throat. “As in, Rock of Gibraltar.” The smile Rock’s text brought to my lips couldn’t be helped.

The natives are restless. They were upset to learn you’re not taking stage this week.

Grinning, I thumbed a response.
I’m sure you got it covered, big guy. Tell them I’ll sing two songs next weekend.

Rock’s response was immediate.
You got it, Jen-Jen. Have fun while you’re off. And by fun, I mean the naked kind.

Throwing my head back, I laughed.
I’ll see what I can do. Night.