Wind Dancer (4 page)

PTSD: Post-traumatic Stress Disorder
. Ali clicked the icon to print the eight-page booklet from the website for the National Center for PTSD. She read over the information and was shocked to see how many of the symptoms Danny had.

Agitated and jumpy.
Yup
.

Feelings of being tired, empty, and numb.
You betcha
.

Desire to be alone all the time.
Sooo true!

Less patience than normal.
You got that right
.

Avoids certain people or situations.
Right on
.

Lashes out and overreacts to small misunderstandings.
Bingo!

Ali sighed. She wasn’t a doctor or a psychologist, but she was pretty sure that Danny had PTSD. She wondered: Did
he
know?

She read that PTSD was common in those with combat experience. That wasn’t a surprise. Another website said that 41 percent of the soldiers coming back from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan had it.

Ali thought about the thousands of other families out there dealing with this problem just like her family was. The thought made her sad.

She was relieved to read that people with PTSD could return to their normal lives. She doubted she could get her brother back to the way he was when they were kids, but maybe there was hope he could at least get past the troubles he was having now.

Ali picked up her phone to call Cara. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to share her concerns about Danny, but she definitely needed to tell her she’d been grounded.

“Of all the rotten luck,” Cara said. “Your dad just happens to have a friend there when Mrs. Marshall points her finger at us, and now we can’t hang out for the next week? Bummer. We were supposed to go to the movies tomorrow.”

“I know.”

“The movie we were going to see will be showing for a couple weeks though, so I’ll wait until you can go with me,” Cara offered.

“Really?” Ali said. “That would be awesome!”

“It wouldn’t be as much fun watching it with my little sister,” Cara said. “It really stinks that you’re grounded. And your parents probably think I’m a bad influence now.”

Ali laughed. “Well, you kind of are.” But in the back of her mind, she heard one of her dad’s tough questions:
Did someone twist your arm and force you into making that bad decision?

“I guess it
was
my idea,” Cara admitted. “Hey, do you think your parents will tell mine?”

“I don’t know. They didn’t mention it. I’m sorry, I just had to tell the truth. They asked me point-blank.”

“Oh, that’s okay. You were brave to admit it.”

Cara thought that
she
was brave?
“Nah,” Ali said. “I’m not brave. I was just more afraid of what my parents would do if they caught me lying. I still don’t know what my main punishment is going to be. Being grounded from hanging out with you was just part of it.”

“Ugh,” Cara commiserated. “Well, I’d better get going. I’ve got to get up early tomorrow for the horseshoer.”

“Okay.”

“Ali. You know we’ve got two horses. You can ride my mom’s anytime you feel like it. You should really think about it.”

Ali cringed. Why wouldn’t people stop trying to get her back into horses? “Look, I just don’t feel like riding anymore, okay?”

There was a long pause, and then Cara spoke up, her voice much harsher than Ali had ever heard it. “Look,
Allison
.” Cara put heavy emphasis on her name. “You and I
both
know that you love horses. I see how sad you look when you see me riding Dumpling, and I saw the way you looked at those Appaloosas
every
time we went by the Marshall place. And you helped rescue them! It’s bad enough that you lie to me and tell me you don’t want to ride anymore. But you’re lying to yourself too.”

Two different people had used her you’re-in-trouble name today. It was bad enough when her parents did it. But now her best friend—the one who got her into trouble in the first place—was getting in on the act!

She thought about hanging up, but that wouldn’t be fair.

Cara really loved horses. And she cared about Ali. She was only trying to get her interested again in something she used to love.

Ali let out the angry breath she’d been holding. It wasn’t fair for her to take things out on her friend just because she was upset about getting grounded. Cara
had
asked her to sneak out, but
Ali
had chosen to accept the invitation. She only had herself to blame.

She took a deep breath. “Look, I don’t mean to be a jerk about this. I
do
care about the horses we rescued. I want to
see them get better. But after Max, and all the stuff that went on with my brother afterward … I just don’t feel like riding yet, or doing anything with horses. Okay?”

“Wait, is that why Danny enlisted?” Cara sounded confused. “Because of your accident?”

“Cara. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” If she hadn’t tried to follow Danny, Max wouldn’t have broken his leg, she wouldn’t have broken her arm, Danny wouldn’t have joined the military, and everything would be different.

How had things gotten so messed up?

“I need to go,” Ali said. “I don’t feel so good.” She hung up the phone and lay down on the bed. She felt hollow inside. Cara had touched on a raw spot that Ali had never really discussed with anyone—not even Cara. She drew the covers up to her chin and wiped a tear that slid down her cheek.
If only I’d left Max in the barn and stayed home that day … things might have turned out differently
.

Ali woke the next morning to the sound of a truck and trailer bumping up her driveway. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. They felt puffy from crying the night before.

