Wind Rider (36 page)

“Lieutenant Gilmore was never my lover,
Ryder. I lied. I did it to keep him from arrest
ing you and sending you to prison. He said he
had irrefutable proof that you rode with Sioux
renegades. He wanted to become my lover, but
thank God it never came to that. I told you we
were lovers so he would leave you alone.”

“Perhaps you
should
have taken him for a lover.” Hannah stared at him. He no longer sounded like the Ryder she knew. This Ryder seemed to have no
⁷
heart, no spirit.

“You are the only man I want. We can be
together now.” She reached out to place a palm
against his bronzed chest. She felt the erratic beat of his heart, felt the ripple of his corded muscles beneath his flesh, felt the heat and
strength of his body, and longed to experience
once again the depth of his passion.

Ryder sucked in a ragged breath, recoiling
from her touch. He closed his eyes and moaned,
feeling the violent surge of his manhood
beneath his breechclout and knowing that
he was being tested. He had lost the right
to take Hannah as he ached to do. He should
have realized she had lied about loving the
blue coat. He didn’t deserve Hannah’s love.
Without eyes fie wasn’t a whole man. Not
until
Heammawihio
gave him back his sight
would he touch her. It was his punishment
for failing the woman he loved. He had
no idea what the Great Spirit wanted of him, but he would know when the time
came.

“Ryder, don’t pull away from me. Don’t you understand? I love you. I want no one but you.
There is nothing now to keep us apart.”

“You are wrong, Little Sparrow. I am not
worthy of your love. I should have known you would not be false to me, but my pride blinded
me. This is
Heammawihio’s
way of telling me
that pride is a good thing, but love and trust
are more important. I failed you.”

“Just tell me you love me, Ryder, and nothing else matters. I will be your eyes.”

Ryder shook his head sadly. “It is not the right time.”

Hannah’s Irish temper flared. “When is the right time?”

“I will know when it arrives.”

“What if I’m not here when you decide it’s
time for us to be together? Perhaps I won’t wait
for that day to arrive.”

“I will find you.”‘

“Ryder, this is ridiculous.” She could tell by the stubborn set of his jaw that her words did
not influence him. His belief in Indian superstition and lore was too strong. He thought he
was being punished, and nothing would change
his mind. Because he was blind he considered
himself unworthy of her love.

What about their baby? she wondered dimly.
How could she burden him with a child while
his mood was so negative? She couldn’t. Tell
ing him he was going to be a father would
drive him even further into depression. She’d
just have to wait, and hope, and pray.

“What are you going to do? What am I going
to do?”

Ryder turned his face in her direction. “You
will remain here with Zach and Abby. I will
return to the Black Hills.”

“You will join Red Cloud?”

“I am of no use to the People as I am. I
will remain in the hills until I learn what it
is
Heammawihio
wants of me.”

“No! You can’t leave, not when we have found
each other again. I won’t let you go.”

She threw her arms around his neck, pulling him close, until his arms opened to bring her
tightly against his chest. She pressed her lips to
his and opened her mouth, inviting his tongue. She felt the hard rise of his manhood against
her stomach and tilted her hips until he fit
snugly against her soft, aching core.

Ryder groaned, grasping her face between his palms and thrusting his tongue into her
mouth. She tasted sweet, sweeter than honey.
His hips jerked forward, and his solid length
slid effortlessly into the heated hollow between
her thighs. Moaning her need into his mouth,
Hannah pulled him atop her, bending her knees
to cradle his hips between her thighs. Her
dress slid upward around her waist, giving
him ample access to her secret treasure. She
waited breathlessly for the hot thrust of his
manhood inside her.

Lost in a haze of need, Ryder nearly forgot
all the values he’d been taught by his Cheyenne
father. He had practiced restraint for many
years before the Great Spirit brought Hannah McLin into his life, and he could do so again.
With an effort that nearly cost him his sanity,
he pulled from her embrace, panting to gain control of his senses.

Disappointment surged through Hannah.
Had she lost Ryder forever? What if he never regained his sight? What would happen to her and their baby if he left and never came back? “Don’t leave me, Ryder, please. I want you.”
How could he reject her after she’d bared her soul to him?

“I have no right to touch you. Not until I
know
Heammawihio’s
plan for me.”

“Why do you think your God is angry with you?” She was growing angry now.

“He took away my sight.”

“Then go! Do what you must; I won’t stop
you.” She flung away from him. Why must he
be so damn stubborn?

Flouncing from the bed, Hannah left the room, slamming the door behind her.

“I love you, Little Sparrow.” His words echoed
hollowly in the empty room.

“I really need your help, Ryder,” Zach said earnestly as he and Ryder walked toward the barn. “I want to take Abby and the baby back East to
meet my family, and I need someone to look
after things on the farm. I have a good man
in the freighting office in Denver, but no one to keep an eye on the farm and the several
hundred head of cattle I run on my land. In
addition to the original homestead, I bought
several parcels of land adjoining mine when
they became available.”

I
cannot keep an eye on things if I do not
have two good eyes,” Ryder reminded him.

