Wings of the Wicked (27 page)

“You know them,” Michael said, but I could barely make out his words. “They are …”

But the wind was too loud, the snow too thick. I couldn’t hear anything. All I heard was a dull roar; I felt the stinging bite of winter, and then someone else’s voice tore me from my memories.

“Wake up, Ellie, and relax,”
a voice whispered in my head. It was so gentle and soothing that I took a long, deep breath and melted into the bed. I had every reason to relax. I would be happy if I relaxed.
“You’re safe. Relax.”
As soon as I obeyed, warmth spread through me and pushed away the dark. I settled deeper into the rumpled blankets, not smiling, but not angry. Just content.

“Ellie?” The second voice, a voice I knew and ached for, I heard with my ears and not my mind. I opened my eyes and looked up into Will’s face. He leaned over me, his warm hand brushing my hair back, his eyes so bright I had to squint when I looked into them. His face was pale and raw as if he was frightened and tired. I wanted to speak to him, tell him that we were safe, but my lips wouldn’t work.

“You’re going to break your necklace if you keep lashing out,” he said gently.

I didn’t look away from Will. I wanted to reach up and touch him, but my arms felt like they were filled with sandbags and sewn together with thread. He leaned over me, and his hands fumbled at something around my neck and then lifted an object off my skin. It was so bright, so blinding white that I couldn’t even make out its shape. I slit my eyes against the brightness, but it seemed that I was the only one who was affected. Will set the blazing object down behind him and brought his hand back to stroke my face.

“Are her eyes back?” Nathaniel asked from somewhere near me.

“She’s back,” Will said.

A shadow fell over my face, but my gaze was still locked on my Guardian. I couldn’t look away even if I wanted to.

“Not for long,” Nathaniel murmured. “I don’t know how long I can hold her mind. She’s pounding at the wall with everything she’s got. I’ve never seen her this bad. Those other times, all I had to do was put her to sleep and she was back to normal when she woke up. But this …”

Will smoothed a hand over my hair, brushing it away from my face. “She’s still in there. She’ll come back.”

“We can’t let her lose it again,” Nathaniel said. “She can kill us, Will. You know this. You saw what she did to that demonic vir, and she almost killed you back at the house. I know you love her, but you have to remember that we must protect ourselves as well as her. Lauren is downstairs, terrified. We must be prepared to do
anything
—”

“I’ve told you what I’m willing and not willing to do,” Will said through gritted teeth.

“Sometimes there is no choice.”

“I can’t …” he breathed, trailing off. “She’s just a—”

“She’s just a what?” Nathaniel asked, cutting him off. “Just a girl? She’s
not
just a girl, Will. She’s an
archangel
. In
human form
. Every emotion she feels risks overloading, and then she loses herself to it. Gabriel knows and understands that if she becomes dangerous—”

“She’s not Gabriel!”
Will roared, but his booming voice didn’t make me even flinch. I was too perplexed by the lines of fury on his face, the rigidness of his muscles, to really be listening to his words. I ached to hold and soothe him, but I still couldn’t move. Then he deflated, and his voice became low and faint. “She’s not Gabriel. She’s just … Ellie.”

When he said my name, I melted deeper into the bed as if his voice were a lullaby. Nathaniel was silent and Will relaxed after a few moments, his eyes returning to mine. His hand touched my face again, thumb brushing along my jaw. My eyes fluttered shut for a moment.

“We’ve got to go back and clean it up,” Nathaniel said. “We’ve got some time before anyone notices the damage in the house or the humans missing.”

“How?” Will snapped. “We can’t leave her alone. What if she wakes up while we’re not here? While Lauren’s here? We can’t leave her alone until she’s lucid.”

“That could take days. You stay with her and I’ll clean up.”

He shook his head, and I weakly shook my own, in a daze, to mimic him. “No. I won’t be able to stop her if she breaks free. You can put her under, I can’t, and I refuse to strike her. I will
never
hit her, Nathaniel, and I will
never
kill her to stop her from killing me. Not even when she loses control. You can’t ask me to do that. I can’t do it. I won’t do it. I’d give my own life before I’d ever take hers for any reason.”