She rolled from her bed, pulled on her jeans and T-shirt, and made her way down the stairs. Grabbing her shoes from the hallway, Ali scooted out the back door, curious to see what the commotion was about. It was Saturday morning—not much happened around her house on the weekends.

Her parents stood by the barn. “Just back it into the corral area,” her dad told the driver.

Ali watched the man get back into the truck and maneuver it into position. What was in the trailer? The truck hit a bump
and Ali heard a wary snort. It sounded suspiciously like a horse.

The driver turned off the engine and got out. He wore a baseball cap; a pair of sunglasses shielded his eyes from the bright Nevada sun. The man looked vaguely familiar, but with the hat and glasses, she couldn’t figure out why. Then Jamie Forrester got out of the passenger side.

Her heart took a little jump. What was
he
doing here?

And then it dawned on her: Jamie had been with the rescued Appaloosas yesterday. Jamie, plus horse trailer, plus snorting horse in the trailer equaled …

“Let’s get them unloaded,” the older man said. He handed a lead rope to Jamie.

They opened the trailer door and the man in the hat unloaded a white horse with leopard spots. Ali almost didn’t recognize her. Mrs. Marshall’s mare was clean now, but the protruding ribs and painful thinness gave her away.

Slow, faltering hoofbeats echoed on the trailer floor. Jamie led the black Appaloosa out of the trailer. The gelding had also been cleaned up, but the signs of abuse were fully evident.

Even though they had been bathed and brushed, the sight of the pathetic animals made Ali cringe. How could anyone let this happen? Even if Mrs. Marshall was senile, wasn’t there some part of her that knew something needed to be done to keep these animals healthy? She stared at the horses. Both had prominent backbones, with bony and frail withers and shoulders. Their heads appeared bigger than normal because their bodies were so thin.

Why are these horses at our house?
She glanced at her parents, looking for a clue, but they were busy talking with the older man.

The horses shuffled carefully into the pen, as if they only had enough energy to go so far. Jamie removed their halters and waved Ali over.

Her stomach began a slow roll as all the evidence added up. She shook her head and backed up a step.

Jamie waved to her again, but Ali stood where she was, her feet rooted to the ground. There were horses in her backyard and her parents just stood there, as if this sort of thing happened every day. They beamed at her liked they’d just done something pretty amazing. And it might have been pretty awesome—
if
she wanted another horse. But Ali didn’t. Especially when one of them reminded her so much of Max.

Seriously, what were her parents thinking? Ali thought about turning and running away, maybe hiding someplace, but she didn’t want to act like a baby in front of everyone. Jamie motioned again, and then her parents called her over to the corrals. Ali was dumbfounded. How could they possibly think this was a good idea?

Reluctantly she walked over, hands in pockets, hoping she didn’t stumble and fall flat on her face in front of the small gathering.

The closer she got to the pen, the more her eyes were drawn to the black horse. Her heart pounded in her chest. Were these horses going to be staying here for a few days?
Or longer?

The gelding took a step and stumbled, almost pitching headfirst into the fence.

Her mom quickly moved toward the horse, a concerned look on her face. She reached through the fence and put a comforting hand on his neck.

Ali could feel the weight of everyone’s stares as they watched her walk toward the corrals. Just thirty more steps and she’d be there. Her shoes felt like they had twenty
pounds of lead in them. The closer she got to the horses, the harder it was to take the next step.

The driver came forward. “Hi, Ali, I’m Jim Forrester. I haven’t seen you since the accident with your pony.” He extended his hand.

Dr. Forrester? Jamie’s dad? The veterinarian who had tried to help Max but ended up having to put him to sleep?
No wonder he looked so familiar. She stared at the vet’s extended hand until her dad cleared his throat loudly. She reached out and pumped the doctor’s hand. She shouldn’t feel badly toward him. The vet had done everything he could to help Max.

“I want to thank you for saving these horses’ lives,” Dr. Forrester said. “Another few days and they might not have made it.”

Ali’s father spoke up. “The way the girls went about it wasn’t the best, but we’re proud of Ali for being part of the rescue. These horses deserve better.” He smiled at Ali. “That’s why we decided to bring them here.”

“Look, Ali,” her mother said. “I know you might be shocked. I guess we probably should have told you we were doing this. But your dad’s friend from Animal Control called us late last night and told us about the stabling difficulties they were having. The horses needed a place to get healthy again. You cared enough to see that these horses were rescued. You’re the perfect person to care for them now.”

Ali didn’t know what to say. She watched as the white mare lowered her head to the ground, hungrily lipping a small weed that grew in the sand. The horses were malnourished and scrawny. What if she couldn’t care for them properly? What if she tried and the horses died anyway?

Dr. Forrester must have seen the panic on her face. “You won’t be alone in this, Ali,” he reassured her. “Your parents
will help any way they can, and Jamie and I will be with you every step of the way. We’ve worked on several of these cases.”

