Winter Jacket (16 page)

“Sounds dangerous already,”
Cady quipped.  She leaned back in her chair.

“She spent
the night last night,” I said.  I dipped my finger into the foam of my drink, dashing out the heart shape.

“And the problem is?”

I looked up. “She used to be one of my students.”

Cady’s lips pursed. “
‘Used to be’ as in years ago, or ‘used to be’ as in last week?”

I rested my forehead in the palm of my hand. “Last semester,” I groaned.

Cady whistled lowly. “I don’t know if I should high five you or call Child Services.”

“She’s 20,” I snapped, irritated. “Practically 21. I’m not going to jail.”

The cocky look on Cady’s face turned to concern, and she leaned in slightly. “It’s not going to get you fired is it?” she asked in a lower tone.  “It’s not, I don’t know,
illegal
at your school or something?”

I shook my head. “I’m not her instructor anymore and don’t have any control over her grades, so it’s not a conflict of interest. There’s no written rule that says I shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Doing
Hunter
you mean.”

I set my jaw hard. “Right.”  I couldn’t tell
if this amused her or if this was a defense mechanism to hide her animosity.  I didn’t think she had a reason to be angry with me though.  Not justifiably so, at least.  We’d been broken up for nearly a year, and it wasn’t like she’d been celibate since the break up either.

“So if there’s no written rule against it,
” she asked, “what’s your concern?”

“It’s still, I don’t know, frowned on?  And there’s the age thing to consider,” I added.

“I know plenty of couples, straight and gay, who are more than a decade apart in age,” Cady pointed out.

“But that’s never been
me
,” I said emphatically.  “Two or three years, sure.  But not
nine.
”

“So was this just a one-time thing? Or do you genuinely see yourself in a relationship with this girl?”

“That’s the thing I don’t know,” I admitted miserably.  And it was the truth.  I didn’t know.  I’d admittedly been a little obsessed with Hunter since she was originally my student.  And now that we’d slept together, I kept waiting for that inevitable thrill to fade and my eye to get caught by the next cute thing in a short skirt.  The thrill was still there though.  But I didn’t know if it would fade like it always did.  I couldn’t tell if this was worth the risk.

“Elle, you know I love you,”
Cady started cautiously, “so don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you should stop sleeping with this girl until you figure out what it is you want from each other.  If it’s just physical, that’s fine.  But everyone involved should be on the same page.  Talk to this girl,” she urged. “Figure it out so no one gets hurt.”

I nodded, agreeing.  I knew all this, but it somehow helped to hear another person confirm it.  Most of all I think I was just looking for permission to even entertain the thought that I could start a healthy relationship
with someone so much younger than me.  Cady hadn’t exactly given me that, but it was better than nothing.

“Because speaking as someone whose heart you’ve recently trampled,” she unnecessarily added, “it’s a total bitch to not be on the same page as you.”

+++++

I left Cady at Del Sol’s and returned home in hopes of getting some work done. 
I had a stack of student outlines to struggle through while trying
not
to think about Hunter.  At present, however, I was failing miserably.  My entire being was on edge.  I erratically checked and re-checked my campus email every few minutes, waiting for an email from her.

I hadn't yet told Troian or Nikole what had happened the previous night.
They no doubt assumed that something noteworthy had happened though because my phone kept buzzing from text messages and missed voicemails, demanding to know where I was and what had happened last night. For the moment, I refrained myself from calling or texting them back. I still wasn't sure what had happened myself.

When I heard a sharp knock at my front door, I assumed that Troian and Nikole had given up on trying to call me and were coming to confront me face-to-face.
I peered through the inset window and immediately recognized the figure standing on my front porch.  It wasn’t Troian and Nikole.  My chest tightened, and I threw the door open.

"
Hunter."

“Hi.”
She stepped close and gave me a brief, but lingering kiss, barely raising up on her toes to reach my lips.  Her mouth was just as soft as I remembered, but the kiss itself was firm and assertive. It felt familiar and not forced as if this was a regular routine – her coming over at the end of the workday and kissing me hello.

When she pulled away, m
y fingers went to my lips. I hadn’t expected a greeting like that.  She tasted like strawberries. 

"You left." I knew I sounded a little pouty.

She pulled off her oversized knit hat and fussed with her hair. Her hair was down, long and curled into loose spirals. She looked like perfection. "I had to go to the hospital to meet with someone about my internship.  I couldn't lounge around your house all day."

"I didn't know how to get in touch with you."

"You know where I live," she reminded me. "And you have my e-mail."

"Yeah, but email felt too impersonal," I bristled, "and I didn't want to seem
like a stalker just showing up at your place."

"Kind of like I
’m doing right now?" she pointed out with a cheeky grin.  “And like I did last night?”

She had a point.
"Kind of."

She walked past me and into my house,
her shoulder brushing against mine. My eyes shut of their own accord.  "You're resourceful,” she said. “You'd figure something out."

"You give me too much credit."
Recovering, I tossed my phone at her.  She caught it and gave me a perplexed look. "Put your number in there."

She arched an eyebrow.
"Are you always so charming when you ask for girls' phone numbers?"

"Again, giving me too much credit," I said. "I may be older, but that doesn't mean I have more experience than you with these kinds of things."

When she gave me my phone back, she stroked her fingertips over my palm. "Oh, I don't know.” Her voice dropped low, conspiratorially. “I thought you had plenty of experience last night."