A long moment passed, and I was still hypnotized by Will’s jeweled eyes. I wanted to touch him so badly, to feel him, and finally my hand twitched, fingers reaching up. His gaze fell to my hand and he swallowed hard. I was confused. There was fear in his beautiful eyes now. Why would he be afraid of me?

“She’s coming out of it,” Nathaniel said. “I’ll stay. You go clean up the scene. There is a book in my office, second shelf from the bottom. I believe page six hundred four will tell you what spell you’ll need to use. Get rid of any of the reaper blood. That includes ours. Leave only her mother’s. The scene has to look like a typical homicide. Do you understand?”

Will glared. “Yes,” he hissed. “I get it. Just keep her asleep until I return. We can try again later to bring her back. Don’t try it on your own. She will kill you.”

“Don’t worry about me. Now go.”

Will paused before he looked back down at me. The backs of his fingers brushed my temple gently, and he leaned over me, the mattress shifting beneath us. He kissed my cheek, letting his lips linger. “I love you,” he whispered as he touched his forehead to mine. “Please don’t hate me when you come back to me. I’m doing the best I can.”

Then he was gone.

My eyes snapped open. I turned my head to look around, but the beating of my pulse on the inside of my skull made me squeeze my eyes shut in pain. The pressure was so strong that I groaned and pressed my palms to my forehead.

“Ellie,” called a voice.

I opened my eyes to see Nathaniel crossing the room. He knelt by the bed. Will’s bed. I was in Will’s room, but Will wasn’t there.

“How are you feeling?”

I was puzzled by the worried look he gave me. He also looked exhausted. “Hey, Nathaniel. I feel terrible, like I’m hung over. Was I drinking?”

He shook his head, and that worry spun into sadness. “No. I’m glad to see you’re awake.”

I frowned up at him. “Yeah, I guess. I’m fine. My head just
hurts
. What am I doing here? I thought I left to go home.”

“Ellie …” His gaze drifted away.

Then I saw the blood and dust caked across my clothes and skin as if I’d bathed in it. Seeing it, I remembered why I was there, and my veins filled with ice. Images flashed through my head, each stabbing like cold metal as it hit me. My past human incarnations, feathered wings splashed with blood, winds blowing the dust of ancient cities over barren landscapes, silver blades clashing with silver blades and ripping flesh. My mother. My father. The thing that killed her killed them both. Will tried to stop me and I hurt him. He tried to pull me away from my mother’s body, and I’d nearly killed him.

“No,” I breathed.

“Ellie.” Nathaniel’s voice was calm and cool.

I shook my head, weakly at first, then furiously. “No.
No!
” More images flashed in my mind, but I couldn’t handle them all at once. They were tearing my brain apart. I sat up, scrambling off the bed, and my feet touched the carpet. Nathaniel moved with me, keeping himself between me and the door.

“Ellie, relax.”
His voice was in my head, warm and comforting, but no. No!

“My mother!” I shrieked. “Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
” My entire body shook and I covered my mouth with my hands. I dry-heaved agonizingly.

“Ellie, please!” Nathaniel cried.
“Sleep, sleep!”

I ignored the voice in my head, his mind tricks. “Where’s Will?” I cried, knocking Nathaniel’s hands away when he reached for me. “Where is he?
Where’s Will?
”

“Stop! Ellie, stop
now
!” He was shouting now, giving up on controlling my mind. I was too strong for him in every way.

I shoved my hands into his chest with a burst of power, and his back hit the far wall. Bones cracked and he moaned in pain, but I didn’t watch him hit the ground. Making a dash for the bedroom door, I slid on the carpet and into the hallway wall. I screamed Will’s name as I ran down the hall, knocking over an end table and a vase and smacking into the balcony railing overlooking the living room. I screamed wordlessly as I flung myself down the stairs, slipping again at the bottom. Pushing through the pain shooting up my legs, I dragged myself to my feet and scrambled for the kitchen.

The front door burst open and I felt the warm rush of Will’s presence. “Ellie!”

I doubled back and flung around the corner toward the foyer. He was there in the open front door, his white wings spread wide as if he’d just landed, his chest heaving, out of breath. I threw myself into his arms, the only place I felt safe, the only thing I had left, and we sank to the floor as I sobbed and wailed. He whispered something to me, stroking my hair and holding me close, but I couldn’t hear him. I screamed for my mother, screamed for my family over and over until my throat and lungs burned and became useless.