Ali glanced in the boy’s direction. He smiled at her and she wondered if he remembered her trampling on his toes that day on the bus. He gave her a quick wink, like they shared a secret, and Ali decided that he did. She could feel her cheeks getting hot.

“It’s going to take a group effort,” Dr. Forrester said. “We’ll be over here every day for the first week, so we can be sure things are going okay.” He grabbed his clipboard from the front seat of the truck. “We usually don’t put distressed horses into a home quite this quickly, but the only large animal pen they have at Animal Control is filled with some llamas they rescued last week. Your parents assured me you’re really good with horses. And I remember you took great care of your pony, so I’m sure these animals will be on the path to better health soon.”

Dr. Forrester leaned on the fence, looking at the Appys. “Jamie can tell you a couple of things while I fill out the paperwork and go over the horse care plan with your folks. Then I’ll be over to explain it to you in detail.”

Ali watched the adults walk up to the house. A movement in Danny’s window drew her attention. Ali looked up in time to see the curtain drop back into place. Danny was spying on them—again. What did he think about the new additions to their household? She shrugged. Danny didn’t even want to come downstairs. He probably didn’t care about anything outside.

“Ali?” Jamie hesitated. “Didn’t you know the horses were coming to your house?”

Ali shoved her hands into her pockets and shook her head.

He moved closer—too close for comfort, so she backed up
a step. He smelled good, like horses and a warm summer day. She took one more step back for good measure.

“Are you okay with this?” She could hear the doubt in his voice. “These horses are in a world of hurt, Ali. They’re going to demand a whole lot of care. Your parents told us what a good horsewoman you are, but these horses are really in bad shape. They’re going to demand a lot more work than what you were used to with your healthy pony.”

Ali let her eyes wander to the Appaloosas. “What happens if I don’t want to do it?” she asked. “What if I say no?”

“Then we’d have to find somebody else who can do it on short notice.” Jamie frowned. “We’ve got no place to put them right now, except maybe in the horse trailer, and that wouldn’t be very good. My dad says horses that are this far down have an impaired immune system. They’re really susceptible to getting sick. Living in a trailer would make the risk even worse.”

Ali knew he was right. From the looks of the horses, a strong Nevada wind would blow them away.

Jamie looked Ali straight in the eye. “If you want to help these horses, you’ve got to know beyond a doubt that you can do it,” he said. “It’s a tough job, no doubt about it. In some of the cases my dad worked on, the horses were too weak to regain their health. Sometimes the refeeding program causes problems. Sometimes they die.”

Sometimes they die
. If she started to care for these horses and they died, could she handle it? Probably not. She was still trying to deal with Max dying. Ali tried to put it out of her mind and think about the other things Jamie had mentioned instead. “What’s a refeeding program?”

Her parents and Dr. Forrester arrived back at the corrals just as Ali asked the question.

“It’s the nutrition plan for starved horses,” the vet explained. “It takes a while to get them back to their normal feed programs and a healthy weight.”

Ali drew her brows together. “You’d think just putting a lot of food in front of them would work.”

“That works for a horse that’s just down on its weight or has maybe missed a couple of meals,” the vet said. “But these horses have gone days without eating, on top of already losing a lot of their body weight over a short period of time. Giving them a lot of food at once, especially the wrong kind of food, could lead to a condition called refeeding syndrome. That can cause kidney, heart, or respiratory failure. They could die.”

Ali stared at the horses again. They stood with heads down and ears not moving, despite the human voices and birdcalls around them. Maybe she could at least nurse them back to health so someone else could give them love and attention and a good home. “Do you really think I can help save them?”

“My dad has a plan to save these horses,” Jamie said.

His father nodded. “I believe it can be done. The question you have to ask yourself is whether or not
you
can do the work.”

“I don’t know you that well, Ali,” Jamie continued. “I
do
know that you like to step on toes. But I don’t really have any idea what you’re capable of.”

Ali smiled despite herself. Her mom elbowed her dad in the ribs and gave him a knowing smile. Did they think she had a crush on this boy? She didn’t.

Jamie gave her a crooked grin. “But something tells me, Ali McCormick, that you’re totally up to this. I think there’s a big part of you that
wants
to do it. And me and my dad, plus your parents, will be here to help.”

“It’s a big project, Ali,” her mother said. “Maybe more than we really thought about in our haste to help these horses. But your father and I both believe you’re capable of doing this, and we’re here to help any way we can.”

Ali tried to sort out the thoughts that were kickboxing each other in her mind.
Do I want to do this? Or do I want someone else to take on this problem?
Having Jamie standing so close to her didn’t help her thought process at all. She gathered her courage. “Okay,” she said. “I can do it. Let’s save these horses.”

She smiled and so did everyone else. Underneath, she was quaking in her shoes. Her parents, Jamie, and the vet had a lot of confidence in her. But her own doubts were as big as the blue Nevada sky above them.