“You and Hannah will do just fine here in
our absence. I know you will. In payment I’ll
deed to you several hundred acres fronting the
river that I don’t use. One day you and Hannah can build your own home on the land. I haven’t
been home for a visit in years/’

They had reached the barn now, and Zach placed a hand on Ryder’s shoulder, guiding him
through the door. “What you ask is impossible,
Zach. You need a man who is whole to oversee
your interests. I will not be staying on with you
and Abby.”

“What! What about Hannah? For God’s sake,
man, she loves you. I don’t know what it is with you two, but I’m sure it can be worked out. You
remind me of Abby and me not too long ago.
How foolish we were to battle each other when
all the time we loved one another desperately.”
He shook his head. “So much time wasted.
Learn from me, my friend.”

Ryder sensed that Zach had stopped walking
and halted beside him. Ryder’s keen sense of smell told him they were inside the barn. His
nostrils twitched with the pungent odor of
horse and straw and leather. He heard Zach
moving around behind him and turned his
head in Zach’s direction. Shock shuddered
through him when he found himself staring
at a bright light.

“I just lit the lantern, Ryder,” Zach explained
when he saw Ryder swivel in his direction. “It’s
pretty murky in here.”

Unable to speak, Ryder watched in growing excitement as the light wavered back and forth. He heard the crunch of Zach’s footsteps and realized that he was moving away, carrying the
light with him. And then, miracle of miracles,
he made out a shadow; nothing definite, but it
had been more than he’d been able to see in
days. Unfortunately, this miracle was of short
duration. A black mist slowly drifted before his
eyes, bringing darkness with it.

“No!” The single word was a harsh cry of anguish, raw and wretched.

“Ryder, what is it?”

Ryder heard Zach hurrying to rejoin him
and he strained forward, searching for the
light, but it did not reappear. Ryder was left
wallowing in a black void. What did it mean?
Was
Heammawihio
trying to convey a message
to him?

“Nothing. It is nothing.” Ryder thought it made little sense to tell Zach about something that he might have imagined.

“I heard you cry out.”

“It is nothing, I tell you.”

Shrugging his shoulders, Zach didn’t try to pry further into Ryder’s secret thoughts. Obviously, Ryder preferred not to talk about the
demons driving him. “Come on; let’s get out
of here. You need to get on a horse and ride until the cobwebs clear from your head. And while we’re riding, I want you to think seriously about staying on here while I take Abby and the baby back East.”

“I will think about it, but I will not change
my mind. Soon I will leave and go into the
hills. I hope you will provide Hannah with a
home for as long as she wants one.”

“Do you think that’s fair to Hannah?”

“What is fair? Is it fair for her to tie herself
to a blind man? Is it fair that Indians are being driven to reservations? Is it fair that whites de
spise me because I was raised by the Cheyenne?
No, brother-in-law, nothing in life is fair. I am
thinking of Hannah and what is best for her.
If the Great Spirit restores my sight one day, I will return.”

If there were answers to Ryder’s questions, Zach did not have them.

Hannah paused in the yard as she watched
Ryder and Zach mount their horses and ride away. She knew Zach was trying his best to
help Ryder and she appreciated his efforts, but
her heart told her that Ryder’s problems were vast and complex. She’d lived with the Indians long enough to understand their deep-rooted, mystical belief in spiritual signs and visions. If
Ryder believed he was being punished, nothing
short of a miracle would dissuade him. The simple explanation that he had stared too long
into the sun was not acceptable to him. Like
Zach and Abby, Hannah believed Ryder’s sight
would return in time, but convincing him of that was impossible. And now he was dead set
on leaving.

Hannah had no idea where Ryder had slept these past few nights; she only knew it wasn’t
with her. Didn’t he know she needed him?
Her body ached with the need to feel his
arms around her, his mouth on hers, his
body claiming hers in all the wonderful ways
he had taught her. Their baby needed him. Hannah’s hand flew protectively to her stom
ach, wondering what would become of her and
her child if Ryder left them. Sighing regretfully,
Hannah turned back toward the house. Before
she reached the back door she had arrived at a decision. For the sake of her child, she had to try one last time to change Ryder’s mind about
leaving.

Later that day, while talking with Abby, Hannah learned that Ryder had been sleeping
in the barn. Abby knew that Ryder intended
to leave very soon, and she was both saddened
and angered. Why did her brother have to be so
stubborn? She had no idea how to heal the rift between Hannah and Ryder, but she did know that they loved one another desperately.

“Sometimes a woman must take matters into her own hands,” Abby hinted sagely. “Some
times men are so obstinate, they fail to see
what is right before their faces. And in Ryder’s
case he cannot see at all, so it is up to you to
tell him.”

Hannah stared at her consideringly. “Ryder already knows I love him.”

Abby smiled. “I’m sure he does, but it’s always
good to remind him. If you let him go away with
out trying to convince him to stay, you may live
to regret it.”

“I want Ryder to remain because he loves me.
He thinks because he’s blind he’s no good for me. His damn Indian pride is coming between
us.”

“It’s up to you to convince him otherwise,
Hannah, but I’d think carefully about letting him walk out of my life. We’re about the same age, and I think of you as my own sister. If
Sierra is still alive, I’d give the same advice
to her.”