I pulled away from him and struggled to my feet, wiping at my face, my legs trembling as I backed away. My tears streaked through someone else’s blood on my face. “I have to go back,” I sobbed. “I have to take care of her.”

“It’s done,” Will said, standing and reaching for me, his own hand and voice shaking. His wings lifted and spread as much as they could in the house. “Come to me.
Please
, Ellie. Come to me.”

“I have to take care of her!” I was so hysterical that I wasn’t sure if any of my words were even comprehensible. He grabbed my arm as I twisted away from him. I pounded my fist on his arm and he cried out but kept his grip firm. “Let me go! Let me go to her!”

He yanked me around and threw me back onto the floor as I screamed and flailed against him. He leaped over me, straddling me, pinning both my arms over my head, and the shadow of his wings blanketed us both in darkness. His power shoved me deeper into the floor, so strongly I could barely move, the countless rivulets of inky smoke spreading over me and on the floor around me until I felt like I was falling into shadows, suffocating in them. I screamed and swung my head side to side, yanking my arms down and kicking my legs, but he wouldn’t give an inch.

“Let me go!”
I shrieked the words over and over until I stopped thrashing. I shuddered and lay still, breathless and voiceless from exhaustion. My lips moved, but nothing came out except for tiny whimpers.

“Ellie.” His voice was soft and cracked with pain as he pressed his forehead to mine. “Ellie, please. Stop.
Please, stop.
”

I went limp heavily, sobbing, my lungs and throat shredded. His grip loosened, but even though I stopped struggling against him, he didn’t release me.

“Ellie,
please
. Please, stop fighting me. Please, stop.”

I stared out at the desolate desert of snow and ice that covered the lake behind Nathaniel’s house. The wind blew cruelly, pitching up clouds of white powder and casting it toward the trees and the porch where I sat. I pulled the blanket wrapping my body tighter and didn’t push my hair out of my face as it whipped around my head. I barely noticed the frigid air, since I was already so cold inside.

“Ellie,” Lauren said as she slid the porch door open. “You’ve been out here long enough today. You’re going to freeze to death.”

I didn’t reply. She hesitated for a few seconds before going back in and shutting the door behind her. It wasn’t long before the door opened again and I sensed Will. I ground my teeth together to keep myself from shouting at him. He stepped slowly across the porch and knelt in front of me, resting both his hands on the sides of my chair. I glared down at him, and he only gave me a gentle gaze in return.

More memories flooded my head, and I buried my face in my hands, whimpering. “Go away,” I snarled hoarsely.

“You need to talk to me.”

I dropped my hands. “I’m telling you to go away.”

His mouth tightened in frustration for a split second. “Please, Ellie, come inside before you freeze to death.”

I snarled and spoke slowly, emphasizing each word so he knew that I was dead serious. “You framed my real father for my mother’s murder. If you don’t get the hell away from me right now, I’m going to punch your head right off your shoulders. You know better than anyone how capable I am of that.”

After a long, painful moment, he stood. Instead of looking up at him, I stared at the snowy porch floorboards.

“I am sorry, Ellie,” he said, his voice cold and formal. “But everything I do is to protect you at any cost, even if it means sacrificing your father’s reputation. I’m sure he was a good man, but for years the thing you knew as your father wasn’t him. It is a tragedy what happened to your family, but you have to understand that we cannot risk exposing our world to the human world. I hope one day you will forgive me.”

I looked up to meet his steady gaze.
Our
world. My family was my world. This nightmare I fell into the day I turned seventeen could never change that. I wanted to fly to my feet and hit him and scream at him, but it would do me no good. In truth, I was terrified of letting my emotions go. I’d lost control of my power for the first time in a long time, and from what little I could piece together from my memory, I’d hurt Will and Nathaniel. I’d hurt them badly, and I felt terrible for it. But my regret couldn’t make me forgive Will for what he’d done to my father’s name.

His gaze narrowed and darkened at me. “Your mother fought like hell for her life, and here you are ready to throw your own away.”

He turned and walked back into the house.

I didn’t follow him. I pulled out my phone. There were eleven voice mails. All of them were from Kate, one of my only remaining ties to the human world. It was just me and the darkness now.