I cleared my throat and took a few steps backwards, putting more space between us.
Cady's advice played over and over in my head. I needed to figure out what exactly this was before I could entertain the possibility of Hunter and I being intimate again. And with her standing so close, I could think of little else but how good she smelled and how much I wanted her naked and in my bed again.

"Are you hungry?" I asked, turning away.
 I walked back in the direction of the kitchen and started rearranging stacks of unopened mail on the countertop.  I didn’t trust my idle hands.

"I could eat," she said, following me to the kitchen.

"Do you like Chinese? I could get delivery?" I offered. I realized I hadn't been to the grocery store in weeks.  I wouldn’t have been able to impress her with my minimal cooking skills even if I’d wanted to.

Hunter
leaned her elbows on the kitchen island. The scooped neck of her shirt dipped low enough to provide a view of not only her chiseled collarbone, but also the slight swell of her breasts. I had to forcibly look away. Everything about her was tight, firm, and feminine.

"Or we could order something else," I said. I sifted through the stack of take-out menus I kept near the landline.
 A benefit of living in a college town was the number of restaurants that delivered. I liked cooking, especially when it wasn't just for me, but I liked convenience even more. "I like Chinese, but I’m always hungry a few hours later.”

Even though I couldn’t bring myself to look at her,
I could still feel her eyes on me. "I'm sure we could find something else to eat if that happened." Her tone let me know she wasn't planning on rummaging through my pantry.

"So, Chinese?" I was proud of myself that my voice hadn't cracked like a prepubescent boy's.

Her bottom lip stuck out a little further than usual, but she made no further suggestive comments or complained about my deflections. I didn't want to reject her advances or entirely dismiss her attempts at flirting, especially because I didn't want her to think I was giving her the brush off. However, I needed to use some restraint with her.

"Chinese sounds great, thanks. Can I use your s
hower? I came straight from the hospital, and I'm feeling a little grungy."

"Of course you can." I was already on my way to the hallway linen closet to get her a clean towel. “Do you need something to change into?"

"Do I really need clothes?"

"I, uh."
For having so many advanced degrees, it didn't take much for me to get tongue-tied around her.

For the second time since she'd arrived, she stepped close – too close – close enough for me to smell her skin.
I knew that if I licked along the narrow column of her neck it would taste salty.

"You can use the shower down here or the one upstairs in the master bedroom." I held the folded towel between us like a protective shield. "Your choice."

Hunter took a step back and cocked her head, nonplussed. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Wrong? No. Why?"

"You just...I feel like I'm throwing myself at you and you're ignoring me."

“I’m sorry if I’m making you feel that way.” 
My hands went to her hipbones and I squeezed. I pulled her a little closer – as close as I dared; she smelled like sunshine. "I'm horribly attracted to you, Hunter. It's taking all of my willpower to behave right now."

She
frowned. "Why do you have to behave?"

"I just don't know if we should..."

She looked horrified. "Was it not good?" She tried to pull away, her ego no doubt scarred, but my arms around her waist drew her back in.

I nuzzled my nose in the crook of her neck.  “Don’t doubt yourself,” I solemnly murmured
against her skin.  “Last night was amazing. 
You’re
amazing, Hunter.”

I felt her rigid body relax beneath the soft caresses.  “Then why do you keep putting on the breaks?”

I pulled back, just far enough so I could look her in the eyes. Steely blue eyes full of worry and inadequacies stared back at me. "I just want us to get to know each other better before we think about having sex again." I kissed the tip of her perfect nose. "I know it seems backwards, doing this
after
we've already had sex, but I want to do this right and not have a relationship that's based on the physical stuff." I scrutinized her beautiful features, searching for a reaction. "Is that okay with you?"

Hunter
nodded, but her eyes looked watery.  I latched onto her biceps and peered into her face. "Hunter." I loved the way her name felt falling off my tongue. I loved that I could hold her like this.  I loved that I could say her name out loud without feeling guilty – well, not entirely.  "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She wiped at her eyes. "You're just not like anyone I've ever been with before."

I smiled mildly. "That's because I'm not a boy."

She shook her head. “I think there’s something else.”

"Can I take you on a date?" I inelegantly blurted out.  The words felt immature in my mouth, but I couldn’t take them back.

Her eyebrows rose. "Sure. What did you have in mind?"

"How do you feel about fish?"

+++++

CHAPTER NINE

When I drove up to the curb in front of her apartment the following Saturday, Hunter was already waiting outside on the front stoop.  I wasn’t late, so I was curious why she was waiting for me there.  I parked my car and got out.  I wondered if there was a reason she didn’t want me to see the inside of her apartment.  Maybe it was messy and she hadn’t had time to pick up.  Or maybe she had roommates and they were home, and she wasn’t ready to introduce me.  I didn’t want to read into it too much though; I was already too cerebral with this girl.

I had finally caved and told Troian, who then promptly told Nikole, about my night with Winter Jacket.  As expected, my friend was a mixture of jubilation and worry.  She voiced every concern I had about pursuing a rel
ationship with a former student, but she also didn’t judge me for having gone through with it.  Like the good friend she was, she was mindful of my career, but also said that if Hunter could make me happy, she was happy for the both of us.  It was exactly the kind of pep talk I had needed.